Tabula Rasa
by Guns and Drums
Summary: I was not in a sound frame of mind when I wrote this. I wouldn't be offended if you never read it.
1. Twist of Fate

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer is the rightful owner of Twilight and all recognizable characters/devices/objects mentioned henceforth.

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_Jane turned to look at the newborn Bree again, her face completely bored. "Felix?" she drawled._

"_Wait," Edward interjected._

_Jane raised one eyebrow, but Edward was staring at Carlisle while he spoke in an urgent voice. "We could explain the rules to the young one. She doesn't seem unwilling to learn. She didn't know what she was doing."_

"_Of course," Carlisle answered. "We could certainly be prepared to take responsibility for Bree."_

_Jane's expression was torn between amusement and disbelief._

"_We don't make exceptions," she said._

"But I suppose your cleaning up of your own mess deserves some sort of recompense." Jane turned to me picking me up by the scruff of my neck like some mongrel pup and heaved me in front of the Gold Eyes.

"A single word – no – a whisper from your nick of the woods and you will rue the day Carlisle."

I laid curled up in myself. I knew the Golden Eyes wouldn't hesitate to finish me if I made any movement towards their human. And they had proven far more skilled then I thought possible.

I stayed. It was near impossibility to keep myself rooted to the earth. It was almost as if gravity was working in reverse. Instead of pulling me down it was propelling me towards this human. This amazing, wretched human. The very thought of her pale face made the venom well in my mouth, my muscles contract and my nose and throat sear.

I went over in my head the mundane things to keep me distracted. Phone numbers, addresses, directions, recipes but to no avail. Her scent filled the air and permeated my skin. I was on the verge of snapping when the leader of the Golden Eyes spoke.

"Emmett, Jacob? Get her to the house. Get her downstairs." The leader of the Golden Eyes spoke to the large blonde one. Emmett. The other boy was not like us. He was darker, more tan. He stood apart from the rest.

I looked up long enough to see that the Volturi had left the clearing.

The one they called Emmett approached me carefully. His steps were slow and his arms slightly spread beside him, like he might football tackle me at any minute. He took me gently by my arms and lifted me up until I was standing. Jacob – the other boy – came on my other side.

The moment Jacob touched me I felt sick. A burning in my whole nasal complex; my nose, under my eyes, my ears and down back my throat. This wasn't the same burning as the human triggered – no; that was burning of desire – this was a burning of pain. The initial shock was so powerful I didn't know what triggered it.

The two – Jacob and Emmett – began pulling me along as I walked with them. Once we hit the cover of trees I realized it was Jacob's _smell_ that was causing this. "Oh my _god_," I gasped trying to pull in fresh air to cleanse my head, "what… what is that god _awful_ smell?"

Emmett let out a solitary, booming laugh, "Ha! You know Jake, for a moment I forgot that you do reek. I guess I'm getting used to you." Emmett clapped Jacob on the shoulder; Jacob just rolled his eyes and shook his head.

This didn't really answer my question but my train of thought quickly derailed again as I smelled human. Forgive me: _the_ human. But she hadn't left the clearing; I hadn't heard anyone. I was also pretty sure I had been carted away for her safety. So what would be the point of bringing us back together? I was quickly drawn – almost magnetically – to a large tree up ahead. I was physically torn from Jacob and Emmett. The tree was old and covered in moss. Her aroma was imbued on this very trunk.

It was at this point that I realized there were two factions warring for control inside my mind. The rational person was telling me: _Bree, you're smelling and potentially going to eat this tree. Get. A. Grip._ However, my instincts told me _that_ tree would stop the burning. _That_ tree would taste of her. Before I could actually embarrass myself to the point of licking the mossy exterior, Emmett peeled me off.

"Okay, come on tree hugger."

I had to give him credit – although I knew he and his coven were more intelligent fighters, we were typically stronger – he was powerful. He ripped me from that trunk like I was a rag doll and flung me over his shoulder as we continued through the forest. Jacob simply followed behind him.

"That," he spoke jerking his thumb to Jacob, "strapping young lad is Jacob. He smells bad because he's a wolf. Werewolf. Wolfboy. Children of the moon. Whatever you want to call 'em." I propped my elbows up on Emmett's back and looked at Jacob.

"You look pretty human to me. Apart from being rather enormous that is," I told him, head cocked to one side.

"Yeah," he scoffed, "Except when I get mad I explode into this enormous wolf."

"Really?" I asked. This conversation was taking my mind off the scorching in my throat. No one ever mentioned anyone like Jacob. I thought Victoria and Riley had it all figured out. My mind flashed back to smoky pyre in the clearing. Guess not. "So," I said inclining my head more towards Emmett, "why does he smell so bad?"

I felt Emmett shrug, "Search me. Natural defense mechanism? We're not really typical allies. Our kind don't normally get along. I guess it just reinforces the 'keep away' idea."

"Hey," Jacob pointed, "You don't smell like a waltz through a garden yourself there, chief. And I'm hardly thrilled about this crapshoot we've been dealt either."

"So wait," I said halting his impending tirade. This boy clearly had some pent up anger. "We," I said signaling Emmett and I, "smell bad to you, too?"

"_That's_ an understatement but yeah, you do. It's like this burning in the back of your throat and through your sinuses," he said rubbing his neck beneath his ears and down his throat.

"Yeah," I said trying to mirror the action, "That's exactly it." _Weird,_ I thought to myself as I rubbed the glands beneath my throat.

"You're not so bad though," Jacob mused quietly.

"Wait, what?" Emmett and I spoke together. At the same time, Emmett whipped around to face Jacob, leaving me to stare into the oncoming trees as Emmett continued to walk – only backwards.

"What do you mean she's 'not so bad'?" he asked urgently. I pounded on Emmett's bicep trying to get a view of Jacob. Although I knew little about his kind this seemed to be an interesting bit of information and Emmett just cut me off mid flow. He finally lifted his arm up and I was able to peer underneath as Jacob spoke.

"I mean:" Jacob said slowly, "She. Doesn't. Smell. So. Bad. What's the big deal? It's still pretty freakin' gross, she's just… I don't know. Less sickly sweet, I guess. Like some smell that you're not sure's there or where it's coming from. It's just…" he waved his hands, "around. She gets better with time; it's better then when I first whiffed her an hour ago. Like it's wearing on me. I don't know if it's _her_," he pointed to me under Emmett's arm, "specifically or if I'm just getting used to you people."

The idea seemed to disgust him. He grimaced and shuddered. At this point we stepped out of the woods and crossed a winding road and began down a narrower one on the other side.

We were all quiet for a few minutes before Emmett spoke up, "So… why all the questions? You seem particularly inquisitive."

I expelled a large sigh. "I don't know," I responded intelligently. "I really don't know anything –and I mean _anything_ – about this," I said waving about myself, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I know I'm strong, almost indestructible and I need blood. That's about all I've got."

"Plus, it keeps my mind of the blistering in my throat," I said quietly trying to swallow back the fire.

Honestly, the concept of 'vampire' hadn't even really materialized in my thought process until just before this encounter with the Golden Eyes.

Now _that_ had to stop. Golden Eyes? It sounded like I was narrating a sci-fi film. "Emmett?"

"Mm?" he called back as the road behind me seemed to widen. Maybe we were coming to another clearing.

"What do I call you guys? Who are you? Your coven?" I asked.

"We are the Cullens, dear. Emmett Cullen – yours truly. Edward was the one that spoke on your behalf to the Volturi. Carlisle – he's our father of sorts - and leader. Then there's Jasper, Edward and mine's brother. Rose – the blond – is my wife. Alice – the little sprite – is Jasper's. Esme is our mom. The human is Bella. Edward kind of likes her so it would be great if you could try not to eat her. Plus, I'm pretty sure Jasper would be rip shit if you got dibs."

This was a really alien concept. They had all been changed? Their whole family? What were the odds? Formerly, it was me and a pack of seemingly random people plus Riley and Victoria. None of them had been lucky enough to have family. Or unlucky depending on how you looked at it.

At this point we had stopped and Emmett set me down on the ground. I turned around and took in the house before me. I was speechless. It was large, antique and beautiful. The white house sat in the middle of a clearing of pines and I distinctly heard the rush of water nearby. I looked and couldn't see much light in the distance; we were a fair ways into the woods. I felt awkward next to this house; inadequate. I'd only bummed rides on streets with these kinds of houses.

"Wow. You and you're whole family were changed together?" I mumbled as I stared at the mansion, "Well I suppose if there's a way to go…"

"Ah, not quite," Emmett corrected me. I turned back to listen, "You see. None of us share any blood – so to speak," he rolled his eyes at the unintended pun. "We just sort of banded together." He and Jacob began to plod up the stairs of the old house and I followed slowly. "We share this lot in life. It's easier when you don't have to go it alone."

He opened the door and Jacob went in before him, essentially crashing on the living room floor, grabbing the remote. "We don't consider ourselves a coven. We're a family."

Jacob tossed the remote back on the couch. "Look, maybe we should get her something before she eats Bella."

As Jacob finished his thought a door through the kitchen burst open and the blond female – Rose, I assumed from Emmett's description – marched in followed by the rest of her family. They were all speaking at once.

"I cannot _believe_ you, Carlisle…"

"Really? We just need to…"

"Rose! Please, just…"

"… what were you and Edward _thinking_?"

"… calm down and approach this rationally. Jasper?"

"… relax. You're getting too worked up."

"Look! If we just get her something to eat…"

"I think you guys are really overreacting…"

"…we can explain all this to her."

"…What's the big deal if we have a new sister?"

My eyes bugged out; they all stood in the kitchen bickering. The waving of arms, the aggravated sighs and growls, the interrupting. It was like watching a tornado except they left no path of destruction.

Jacob watched with an arched brow for a moment before shaking his head and turning the television back up.

Emmett waved his arm Vanna White style, "Bree Cullen, welcome to the familial dysfunction."

* * *

**I realize that in this point in time Jake is seriously incapacitated but we're going to have to delude ourselves into thinking it was someone else.**


	2. Solitary

I never ended up sticking around for the argument's climax. Emmett shuttled me downstairs into the basement. Well, basement was what normal people had. The Cullen's had a study. The walls were paneled in mahogany wood and there were a few bookshelves, and some leather furniture strewn about.

"What is this place?" I asked. I could tell it was some sort of den but it was rather sparse for such a large room. The two bookshelves, one couch and two armchairs hardly filled the space. Although it was nice it appeared like it was assembled hodge podge – like this was extra furniture that didn't fit elsewhere in the house – and that's what threw me .

"This," Emmett spoke, "is – for all intents and purposes – solitary."

I had made my way to one of the bookshelves before turning back to face Emmett mid step. "Excuse me?"

"Don't take it the wrong way, Bree. As you can tell, it's been here long before we knew you were going to join the family. This is where we come if we're having a hard time coping with the thirst. The walls are reinforced steel all around. That's why we have the paneling and why you can't hear the family bickering upstairs. The furniture is junk and if anyone breaks it," he shrugged, "no big deal."

I pointed my finger to the large backed and tacked leather sofa on the far wall. "That," I said, "is junk?" Emmett nodded. Where were these people _from_? I'd only seen sofas like those in the most well-to-do psych offices in Seattle. And the Cullens were game to let me crack it in half if my jonesing got too bad?

Then my brain returned to the room as a whole. And it's purpose: they were locking me up. Granted, this was better than any state penitentiary but _still_. I was being walled up in a steel cage like some kind of animal. Emmett must've read my expression as a bad sign.

"Look. Bree?" he asked eliciting my attention. "We all fall off the bandwagon every now and then and this is a safe place we can go to. Because we're all in close proximity to humans on a regular basis it becomes necessary every now and then. Coming down here, you can't smell anything, can't hear anything. It just helps you get a better grip."

"My grip is fine. Thank you," I told him through clenched teeth. I felt like I was being treated like some rabid beast. Like I couldn't be trusted in polite company without hurting them. "I'm not a complete savage."

Emmett rubbed his hands over his face before placing them on my shoulders. "The fact is you're a newborn. You've been feeding rapaciously on human blood for who knows how long. History shows that's a perfect equation for instability. Not _mental_ instability. I'm not arguing against the presence of your faculties. It's just a precautionary measure; you might be fine in a week to come up to the rest of the house. But you need to get acquainted with the humans, the new lifestyle and _we _need to make sure you're not going to do anything you'll regret."

I crossed my arms and averted my eyes to the floor. "Fine," I grumbled. What was I going to do? Don't get me wrong, the concept of taking human life in order to survive disgusted me but it was my only option. I did have some sense of self-preservation and even though the idea made me sick I came to a point in my newborn life in Victoria's coven where I knew I needed to eat.

And I had made quite plain my lust for human girl Bella's blood. But I didn't want to kill her; I just wanted her blood. It was hard stuff to reconcile. And now I knew she was mated to one of the coven's males. I knew my conscience would eat me alive about five minutes after I had finished. I found it at least slightly comforting that having the girl and her scent away from me helped. I could think of her, imagine her face in my mind and not be all consumed by the savage monster within. That gave me some hope.

The Cullens agreed to take me and who was I to argue? Door number two was sudden death by that abrasive Volturi female. Edward had risked his family's safety to give me a second chance. Which, given the circumstances, was probably more than I deserved.

Not only had they saved my life but – according to Emmett – I was family now. I'd only known Victoria's coven and they were simply a loose band of newborns and renegades grown fat on Victoria's empty promises for our victory. What Emmett and the rest of the Cullens had here was a family. More family then I'd even had as a human.

I was brought out of my introversion by a clicking of the door at the top of the stairs. "Emmett, can you come upstairs for a few?" It sounded like that female Emmett called his mother… our mother… my mother… Esme. From her tone she seemed to be the calmest of all her family. Just like regular mothers she must've kept the rest in line.

Emmett turned around, "Yep, just give me sec? Thanks." He turned back to me, "Through the door behind you is a bathroom with some spare clothes. Get yourself cleaned up," he looked me over once from my filthy bare feet to my snarled hair, "and some of us will be down in while."

I must of looked a little wary because he assured me before he climbed up the stairs, "It's just to meet the family. Talk… no big deal." He held his arms in surrender. "You're doing great, kid. Don't worry."

Emmett thudded up the stairs and I heard the door click behind him before I was met with silence. I growled to myself feeling the rage come out through my inevitably flaring nostrils. "God dammit," I snarled as I smashed my fist into the wall on my way into the bathroom. I heard the paneling splinter and the tell-tale crumbling of concrete beneath that. I went into the bathroom and sat on the countertop, trying to get a hold of myself.

Over the past several weeks I had to learn new ways of dealing with myself. My vices and character flaws had only been magnified by my transformation. I was now a raging ball of emotional instability. My old methods of coping no longer did it for me. The deflection and self medicating didn't work anymore. I was in a new world order and my archaic remedies were obsolete. I was learning over again.

I was mad for being locked up like some kind of wild animal. Like I was some ravenous heathen savage who had no values, soul or moral compass to keep her from ravaging the first thing with a circulatory system that came her way. Hadn't I left Bella alone in that meadow? Sure, it was not without some mind wrenching physical torment or the threat of pain of death by multiple parties. But I'd held it together. And after all that I'd seen with Victoria's coven the infighting, the brutality I was fairly certain that death would not be such a bad option. Dying is easy.

Conversely I was also mad at myself. The Cullen's had willing taken in a mental defective and were willing to help me – to rehabilitate me – and all I could do was damage the infrastructure and stomp around like a child? The raging battle going on inside my head was reaching a peak. I had no rest from it. No sleep, no high – nothing – it was with my all the time. It was a constant and the more I listened the more I came to realize it was my humanity battling my demons and I didn't like it. I didn't like knowing that such an evil could live inside me. That it could possess me. It just gave more heat to the argument that I was a doomed creature with nothing but a dark soulless future.

I turned on the shower – not really giving a flying hoot as to its temperature. With my new physical makeup – I doubt my skin would care. I disrobed and climbed in. I looked down and saw the water pouring off my skin was black. _Fantastic_, I thought. In the weeks that I'd been changed I had not once showered. I know that sounds disgusting – and it is – but it was really medically necessary. I didn't sweat or bleed. I had no dead skin. But I wasn't impervious to dirt and filth. My top priority with Victoria was to do enough that I didn't attract negative attention but not so much as to have me noticed by others. I was just trying to survive.

After an hour of scrubbing and a half a bottle of conditioner later I stepped out of the shower in a marginally better mood. The sight of something so mundane and _normal_ just made me feel better. Familiar surroundings do wonder to the psyche. Watching all the dirt and grime wash away was also therapeutic.

I wrapped a towel around my head and body and padded over to the only other door in the bathroom. On the top shelf there were some stacks of clothes. It was too high up so I had to grab the vanity stool before I could even reach the shelf with an extended hand. I found a variety of boy's clothes before I finally dug and found some ambiguous sweat pants and one of those white ribbed tank tops.

I resumed my seat back on the counter top when I heard a knock. "Come in," I called. The door cracked ant the small pixie Emmett had described peeked around the corner. This was… Jasper's mate? She came in dropping a duffle bag at the door and hopped up on the counter next to me.

"Hi, I'm Alice," she chirped. "I just wanted to say and introduce myself. I'm going to be gone for a few days and I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." She looked down and watched her feet swinging below her. Alice seemed like the enthusiastic type. It also seemed like she was reining it in for my sake; although I couldn't really be sure why.

"It's nice to meet you Alice. I'm Bryanne. But you can just call me Bree. That way I sound like a girl." I extended my hand and Alice shook it while laughing.

"It's okay," she giggled. "I'm technically _Mary_ Alice. Plus, I've heard worse," she pointed at me.

"Where are you going anyway, Alice?" I asked her. Part of me was curious and part of me was unearthing my good old people skills so maybe the Cullens would stop approaching me like I was a rabid dog.

"I'm going to spend the week with Bella. As you can imagine, she's a little shook up and her dad hardly approves of Edward being with her twenty four seven. I just didn't want you start adjusting to us all and me come back with the scent of human and throw a monkey wrench into the plan.

"Thanks," I nodded because I really did appreciate the forewarning.

"Before I go," Alice spoke getting back on her feet, "let me give you the grand tour because you'll probably be down here for a bit. In the closet there are clothes, towels, and extra shower supplies." She leaned in briefly to whisper to me, "There's extra Paul Mitchell behind the Borax. I keep it for emergencies but feel free."

I couldn't help but laugh good-naturedly as she pointed to the countertop we'd just vacated. "The bottom drawer," she continued, "has all a stash of tootbrushes, tooth paste and anything you'd need for your basic oral hygiene regimen. Up top we have a variety of hair accessories including a curler and blow dryer and on the left we have nail polish and remover. That cabinet on the right has all your basic makeup needs: foundation, bronzer, gloss, blush, shadow, mascara."

She turned back towards me on her inhale. She'd spoken all in on breath. I picked my jaw up off the floor and peeled my eyebrow off the ceiling. Because clearly, the girl in the sweats – that may or may not have belonged to one of her brothers – was going to have a _lot_ of need for bronzer in the next couple of days.

I simply nodded and smiled. Because I liked Alice; after I introduced myself she treated me normally – which was a big bonus. "Thanks Alice. I really appreciate this."

She grinned and nodded, "Okay. I'll see you in a week. If they start going crazy – I'm on speed dial," she pointed to the landline just outside the bathroom door. Then she reached out and gave me a hug, "Ta!"

I watched her bounce out of the room after grabbing her bag and heard the door at the top of the stairs click once again.

I sat down on the floor and opened the bottom drawer. _Ah, the land of the beautiful freaking toothbrushes_, I thought to myself. There was a pile of electric ones; ones with batteries and brushes that I had no hope of figuring out so I opted for the more familiar manual. I grabbed a tube of toothpaste, some Listerine and a small green brush. I was steadfastly determined to use this entire tube of toothpaste to keep in this theme of cleansing – both physically and psychologically. I kept my hair in the towel and got lost in the pleasure of brushing my teeth once again.


	3. Ally

I came out of the bathroom, my hair still in the towel, after a glorious half hour of teeth brushing to find the den – once again – vacant. I plopped onto the couch and began fidgeting with my fingers. There were plenty of books – and good ones I was willing to bet – but I wasn't in the mood to read. I saw a record player tucked beside the bookcase but knew that wouldn't satisfy me either. I bopped my foot up and down and looked around the room.

I was antsy. I knew there wasn't a lot that would keep my attention. And now that I had time to sit down and process for a minute, I realized I was thirsty. More so than usual and it was eating away at me. What I'd grown to find was that this new thirst was nothing like human hunger or thirst. It was like a craving. The very growth of it within me felt unhealthy and addictive. I didn't like it.

My eyes eventually fell onto the only thing out of place in the whole room: my clothes. I'd tossed them in a pile outside the bathroom door. Then my memory jogged and I scrambled off the couch and onto the floor beside them. I rifled through all my pockets until I finally found what I was looking for. _Aha! Salvation_, I thought to myself. I pulled the rectangular pack out of my pocket and flipped it open. The last one. I fiddled in my next pocket and found my lighter.

I lit the last cigarette and took a long pull, immediately calming my nerves. The tobacco tasted strange on my tongue - like most human things did - but it wasn't nearly as bad as food tasted. The cigarette was just… off. Probably more proof that tobacco wasn't really very good for humans.

I was about half way through, enjoying the haze that surrounded my head, when the door clicked again. Judging by the tread of the steps it was male. "Jasper?" I called. He stopped part way down the steps and I could only see from his waist down. He was carrying a glass and a gallon jug.

He bent down and looked at me with a quirked eyebrow, "How'd you know?" He continued down the rest of the stairs and both his eyebrows began to disappear into his curly blonde hair as he took in the site around him.

"Well," I began after another inhale, "the steps were too heavy to be a female. That rules out Rosalie and Esme. Alice has left and you'd be crazy to send Bella down here. That leaves you, Carlisle and Edward. Your steps are lighter than Emmett's. Carlisle seems a little more soft spoken – that would reflect in his stride – and I assume Edward's still talking Bella out of hysteria. That leaves you. Jasper."

By the time my explanation wrapped his face reflected his mild amusement and he had joined me in my spot against the wall. "Wow, I've never seen someone put so much thought into who was coming down the stairs. As opposed to waiting until they simply reached the bottom."

"Well," I told him, "my mind is a little keyed up right now and you haven't any sudoku down here." I told him sarcastically. "No, um…" I twisted my mouth trying to search for a decent explanation, "Victoria had a handful of us with special abilities and she'd use us for what she needed. I was a bloodhound of sorts. I can pick out scents, footfalls…"

"A tracker?" Jasper asked as he pulled the cigarette out from my fingers.

"I guess – he-ey!" I whined as he stubbed it out. "That was my last one."

"Good. I can think of so many things wrong with this right now." He looked at me with furrowed brow.

"I _know_ it no longer has any affect on me. Believe me: I. Know. It's just a mental thing, I guess. Calms the nerves," I shrugged.

"That's the disturbing part," he countered, "That you _know_ it has no affect but you do it anyways. It's just reinforcing the _mental _addiction. The psychological dependence. Wanting to quit versus actually being able to."

"Thanks, doctor," I rolled my eyes. "But my psychological dependencies are hardly at the top of my priority list right now."

Jasper raised his hands in 'don't shoot' style. "I'm just giving some advice. From a friend to a friend. A brother to a sister. Someone who's had a rough couple of newborn years. And," he pointed at me again, "the doctor is my father. I'm Jasper."

He extended his hand and I stared at it for a moment with my head cocked. "You're approaching this rather backwards," I told him taking his hand anyways. "Usually the introduction's first."

"Yes, well, your guessing my identity before I even fully entered the room really threw me for a loop and I momentarily forgot my manners," he informed me as he popped the lid to the opaque gallon jug he'd brought downstairs with him. "That and your not-so-run-of-the-mill coping mechanisms."

"Well, I'm Bryanne. But if you could call me Bree, it makes me feel like a girl. And I'll have you know," I told him sadly, "the rest of my 'coping mechanisms'," I mocked with finger quotes, "don't work anymore."

He turned his head and his brows knitted together. Probably curious. I rolled my eyes and thrust my forearm out to him. He took it gently in his hands and after a moment spoke, "I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at…"

I scoffed and pulled my arm back. The last thing I really wanted was for him to start playing mind games with me. I _really _didn't need that right now. "I used to do a lot worse than smoke, Jasper I'm a—" the sight of my own arm had stopped me mid-sentence. I looked at it closer and turned it over in the light but to no avail. The sight before me didn't change. The skin of my arm was clear and smooth as glass.

"You're a…" Jasper brought me back from my revelation, "was there something else?"

"Oh my goodness," I mumbled to myself as I continued to examine my arm. "After fighting, I knew my skin was practically impenetrable… I didn't think I had a snowballs chance in… wow… how did I _not_ notice… I…" my eyes drifted once again to my pile of clothes at Jasper's feet. He was still looking at me oddly but something like recognition began to dawn on his face. I pulled my sweater out of the pile. "Long sleeves… I never…"

I snapped out of my daze for a moment to look at Jasper who now seemed to understand. I reiterated it for him anyways. "Jasper, I was a junkie," I thrust my forearms back at him, "Get it?"

"Yes," he nodded, "yes, it makes a lot more sense now that you're speaking in full sentences. You know, during the transformation the strength of the venom in you system dissolves – essentially – all physical imperfections. Acne, birthmarks, freckles, scars…"

"Wow," I took a moment to revel in my clear arms. I hadn't seen them like this in ages. Free of track marks, free of my obvious refusal to join the real world. As I stared intently at my new skin for the first time, I could hear Jasper pour a glass for me. And considering he clearly did not condone the useless psychological dependencies, I was pretty well assured what it was. I brought my arms down and he offered me the now red-filled glass.

"Thank you," I said politely before taking a sip. "Mm. O negative," I savored with relish. "The universal donor, don'tcha know?" I pointed before finishing the glass.

"Ha!" Jasper called out as he topped me off, "Now I know you're lying because this isn't even human." I listened as I drank and then lifted the cup to the light.

"Is that why it tastes… different?" I asked with genuine curiosity.

"Different's a word for it, I suppose. I prefer 'unfulfilling'," he looked at me morosely.

"Hey," I said finishing off my second glass, "I thought you were supposed to be encouraging me in my new lifestyle not pointing out the poor quality of the food. I don't think it's so bad. Just not what I'm used to, I guess," told him honestly. "I take it you had a rough transition."

"To say the least," he chuckled, "I spent more almost a century feeding off humans and the almost instantaneous transition to elk was a little jarring."

I disentangled the jug from his fingers as he looked past me, seeing things I knew I wouldn't – even if I turned around. "So, what made you make the change after so long? – If you don't mind my asking that is – It just seems that you prefer human so…" I shrugged, "why change what feels good?"

His eyes kept their far off gaze but they moved to my own, "Drugs makes you feel good; doesn't necessarily mean it's good for you."

"Touché," and I downed my third glass.

"You probably know as well as I that not everything that _feels_ good _is_ good. After a while I just got sick of it. I have another sense about me. I really _feel_ other's emotions and knowing what they felt and went through as I sucked their lives away – no matter age or quality – just made me feel less than human."

I quirked an eyebrow at his use of language as I prepped my fourth glass.

He rolled his eyes, "I use the term 'human' loosely. No, we're not mortal anymore and you can have the soul argument with Carlisle and Edward sometime – mind you I'd like to watch, I think you could give them a run for their money in a debate – but I still have a moral compass, compassion. The only thing that changes about us is the physical…"

"And – more than anything else," he pointed above himself to the ceiling, "I couldn't bear to break that little lady's heart." I figured he was talking about Alice.

I nodded slowly, processing his words, "She's a lucky girl". We were quiet for a while. I finished two more glasses and Jasper continued to stare ahead.

A while later I nudged him. "No dwelling," I told him, "If there's anything I know, it's the detriment of dwelling. The past is past and there's nothing you can do about it. If you choose not to remember _that_ past then you'll never know what you're missing and maybe this wild boar won't seem too bad."

I saw the corner of his mouth lift in a partial smile. "I get it, though," I told him quietly, "It always made me sick afterwards too. I never thought about while it happened – I never would've eaten."

I continued, "But this feral goat or whatever you've got here is not too bad. And you should seriously consider taking it for a test drive." I shook the jug, indicating it was empty. He took the glass and jug back from me as we both stood up.

I figured I'd escort the guy to the door considering he brought me food; that and this den was pretty much my home now and I was trying to be polite. Like I had with Alice; it seemed to work. When we got to the bottom of the stairs I reached for Jasper's arm. "Jas? You know I am – was – whatever… a junkie. Regardless, I've clearly got thing for bad habits. But if I can break this, so can you. Nobody goes through AA or rehab alone; I'm going to need a buddy."

I held out my fist, he looked down at it for a moment before bumping it rather awkwardly – like he'd just come into this decade or something. Was this kid so wound up with his inner demons that he didn't even experience the totally rad times and eras that passed him by? Being lost to time was no doubt a major spirit killer but how could he survive an introvert? At least live in the world as much as you could. Lose yourself in the music, art or culture. As soon as they let _me_ out I'd have to get Alice to bring him with us to concert at least.

His mouth lifted in a small smile, "Thank you, ma'am."

My face fell in horror and I punched him in the arm. He seemed genuinely surprised by my attack. "Don't call me 'ma'am'," I squealed in alarm. "I'm permanently a teenager! Call me Bree." I took a deep breath, "Sheesh! 'Ma'am'!" I said more to myself.

He nodded, clearly making a mental note of my aversion to his formalities. "Yes m—Bree. Yes, Bree." He said trying it on for size. Then he kissed my hand and climbed the rest of the stairs.

Never mind decade. This kid hadn't even come into this _century_.


	4. Whiplash

After Jasper left all I could do was shake my head. He was wise beyond his years, but still clearly stunted a bit. It was an odd counter balance. I knew he'd probably be the one to understand the bouts of insanity I now seemed prone to. It just made me feel better knowing that I wasn't the only one. I didn't feel like everyone was just patting me on the head and telling me I'd be all right.

Jasper was obviously still in the thick of it. How far removed were the rest of them from this raging inner psychosis? Jasper just made me feel better. And maybe I would be able to help him out as well. He seemed like a dweller and I can imagine that holding him back.

Jasper's meal-in-a-jug had really helped. My mind was not jumping from thought to thought so much. I was much calmer. I padded over to the bookshelf and picked off a random book. I plopped onto the couch and dove in. It was a collection of short stories by various authors. They seemed current. Some of the titles were familiar to me.

I reached Part Four when I laid the book on the coffee table and decided to take a break. I was gazing intently at my crystal clear forearms again when I heard the door open. Although the footfalls were quiet the stairs sounded off against their weight. Then I heard the heartbeat. _Jacob_. Since apparently people didn't like having their presence announced in a fit of my own clairvoyance I let him make a normal appearance.

"Hey, Jake," I greeted him without moving my eyes from my arms. He ducked down – though I must say the ceiling wasn't that low, he was just ridiculously tall – and plopped into a chair on the other side of the coffee table.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously. I was glad to hear that he wasn't so hostile. When him and Emmett had brought me home he'd seemed pretty keyed up. It was nice to see that wasn't his normal demeanor. He appeared much more laid back. _Good,_ I thought, _we just might get along_. At least depending on how appalling I smelled to him. His heartbeat was preceded only by his aroma and to be honest it wasn't that bad. Just kind of unpleasant. It wasn't nearly as bad as the first time. Maybe this is what he'd been talking about earlier – about my being 'not so bad'.

"Self-exploration," I told him absently as I sat up still looking at my arms.

"Aren't you like, almost twenty? Shouldn't that have…" I wasn't really listening to Jake because a thought suddenly occurred to me. Jasper mentioned that the venom dissolved scars but what about stuff that wasn't natural. My eyes flashed up to Jake momentarily, "…happened about ten years ago?"

I looked back down and pulled the bottom left hem of my shirt up a few inches. "WHOA!" Jake shouted. He'd sprung out his chair. He had his hands up and his eyes closed as paced around.

"What?" I perked up looking around; I didn't think we'd be in danger in the Cullen basement. It sounded like he was sounding off an attack alarm.

"Okay, I should NOT be here for this!" He continued as he stalked around blindly. I looked down to the corner of my lifted shirt. _Really now?_

"Jake!" I stood up and stopped him, pulling his arms down. "Would you chill the hell out? I was being sarcastic. Not _that_ kind of self-exploration. Look." I thrust my forearms out to him. "I used to have some killer scars and I _just_ noticed that they're gone."

He took a deep breath reclaimed his chair, "Thank god…"

I went back to the sofa, "I was merely wondering what else the venom dissolved. Now could you possibly do me a favor without busting a lobe?"

He had leaned forward into his hands as his elbows perched on his knees. I pursed my lips, "Your body language is not giving me a lot of confidence. Besides, you're down here _shirtless_ and you can't cope with two inches of _my_ exposed abdomen?"

He sat up and waved to his bare chest, "This isn't some kind of macho thing. It's not convenient or very cost-effective. My clothes don't magically enlarge when I explode into a form fifty times bigger than this; it's not Hollywood."

I just looked at him with an expression that said, _Fantastic, but that did not answer my question._ He seemed to read me right and just nodded and said, "Okay. What?"

I sat on the coffee table facing away from Jacob and lifted up the back of my shirt. "Do you see anything?"

I heard him stand and after a minute all I got from him was an, "Um…" I rolled my eyes. My question was rather ambiguous but what I was looking for would have been rather obvious to anyone without coke-bottle glasses.

"It would be glaringly obvious Jake," I told him.

"Oh," he said with recognition. A moment later I felt his scalding hand pull the edge of my shirt down, "then, no."

I resumed my spot on the couch propping my bare feet on the coffee table. "Thanks. Good to know."

He was quiet for a moment. I was studying him because his reactions to things just seemed so different than earlier. He looked like he was thinking. Eventually he spoke, "What were you – rather what was _I_ – looking for on your back? If you don't mind my asking?"

"Oh. No, not at all. It was a tattoo. I had this huge tree that started here," I pointed to my hip where I'd lifted my shirt earlier, "and it came up my side and covered a lot of my back. I just wanted to know if the venom did away with that as well. Interesting, but a little sad."

He nodded chewing on the inside of his cheek a little, "and your arms?" This was a loaded question. It wasn't just idle curiosity as it had been earlier. I could hear the change in his voice. He was getting at something. _Fantastic._

I really can't explain why my expounding on my issues to Jacob would've been so much different than explaining to Jasper. Sure, Jasper had a rocky past but I hadn't known that beforehand. Maybe it was because I knew he was the same as me. The same cravings and insane thoughts. He was the same breed and maybe I thought we could relate in that way. Jacob and I were on two different levels of supernatural.

Or maybe it was because he nearly lost it when he saw a sliver of my skin and if I told him that I lived on the streets and did deplorable things to keep myself and my habit alive he'd pretty much self-destruct.

Clearly, there was no predicting Jacob. Jasper came in – and stayed – calm and mellow. Jacob had been calm, volatile, anxious, curious and sarcastic in the total twenty minutes time I had ever spent with him. Although I wasn't about to lie to him, I didn't know what kind of reaction to expect. I braced myself for the worst.

"Track marks," I said quietly staring at my hands. "The remainder of a past that still haunts me despite how much a I try to leave it behind."

Jacob sat back and crossed his arms. "You're a _junkie,_" he sneered. It wasn't a question either. I mimicked his movements. I sat back in the couch, crossed my arms and my shoulders hunched of their own accord.

"Did they pat you down?" I couldn't tell if he was joking or serious but I knew he was being a jerk. "Maybe that's why you were asking so many questions earlier; riding some kind of buzz?" Now I knew he was being sarcastic, and condescending and a tool.

With my lips tight I stood up. I used my foot to kick the coffee table – gently as I could in my rage, I didn't want to prove to the Cullens that I really didn't have self-control – and watched it slide across the carpet and then the hard wood until it thudded against the far left wall. I stalked up to Jacob, my eyes blazing. I put the same foot directly between his legs and glared.

He stopped laughing to himself for a moment, realizing that I could potentially hurt him – _seriously_ hurt him. Instead I reached down into his pocket and pulled out the pocketknife I'd seen when he was pacing earlier. I flipped the blade open and held it – point down – right in front of my face. I threw it downwards. Jacob's eyes widened instantly.

I thrust my arm out into the blade's path. It bounced off my skin and landed on the floor next to Jake's chair. He let out a sigh of relief as I bent to pick up the knife. The point was now curved from the force of my throw and the impact of it upon my arm. I tossed it into his lap. "It doesn't work that way anymore you asshat. I've been clean for two months."

I turned around and picked my book up off the assaulted coffee table. I stalked to the bookshelf to replace it when Jacob began to speak. "Look I—," the rest of his impending speech was cut off by my marching into the bathroom and slamming the door. Slamming the door hard enough for me to hear the wood crack around the hinges. Apparently the doors were _not_ reinforced with steel like the rest of the house.

I sat on the counter again and tried to get a grip on myself before I broke something or some_one_. There was no denying Jacob was currently pretty high on the tool scale but he didn't necessarily deserved to be attacked by a raging newborn vampire with a serious jonesing for human blood right now.

I sat there breathing heavily through my nose. After a few minutes I heard Jacob stand up outside and pace around. He eventually made it to standing just outside the door. I could hear him breathing and living and just… standing there. For five solid minutes.

I was wondering what the hell he was doing out there. I was on the verge of ripping the door back open and yelling at him for being so damn creepy. But then I heard a dull thud – his forehead making contact with the door, followed by a gentle tapping.

I hopped off the counter and went to the door; slightly less enraged and more curious than before, but enraged nonetheless. I opened the door and leaned against it. "What do you want Jacob?" I asked quietly looking at my feet. I really wasn't in the mood to battle with him. He was cruel and mean and it wasn't worth my time. He didn't respond for a moment and I looked up at him. His head was down, shoulders hunched with his hands in his pockets. Not what I was expecting.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly shuffling his foot on the frame below.

I quirked an eyebrow, "To my… bathroom? Sure." I left the door open and slid back onto the counter. I couldn't exactly tell you why I didn't just slam the door in his face and tell him to get the hell away from me. Something about his posture and his tone of voice just seemed less hostile.

I sat there swinging my legs while Jacob dragged the vanity chair until it was in front of me a foot or so away. He sat down in it backwards and rested his chin on the back. "I'm sorry, Bree."

I nodded and spoke quietly, "What are you sorry for, Jacob? What you said was true. I'm a junkie." It's not that I questioned his sincerity but I wanted to know if he was sorry for making me upset or sorry for making me feel like piece of crap.

"No. I know that. It's just… I shouldn't have attacked you like that. Who am I to judge? We all have our own problems and issues and it's just too bad you got caught up in such a dangerous one. I'm sorry for making you feel like more of an animal than you are. I'm sorry for offending you."

I nodded before he began speaking again, "Just to let you know, I've been having a really rough time in general lately. I'm not using that as an excuse," he looked up at me waving his hands in a before taking my own and resting them together in my lap, "it just might be why I sort of snap every now and again and say or do something really uncalled for. I think you handled it pretty well though. I need _someone _to put me in my place."

I smiled a little, "You really don't know anyone else who will put you in your place Jake?" After meeting Alice and _seeing_ Rosalie talk I didn't know if I believed that. "Well, I'm sorry you're having it rough Jake. Truly, I am. But if you react that way often you're going to lose a lot of friends." At this point he sighed and banged his head against the top of the chair. Maybe he'd already felt those effects. "But thank you for apologizing. It's okay."

I lifted up his head from the chair stopping him from the continued thudding and put his hands in this spot. "If there's no self-exploration allowed, then neither is self-deprecation either."

I reached over to the cabinet that Alice had previously indicated contained the arsenal of hair paraphernalia and pulled out a brush. I laid it down beside me and leaned forward to take my hair out of the towel. It had been up long enough and I had to face the music eventually. I knew it would be bad. I hadn't showered let alone brushed it for close to two months. I dropped the towel down and sat upright. Jake's eyes got saucer wide and mine closely followed, "What?"

I turned around and looked into the mirror. "Oh sweet mother of God." I smacked my forehead and closed my eyes. I couldn't even bear to look. It was bad. Really bad. Like eighties-hair-band-meets-electroshock-therapy-meets-living-woods-for-two-months bad. "Jacob, please – in the name of all that is holy – please tell me there is a razor in that cabinet because this is a lost cause." I really couldn't even fathom brushing this. Even if I was crazy or patient enough to do so I was fairly certain my hair would be in no decent shape when I finished.

In the mirror, I saw Jacob stand and grab the brush, "Here, switch."

"What?" I asked his reflection.

He pointed to the chair with the brush, "You, take the chair."

I carefully slid off the counter and into the chair, facing backwards as he had. I wasn't really sure what he was getting at here. I was kind of in the midst of a meltdown. He slid up on the counter in my old spot. When he saw me facing him he signaled with the brush for me to turn around. I raised an eyebrow, "What are you going to do?"

He rolled his eyes and his shoulders sagged, "I'm going to brush your face if you don't turn around."

"No," I shook my head. "Jake just _look_ at this," I signaled my mangled mane, "It's a goner."

This time Jake shook his head at me, "I'm not going to let you shave your head because it's _not _going to come back. I had two," he flashed his fingers at me, "sisters. _And_ I used to have quite long hair myself." He braced his hands on each side of the chair, "I can handle it."

Before I could rebut he'd lifted the chair a few inches off the ground and spun me around to face away from him. "Now get comfortable this could take a while." I rested my arms on the back of the chair and laid my chin down.

As Jake took his time combing through my hair we talked. I asked him questions about his sisters because this was new and interesting information. One went to school nearby and the other had gotten married and moved away. When he told me they were only about my age; in their late teens, very early twenties, I was shocked. "So Jake, you running from the rez as fast as your sisters?"

"No," he said idly, "I'm pack now. It's my job to stay here. Protect the tribe and our land."

"But forever? I mean Victoria and the army are gone. You guys can't get that much action do you? The Cullens don't seem like the land grabbing type. Plus, you said you're having a hard time. Why not just get away from it all?"

"I am," he continued softly, "But it's more like I'm losing the war. It really sucks but I still really care for who I'm fighting for."

Well, he'd certainly let that one slip. And I'd _definitely _picked up on it. I don't think he intentionally meant to use _that_ particular pronoun because he immediately clammed back up. So he was having issues with a _person._ He was fighting for someone, which meant someone else was trying to take him or her away. Friend's alliances? Family troubles? Young love?

"You know, Jake," I mused playing with one of the untangled locks that fell into my eyes, "sometimes you need to let people go. Because the longer you keep them caged the more they resent you. And before long they won't be taken away – they'll just run."

He didn't respond. I didn't expect him to. He was quiet for a while as he continued to methodically work his way around my scalp. Even though I could now withstand the tugging and pulling because my nerves were stronger and less sensitive, he still took his time. Taking a small chunk and working his way from the bottom up. He quickly fell into a rhythm and the motions calmed my frazzled brain.

After a few minutes we continued talking. Neither of us touching on the subjects of ourselves but only our mutual interests. Jake was astounded to know that I was an avid hockey fan and I really couldn't see him enjoying Rachmaninov. We bonded a bit over our love for classic rock and even talked about some modern stuff. He didn't really agree with me that while the Chili Peppers were brilliant their stuff sounded the same after a while.

"Look," I told him, "I'm not denying that they make righteous music. It just all kind of sounds the same after awhile. Righteously the same, but the same."

"No," he stopped brushing to refute me, "You are so far out of line. I don't even know if I can speak reason to you."

We discussed our mutual butchering of many classics as children. When we couldn't understand the lyrics we just made up our own. He seemed to get a real kick out of it when I told him that my translation of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" essentially gave the same message as the original. He had leaned over on his side laughing until his chuckles became squeaky from lack of air.

Not long after that he took a final sweep down the length of my scalp to the middle of my back and I heard him put the brush on the counter. "All done," he announced.

"Really?" I asked reaching back to feel my hair, because I really didn't think we'd been here that long but the state of my hair would've said otherwise. I got up from the chair and turned to face the mirror Jake had his back to on the counter. What I saw was amazing. I hadn't seen my hair so combed and neat in ages.

My jaw dropped because I was _not _being dramatic when I assumed it would be a lost cause. I would've rather worn a wig for eternity. But Jake had managed to get through it all. And it didn't even look frizzy or damaged like it would've if I'd have brushed it – getting frustrated halfway through and just resorting to yanking the brush through.

Then I realized I was hopping with excitement and smiling from ear to ear. "Thank you, Jake!" I said clapping.

"It wasn't so bad. You're hair is fine and straight so it really wasn't that bad. Not nearly as thick as this fiasco," he rubbed his own head, "when it grows out."

I moved over a foot so I was in front of Jake and not the mirror. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" and I hugged him around his waist – still hopping. He seemed a bit taken aback by my forwardness but hey, they guy saved me from being eternally bald. After a minute I felt his arms wrap around my tiny back. "Not a problem Bree; let's just keep up with our hygiene and maybe it won't happen again."

I leaned back and punched him in the shoulder. He knew full well this was _not_ my fault but the result of living like an animal as of late.

He slid of the counter, "Well I've got to go," he shrugged putting his hands back into his pockets.

I nodded. "Hey Jake?" I asked as he reached the bathroom door.

"Mm?"

"Next time I see or talk to you could you let me know _which _Jacob is coming to the table? Like just give me the curve ball sign if it's the flaming bitch? Because I need at least a couple seconds warning."

He rolled his eyes but smiled, "Sure, Bree. I'll see you later."

He left the door ajar and I heard him pad back up the stairs. I looked back into the mirror and admired my newly kempt locks. I didn't know how long Jake had been down here – a clock was conspicuously absent from my quarters – but in his time here he'd: insulted me, appealed for my forgiveness, confessed his mission to win someone back, brushed my hair like a pro and talked about our mutual musical interests.

I ran my fingers through my hair and along my scalp, enjoying the feeling. _This boy was full of surprises._


	5. Talk the talk

I was a little dizzy after Jacob left. Mostly because he appeared to be an emotional cyclone. I wondered if he was always so up and down or if this really was just a result of his having problems with someone. I was also avidly curious as to_ who_ he was fighting for. I remember Emmett telling me as he hauled me across the Forks countryside that wolves and vampires didn't normally get along or ally themselves with one another. But Jacob was in that clearing, with his pack apparently.

So what would be the one thing that could bring Jacob's whole pack to work together with the Cullens? Part of me insisted that they were only there because Victoria and her force had come close to their land. I was really guessing on that one, I had no idea where their pack drew their boundary lines.

But even if it was just a matter of domain then why was he still here? Not only did his pack work alongside the Cullens, but Jacob appeared to _know _them. At least that's the impression I got as he talked with Emmett. They had a certain amount of disdain for each other. The kind of disdain that only really comes from knowing someone and having your suspicions confirmed. _And _if it was a matter of defending land wouldn't he have just gone home with his pack? Why was he here in the house?

What could be the tie between the Cullens and the pack? What would bring two natural enemies to the same clearing to fight as allies? _Maybe the same thing that brought their enemies._ My subconscious seemed to whisper at me from nowhere. I sat up a little straighter and scrunched my brows thinking. _The human? Bella Swan?_

But she was mated to the youngest brother, Edward. So why would Jake be trying to win her back? She stood with Edward in the meadow. Contentedly. Was Jacob fighting a one-sided war? What was it that he disapproved of? Her mingling with our kind? Her _mating_ with our kind? Maybe she was family – although they didn't look related – or just friends. Maybe he didn't like Edward as a person. His characteristics, personality traits, morals.

I hadn't really actually met Edward, which made this whole thing a little more blurry, but he stuck his neck out on the line to save my butt. He didn't know me, have any ties to me, or any solid reason to care whether or not the Volturi killed me. On the contrary, I would've understood if he'd condoned it. So he hardly seemed morally bankrupt.

I sat on my counter mulling this whole thing over until I heard a voice outside. "Anyone home?" I had been so consumed by my own thought process that I didn't even hear someone come down the stairs. But I did recognize Carlisle Cullen's voice. The leader of his coven; remarkably calm and levelheaded. I slid off the counter and came outside. I saw him sitting down in the same chair Jake had used earlier. He was leaning back, he had one ankle on his knee and a leather bound folder on his lap. He was giving me major déjà vu of the shrinks I'd dealt with.

I stalled in the doorway at this sight. I won't lie; it made me a little wary. "Sorry," I said quietly, "I was… daydreaming." He nodded that it was fine and signaled me to sit down.

I sat down rather stiffly and decided to just lay it out there. "Are you a shrink, Mr. Cullen?"

He looked up at me, "What makes you think that?" he asked a little amusedly.

"The posture, the folder, the pen that cost more than the chair you're sitting in, your demeanor…" I listed off.

He smiled to himself before lowering his propped up foot to the ground. "No. I am an M.D. but that does little for you I'm afraid. I work in the ER at the local hospital."

"You _work_ in an ER?" I asked in astonishment as I pulled my knees up to my chest. Was he _crazy?_ That was just asking for problems. He confirmed my statement with a nod.

"That's a little masochistic, don't you think, Dr. Cullen?" I asked with a raised brow.

He laughed out loud that time, "Ha! Bree, I've been around a long time and have used that time to adapt to this lifestyle. Using my extra abilities to help others gives me a certain peace of mind and self. And you don't have to call me _Dr. Cullen_. Carlisle is fine. When I'm home, I'm part of the family."

"Emmett said you _were_ the dad of sorts," I informed him staring at my knees.

He nodded, "Yes. We've formed sort of a family unit here. We find it more comfortable than thinking of ourselves as a 'coven'. A family seems more natural. I don't want make you feel uncomfortable, though. This is your home now too, and I would like you to mold with us however you feel best."

"No," I shook my head, "it's okay. I never really had father. I haven't really had parents or a family in a while. I think it would be nice. You have this certain calm about you. It seems like you were born for parenthood."

"Thank you, Bree, I really do enjoy it. We're far more adaptive than other families as well. Many times we all operate on the same level – as equals. None of us are very far apart in age so it lends itself to a more evenly matched mentality. Or sometimes Esme and I assume more mentoring roles. Occasionally some of us – Rosalie and Emmett, for example – live as a separate couple. We're highly attuned to one another and often we fall into the role the situation requires."

He paused for a moment as I let this sink in. "Now," he continued in his doctor voice, "How are feeling?"

I looked at him dully, "Like a festering addiction has met the munchies and taken up residence in me. It's really bad. All I want to do is eat."

"Well, this is to be expected. You're coming onto quite a different lifestyle plan. How's your mind? Are you having trouble focusing? Feeling jittery or anxious at all?" He opened his folder.

I twisted my mouth up and shook my head, "Not so much. Jasper came down with some food earlier and that helped a lot. But even before that it was just… the crazy half of my brain. I'd get going on something but that rational bit would be strong enough to bring me back."

He nodded and scribbled a bit in his folder.

"I have a question, Carlisle," I told him as he continued to write. His own calm demeanor in addition to his mentioning his family brought up something I'd been mulling over.

"Mm?"

"Well, Jasper mentioned that he had another _sense_. That he could feel others' emotions. I didn't want to pry but…" I trailed off with a shrug.

"Ah, yes," Carlisle nodded. "Jasper is a rare bird. He acts like a satellite and is able to read and even _feel _the emotions of those around him. He can't always necessarily control it. So, powerful emotions of rage, sadness… really affect him. He also has the ability to manipulate emotions. He can make a person feel any range of emotion. And it's a physical change; he actually alters chemical receptors in the brain, it's not just a state of mind but of the body."

My mouth half dropped with that one. Well Jasper just let _that_ one slip by. Carlisle seemed to read my astonishment.

"Many of us come into this world with highly altered senses. As you've undoubtedly noticed your sense of smell, sight, hearing and touch is highly sensitive. Many of us bring in heightened personal traits as well; things individual to each one of us. Rosalie is an excellent mechanic; Edward's the musician of the family and Emmett is probably the only one that could feasibly handle your newborn strength."

"In addition we sometime bring extrasensory abilities. Jasper was a charismatic human. You can see how that relates to his current prowess. Alice sees the future," my eyes about popped out of my head with that one, "and Edward can read minds."

"What?" I squeaked clamping my hands over my head in some kind of futile attempt to armor myself against his seeing my thoughts. How did you _live_ with a mind reader? "Well, _that's_ highly invasive."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed, "It may seem so, but Edward is very discreet about it. It gets old and he often tunes us out. Now, Emmett tells me that Jacob came to see you?"

That was random. Was he getting at something? I rolled my eyes, "Yeah."

"Did you find anything unusual about him or encountering him?" he clicked his pen. _Spit it out doc._

"You mean like this specific encounter or just Jake in general?" I asked. Considering the time I just spent with the boy that was a loaded question and I'm pretty sure the good doctor didn't really care to know _all _about it.

"Jake in general."

"Um… apart from him apparently bursting into giant dog forms of his own free will, then no." I was quiet, thinking, for a moment before I spoke again. "When he and Emmett brought me home, Jake said that I don't smell so bad. I don't really know what that means. Emmett seemed really surprised though."

"Hm," Carlisle nodded and his eyes widened a bit, "And do you think he smells bad?" _Ah so this is what we were getting at._

"At first, when we just made it out of that clearing I did but I was coming off the scent of _Bella_ so I'm sure that has something to do with it. But he came down here earlier and it really wasn't that bad. I was prepared too, I recognized him coming down the stairs."

"Interesting…"

"Yeah, Jasper called it… what was it? Oh, tracking. Victoria used me and few others as bloodhounds. I can recognize and pick out scents, footfalls, strides, footprints, all sorts of weird stuff."

"And this come naturally to you?" Carlisle asked quizzically. I nodded. "Have you experienced any other extrasensory strengths like that? Anything different than your peers?" I shook my head this time.

"Okay Bree. You seem remarkably clear minded and logically thinking. And from the others' reports – barring one incident," he gave me a quizzical look.

"They're all gone, I swear!" I held my hands up in surrender. "It's that part of my sane side bringing me back! I either smoke in your basement or eat your son's girlfriend!"

"Barring the one incident," he continued through his smile, "your ability to maintain long-term focus and your decision making and interpersonal skills are incredibly well developed for someone at your stage."

"English, please?"

"Suffice it to say: most people going through this veritable detox are a little more illogical and keyed up than you currently are. You're handling it very well."

"Cool," I shook my head, "Does that mean I get to come out of the basement, yet? I can handle it. Like you said, I'm not crazy. I know I'm unstable but I've got a fairly good grasp on my own limitations and as long as you don't have any humans on property I'll be fine." I raised my hand, "Scouts honor."

After a few more questions Carlisle actually let me go upstairs. I was so excited to simply sit in another room of the house it was pretty freaking ridiculous. I was also pleased to see that he wasn't cagily waiting for me to screw something up. He just let me go upstairs. Which was _so_ cool. When I got up there Jasper and Emmett appeared to be watching TV – and shoving each other across the couch at regular intervals. I could hear someone around the corner in the kitchen. And the blond – Rosalie who I still technically hadn't met yet – was flipping through a magazine at the island counter.

I headed towards the kitchen because I'd already met and talked with Emmett and Jasper. I hadn't spoken with either Rose or Esme – who I assumed was the one out of my sight. I was slightly concerned about meeting Rosalie. My first impression was of her storming into the kitchen when Emmett first brought me home raving – most likely about the decision to adopt me. I had learned from that few seconds that girlfriend could cut a bitch. In a pair of Louboutins. That's not to say I was afraid of her, but I really didn't want to be making enemies so quick.

Once I'd proven to everyone else – Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Jake and Carlisle – that I was fairly normal, they seemed to ease up around me. So I kept with that theory. I'd have to play it normal. Maybe even try to relate to her and pull in some of my overt abrasiveness. At least initially.

I made my way over to the kitchen island she was sitting at and slid into the stool next to her. I was right: Esme was in the kitchen scrubbing away at frying pan in the sink. She looked up at me as I slid onto the stool.

"Oh! Hi!" she wiped off her hands and came all the way around the island and gave me a hug, assaulting me with her overwhelming caramel hair and 'mom' scent. It was fantastic; I hadn't gotten such a hug in so long. I reciprocated but tried really hard not to blur the line between hugging back and crushing the poor woman. "I'm Esme!"

She pulled back and took my face in her soft hands. "You don't look too worse for the wear," she said giving me the once over. "Is there anything I can get you? You've been cooped up in that basement for a while."

I just shook my head, "I'm Bryanne. But if you could call me Bree it makes me feel like a girl."

She nodded, "It's so nice to have you." After a moment she returned to her side of the counter and sat down opposite Rose who – it did not escape my attention – had not even so much as looked up since I'd arrived.

"How long _have _I been down there?" I wondered idly. "There isn't even a clock down there. Wait," I spun around to look out a set of windows, "night time – at least I've got that straight."

Esme smiled, "It's about three in the morning and you've been here a week now, dear." I couldn't decide if that was longer or shorter than I thought I was down there. I really had no idea.

"What are you cleaning Esme?" Because I knew they didn't drink human blood and they tried to blend with society but I might have to draw the line at actually eating human food. It was now downright repulsive.

"Hm? Oh, just made a little something for Jacob to take to his brothers. It's the least I can do, after… well, everything."

_Thank God._

Rose finally peeked up from her magazine, "I'm Rose." She extended her hand. I smiled and shook it.

"Bree," I responded. She was being civil; she looked me in the eye and had a neutral face on. "What are you reading?" I asked nonchalantly. She flipped the cover up to expose the bright pink _Cosmopolitan_ and said nothing else. Real talkative, this one. Okay so I was going to have to kick this up a notch.

I propped one arm against the back of the stool and leaned the other against the counter. I crossed one leg over the other, sat up straight and for a moment imagined I was wearing stilettos and leather pants – not one of her brother's (or Emmett's) sweats, a wife beater and no shoes.

I looked uninterestedly around the room, "Should've figured. The Bible?" I chimed, "Although I have to say, one of their spring issues a year or so back was really pushing the throwback, metallic, gladiator platform heels and I was just not having it. Really? It was just a half-assed bid to get us to buy into a concept that a few once up and coming designers thought might go well because it oozed 'retro'. When really no one is interested in revisiting seventies fashion. It died for a reason."

I could see Esme shaking from laughter back at the kitchen sink. Past Rose I could see Jasper and Emmett turned around on the couch, staring at me. Emmett was grinning from ear to ear and Jasper looked slightly disturbed.

I hadn't really read much _Cosmo_ in my life but I used what I had in my arsenal. Clearly Rose was one of those _prove it_ kind of people.

Rose looked up with a smile on her face, "I know. But we all have our bad moments, right? For a week I _swear_ they were in full support of those wannabe sundresses that sucked your boobs in all the wrong places and made you look pregnant." She finished with a significant look that told me it was a challenge.

Instead of spitting mad rhymes I had to spit mad fashion. This was like some kind of twisted rap-off. I put my hand up in the air and feigned a shudder. "Pleeease! You'll give me nightmares. We're practically back in those two seasons where big hoop earrings and pink velour sweat suits with the already obvious sexual promiscuity displayed across the ass was considered acceptable."

I had to talk the talk. And, if I do say so myself, I believe I just owned. Rose just smiled and extended her hand. Once again I took it but this time it was more 'welcome to the dark side' and less 'so _you're_ the one I have to share a floor of this house with?'

I heard Emmett roll onto the floor, laughing. Jasper was able to flash some weird hand signal at me and yell, "Holla!" before he was consumed by laughter as well. I saw Emmett's head peak above the couch – "Bitchin'," was all he got out before collapsing again.

As one, Rose and I rolled our eyes and scoffed, "Shut _up_." Both their heads snapped back and cocked at the same time.

She turned to me and extended her arm, "Come on I'll show you your room." I linked mine in hers and we set off from the kitchen and past the boys. As we mounted the first step I turned around to see the looks of utter shock and confusion on their faces. It looked like they'd just received a lesson in nuclear physics. Although with their experience they probably already _knew_ nuclear physics.

I smiled and waved. No, not nuclear physics; they'd just witnessed a lesson in girl.


	6. Step Five Sucks

Rose took me upstairs to the second level of the house. She pointed out her and Emmett's room, Alice's, Jasper's study, Carlisle's office, bathrooms, closets… normal stuff. As we climbed to the third floor, she pointed to a door at the far end. "That's Edward's room. He got stuck up here because Alice liked his room best when she moved in. The second floor was full, so he's been the only one up here for a while."

She brought me across from where the stairs landed. As far as logistically possible from Edward. Whose sanity were they humoring? Mine or his?

"What's all this stuff in between, Rose?" I asked signally the other doors in the hall.

"Oh," she remarked as she put her hand on my doorknob, "Lots of stuff. She crinkled her brow. Not going to lie, it's usually where we work out forging our documents. This level – minus you and Edward – is kind of the zone devoted to maintaining our façade. A lot goes on up here but if you really want to know more than that, you'd have to ask Jasper or Carlisle."

She shrugged; I could imagine how confusing an operation that would be. She turned the knob and led me into my room, "We fake some deaths every couple decades; forge some tax information, social security numbers, licenses, shuffle around assets and bank accounts. It's a whole production."

I really lost her after that because my attention shifted from her words to the room I'd just come into. It was amazing. The floors were a deep dark wood and the walls a complementary forest green. A beautiful white wainscoating wrapped around the entirety of the room – at least the wall that was not completely glass. The room was in a far corner of the house and the wall on the left side was glass from floor to ceiling.

At this glass wall there were a few sleek, comfy looking armchairs and a coffee table. On the far wall a king size sleigh bed was positioned against the wall, made up with pure white linens. On the right wall were two doors with an armoire in between. The wall that held the door to the hall was all bookshelves on the right side and on the left a behemoth roll-top desk.

It was clean and simple and beautiful and I really needed to pick my jaw up off the floor before I ruined something. Rose seemed unfazed and fell into an armchair sideways. After a moment she looked up at me and explained.

"Esme is the interior design slash restoration queen of the world. So, everything in this house is restored and _ah_-mazing. You get used to it. Through that door," She pointed to the doors on the right side of the room.

I placed my hand on the one closest to the main door and she nodded. "Yes that one. WAIT!" she yelled throwing her hands up as I began to turn the knob. I immediately dropped it like a hot coal.

"I'm warning you: that is your closet. Alice went out with Bella to get help her get her mind off things and went shopping for you. Therefore the entire contents of the Spring line of every major label as well as the coming Fall, _plus_ everything you can wear that is sold in Port Angeles is behind that door."

I nodded. _Since when were clothes a bad thing?_

"Plus shoes." She ticked off on her finger

I nodded again.

"Plus accessories," another finger.

Another nod.

"Plus pajamas, underwear, bags, belts, socks and probably band-aids as well."

I smiled, "Okay. I've been debriefed. I think I can handle it." Rose shrugged and lifted her hands as if to say: all right, suit yourself. I shut my eyes and turned the knob. Once the door was open I slowly peered in. I couldn't even think of enough emotive chatspeak to represent what I was currently feeling.

This closet. This _walk-in_ closet. This walk-in closet _with customized shelving._ This walk in closet with customized shelving _and ambient lighting_ looked as if I'd lived here for years.

The shelves were stuffed with sweaters and tops. The shoe racks above and below were fully stocked, categorized and labeled. The rung was hung to maximum carrying capacity with jeans, slacks, suits, dresses, _gowns _and jackets. The accessory station was indiscernible beneath the layers of hats, belts and scarves. I couldn't see inside the drawers but I was betting those didn't look any different.

There was such an array of clothes, any personality could've dressed out of it. I saw cashmere sweaters, concert tees, khakis, slacks, sneakers, chuck taylors, blouses, studded belts, silk tank tops and I'm pretty sure a pair of leather pants. It looked like Milan, Nordstrom and Hot Topic puked in my closet.

It was sensory overload; all I could do was back out, close the door and lean against the wood. I stared blankly at a spot above Rose's head.

"I told you," I heard her voice ring.

"I didn't believe you," I told her vaguely.

"I _know_," she shook her head. "On the left is the bathroom. Steam shower, travertine, useless toilet, nice towels. Nothing too extreme."

I decided the bathroom would be safer. Although it was magnificent I found it substantially less startling. Rose was right. Amazing and classic.

I closed the door back up and went to open the closet again, "It's too soon," she chimed.

"I know," I told her, "I'm just going to open the door and go about my business. That way we can slowly get acclimated to each other without any overexposure."

Rose laughed at that one, "Good plan." I opened the door, took a deep breath and joined her in one of the chairs by the wall of glass.

"This is unreal, Rose; you realize that?" I said marveling at the view.

"Mhm," she nodded serenely, "We spend a lot of time here. We don't sleep; we hole up here on sunny days, times when we don't feel like going to class or when we just don't want to be part of the rest of the world. It's a safe haven. It's completely alone and separated but it's quiet and peaceful. Not lonely at all. The home environment, the natural aspect… you'd be surprised how normal it makes you feel."

I nodded, I could see where she was coming from. I was already beginning to feel that way myself. I didn't have to be worried, on guard, or secretive here. It was nice.

From my chair I had a clear view of the wall and door we'd originally come through. I noticed that the bookshelves between the door and the window were largely unoccupied. When Rose noticed my stare she turned around and followed my gaze. "You're the first one in this room, you know. So you get to kind of paint the canvas any way you want. Believe me, you build up a heavy supply of books, music and movies – really quickly."

I nodded, still observing the blank space. I'd read and listened and watched a lot as a human. I didn't think that would change much. And considering the fact that I was probably not going to be allowed out of the house for a _while_ – I would need it.

"You guys have solitary confinement, flushing toilets and the force of the CIA here. But do you guys have a library?" I asked. I currently had no money and no means to leave the house to buy any books so I was seriously banking on a library.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Right across the hall," she jerked her thumb over her shoulder, "there's this sort of 'media room' I guess. It's got some old books and records. It's not that big, but it should last you a fair while."

"I have to ask though. Why the bed?"

Rose rolled her eyes, "Standard issue. You don't need to keep it if you don't want to. But it's comfy and huge and still good for relaxing. Emmett always felt weird without one – regardless of it's uses" she quirked an eyebrow at me. "But Edward only got one recently because Bella was over here so often." She shrugged, "It's personal preference mostly."

"Let's head back down stairs. Edward, Alice and Carlisle should be back from hunting soon. We don't want to seem anti-social." Rose stood up quickly checked her reflection in the glass before heading towards the door.

As much as I hated leaving this sanctuary so soon, I knew I had to meet the guy that vouched for me. And I wanted to talk to everyone. Together. I'd already told Jasper – and Jake, sort of – part of my past and how it attributed to some of my strangeness but I didn't want to have to explain it on an individual basis to the whole family. I wouldn't remember whom I'd told what and when. If I just got it all out there in the open at once it would be easier. And I wouldn't feel like I was hiding so much anymore.

I followed Rose to the second floor, down the hall and back to the living room. Esme was now looking through a substantial music collection along one wall and the boys were nowhere to be seen. Rose sat on the couch and I joined her. She snagged the remote and began to flip through the channels at warp speed. "Where's Em and Jas?" she asked absently.

Esme turned and arched one eyebrow, "In the backyard… settling a bet." Rose just shook her head and settled on the National Geographic Channel.

Rose, Esme and I watched the documentary about Freemasons and discussed our lack of understanding in regards to the male mentality. I told them I was glad to know that knowledge of these things didn't change with time. I didn't feel so naïve.

"That's because boys _never_ make sense," Rose informed me flatly.

"Who's not making sense?" spoke a voice from behind. We all turned to see Alice, Carlisle and Edward coming in the front door. And Carlisle questioning us as he closed the door behind them.

"The male race in general," I updated him. "You people and your mysteries transcend time and space."

Alice laughed as she ghosted over to me kneeling in front of the couch between Esme and I. "How _are_ you?" Her bell like voice began quizzing me. "I didn't receive any emergency calls so I assume no harm done? Oh!" she snapped upright, "you haven't even been introduced to Edward yet!" She took my hand and pulled me up and over to the doorway where he and Carlisle appeared to be engaged in some kind of conversation.

"Edward," she announced, "this is Bryanne. But if you call her Bree, it makes her feel more like a girl."

I dragged my free hand down the length of my face before rubbing the inner corners of my eyes. "Thank you. Alice."

"But of course!"

I extended my hand to Edward and he shook it. "Thank you Edward. For speaking on my behalf. I really appreciate it. You… you have know idea."

"Not at all, Bree. Everyone deserves a second chance, right?"

"Yeah, but I was part of the armed force hell-bent on killing your girlfriend. I would've completely understood if you gave them the go ahead. I'm serious. You put a lot on the line. That Jane chick? – scary bitch – and you spoke up for me. I owe you one. No, I owe you my life."

He smiled, "Completely worth it. So long as you stay on our side."

"What part of 'scary bitch' did you not get, dear?" I laughed. I chewed my lip for a minute before speaking again. "Carlisle, Esme? Would you mind terribly if I called a brief… family meeting of sorts?"

Esme shook her head and Carlisle told me, "By all means."

I exhaled deeply, and went back to the living room. I sat on the coffee table and began fiddling absentmindedly with some cube-like wooden paperweight. Carlisle and Edward followed taking a seat each. I looked briefly and counted on my fingers, "Five… five. There's too many of you to keep track of; who are we missing? Ah! Where are the UFC champs?"

"Oh Jasper and Emmett… I'll go get them," Rose piped up. She handed the remote over to Alice who promptly turned the TV behind me off. She vaulted over the back of the couch and headed through the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with the two boys who were still shoving each other, but took seats quietly.

By this point, I was rather nervous about announcing my unpleasant past to the entire family. But I knew it was necessary. That paperweight was spinning in my hand like a top.

Once Rose reclaimed her seat I thanked her and took a breath. "Okay. So, I'm Bree everyone. Hi," I waved. "I think you all already know that but… Anyways, the reason I called this little powwow is I just wanted to get some crap out there. I didn't want to have to tell the same story ten times over and forget what I'd told different people. So, I'm just going to lay it out for you guys."

I spun the paperweight a little faster. "I am… was… I don't know. When I turned, I was seventeen. I can give you that much. I currently have very little concept of the time of day – let alone the date. I lived on the streets of Seattle since I was about fifteen. Mostly because I had no dad and my mother was completely unhinged and had plethora of her own problems. Honestly, I was safer on a park bench."

I paused and let that sink in for a moment as I focused more intently on the spinning wood in my hands. "I was a junkie. Coke was my weapon of choice. But I smoked too. I stole and did a lot of stupid crap to stay alive. I still have weird quirks and mannerisms that are reflective of that. My personality is kind of naturally addictive. Since my transformation a lot of that has changed – obviously. I am fully aware of how dangerous and stupid my former life was and I'm working on dealing with all that I still carry with me."

"I just wanted to let you guys know. Because between you" I pointed to Alice, "and you," I pointed to Jasper, "and _especially_ you," I finally pointed to Edward, "I can tell you guys have no secrets. I didn't want to seem like I was keeping anything but you don't need to know all the gory details unless you're into that kind of thing." I smiled. I was a nervous wreck but I was trying to keep it light. I was only nervous because I didn't frequently give presentation-like talks about my own issues. But I kept it short and simple.

"You… what?" I heard Edward sputter from his spot in an armchair. The force and tone of his voice impacted me harder than I was anticipating. It jarred me and I lost my focus, dropping the wooden paperweight. As it hit the floor I heard and saw it break into several pieces.

"Oh no!" I cried reaching down. I just spilled my guts and it was beginning to look like Edward was going to have a very Jacob-esque reaction. I was glad that my tear ducts were now obsolete. Because I was torn between crying in anger – because I wanted to rip his goddamn face off, I highly doubted he was perfect – and crying in frustration because I should've kept my baggage to myself and I had now put this awkwardness in my new family.

As all this coursed through my system I concentrated on bending to pick up the pieces of the shattered block. Trying to keep my focus on something. Maintaining my control. My hand was halfway to the floor and I was trying to remain coherent when a strange heat pulsed in my outstretched hand. And like some sci-fi movie the space in front of me seemed to rewind.

My eyes bugged and my mouth fell open, for what felt like the thousandth time today.

The bits of wood on the floor gently came back into my hand. They rematerialized and meshed back into the fully formed paperweight. Just as it had been before I dropped it.

"Holy shit…" I whispered.


	7. Healer

_Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod._ It didn't take long for me to completely freak the hell out. In all honesty it was bound to happen sooner or later. I had been on the fringe since I'd gotten to the Cullen house. I was put in solitary confinement, insulted for my issues, met various family members, discovered these various family members could pick up all sorts of information about me through extra senses, spilled my guts about an embarrassing past, got insulted again, and broke the décor only to have it magically reanimate in my hand. Like some psychotic mind trick.

Immediately after the block materialized back in my hand I put it back on the table and backed away, like it was a bomb that would go off at any minute. Carlisle and Edward eventually had to steer me back to the couch in order to prevent my backing through the living room wall.

Alice picked the block up off the coffee table and left without a word. Carlisle looked me in the eye and told me he'd be back and that I should stay calm. _Easier said than done._ I was actually doing all right for a few minutes. Esme had one arm over my and she was rubbing my back to keep me calm. And it was working really well. That is, until Rose – in an attempt to take my mind off things - began talking and clicking through the channels and stumbled upon a super glue commercial. The bad infomercial "before and after" affects sent me over the edge and I began hyperventilating.

Edward came over off the chair and kneeled in front of me. "Bree. It's all right. Breathe slowly. With me now: inhale," he inhaled trying to get me to follow. I did and he held it for longer than was natural, "exhale." He repeated this with me a few more times, but I think I was just getting myself _more_ worked up. Edward was hardly a calming presence; after all, he was part of what triggered this whole fiasco. Him and his stupid mouth.

After a few minutes, I saw Edward give Jasper a quick sidelong glance. So quick I almost missed it. I looked up at Jasper immediately with frenzied eyes. I pointed to him, "Don't" inhale, "you," inhale, "dare!" Inhale. "I," inhale, "have had," inhale, "enough," inhale "altered," inhale "states of mind," inhale, "to last me," inhale, "a lifetime."

Edward shook his head and looked back at me, "Well Bree, if you can't get your breathing under control I'll have to have Jasper do it for you. Your choice."

I simply pursed my lips, sat up straight, crossed my arms and ceased breathing all together. It wasn't strictly necessary anymore. But I couldn't talk or smell and it made my nose feel weird. It was a good immediate solution. I just wouldn't breathe until I got a grip.

Edward shook his head, "That works too." I could tell he was trying to fight amusement but his annoyance at me was definitely winning.

A moment later Carlisle came back followed by Alice. He handed me a cup before sitting on the coffee table a few feet in front of me. I peeked in the cup before taking a sip and then just swallowing it all down. "How has she been?" Carlisle looked towards Edward.

I was now starting to understand what Carlisle meant when said that sometimes family members were on an equal playing field. Carlisle and Edward were colleagues right now, not father and son.

"She was calm for a while, but something triggered her and she began to panic again. She was hyperventilating. Now she's just not breathing at all." Edward recounted to Carlisle.

Carlisle looked up at me for a moment and I simply nodded, confirming the story with my silence. Then I pointed aggressively at Jasper. He just moved back in his chair and raised his hands in surrender.

"I didn't do anything!" he explained. "Edward was going to have me calm her down if she couldn't do it herself but she made her opinion on the matter quite obvious."

Carlisle nodded and was writing in that damn leather folder again. "Now, Bree," he looked up at me. "Are you feeling better? Because I have a few questions that'll require more than 'yes' or 'no' nodding."

I _felt _better. I tentatively opened my mouth and exhaled. Then inhaling… normally. I smiled, "Okay, shoot."

Carlisle smiled, "Excellent. You've done a great job with all levels of control; keep it up. Now, can you tell me what you were feeling or what was going through your mind _just_ before the incident?"

"I was just trying to keep myself in check. All my emotions are extremes since my transformation and I'm trying _not_ to act on those instincts every time they surface."

"Can you give me a little more? Like what you were feeling and what triggered it?" Carlisle asked.

"I was feeling angry and frustrated. I was mad because I'd just spilled all this crap about my sordid life to you guys and I did it so it didn't seem like I was keeping secrets _but _I realized it completely backfired when _this_ tool," I threw a couch pillow at Edward because it was the only thing close by (I really would've liked that wooden block back), "just jarred me out of my whole thought process and made me feel like a degenerate."

Edward dodged my pillow but looked rather surprised, "What? Bree, what are you talking about? I'm sorry if my question made you feel that way but in my own defense the word 'what?' can be interpreted many different ways in a certain context."

"What the hell are _you_ talking about, Edward? I'm sorry if we don't all come into the world preparing for canonization," I remarked sarcastically. I heard Jasper and Rosalie try and stifle their laughter. "But your tone just sounded so much like a jibe against me and I'm really not prepared to put up with anyone's crap. I don't knock people for the stupid shit in their past and I'd appreciate the same courtesy."

Edward shook his head. "I was simply surprised about by your story. I've seen the minds of others with your same predicament and they're never so clear minded and logically thinking. My gift allows me a certain degree of information about a person. Obviously, I can read most people fairly well. You took me by surprise. It was a good 'what?'"

Rose scoffed, "Ch-yeah, Edward is hardly a saint. "Believe me Bree, your past is not too bad compared to some of ours."

"All right," Carlisle held up his hands to referee the upcoming onslaught. "Moving on. So Bree, you were feeling powerful emotions of anger and frustration…"

"Yes," I confirmed, "And then I when I was reaching to pick up the pieces of the paperweight I was trying to stay focused and just wishing I could take it all back. Wishing I could just _fix_ it."

For the first time since she'd returned Alice piped up, "Bree, take this." She handed me a piece of paper torn in two.

"Thanks, Alice…" I looked down at the two halves in each hand. I didn't know what else to say. She looked quickly at Edward who nodded minutely.

Alice turned back to me and began to speak, "Bree, I had a damaging past similar to yours and I've been able to start to move on recently. But once you brought the topic up, I just had all these horrible flashbacks…" she trailed off, staring at her hands in her lap.

_Fan-freaking-tastic!_ I was such a jackass I'm surprised I was capable of existence. It was astonishing to me that my idiocy alone did not cause me to self-destruct. And what the hell was this paper for? I was about to beg for Alice's forgiveness when the familiar warming came into my hands again and just as I looked down the two halves of the paper collided with one another; reconstituting in my hands. I gasped and dropped the paper – watching it waft to the floor.

Alice looked up at me smiling, "Bree. You're a healer."

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

"You are a healer. Bree, you fix things. That stuff I said wasn't true. But it seems… your desire to fix situations, people, _yourself_ - its path is channeled along another route to the objects around you."

"Yes…" Carlisle mused, "That makes sense, Alice. And… your recovery and control may be affected by this gift of yours as well. This extra ability you possess may have helped you resist more quickly. Remember I told you: you were very clear-minded and were handling the transition well? Maybe your power has helped along the way."

Carlisle was staring off into the distance as he spoke, thinking. Before long Emmett spoke up too, "Carlisle, do you think it has anything to do why Jake thinks she doesn't smell so bad?"

Carlisle looked up with an arched brow, "And vice versa?"

Emmett's jaw dropped and he gawked at me like someone had just given him some scandalous gossip about me.

"I don't know, Emmett. Maybe. She'd have to meet the rest of the pack. See what they think of each others' scents as well. If it holds with the rest of the pack that her scent isn't so strong then: maybe. But it could just be some Jake/Bree only phenomenon."

I couldn't really register what was going on around me. I could just magically fix shit? Because I had such an intense remorse complex? _And _that wasn't even the best part. Oh no, this might also be why Jake and I have some cosmological olfactory connection.

"So what does this all mean?" I asked "My self-control is amplified? How do we test that? Do I get to mingle with the common folk?"

Jasper leaned back and locked his fingers back behind his head, "Well, let's perform an experiment. Let her meet Bella."

Edward looked at him like he was crazy, "Are you serious?"

"Boys!" I shouted stretching my hands out between them. They were both leaning towards each other now and I could just see this escalating. "Edward: you're doing it again. And Jasper: what are you talking about?"

"I'm not suggesting we lock you in an airtight room together. Start small. Edward, bring Bella here, leave her in the garage and bring something of hers in – her backpack, her jacket…"

"Jas…" Edward was now rubbing his temples furiously. But Jasper interrupted him.

"Bree's proven she has a good grasp on herself, Edward. She didn't rip your head off after you insulted her. She'll be able to tell us if she can handle it. And the rest of us will be here, too. Obviously, Bella's blood is a powerful call to Bree as well as the rest of us. If she can handle Bella she handle others."

Edward opened his mouth to argue but Jasper cut him off, "She's going to need to meet Bella eventually, Edward. She's not a dog – we can't put her outside on the leash whenever Bella comes over. And I'm sure Bella would like to be able to walk past our driveway without fearing for her life. You don't have to _make_ her. Just ask and see what she says."

Edward slumped back in his chair with his arms crossed. "Fine!" he finally conceded, "I'll ask her. But you all _know _what her answer will be… She's too charitable for her own good." He grumbled to himself.

"Carlisle?" Edward called to his father, looking for affirmation.

Carlisle had remained silent – waiting for Jasper and Edward to finish their argument. "Yes. I think we could try it. With anyone else I might be concerned but as long as we take it slow… We'll give her Bella's backpack. Then we can have her stand in the yard, the porch, in the door way. Bree you could stay here on the couch. So long as we keep it slow and steady I think it could work out well."

Alice piped up, "Everything looks clear from my end."

"And Edward?" Carlisle said, "Give Bella an ounce of credit for trying to help her fellow man."

Emmett laughed, "Yeah dude, just look what she's done for you."

Rose, Alice, and I laughed along. Esme smirked at Emmett disapprovingly and Edward threw the pillow at him.

Edward stood up and pushed Emmettt a bit as he walked by. He was smiling though, so at least he wasn't too worried. He didn't _completely_ doubt me. "Well, if you all don't mind I have to ask my girlfriend to come on by and test fate."

Edward slipped on his jacket and headed out the door. A few moments later I watched a silver Volvo pull out of the driveway.

I'd quickly deduced that this boy was one tightly wound spring and if he wasn't on a regular bubble wrap regimen he was just going to snap. He was one of those kids that was quiet and nice but would just snap one day and dye their hair green and start playing guitar in subway stairwells for fun. I wasn't going to eat his girlfriend. As a mind reader one would think he'd get that impression from whatever it is his head could pick out of mine.

As the dawn began to break on the Cullen house, I was entrenched in my closet again. This time Alice was with me. Rose had watched her spin like the Tasmanian Devil for about thirty seconds before going back out to my room and indulging herself in the stereo setup stealthily hidden in the armoire.

"Alice, really," I spoke as I dodged flying clothes, "I'm going to be with you until the end of time. We'll be able to sort out all my outfits. We'll even have to buy _more_ at some point. I've worn enough clothes for a whole season already."

She didn't appear to be listening. The closet was now a wreck. Before it had been packed to the top with clothes but they had all been in place. Now, the majority of the contents were littered on the floor or hung from precarious nooks they'd caught before reaching the ground.

"But I just _don't know_ what to put you in," Alice pouted. I climbed over the clothes being careful not to step on too many, because I could tell they were designer stuff and I already felt weird with them on the floor. I braced her shoulders with my hands.

"Alice. I'm. A. Big. Girl. Here, let me show you _my_ idea. That way you know what my style is and you can work around it when you spontaneously drop five digits on my next season wardrobe."

"Okay!" She laid her arms rigidly by her side like she was trying to prevent herself from interfering.

"All righty…" I mumbled as I began to pick through the carnage. I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, a forest green Nirvana tee shirt and a pair of heels – these blue suede with a small platform.

While I was rifling through the debris I heard unfamiliar cadences and tenors of voices downstairs. "Rose, who's downstairs?"

"Huh? Oh. Sounds like Jake and Seth. You better hurry up; you have to go smell some dogs soon for your sick little experiment."

I came out of the closet and threw everything on my bed and marched into the bathroom. "I can think of many other things I'd rather do than sniff Jake and his pack mates. That's only slightly awkward. And this is Carlisle's idea, remember? To see if my healing has anything to do with my not being so appalling to Jacob." I rifled through drawers and cabinets as I spoke looking for a pair of scissors.

I found them and rejoined Rose and Alice. I hopped lithely on the bed, crossed my legs and pulled the tee shirt towards me. Alice joined me and Rose flicked through her Cosmo in a chair behind me. I snipped and cut in strategic places along the back of the tee shirt. I cut a six-inch swath out of the back and put holes along the perimeter. I cut the refuse cloth into strips and wound them through the holes.

I pulled the white tank top I had been wearing since I arrived off and slipped the newly altered Nirvana tee on. It was form fitting and I stood up and turned around. Alice saw the woven – almost corset – pattern that I'd created and began hopping up and down and clapping.

"I_ love _it!" Alice sang – her voice coming up an octave for the word 'love'.

"Thank you," I said taking a bow. I slipped off the sweatpants I'd been wearing and jumped into the skinny dark wash jeans. I picked up the sweats and slipped into the heels. "Who's are these, just out of curiosity?" I asked as I brought the sweats to the hamper inside the demolished closet.

"Considering they weren't falling around your ankles? I'd say Edward or Carlisle," Rose conjectured as she was reading over an article. "They both have small waists."

"Super," I responded sarcastically as I fired the pants across the closet and watched them dunk into the hamper. I was either wearing the pants of my father or the brother that didn't like me. _They weren't getting those back anytime soon._

I pulled the door shut and looked at Alice significantly, "You are _so_ picking this up later." I crossed the room to the main door as I was pulled my hair up into a knot on the top of my head. "Come on, let's go sniff some puppy chow."

When Rose, Alice and I got downstairs there was no one sight. We followed the acrid smell of human food to the kitchen where Esme was cleaning the stovetop and we could hear the dishwasher humming to life.

"Hi girls," she greeted us. "Jacob and his brothers are outside. Oh, Bree – before you go," and she handed me another glass.

"Esme, I'm not about to suck a wolf dry," I laughed, "they do still smell pretty funky."

"Oh I know, dear. We just want to keep a steady flow through your system before we bring you out hunting later tonight."

"Well then, thank you for taking such good care of me," I smiled and downed the glass like a shot. "All right, it's about time I got this sick little fiasco over with," I grumbled.

"Oo! I want to come!" Alice chirped. "I can't _see_ anything around the wolves, and I want to know how this turns out."

I shrugged, "Okay." She hopped over to my side and grabbed my hand as we headed out the front door. Carlisle and Edward were sitting on the front steps while about half a dozen boys and a single girl stood awkwardly on the front lawn.

Carlisle turned and smiled, "Ah, the woman of the hour. Now let's see if your perception of Jacob applies to the rest of the pack."

I clunked down the front steps. The whole pack was giving me the death stare and I really didn't appreciate it. Really? They got the better end of this deal. All they had to do was stand there. I had to go around and sniff them.

I noticed they were like Jake had been that first day: wearing nothing but shorts – except the one girl who had a tee shirt on as well. But no shoes or shirts (at least among the boys) were to be found.

The antagonistic stare I was getting kept me from moving any further than the bottom of the stairs. Jake stepped forward and put his arm around my tiny shoulders. "Bree, this is the pack. We have Sam – he's alpha – Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul, Seth and Leah," he signaled them each in term.

"Well you guys are a lively group. If you don't mind, I'm just going to smell you and get this over with because it's kind of mortifying. But you're all too close together. Your scents are all blending so…" I peeked over their heads and my eyes landed on a singular tree.

"We'll have to go one at a time, by that," I pointed, "tree. That way the rest are far enough away that I don't mess anything up." I slipped from underneath Jake's arm and started making my way away from the group. Some were looking amongst themselves, probably wondering who would go first. The boy called Sam stepped forward.

"All right most-high-alpha, let's light this candle." We walked back towards the tree and I flopped on the ground. He sat – rather more elegantly than I, can I just add, cross legged in front of me.

"So," he asked trying to make conversation, "anything?"

I shrugged. "You smell different than Jake – obviously – but not any degree stronger I guess. You see I have nothing to compare to. Everyone insists you guys smell horrible but just find it… I don't know. Vaguely unpleasant?"

"You're about the same way. I _do _have point of reference and I have to say that you are not as bad as the rest of your family." He nodded, "So have you got a flavor for me yet?"

"You're a no-go my friend. But thanks for coming. Send someone else down?"

"Sure," he pulled himself into a squatting position, "it was nice to meet you Bree." Sam extended his scalding hand and I shook it.

"You too." As he turned and walked away I shook my hand in the air. _God._ These wolves were ridiculously overheated. Sam returned to the group and tapped the boy Paul on the shoulder. Paul turned and stalked towards me and crashed into the ground.

"Calm it down there 'roid rage. You'll live a lot longer."

Paul just glared at me. "What the hell is your problem, dude?" I asked him.

"I don't like being essentially felt up by your nose. Not to mention the fact that you have some preternatural gift that loopholes around our natural defenses."

"Well," I asked, "do I smell as bad to you as the others?"

"Actually no."

"Well then you also have a preternatural gift that loopholes around _my_ natural defenses. Quid pro quo, my good man. It sucks for us both. I don't even why the hell you _and _the Cullens get so bent out of shape about each other."

He shrugged, "Evolution? You don't see the fox packing for a sleepover in the hen house, do you? Plus, _you_," he waved at me, "is the whole reason _this_," he waved at himself, "happens. The wolf gene is triggered by the presence of _your_ kind. If there was no Olympic coven, I'd be about a hundred pounds lighter and a lot more stable."

"Well if it makes you feel any better," I told him, "I didn't get to choose this either. And once the Cullens leave you guys can be free to go about your regular human lives. And stop shifting. I don't get that. No matter where I live I will always look and be _just like this_."

"Don't you think," I asked him, "we're a little more highly evolved and civilized than foxes and hens? I don't really see you as having much of a problem besides that major stick up your ass. I feel like we could be quite cordial if you got over that. You have to make a conscious choice to be enemies."


	8. Third Time's the Charm

**#1 Led Zeppelin **

**#2 Pink Floyd's **"The Wall"

**#3 Benny Goodman's **"Moonglow"

**#4 Benny Goodman's **"Sing, Sing, Sing"

**#5 Tchaikovsky's** "Serenades for Strings (in C Mjr)"

And so passed the rest of my experimentation with the pack. They all smelled different but no more offensive than the last. The boy Quil was the only one who didn't seem like he'd rather be swallowing thumbtacks when he took his seat in front of me. And the only girl – Leah – just kind of stared at me with her arms crossed. I didn't say anything to her.

As I stood up to rejoin Edward, Alice and Carlisle the pack began to run into the woods getting ready to leave. Jacob came up to say goodbye and surprised me with a hug. In a second he'd lifted me off the ground and put me down just as quickly as he'd picked me up. "Bye, Bree. Bye guys," he waved to the rest and ran after his pack mates.

I turned to Carlisle and shrugged. "Sorry, Carlisle. No dice. They all smell equally appalling."

"Well, Bree. This may have something to do with your power. In addition to naturally defending yourself against desire, your abilities almost seem to cloak you against enemies. Normally we steer clear of each other _because_ of our scents but your power almost… I don't know. Knocks you off the radar? You aren't perceived in an antagonistic way."

"It's like I'm a stealth enemy?" I asked. Carlisle simply nodded. "Well, I guess we'll have to see how this plays out then. It oughta be interesting."

We began to mosey back in the house when Edward spoke up, "Bree, Bella's agreed to come by and meet you. I'll bring her over tomorrow after you've had a chance at your first real hunt tonight."

I tucked my hands in my pockets and nodded, "Okay, thanks. And Edward?" I turned around as Carlisle and Alice made their way back into the house.

"Mm?" He looked up at me from the bottom of the stairs.

"I won't hurt her. I promise," I told him honestly. I could see how much Bella meant to him – even without knowing the girl - and knew I'd never be able to hurt her.

"I have faith in you Bree," he climbed the stairs and opened the door for me. "It's Bella that worries me."

"Geez, Edward. It's like Carlisle said – give the girl an ounce of credit – she's human, she's got to have some sense of self-preservation."

"I can only hope," he said more to himself than me. I looked around the open ground floor and noticed that only Rose and Emmett could be spotted watching something on the couch. It looked like football. _No, thank you._ I groaned internally. If there was one sport I just really couldn't stomach, it was football.

Instead I ascended the stairs and decided I might take that little library across from my room for a spin. Moments later I quietly sealed the door behind me. I spent some time looking over the spines of the books and familiarizing myself with the titles. There were at least a few books on every subject: medicine, philosophy, art, science, literature, history. I decided that I wasn't really in a reading mood and made my way over to the old record player.

I sat down cross-legged and pulled a pile of records onto my lap. All of them were open and looked like they'd been used at least once or twice. Again, the collection here was varied. There were Sinatra and big band pieces, plenty of classical, every Beatles album that probably ever existed, and a lot – and I mean _a lot_ – of classic rock albums. Deep Purple, Queen, Aerosmith, The Who, Led Zeppelin, The Stones, Jethro Tull, Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd and some I'd never heard of. It made me smile because these were many of the albums I'd had at home. People thought I was crazy for holding onto that record player but I loved it.

I slid a Zeppelin vinyl out of its case and onto the player. I turned the volume down and set the needle down. I read the cover as it played through. It was recorded live at Long Beach almost thirty-five years ago. I closed my eyes and listened. It was so amazing to know that this is _exactly_ what it sounded like to be there on the ground, listening. Sure CDs and the digital age had done wonders for electric punk and emo-thrash but you really couldn't beat the pure sound of vinyl.

I continued to flip through the pile and eventually popped Pink Floyd's _The Wall_ into the player as the Zeppelin finished up. I still looking – there was a weird collection of country music in the back – when I heard a knock on the door. I peeked up and saw Edward's head come through the door. He looked like he wasn't expecting to see me when he opened the door.

"Hi," I said, "I'm sorry. Am I bothering you?" I pulled the needle up off the record. "I know you're at the other end of the hall, that's why I turned it down."

"No," he shook his head as the rest of him came in the room. "It's fine. No one really comes in here much so I was just curious." He closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

Seeing as he wasn't opposed to my listening I put the needle back. I dragged my finger along the top of the record player's stand and showed him the dust. "I can tell," I laughed, "This is the only dust I've found in this _entire_ house."

"Yes," he laughed, "well, it's just you me and the illegal activities up here. It's low traffic flow. We don't really bother with cleaning this floor because I clean my own room and Jasper and Carlisle are constantly in and out of the rest."

I nodded and we were both quiet for a while. Eventually Edward slid down the door and sat on the floor with me. He also got a strange look on his face. He turned to me and asked, "What are you listening to?"

My eyes almost popped out of my head. "Is that a serious question? Edward. It's Pink Floyd." Do _not_ even tell me he was more stunted than Jasper.

"Oh yes," he nodded, "now you mention it, I do recognize them."

"_Recognize_?" I stuttered, "_Recognize!_ Edward – they're legends!"

"I have little tolerance for the music of the sixties or seventies. I just pretend it never happened." He scrunched his nose in disgust. Okay. So he wasn't stunted – just insane.

"What?" I stammered incredulously. I crawled closer and leaned against the door next to him – dragging the pile of vinyl with me. "Do you mean to tell me that _this _stack of vinyl," I held it up to him, "means _nothing_ to you?"

"Well, that's quite harsh," he responded. "I do acknowledge that some people have a great appreciation for it but I personally cannot stand it."

"Huh," I breathed in surprise as my back hit the door. "Edward Cullen you never cease to surprise me."

He just shrugged at me. "Okay," I asked, "what is your cup of tea then? Is that _your_ dead-dog-inbred-children-living-off-my-still country collection you have back there?" Because at this rate, I wouldn't be surprised.

"Ha!" he laughed genuinely. "I have no idea who that might belong to. Jasper would be my best guess but he's more the bluegrass type. I've never known him to nurture a fondness for inbreds."

He crawled over to the spot I'd just left, "No, I'm more a fan of…" He rifled through the mess I'd made of the pile before stumbling upon something he considered halfway decent. He tossed it like a Frisbee into my lap.

"Ah, Tchaikovsky," I said. "You're a classical boy. I can dig that. It's like a trip without the drug. You can put it on and if you close your eyes you can _see_ things; colors, sounds. So are you just a classical savant or do you have anything else in there you can tolerate?"

"Aha!" he pulled one record out and spun it in his hands before switching it into the player.

I quickly recognized the sound coming through the speakers. "Edward. There is _no_ way you can pull a Benny Goodman over on me." I smiled and hummed along.

"Who's full of surprises now?" he pointed at me. "You just went from British rock to Russian classical to big band swing. That's quite a jump."

"What can I say," I smirked linking my fingers together and putting them behind my head. "I'm real cultured."

We listened quietly to the rest of the song. Edward got up and was browsing the shelves as he whistled along. The record quieted as the song finished and "Sing, Sing, Sing" came through the speakers.

"I love this song!" I stood up and was dancing and spinning for a moment before my heel got caught in the carpet and I almost face planted. I say almost because Edward managed to catch me by my arms and pull me upright before my face made friends with the floor.

He pulled me upright and turned me around – putting one hand on my waist and one in my hand. He held me there and began moving in time to the tempo. He was _dancing_ with me? Had I just stepped into the twilight zone? "You should probably start small," he advised. "We don't need you cleaving the room in half."

_Much better._ If the sarcasm hadn't kicked in I would've gotten concerned. "I just got excited is all," I told him. We kept it pretty basic. He was a good leader and even threw a few curve balls at me but I never once landed on my butt.

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?" I asked him after he spun me out and brought me back again. I mean it was like this library contained a completely different man. He was actually amiable.

"Bree, I'm offended. I don't want you to get the impression that I'm a complete ass. I've simply been a little tense these past few days and didn't want you thinking I was averse to you personally."

"Oh, well thanks then. Bella's not going to tweak out or anything is she?" I asked tentatively. I was hardly afraid of the human girl but that wasn't to stop her from clawing at me if the green-eyed monster surfaced.

Edward furrowed his brows as he looked back at me. "Bree we're hardly doing anything debauched. We're dancing. Besides, Bella's hasn't really been the jealous type."

"You never know until you see them in action," I warned. The song finished and he released me before inclining his head. "Well, Edward Cullen," I said with my hands on my hips, "you do cut quite a rug."

He held his hands out beside himself, "You said it yourself – full of surprises."

"Just so long as you're not going to break out the Star Trek paraphernalia tomorrow, it will be okay," I told him.

"What?" he asked genuinely flabbergasted.

"Your reaction is a good sign," I laughed.

He looked down at his watch, "I'm sorry, I've got to be off. Don't forget your first hunting trip with us is tonight. Around midnight?" He made his way towards the door. "You may want to change the shoes." He looked down at my heels and smiled remembering my near wipe out.

I stuck my tongue out at him and with that he disappeared.

I spent the rest of the evening shuffling through and listening to a lot of the old records I could find. It was pleasant. The music reminded me of my childhood and some of the happy memories I'd had. I left the scary country music alone in the back. I even listened through some of Edward's classical stuff. I didn't normally favor classical but some of the records weren't that bad. I especially liked the pieces for string instruments. They were calm and peaceful.

Around eleven I crossed the hall and changed into the only non-couture sneakers I could find. Alice had clearly been in my closet to pick up and it looked like this morning had never happened. I slipped on the sneakers as I hopped down the stairs and plopped sideways on the couch next to Jasper.

I watched the Barrett-Jackson Auto auction in Las Vegas with him for a while as I mentally prepped myself for my first ever human-friendly hunting trip. My first time out of the house, no longer being labeled a threat to the human race.


	9. Do or Die

My first ever hunting trip went really well. Carlisle, Edward, Rosalie and Jasper were part of the expedition as well. I expected Edward to revert back to his less than appealing behavior but he actually wasn't too bad. He kept his snide remarks to himself and even laughed when I told Carlisle – in amazement – that I'd never be able to hunt game in an ascot. Maybe he _had_ just been a little too keyed up recently.

I snagged my own bobcat and decided that the taste of hot blood was definitely preferable to sipping from a cup. Also, while I still craved human blood, I didn't see it as much of a sacrifice because wild game wasn't that much different to me. Maybe it had something to do with this newfound self-healing ability I had. Or maybe – as Jasper suggested when we got home – it was because I had no taste. I knew he was just joking but I took advantage of the opportunity and shoved him into the rhododendrons anyway.

About an hour in, we came within a mile of some wayward hunters. My mind knew to just keep running with the rest and follow the few elk up ahead but my body and thirst was saying something else. I wasn't more than thirty seconds off our route before I was at least able to stop myself from running after them. I heard the crunch of footsteps behind me and turned to see Jasper. He smiled slightly and took my hand, taking me back along the original way. I squeezed his hand in silent thanks.

After hunting all night, accepting Emmett's challenge to one day take down a bear and showering, I sat on the couch in the living room at three in the afternoon trying not to self-destruct. Because today was the day I met Bella. Scratch that. This _hour_ I met Bella. It seemed such a far away concept until I'd showered and changed. Then it came crashing down on me.

"Bree!" Jasper sighed, "Would you stop it? You're going to pull your own hair out."

He and Emmett were on each side of me – just in case. Emmett reached over and gently disentangled my hands. "Come on," he said lightly, "you've been doing great; there's no reason for you to think you're suddenly going to snap and leave all that behind now." I noticed him send a wary glance to Jasper. But Jasper didn't reciprocate like I thought he would. Like he was agreeing with Emmett or they were working on boosting my morale, or they _were_ worried I would snap and just didn't have the heart to break it to me. Nope. Jasper just looked down into his own lap.

The rest of the Cullens were located at strategic intervals. Alice and Esme were at the garage and Carlisle and Rose were manning the front door and the porch. Edward – of course – was with Bella. If I thought he'd ever been nervous before he certainly was today. He actually did a good job hiding it – he wasn't talking or acting out - but he also wasn't that hard to read. I imagined he would be glued to Bella's side; figuratively if not literally.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," I shouted.

"Well," Emmett rebutted. "You're a little too twitchy for my taste. And if Edward reads a hint of _anything_ on you when he gets close enough he'll put the kibosh on this whole thing."

"Well," I looked at Jasper, "If Mr. Neurotransmitter over here would help sister out, then I could maybe go into this a little more level headed!"

"No way," Jasper shook his head. "You can't have an altered state of mind. It would invalidate the whole experiment. We won't _really_ know how you'd react. And since your reaction a couple days ago – I assumed you weren't a fan."

"You know what they say about assuming…" I mumbled.

I was slowly disintegrating at this point. I knew I'd held myself at bay when I'd first initially encountered Bella. But that was under pain of death. She was now about to walk into this very house and shake my hand. And I could _not_ take a bite out of someone whom I actually knew. I was hoping if anything went awry my mind would be able to shut my body down like it had done earlier with those wayward hunters.

Carlisle spoke from the entrance way, "We're not just going to throw you to the dogs, Bree. We're here and we've set this up so it _does_ go well. It's been planned to succeed. Right now all you should be bracing yourself for is a backpack or a coat. You can handle that, right?"

I nodded from the couch. I could handle that. _Backpack, coat, backpack, coat._ I managed to keep the internal positive talk going. It helped my self-esteem and if Edward did any of his cranial voodoo, there wouldn't be anything to make him release the button on that passenger side ejection seat I'm sure he had rigged. Wouldn't want to ruin the Volvo's upholstery.

I heard the purr of his engine come down the drive and managed to stay calm. Moments later a jacket was passed to Rosalie and she brought it to me. "Thanks," I nodded awkwardly.

"No problem."

I immediately felt the burn in my nose, under my eyes and down the back of my throat. It seared through the center of my chest, coating my useless organs in a film of fiery heat. It crawled back up my throat like the worst case of heartburn you could ever imagine, triggering my venom reflex. But no irrational mental reactions? Good sign.

I stared at this tiny – yet incredibly powerful – piece of clothing. For a few minutes I just held it in my hands and let it rest in my lap, until I felt _– I can handle this._ I brought the jacket up and buried my face in its fabric. I breathed deep and immediately felt the singe open up my every sinus and nasal passage. It was like a bomb had gone off in my every pore; it blasted through me like a torpedo that eventually scuttled in my stomach. I could feel the residual in my eyes and I knew they should've been watering. I pulled it back and away from my face.

Emmett and Jasper were just staring at me with saucer-like eyes. "Way to take the bull by the horns…" Emmett said.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked quietly.

I thought seriously about that for a minute. Was I? Bella's scent had an affect on me. A greater affect than any of my other human encounters, but I wasn't running outside to drain her blood. Even though I knew – _I knew_ – she wasn't more than fifty yards away and if I played my cards right and used my strength to my advantage I may actually be able to get at her.

No. My logic and reasoning were fully intact. Like being human – I _could_ steal that turkey sandwich the vendor has placed carelessly out of direct sight – but I wasn't about to. I _could_ but I wouldn't. And Bella was no turkey sandwich. Some of that seemed to make it click for me. Just because I was capable, just because my carnal desires were egging on my physical reactions, just because it would have been possible and satisfying didn't mean I would or was going to do it.

Yes. I was okay.

I looked at Jasper and then at Carlisle and smiled and nodded. "All right then, step two," Carlisle smiled back.

I don't know if Edward had read my epiphany or was just getting some good vibes from me and his girlfriend's outerwear but he appeared significantly more relaxed as he passed the window with Bella; his hand at the small of her back. She was laughing and he was clearly trying to enjoy the moment as well. I didn't know if Bella was fearless, a masochist or just trying to make this seem as normal as one person meeting another could be, but the fact that she was so calm and collected – even happy – made me feel better. Clearly she trusted the Cullens and – to some extent – me.

I heard the two of them climb the stairs to the porch. The toe of Bella's shoe caught the last step but she recovered well. No one really seemed to notice. She and Edward greeted Rosalie and simply waited on the porch.

Bella's smell was definitely stronger. More pervasive and powerful but I found that it did not trigger my physical reactors as much. I tried as best I could to keep myself centered. _Align your charkas, tai chi, ohm, feel the rhythm, just a little faith, just a little trust, deep cleansing breaths, hakuna matata._ After Bella, Edward and Rose sat on the porch discussing a plethora mindless, time passing topics I called out. "I'm good."

Carlisle looked up from his sentry post just inside the open front door. "Are you sure, Bree? You've done a great job today and we wouldn't want to jeopardize it by pushing your limits. We can always continue this another day."

"I can handle it Carlisle. I'm sure. And the sooner you realize that I'm about as stubborn as they come, the easier things will be."

Carlisle smiled and nodded. He went out to the porch. Jasper and Emmett each put one hand on a shoulder and a thigh of mine. They actually kept it pretty casual, I didn't look _too_ weird. And this was far superior to the straight jacket and Hannibal Lector mask ensemble I had been anticipating. Moments later Carlisle returned with Edward, Bella and Rosalie. Alice and Esme could be seen crossing the lawn too. They eventually took their places on the couch across from Emmett, Jasper and I.

I sat – essentially labeled – to one of the Cullen's couches by Jasper and Emmett while Esme and Alice sat in another directly across from me. In case – by some miracle of god – I happened to morph into a form even marginally larger than one of Emmett's legs and overcome him as well as his clearly tactical genius of a brother.

Bella either was familiar with the ways of new and unstable vegetarian vampires (Alice had keyed me into that terminology earlier. I laughed for about twenty solid minutes) or Edward had briefed her with her own procedure. She stayed just inside the foyer in my line of sight.

I was surprised because my first thought was not – _eat_ – but – _wow, this is_ really _awkward._ I just nodded a little to myself as Bella waved at me. "So," I said stretching the 'o'. "You've met my posse?" I signaled the rather bizarre setup of gentlemen to my left and right.

Bella laughed, "Yes. It's nice to see someone that can keep them in their place."

A unified "Hey!" sounded from Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice. I simply joined Bella in the laughter.

"I'm Bryanne but, please, call me Bree," I offered a small smile. I was glad to see she was handling this well because I was starting to feel like that ejection seat was under this couch cushion and it would blast me – and Emmett and Jasper by default – onto the Eastern Seaboard.

"I'm Bella," she responded.

"Look… I'm really sorry about last week; with the whole being-part-of-the-army-hell-bent-on-killing-you situation. I've only very recently been a part of the 'good life choices' club. And I wasn't in a very good mind set then; I'm working on that."

Bella nodded, "No harm done. Sometimes we don't always know what were doing. I'm just glad you get to start over with us."

_Us. _And for the first time I conceptualized Bella as part of the family unit. _Us. _I was well aware that her and Edward were a serious couple and that they were a permanent fixture, but – because I'd never really met Bella or seen her around as I had the other family members – I hadn't put her into that context. That mental family portrait I formed of the Cullens. Heck, I could still only see my own elbow out the left side of the frame but the _whole_ picture really fell into place in that moment.

Bella was as much a part of this family as I or anyone else. My toleration of Bella's scent was not so much convenience as necessity. Because we were all in this together. And there wasn't much of anywhere else we'd have to go. The Cullens were all I had. And for Bella, she knew the secret and had proven she was in this for the long run. She agreed to meet me after all.

She asked me a few more questions and we made some light small talk. She stayed in the foyer – for which I was grateful. I don't think I would've been so calm if she came any closer. I managed to keep the inner monster in its cage but the lock was conveniently on back order.

She talked with me and the rest of the family for about an hour and I grew to like the girl. She was smart and funny. She had a little sarcasm in her too. However, she did appear to be the quiet type. Her arms were always closed inwards and her shoulders hunched. Her and Edward must've been an interesting dynamic.

As time went on Jasper and Emmett actually released me. They never moved anything but their hands – ready to pounce on me at a moments notice. But I was able to keep my seat fairly easily.

After an hour and half she looked down at her watch and back to Edward. "I need to get back. Charlie'll be home soon and I promised him Shepherd's Pie." Edward nodded.

I was a little sad she was leaving. She was a nice girl – completely nonjudgmental. And she was the first new person I'd seen in a while. I decided I wanted to leave this on a positive note. I didn't want her to feel on edge around me. I looked down at her jacket in my lap and took a deep breath. I didn't exhale.

I closed my mind to all other thought. _Edward._ I thought to the figure standing behind Bella. I hoped he would recognize it the same way as if I spoke aloud. He looked up at me immediately. Good, I was right. _Edward. I want to try something. Don't kill me. I can handle this. I promise._ For a moment he did nothing but then – reading my intention - he nodded once slightly.

Jasper and Emmett seemed to catch on that Edward and I were having a mental conversation and looked to Edward for instruction. He simply smiled reassuringly and gave them the thumbs up before pointing at me. They got it.

I took a moment and stood up. Esme and Alice shot up, arms outstretched immediately. "It's okay," I told them. Esme looked back to Edward – who nodded – before sitting back down and pulling Alice with her.

I made slow deliberate steps around Esme and Alice's couch towards Bella. I didn't want to frighten her or make her think this was an aggressive maneuver. I was also reassuring myself with each step. Telling myself that I could do this. Making sure I could. After what seemed like hours – although it was probably only about a minute – I stepped up onto the foyer's platform. A comfortable four feet from Bella, I extended my arm and handed her the jacket.

"Thank you, Bree," she smiled genuinely. She wasn't scared. She was smiling and happy. Happy that I hadn't massacred her? Happy that I was doing well? Search me. "It was really nice meeting you. Maybe I can get Edward to bring me back around again before the decade finishes out. That way we can all talk some more."

She offered me a small wave and preceded Edward out the front door and back towards the garage. I heard the Volvo's quiet ignition and waved with Alice out one of the front windows as they pulled up the drive. When I heard the tires make contact with pavement I plopped onto the floor beneath the window, cradling my temples. Alice sat beside me.

Everyone seemed to feel similar to me. Until this point, the whole family might as well have been a museum of statues. They hadn't moved. Or when they did it was precise, quick and definite. They all now seemed to exhale together, to move around, look and talk to each other. The cloud of tension – which you wouldn't have been able to cut without a ice pick – was suddenly lifted.

I heard Esme and Rosalie head towards the other corner of the living room and heard the distinct scratching of Carlisle's pen on his notebook. The man was documenting me like his life depended on it. Maybe he'd done this with everyone.

A few moments later a shadow was cast on the patch of hardwood I could see from between my bent knees. "I know that expression," I heard Jasper's accent-twinged voice. "Come on Alice, let's get Bree something to drink."

I looked up in time to see Alice essentially ricochet of the ground and onto Jasper's back. She peeked around at me from her piggyback and nodded.

"Amen to that," I mumbled. Although it was not the kind of drink I'd been sorely missing.

Jasper extended his hand and helped me up. The three of us trucked into the kitchen and Alice ghosted off for a few minutes to get the elusive stash of blood. Carlisle – or anyone for that matter – wouldn't tell me where it was. Which was super.

I sat on the far side of the island counter facing into the kitchen and let my forehead fall against the granite. "I. Have _such._ A headache," I mumbled.

"Really?" Jasper asked as he took the stool across from me.

I rolled my head over so my cheek rested against the counter, "Ch-yeah! You don't get headaches after the full Bella experience?"

"No," he shook his head quietly. "It just makes my throat burn. It makes me hungry."

"Well, she gives _me_ a headache," I pouted replacing my face back on the counter. "Pity really," I mumbled into the stone, "she seems like a really great girl. I like her."

"She's one of a kind, that's for sure," Jasper chuckled. "You know, maybe this headache business has more to do with those natural healing defenses Carlisle was talking about."

"Well ain't that _fantastic_," I muttered as I sat up and slumped in my stool. "It makes sense that natural self-healing defenses should cause me so much pain. It seems like all this crap is only working half-assed. Jake still smells bad – just not enough to make me physically ill. And Bella's smell still triggers the demon within – but only _just_ enough to make me physically ill."

"Well, I still say it's better than smelling the full pack experience – trust me on that one. And the whole not-eating-Bella thing is a good idea. This is a new environment. Maybe your abilities are just adapting to their new settings. Before long, it may be that Bella has no effect on you and Jake becomes odor neutral as well - you can only hope. It might just be your mind fighting your body and your instincts as best it can."

Because I was in such a coherent and intelligible state of mind I blew a raspberry at him.

"Right back atchya," he laughed. Alice then reappeared with a glass for me and took her seat beside Jasper.

"You know," I said ruefully stirring up the cup with some turns of my wrist, "I _just_ went hunting. I really shouldn't need this."

"No," Alice agreed, "You don't. It's more of a mental thing though. Makes you feel better."

I gulped down the glass and slid off the stool and into the kitchen. I spoke as I rinsed out my cup, "You know Jas, I hope you're right about this. I hope my abilities refine over time. Is that how it worked with you guys?" I put the glass in the dishwasher and hopped on the counter.

Alice and Jasper turned to face me and looked at each other briefly. "For me," Alice said, " I started getting visions right away. I can't _control_ them per se, but I can almost feel when they're coming on. Or watch out for certain things or people. And they've gotten clearer with time too."

Jasper chewed his lip for a minute trying to think. "The way I feel the emotions of others hasn't really changed that much." He leaned back against the counter. "I've just learned to cope with it better because it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. It took me a while to realize that I could _manipulate_ those feelings and even longer to put enough finesse into my efforts so people didn't start singing when I wanted them to cheer up or go into a coma when I wanted them to calm down."

"So subtlety takes time?" I asked. They both nodded in response.

"I've never been good with subtlety."


	10. Every Past is Worth Condemning

The life and times of a newly converted vegetarian vampire was going rather swimmingly. At least as swimmingly as these things can go. I hadn't killed anyone or broken too much stuff. A nice upside to my healing prowess was that I was able to mend much of what I broke. I soon found out that the bigger or more complex a thing or item the harder it became to repair. I could rip a stack of paper in half and reconstitute it with a touch of my hand and a snap of my fingers like some twisted "I Dream of Jeannie" episode. But if I broke the stem of a flower, that was harder and I had to concentrate because it was a living thing and was more elementally complex than paper.

But I was soon able to fix most of the household things I broke. Chipped door frames when I stubbed my toe, ripped out door handles, broken shoelaces, pencils – endless amounts of pencils – some torn clothes, metal objects that could fit in my hand. Any little thing where I'd forgot my strength for a moment and broke the small things around me. I was good at household repairs.

But I still hadn't tested other waters. Because everyone in the family was ostensibly impervious to the damages the natural world threw at them, I didn't have a chance to try and heal _people_. I was told Bella was a bit of klutz but she hadn't been around much so what's a medicine woman to do?

I supposed my biological healing skills were getting enough practice dealing with my own body. I only had to feed about once a week, where the rest of the Cullens could get by for two weeks. This was pretty big deal; in my time spent with Victoria I'd seen members feed _daily_. And out of need not necessarily desire.

I'd cycled through most of the old records in the small, third story library. Edward would come in on occasion when he was home or upstairs and heard me. He would sit while I meandered through the book collections and recall small or stray life events of his that coincided with the music's era. It was nice and a little scary.

Although I was now immortal just like Edward and the rest of his family – they had all lived for so much longer. The culture and times they'd not only experienced but also_ lived_ through was amazing to me. It was exciting to think about how that would eventually be the case with me but it still took my breath away and made me nervous because it was all so much bigger than me.

I had taken a few small trips outside the house. I begged Carlisle to let me go with Emmett when he needed to fill his gas tank the next Thursday. After swearing on Bob Marley's grave that I'd be careful, Carlisle let me go. On the condition that I wore my seat belt (he said it acted as a psychological restraint in my case), and kept all the windows up. I felt like Alice, bouncing in the passenger side of Emmett's Jeep. I'm pretty sure he was equal parts amused and disturbed.

Esme went on an appearances mission that weekend to buy some milk at a small corner store and I even got to go then. It was sickening how any small trip outside the confines of the immediate Cullen property would send me into overdrive. I was like an overexcited Labrador.

Carlisle and I always had a weekly meet and greet in which we discussed things on a more doctor/patient level. He'd make sure my feeding schedule was going well, that I was 'coping' and we'd always wrap with a general discussion and musing of my extra talents. We didn't necessarily figure anything out. But talking about it definitely made it easier to get accustomed to the concept.

As I was trusted more and more and slowly managed to control myself over the following weeks, I realized that I would need to step out into the real world soon. Clearly, it didn't take _anyone_ very long to realize that the Cullens were loaded. Individually as well as a family. I fully appreciated them accepting me as a sister and a daughter, giving me a place to call home and Alice buying me a wardrobe. But I didn't want to be a complete leech. I had to do something.

A job wasn't really in the cards for me. I could barely make it to the local gas station. One night while I was lying on my bed thinking about nothing in general, it came to me like some epiphany. _My grandfather's will._

My mother had actually come from "old money" but was shunned when she began to self medicate with alcohol and seek the company of various male friends before eventually giving birth to me.

My grandfather was apparently completely taken with my precocious two-year old self. Because he couldn't dissuade my mother from her lifestyle and she refused allow him and my grandmother to rear me in more stable environment, he made a special place for me in his will. He provided for my well-being while he was alive and in his will set a dollar amount down for me.

He passed when I was three and a lawyer doled out a small amount to my mother every month of my childhood – which she obediently spent on other things. When I became a legal adult with a college acceptance letter – that was my grandfather's only qualification - I could cash in and get the hell out of dodge. At least that's how my grandfather worded his eccentric last will and testament.

I loved my grandfather. I loved what little I could remember of him and I loved his memory. I was also eternally that he had seen fit to give me a fighting chance. Because there wasn't a whole hell of a lot to keep me from slipping into the abyss right beside my mother. I suppose knowing that I had someone out there who believed I could reach the age of eighteen _and_ be accepted to a college galvanized my spirit. It always made me feel better that I had something to look forward to. My mother wasn't shafting me and that I could have a fighting chance in the years to come.

So in lieu of sitting in the run down hovel my mother lived in with various gang and drug cartel members, I took to the streets. I went to school early after scrounging change or lifting a few bucks from my mom's purse and bought breakfast and lunch in the cafeteria. I wore an oversized army jacket and stocked up on sandwiches for dinner. I would ride the Seattle subway until all hours. I would take the seat behind the driver and do my homework. I went to school the next day and skipped my 70 person, second period gym class to sleep in the auditorium.

The drugs were because I was stupid. And too much my mother's daughter. Injecting coke would keep me alert when I was only getting an hour of sleep and it kept my appetite down – which means I didn't have to steal as much. I could never get the stuff up my nose so I paid a kid a few bucks to lift me a box syringes from the nursing students' clinical lab. I was stealing more than necessary and paying others to do it. I should've recognized it for what it was. But I needed it to make it through my Senior year of high school - to stay awake in classes and pass my advanced course work – because goddammit I was going to college and being a worthwhile human being.

Clearly, that was a _bad_ idea and it was the only lifestyle choice I really regretted. It all changed the night a water main broke on my typical subway line. I decided to wander around the city for a while and scrounge some loose change because my mother had recently taken to locking the doors and windows. That's when I met Riley. And I knew he was _off_ but he offered me a few bucks for some fast food if I'd toss his trash in the dumpster. At the time I just thought he was a bit of pansy and I'd swim in that dumpster for a Big Mac.

All I remember was lifting the lid of the dumpster.

At the time I was about a month and half shy of making good on my grandfather's will and leaving for UCLA. I had gotten my acceptance letter; I was just waiting to turn eighteen. I was jockeying at the start line and ready to bust into a full out sprint. The ref had called, "Ready, set –" and then it was over.

Me, and my immortally frozen seventeen year old self, were laying on my bed when - at three in the morning - I had this epiphany and ran down stairs in my sweats screaming, "JASPER!" Rose had told me the first day I'd met her that he was the man to go to for documents. I came down the hall on the second floor when Jasper came running out of his study like the house was on fire. He took me by surprise and I crashed right into his chest knocking myself to the floor.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered rubbing my nose.

He bent down and pulled me up by my arms. "What's wrong! What's happened!"

I looked at him frantically still rubbing my nose, "Jasper! I need a fake ID!"

He closed his eyes and slumped against the doorframe. "Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph," he muttered to himself. "Bree, you about gave me a coronary. I thought there was something _wrong._ Why on God's good, green Earth do you suddenly need a fake ID?"

I quickly relayed him the story of my grandfather's will. While I was seventeen, my eighteenth birthday had come and gone and barring Victoria and Riley's appearance I would have lived to see it. I needed some documentation so I could get to my grandfather's attorney and Seattle. Except instead of going to college, I was just going to _not_ leech off the Cullens if I didn't need to.

"For the love of Pete, it's _my _money," I said like it was obvious and that this fact alone should cause cash to materialize in front of me.

"Yes peach," Jasper braced my shoulders, "But you need to understand that it's three in the morning and most humans don't take too kindly to such early phone calls. I put in the call for your things a week or so ago. You can come with me tomorrow to pick them up. And from there we'll get you your money."

The forecast predicted sun that morning before clouding over in the afternoon. So Jasper said we'd leave around one. Needless to say I had my dark brown contacts in, was well fed, ready and pacing the door at eleven. Neither he nor anyone else engaged my psychosis by asking what the hell I was doing. He must've told at least Alice and Carlisle because they just let me be.

At five to one he finally shook his head and grabbed his keys. I squealed, almost ripped the door off its hinges and skipped to the garage. I was already feeling better just being out of the house. I let myself into the garage and turned, "Don't tell me I want to guess."

Ever since my first time in the garage when Emmett and I went to get gas I had been trying to figure out who's car was whose. I thought I had it figured out, that – combined with the euphoria of being out of the house – made me feel like a little kid.

Jasper just crossed his arms and waited. "I know the Jeep's Emmett's and the Volvo is Edward's. I feel like the Porsche must belong to Alice because who the hell else would have a yellow car? The red BMW has to Rosalie's. It's the mechanical embodiment of her. So that leaves: the Mercedes and a Mustang. But I'm going to bet that the GT 500 with custom paint is _yours_, dear Jasper."

He jingled the key at me, "We have a winner."

I bent to down and admired the paint – which was the car's crowning glory. It wasn't flashy and wouldn't attract nearly as much attention as some of the other Cullen cars but the paint was heart stopping. Good thing I didn't have to worry about that anymore. It was jet black and smooth as glass but as the steel contoured around the rear tires and fell back onto the trunk it faded into the blue color you only saw in really hot fires or at the base of your lighter. It was completely seamless as well. You couldn't tell where the black ended and the blue began. It was like magic on wheels.

I climbed in the passenger side and Jasper started the engine. He spent the ride out of Forks explaining to me how the other half of the garage contained even more cars and all the fine details of this beauty. The engine, the upholstery, his upgrades, how Alice had named her Delilah and although Rosalie's mechanical prowess was not to be countered he had done the paint job.

We were within sight of Seattle before Jasper's talking ran its course. I just listened because it honestly was fascinating to me. I liked cars – as hobby – not so religiously as some. I told him about how I'd had a 1968 Chevelle.

"You have a Chevelle?" he asked in astonishment.

"Yep," I said popping the 'p'. "It's a shitbox but it's my shitbox. I made friends with a classmate that worked at the junkyard. He helped me rebuild part of the engine block and find odd parts. I really miss it."

We were quiet for the last fifteen minutes of our drive as Jasper navigated us to a strip mall just outside the city. He parked and checked himself in the mirror. "Do I look intimidating?"

"Wrong person to ask," I laughed. "You _do not_ intimidate me, Jasper Hale. But I guess if I was human I might want to keep my distance."

"I'll be back in a few," he hopped out. "Stay. Here." I rolled my eyes. Like I was really going to make a break for it and slaughter the unsuspecting populace. We had much better things to do today.

Jasper returned, opened the door and tossed me an envelope before getting seated. I flipped it open and looked through. Birth certificate, ID, Social Security card and everything I'd need.

"There's new information on the ID. And a second birth certificate for when we finish today and you don't need your old name," he told me as he backed out, "because you do still have a real birth certificate and social security number out there. You'll technically be a Cullen – Alice's sister or cousin since you aren't that much bigger and you have similar hair color."

I nodded. I committed all my vital information to memory as I directed Jasper to Regent, Tyne and Wilson Law Offices in the heart of the city. He parked and followed me into the lobby and up the elevator. I didn't know if know if my grandfather's attorney – Arthur Tyne – had ever seen me at all; I was hoping him recognizing me would make things easier.

Jasper stood behind me like a bodyguard as I introduced myself to the secretary and asked for a word with Tyne. She just gazed at me, completely transfixed and went into the glass office behind her to speak with Tyne. He was on the phone but gave her a nod and the thumbs up.

She bustled back out and told us, "He's on the phone but he'll see you in a moment."

We made ourselves comfortable in the waiting area and I tried to appear normal. I wondered if all humans reacted to our kind with this level of bewilderment. Or maybe it was just Jasper standing behind me like the Terminator. About ten minutes later the secretary picked up her phone, spoke for a moment and hung up. "Bryanne? Mr. Tyne will see you now."

I looked at Jasper, "I'll be fine. I'll be back in a bit." I quietly entered Tyne's glass office and immediately realized that it wasn't just Jasper that made people stare with a mix of unease and awe. It was just _us_ in general. Mr. Tyne made a few comments about how my grandfather had been a personal friend and how he'd been his favorite client. I stood tall and thought intimidating thoughts. I wanted this to go smoothly.

He had me fill out a series of dull, fine printed, repetitive paper work – which took me all the longer because I was trying really hard not to snap the pen in half. I was still refining that skill. He apologized and asked for my ID and birth certificate – stating that it was a formality. I reached into my envelope and pulled out the ID that said 'Cullen, Bryanne' and the birth certificate that said 'Tanner, Bryanne'. _This could be a problem. _But I wasn't about to be the one to make it one so. He took them from me and looked back up a moment later.

"_Cullen_," he stated in astonishment. "You've been married then?"

Sure why not? "Yes, sir."

"Ah, is that the young lad out there," he signaled with my birth certificate behind me and through the glass. I turned and saw Jasper with a small closed mouth smile, give a single wave. I knew he could hear everything happening in here. I tried not to laugh and turned back around.

"Yes, indeed it is. Is this going to be much longer Mr. Tyne? I'm afraid we're in a bit of a rush today."

And one hour later I had left Regent, Tyne and Wilson, gone to the First National Bank of Seattle and had my $500,000 check wired to an intermediary who – according to Jasper - would have it deposited into a less-than-legal Swiss bank account after I took a few thousand in advance.

I had to keep myself from bouncing to the car. I had money. I wasn't a leech. After fifteen years of knowing about that I was worth something to someone – in more ways than one - the means to better my life was mine. And I had been in the city for three hours and had very limited adverse reaction to such close proximity to people.

I asked Jasper about Tyne's response to the name Cullen and Jasper explained that Carlisle was known as a mysterious, kind and philanthropic doctor who lived outside the city. People knew he had a handful of kids and they all went to private school somewhere. It was a lot of smoke and mirrors. The power of the name to help swing favors in certain situations.

_Righteous._

I told Jasper that I wanted to see my old house. That I just wanted to drive by and see what it looked like. He didn't think it was a good idea but agreed to anyways. I told him how to get to my old suburban neighborhood, which was slowly disintegrating and becoming a slum. It was only four in the afternoon, so it was mostly quiet. People were still asleep, out, or a select few were actually working.

"This is it on the left," I pointed quietly. Jasper slowed and parked on the opposite curb; neither one of us moved. I lay against the door facing Jasper and the façade of my old house. The yard was still an overgrown mess with useless furniture and crap all over the place. The gutter was still not fixed and there was a pile near the curb where the trash normally went. The siding was warped and the storm door rusty.

"Do you see that?" Jasper pointed to the top uppermost window. There was a square sign with a red X through it.

"Oh my god," I muttered leaning forward. "That means it's structurally unsound. I… I don't think anyone lives here anymore." I noticed that the mailbox was overflowing and there were no cars in the drive. It didn't look like there were any in the garage either. Wait… _What?_

If my mom had picked up and left - because it didn't look like she'd moved, all our stuff was still here – then where was _my _car. When I first ran off she'd sold it. She wasn't smart enough to figure out that it was worth more in parts – thank god – and I was able to stop her before it was final. From then on, I made a point of coming home and eating food or using or taking something once a week. That way she knew I was alive and to leave my shit alone. Plus, she never could master the three speed manual so she'd have to foot for a tow.

I stared at the empty garage and began to fume, "Oh _hell _no!" I scrambled out of the Mustang and shut the door. I was pounding across the street when Jasper caught my arm.

"Bree, what are you doing? Get back in the car! Your mother probably thinks your dead you can't just show up here."

I was so blinded by my anger I couldn't even see straight. "Jas," I stretched my arms out, "Look the hell around you! There's _no one_ here. Half these shit holes are condemned! And my mother - my _mother ,_" I sneered, "The woman who brought me into this world has _sold _my car before they've even technically found the body!" I stalked all the way across the street now and was standing on my sidewalk when I recognized the pile by the trash. I turned around and pointed at it. "That is my stuff, Jasper," I began rifling through it. My records, my books all my worldly possessions were in there. "It's everything besides my clothes. My mother took my clothes and _threw my shit in the trash. _How depraved is that?_"_

I was raving now. I stood up right and pushed over the mailbox with ease. I resisted the urge to inflict any more damage – knowing it would give me away to passerby. I was pacing around yanking at my own hair torn between screaming and crying.

I knew our kind were incapable of tears but I began sobbing nonetheless. I was hysterical. My mother had always been a rather poor parent, but I attributed that to her lifestyle. The fact that she never properly learned, that she had more substance abuse problems than me. I sat on the sidewalk sobbing and raging while Jasper stood in the middle of the street, at a loss.

"She was a shitty parent," I stuttered, "but only just now – seeing everything I could claim as my own in this world – on the side of the road except my clothes, makes me realize that she never gave two shits about me. She _never _cared. She never loved me. She took the clothes from my closet and cleaned out my room! Who the hell _does_ that? My _fucking diploma_ is in that pile, Jasper."

I got up and thundered down my driveway. I ripped open the manual garage door and was greeted by a blank expanse of concrete. No car. I just cried dry tears. Everything that I was, that proved that I ever lived, breathed or was a member of the world had been wiped clean. In a week my "body" – in the form of a weighted casket - would be brought to the Seattle coroner's office by Carlisle's hospital. My mother would be informed and because she had no money I would be put in an unmarked grave. My entire existence could not be proven.

I wouldn't even be ghost, because it would be like I was never here.

I slammed my foot on the ground, cleaving the stained concrete floor in two. My breathing was becoming more haggard and I knew I was going to really lose it soon. I felt two arms wrap around my shoulders and divert me from my path of destruction. Jasper turned me around and pulled me towards his chest. "Come here, peach."


	11. The Battle of Jericho

Jasper and I sat in my garage staring into the drizzle for about a half hour until I calmed down a bit. It had gotten dark and the streetlights were now on. I got up silently and went to my pile on the street. I pulled out my box of records, my box of books and my diploma. Jasper took a box from me and we tucked them in his back seat.

I asked if we could visit the junkyard and he obliged, making the five-minute detour. I climbed out of the car. I pulled my hood up and walked solemnly through the drizzle to the office and found my friend and former classmate – the boy who'd rebuilt my engine block – Ricky, sitting at the counter.

"Bree?" he asked incredulously. I held my breath as he rushed around the counter and gave me a hug. "Look at you. You look so different."

"That's what life on the streets will do to you, Ricky," I noted flatly.

"No. It's not a bad different."

"Look, I was wondering if Natalie had been by with my car again, you promised never to sell it." I reminded him.

"You mean your mother?" he asked quizzically.

"No," I said venomously, "_Natalie._" Because she wasn't my mother anymore. Esme was my mother. I felt more loved and more comfortable with Esme in two weeks than I had in eighteen years with my original egg donor.

He just looked down at me and nodded. He picked the key off the hook and grabbed his raincoat. My car wasn't actually in the lot but behind the office. That way it couldn't get picked apart whenever it ended up here. Ricky always looked out for my car when it came in.

"Here you go," he handed me my keys. "Don't let her get you down, kid. You're your own person. Don't ever forget that."

"Ricky," I called him. "I just want to let you know that I'm leaving. I'm packing up and going. I can't… I can't live here anymore. I have to get out and start over. I just wanted to say 'bye."

"It's probably for the best. I think it will do you good. I'll always be here if you need me." He gave me another quick hug and I ducked inside my car and started her up. I made my way out of the lot and watched Ricky head back inside his shop as I disappeared out of his range of sight. Jasper fell behind me not long after.

That would probably be my only goodbye to the human world. The goodbye I said to Ricky. He was about as troubled as me but even smarter. I hoped he took his own advice. I hoped he went to college, got a job he liked, found a girl that wouldn't mess with his head, lead a happy life… I hoped he would be all right, but I would never know.

I let the hum of my engine and the patter of the rain calm me the whole drive home. I drifted in and out of thought never really settling on anything concrete. I was just dazed. The light smell of Chanel No. 5 from the older woman I bought the car from was embedded in the upholstery and it soothed me.

We made it home as the rain cleared. I parked in the garage and Jasper helped me with my boxes. We silently made our way into the house and up to my room. I dropped one box on the floor and Jasper put the other beside it. He pulled my diploma out of my box of books, wiped the rain off with his sleeve and propped it open on one of my shelves. He kissed my forehead and backed out of the room quietly. I slogged over to my bed, pulled off my sneakers and wet jeans and burrowed into my white, cotton bed wishing for sleep.

I knew it wasn't going to happen so I just shut my brain down. I daydreamed. I zoned in and out. Whatever you want to call it. I don't know how long I lay there. It must've been a while. Eventually Alice came to check on me. She peeked in the door and came over to my bed. She just lay beside me for a while not speaking. She seemed to have an intuitive sense about people. She didn't have a problem with just laying next to me for hours in silence.

She left when someone downstairs called for her. Rosalie was the next person I saw. She came in and simply sat with her back against my headboard and played with my hair. The contact was soothing. Rosalie was there even longer than Alice, but I really don't remember her leaving.

Judging by the sun rising and setting, Esme visited sometime two days after I'd crashed here. She was the first one to elicit a smile from me. She came in to her mopey teenage daughter's room and clucked her tongue at my clothes on the floor. She picked up my jeans and sneakers and put them in their proper places in my closet. She hummed as she cleaned and let me lay my head in her lap. As with Rose, I have no idea when she left. I don't remember.

On the third day I heard Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle and Edward head out for a hunting trip. But they were off an extended one. They were headed to the mountains and wouldn't be back for a few days. I sat up for a few minutes but, after catching a glimpse of myself in the darkened window, lay down and rolled back over.

I heard the conversations downstairs between Rose and Esme. That afternoon, Bella came by and told them that she needed to talk to Jake and asked if she could call him. I thought it was weird that she came over to ask permission. I missed the next few hours but heard another knock on my door at sunset on that third day. I hadn't been paying attention and had no idea who it was. The door cracked open and Jake's face peered in.

"Ugh," I sighed pulling the covers back over my head. "Jake, do _not_ come in here. I look like death warmed over."

"Bree, you _are_ death warmed over. Esme said it's been three days since you crashed and burned in here." I felt the corner of my bed sink as he sat down on the edge.

I didn't respond. I just curled up in my bed a little more. "Oh no you don't," I heard Jake say from my spot underneath the comforter. A moment later he had whipped the comforter off my bed and onto the floor, leaving me sitting with my mouth open in the middle of the bed. He picked me up and lifted me over his shoulder, ignoring the fact that I was in a tee shirt and boy shorts.

"Jake," my voice climbed half an octave, "this is not okay. Put me down."

"Would you chill out? Sheesh…" he walked into my bathroom turned the shower on and dumped me inside. I shrieked at the contact with the water. "I will see you in a few minutes." And with that he shut the door behind him.

Fifteen minutes later I stormed out of the bathroom in some clean jeans and a wife beater. I was glad I couldn't blush anymore because I was fully aware that this was _a lot_ more clothing than he'd just recently seen me in. My bed was now made and he was sitting in one of my armchairs swiveling around.

"I thought Bella wanted to talk to you?" I muttered. "I heard her earlier."

"She did but when she found out you were having an existential crisis she said it could wait," he told the toes of his sneakers.

"You know, you're the only one that has gotten me out of that bed in almost four days?"

He nodded not meeting my gaze. I went into my closet and pulled a pair of Alice's couture – albeit comfy – mukluks on. When I turned, Jake was at the closet door. He held his hand out to me, "Let's go for a walk."

This time it was my turn to nod. I took his warm hand and he pulled me into his side and we went downstairs. I left Esme and Rose a note in the kitchen when I didn't see them. I told them that I was with Jake and he'd make sure I was okay.

We walked quietly into the woods at the edge of the yard's clearing. "Jake I'm not allowed on your land. Carlisle told me about the treaty."

"I won't get you in trouble," he assured me. We walked through the dark woods at a human pace for what felt like eons. Once again, the silence didn't bother me. I liked just walking and holding Jake's hand. I didn't get cold anymore but I enjoyed the feeling of his intense warmth. The extreme of it just kept me present. It wasn't like the mellow hues of the woods or the temperate warmth of the rest of the Cullens. Such soft and subtle features just lulled my brain, but Jake's hand was like fire in mine and it made me remember that this was all real and I wasn't a mindless zombie.

The forest eventually broke onto a rocky shoreline. The tree line was separated from the beach by a ramshackle rock wall. The sky was dark and cloudy. I couldn't see any stars; there were no boats on the dark water and the night sky blended the ocean, making the horizon unidentifiable. I stepped ahead of Jake and hopped over the wall. I sat just on the other side. It must've been high tide because the small waves didn't break much more than ten feet from that wall. He joined me and I moved closer to his warmth. I felt him stiffen.

"I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?" I chuckled a little. The thought of _my_ making _Jake_ uncomfortable was amusing to me.

"Oh… no. You bloodsuckers just don't typically like to get this close to us," he reminded me.

It suddenly occurred to me that I had not seen Jacob for a while. Since the day I'd sniffed his packmates, in fact. "Yes, but you may also remember that we're two odd ducks in this scenario."

I told him about my newfound talents about how I could heal or fix things. He found this amazing and didn't believe me until I picked up a smooth stone from the beach, cracked it in two and made it reform in front of his very eyes. I told him about how some things were harder fix than others and how I was able to practice on all the things I broke on a daily basis.

"That's really cool, Bree," he told me. "But it doesn't really give me any insight into why you were laying in a bed that you don't technically need for _three_ solid days."

I knew we'd get to this point eventually. I leaned my head against his shoulder, "I really don't think you want to know."

"Sure I do. Venting helps."

"Okay. But I want to ask _you_ something first because after I tell my story I'm going to be in hysterics and forget."

"Okay, shoot," he allowed.

"What's the deal with you and Bella? You've said so yourself: you and the Cullens should be enemies. I can see no reason for your pack to be willing to stand against the Volturi if you didn't have a reason to be there. And you told me you were here because you were fighting for someone. What gives?"

He was quiet for a moment. Clearly, he did not want to talk about this.

"And," I added, "I heard her this morning Jake. She said she wants 'to talk'. Sounds like the kiss o' death to me."

"Yeah, it's Bella," he said digging into the rocky shore beneath us. "The Cullens had been gone until recently, you know." Jake explained all about how Edward had met Bella but left because he didn't like the idea of her hanging around with vampires. He and the Cullens left, leaving Jake to pick up the shattered remnants of Bella. He told me about how he'd grown to love her and thought that her and Edward weren't good for each other. That it wasn't healthy or natural.

He got really quiet before telling me that just before the confrontation with Victoria, he'd told Bella how he really felt but Bella couldn't return the feeling. Bella wanted to marry Edward. He had a hard time accepting her unconditional forgiveness of Edward's leaving her. He thought he understood her better.

"And now your losing her," I responded. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. And that's why I'm still here because I still love her. But the more I realize how much she loves him, the more I know her each day… the more it changes. Half the time I don't even know what I'm feeling."

"I know why she wants to talk to me. I could just tell her it's fine and be done with it, but I know she just needs to get it off her chest. So she can feel better."

"But what about you?" I asked.

"I don't know. I try not to think about it. It'll definitely suck, though. All right," he segued, "enough with my depressing life. What's your issue? I mean I've got problems but at least I'm still functional over here."

I took a deep breath and launched into my story. I told him everything too. Not just about my mother like I'd done with Jasper. Nope. The word vomit just came. I told him about how I did my homework on the subways, how I'd picked up coke to stay awake in school, how my mother would sell anything of mine that wasn't fastened down if I didn't make a weekly appearance. I told him about my grandfather. The only positive influence in my life and I never really remembered him.

I maintained composure through this part of my story because it was one I was familiar with. It was fact and there was no getting around it. I'd even told a few people this story on occasion. The next part was hard. Because it was new and it hurt. It made me feel absolutely worthless and I was about four words into my story before I started losing it. I wasn't even sure if I was making sense. I started out with background information and then moved chronologically through time until I came to a point where I was just spilling out my every thought and line of reason.

I recounted my most recent adventure: the trip to my house with Jasper. How I'd had a mental break down on the front lawn and again in the garage. I'd realized for the first time that my mother really and truly did not love me and was happier without me even though – as far as I could tell – I'd been self sufficient since the age of twelve and had given her little to worry about.

I told him about saying goodbye to Ricky and even though I barely knew the kid I wanted so much for him. My only definitive connection between my old world and new _was_ Ricky because I'd known him in both realities. It had been simple and rainy and quick but it was essentially my goodbye to my humanity. I'd told him I was leaving and I was – he just didn't think of it in the same terms as me. And in a few days, maybe he'd be reading the local paper and see the few short sentences about me. He'd think I was gone; killed or OD'd but I would really be the same as the last time I saw him. That strangeness, that alternate reality was hard for me to accept.

I confessed how I felt like nothing. I knew my grave would be empty and blank. In a day the garbage men would come around and pick up my things on the side of the road and I might as well have never even _been_ because there would be no proof of my existence. I wasn't even a blip on the radar. That very idea just made me feel so anxious, like everything I'd done, all the shit I'd put up with – my mother, living on the street, dealing with my stupid addiction all to graduate and move the hell on – had been worth absolutely nothing because it all dissipated in a second, with one lethal bite to my jugular. The world with one less junkie? No major loss.

I finished pouring out the contents of my brain into Jacob's lap and completely lost it. If Jasper thought he'd had it bad he was sorely delusional. I was in the middle of civilization when all this initially happened. I'd kept it together fairly well by yelling and stomping around.

But here on the rocky shore of the Pacific Ocean with nothing but me and Jake, I just turned into a complete pile of mush. I absolutely disintegrated and wouldn't have been surprised if I became so fluid I sank through the very pile of stones I sat on.

Jacob came to sit in front of me. He lifted my shoulders and held my face in his warm hands. That alone calmed me because just like before, it brought me back. I was no longer sitting on the sidewalk next that shack and a four-foot pile that constituted my entire material existence. I was in Forks; I had a family and a bedroom and some brothers and sisters and friends and people that cared about my well-being on more than a superficial basis.

"Oh my god," I mumbled covering my mouth. "I cannot believe I just dumped all that on you. Jake, I'm _so_ sorry. You… you didn't need to hear any of that and–"

"Bree. You need to tell someone. And just know that you'll never disappear. You can feel this," he shook my head slightly, "and I can feel it too. It means this is all real. And if it makes you feel better I will tell anyone who'll listen about you. And before you know it the whole state will be talking all about you. But I bet it will get old quick, because everyone will think you're so damn funny, amazing, intelligent and kind that they'll all want to meet you and you'll never be able to leave your house ever again. You'll have to hide from the hordes of humanity looking to meet such an fantastic person."

"Jake, I…" I muttered.

"No. No one can make you feel like crap unless you let them. It's all sticks and stones but you've proven your tough as nails."

I offered him a sad smile and moved closer, hugging him around the waist. "Thank you Jacob," I muttered to his chest.

"Wow… what has the world done to you, Bree?"


	12. Embarassing Edward

Jacob allowed me to sit in his lap like a small child for a while. We ended up skipping smooth stones on the calm sea. I was able to skip the farthest but Jake said he wanted a rematch in a year after my newborn strength had worn off. I accepted and told him that I'd still own him but he didn't seem to think so.

I wasn't really ready to go anywhere so we sat in the dark skipping rocks and talking about all manner of things. We talked about mundane human things. I told him about my love of math. I'd always been good at it and my AP Calculus and Physics class were the best. I wanted to go to school and study applied mathematics.

"Math?" Jake asked with a mix of disgust and amazement. "Calculus and physics?"

"Don't make fun, I'm a nerd," I punched him in the arm. "I'm well aware. What about you, what do you like?"

"About school?"

"About anything, Jake. In the time I've known you I know you like Bella and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Is that all that makes your world go round?" I asked. I spilled my life story and the boy couldn't even tell me his hobbies?

"Well I really like history, I guess," he skidded a rock across the water. "Like war stuff. I like World War II and Vietnam. They're my favorite wars."

"Favorite wars…" I muttered. "The fact that you have a favorite war is strange."

He just rolled his eyes and kept going, "I like to fix things. Mechanical type stuff. I built my car. It's an '86 Rabbit. I could spend the whole day in my garage."

"Well you should see my bucket of junk, I'm sure you and Rose may have to combine forces when mine shits the bed because it's coming. I can feel it and it's going to big."

"Me and Rosalie? That's funny, Bree." He shrugged, "Since I started shifting I also love a good adrenaline rush."

"Really?" I asked intrigued. "Do tell."

"Well, when we shift we can actually outrun you guys if we really want. And that's just such a rush because there's nothing else around you holding you back. It's all you. There's no roller coaster or souped up car. Half the adrenaline is the speed and half is the exertion of your own energy to get to that point. What about you?"

I didn't know if I was an adrenaline junkie, per se, but I was no flower either. "I'll try anything once," I told him definitively. "I've been rock climbing and I used to ride a friends bike too. Off road – it wasn't really legal."

Soon after the sky began to pink up and I knew I needed to get home. I'd been gone for a while and I didn't want Esme or Rose to worry. "I gotta run back Jake," I made to stand.

"Tell Bella I'm going to run by my house before I talk to her. I'm sure I'll see you later," he said somberly.

"I'm sorry Jake… You let me spill my guts to you, so be sure to return the favor, 'kay?"

"All right, enough feeling bad for me. You get started, I'll catch up." He started pulling his shirt off before I could even hit the treeline.

I wasn't a mile out before I heard the padding of something with more feet than me. It was too heavy to be an elk and too quick to be bear. That had to mean… and finally an enormous rusty wolf jumped over a patch of brambles and joined me. This was my first experience with a shifted Jake. Or a shifted anyone for that matter. The first thing I noticed was that he was huge. He was as tall as a horse but built like wolf so he was just a behemoth. He was different – in more than size – than your typical wolf. He was just built differently; I could tell the anatomy just wasn't the same.

Jake diverted about a mile before the Cullen house and I continued on alone. I ran into the yard coming at the side of the house. I jumped and vaulted onto the porch from the side and landed softly. I went inside to find only Rose in the living room.

"Where have you been?" she asked me in a tone I didn't quite understand.

"I've been out with Jake, I left you guys a note…" I really didn't know what was going on. Again.

"Yeah. Five hours ago."

I shrugged, "Sorry? Is Bella around?"

"She just woke up," she pointed towards the kitchen. "She's making breakfast."

I was on my way to the kitchen when Alice snagged my arm and pulled me into the dining room. Wasn't she supposed to be out hunting? Before I could voice this question she began to speak.

"I saw you," she told me ominously. All I could do was quirk a brow.

"In a vision of mine," she rolled her eyes as she smiled, "with Edward. And I just wanted to let you know that I think you're right. But take it easy on him because he's new to this stuff."

"Alice," I asked bewildered, "is this going to make sense anytime in the immediate future?"

She smiled and nodded before ghosting away and up the stairs.

I returned to the kitchen and hopped on to a stool as Bella was making eggs and Edward leaned against the counter. "Jake's stopping by his house," I told her "He said he'd be by later."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"I thought you guys went hunting?" I finally asked Edward.

"Alice and I came back early," he informed me.

"Bella," I asked tentatively. I'd had a sudden brainwave. I needed someone to show me how my stereo worked – it was quite complex and I didn't want to break anything. Edward seemed like the perfect candidate because he already exhibited some technical and musical prowess when he fixed the library's record player the day it started skipping around and speeding up the vinyl. Plus, I really wanted to add a positive encounter to our stingy repertoire. I felt like if I asked him to help me it would be a more concrete peace offering.

"Could I borrow Edward?"

She laughed lightly, "If you can make use of him, go right ahead."

Fifteen minutes later found me standing in front of the stereo in my room, staring blankly at all the knobs and buttons Edward was trying to explain to me.

"Whoa, whoa… Wait, one more time. This little one does what?" I asked. He was quite patient with my stunted abilities but I had soon mastered the power, volume and the bass. "So this one," I began as I fiddled, "screws with your treble, then?"

"Very good," he told me. Then I noticed his eyes transfix momentarily on my hand as it maneuvered around the stereo.

"What?" I asked, flexing my hand wondering what he was looking at.

"What is that?" he asked curiously tapping the ring on my finger.

"Oh," I looked down at the silver piece. It was a tangle of elegant thorns that joined in a band at the back. "It's a crown of thorns, Edward. I actually thought I lost it, or that it was taken but I found it in my pocket after I arrived here. Why do you ask?"

"I thought it was peculiar," he shrugged, "you're wearing it like a wedding band. Is it just a sign of your faith?"

I smiled, opening the stereo and putting a CD in to test my skills, "Just because it doesn't fit on any other finger. I'm still very much single. And yes, I am Catholic."

"Am? Present tense?" he asked. "After all you've been though and dealt with these past few months you still wear it?"

"Absolutely," I adjusted the volume, "I think everything I've been through has strengthened my faith. The crown of thorns can represent many things. In the Old Testament, thorns sort of symbolize the fall of man. But in the New Testament Jesus wears them throughout the Passion. It becomes more a mark of humility as he saves the world. They're a sign of suffering and triumph. It's just kind of a nice reminder that things can change."

He just looked at me for a moment, trying to process my statement. "Think about it, Edward. I – we –" I signaled him as well as myself, "were brought back to life, rose from the dead if you will. We were given gifts; I can heal others, you can see into their thoughts. We have the power to affect so much more than as humans. That's a sign from God if I ever saw one."

"What about your natural predisposition for human blood?" he quirked a brow, "Sign from God?"

"No life is free from struggle, Edward. You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it. Because we are on a different level of existence, we now have a different level of struggle. It's worth it in the end. Just look at Bella. You could've taken her life and lived for the moment, but you didn't. Now she's here and can be with you for much longer and in so many more ways."

"And you don't think it's all in vain?" he mused as he shuffled around some wires behind the armoire. "You think that when and if you die, you'll still be able to… go on? After all you've done; it'll still be okay?"

"Well life would be pretty friggin' depressing if I drifted through it with the notion of eternal damnation by my side."

I had the sneaking suspicion that we weren't really talking about me for the better part of this conversation but I indulged him anyways. "One of the standing principles of my faith is that those who are truly sorry can be forgiven. My past is not pretty, nor in keeping with many moral standards. But now that I'm here – now that I have my head on straight – I realize where I went wrong and am truly remorseful. If I could, I would take it all back but the best I can do is learn from the experience and strive to do better."

"Yes, I like to hope we'll all go to heaven when this grand experiment is over; so I live my life in accordance with that hope. If not, well, I understand completely and it was certainly nice while it lasted."

He chewed my religious philosophies over for a while. His forehead was creased and I had learned that meant he was thinking.

"I heard you and Bella are kicking the bucket, soon," I tried jumpstarting the conversation again. He didn't really need to be dwelling.

"Sorry," he stuttered. "Oh, you mean 'tying the knot'?"

"Same difference," I rolled my eyes.

"Hardly," he laughed, "after all that talk of religion and you're not one for eternal bondage?"

"No," I spoke clearly, "more like eternal damnation. It's all right for some, but the act of bonding two people like that just really scares the ever living out of me. I don't mind the thought, I could probably spend my life with someone – just the ceremony really kind of wigs me out."

"Where are you guys going for a honeymoon?" I asked. I pulled out a CD that had started skipping.

"We'll be visiting South America," he informed me.

"Oh, traveling?" I wondered.

"No, you've seen Bella's luck – she's likely to get bitten by something poisonous if we travel all over. We'll mostly be in one place, enjoying each other's company."

"Oo la, la," I smiled as I went into the bathroom for a tissue to wipe the scratchy CD with. "Wrap it before you tap it, my friend."

"Excuse me?" I heard him choke from my room.

"What?" I leaned out the bathroom door. He just looked at me like he couldn't breathe, eyes wide and mouth open. I put my hands on my hips and tilted my head, "Really Edward? Really? Look, I'm going to lay it out for you: I don't know about you but all I've got left is venom. Now explain to me what part of your incredibly intelligent, logically thinking, Bella preserving mind is it okay to allow copious amounts of your venom to flow through some of her vital organs? Hm?"

"I am not having this conversation with you," he told me faintly running his hands through his hair, eyes still wide.

"I'm just saying…" I shrugged.

"Back to the stereo," he shouted frantically. I just shook my head and rejoined him.

Ten minutes later I finally understood the vision Alice had told me about and couldn't help but laugh. Edward probably thought I was completely batshit but I told him I was just remembering a joke. And a half hour after that I had mastered most – if not all – the magical music device's buttons.

I thanked Edward, apologized for throwing him for a loop but warned him that it was probably to be expected with me.


	13. No Rage Like Love Turned to Hate

I waved Edward goodbye as he all but ran out of my room afterwards. I turned and looked around. Jake had made my bed yesterday morning after he woke me from my coma but my boxes were still on the floor. Some of their contents splattered about from the impact of my dropping them.

I spent the next hour putting my books on my empty shelves. Most of my copies were tattered and well worn but that was how I liked them. I could never throw a book away. I insisted it just gave them character.

A while later I heard faint voices drift in my open door. I crossed the hall, and went to the library's far window that looked down on the front lawn. Jacob and Bella were talking on the grass. I could tell it was the talk because Bella was pacing back and forth with her arms crossed and Jacob was just kicking the dirt at his feet. I frowned a little and went back to my room.

I finished sorting my books and crushed up the box. I next tackled my box of records. My small player was in the box. It was lopsided and gashed by the records around it. They were hardly filed in neatly. More like thrown pell-mell. I pulled it out and took it over to the armoire, where the stereo was. Apart from Edward's instruction I hadn't really even opened the thing yet. The shelf above the stereo was empty. My little player fit perfectly – like that shelf was made for it.

I had to tinker with it for a while. Things had been knocked in all sorts of strange directions during its trip with my records. It was back the way it should've been after some of fiddling and I was sitting on the floor sorting my records and unbending the corners when I heard shouting.

"WHAT?"

"Oh no. I am not having this discussion with you Jacob Black!"

I sprung up and was back across the hall again. I peered out the library window down to a much-changed scene. Bella was crouched down and looked on the verge of tears. Jacob was fuming and stalking back and forth across the yard. He was shaking and pulling at his hair. Jake had told me what the shaking meant; that he was losing control. I empathized; losing control would not be a good thing.

"Shit," I muttered. I peeled out of the library and down the stairs. Coming down the last flight, I hopped over the banister and met Edward coming out of the kitchen. We both tore ass outside as Jacob's yelling became indecipherable and Bella started sobbing.

Edward went straight for Bella. He was trying to get her up and in the house without hurting her. Bella mustn't have wanted to leave quite yet because she was putting up a bit of a fight.

I headed for Jake who was now oblivious to most of his surroundings. I placed my hand against his chest but he just threw me off. The muscles in his arms and neck were straining and I could see the heightened pulse beneath his jaw. He was yelling and cursing three ways to Sunday. His voice reverberated off the surrounding trees and only made it worse. He kept punching the air and started ripping small saplings out of the ground. He'd toss them and even hit the side of the house with one.

"Jake!" I yelled as I ducked a tree limb. He was in his own world and the shaking was getting worse. He was completely vibrating now. I turned around and saw Edward getting Bella upstairs. "Get her in the house, Edward!"

Bella was still fighting against Edward's iron grasp, tooth and nail. I stayed in front of Jake as he fumed, jockeying from side to side like a linebacker. I really had no idea what to expect if his temper got the best of him and he snapped. I knew he needed to get this out of his system but I didn't know how it was going to go.

His yelling was becoming choked with more emotion and I could tell he was not only angry, but upset. He stopped pacing parallel to the front of the house and began stalking in the direction of what appeared to be the garage. Then he started running – I have no idea why – and it scared me. "Jake! NO!" I jumped at him and clipped his shoulder as I flew at him. I caught him off guard and he flew through the air with me. As we headed towards the ground it happened. He just blew up – and I mean exploded – into his wolf. He suddenly became the gargantuan, heaving, snarling wolf. A hell of a lot angrier than he was earlier.

We hit the ground with me below and skidded across the yard about fifteen feet. Jacob's yelling and raging had now turned to vicious snarls and barks. It didn't help that Bella was now at the closed window screaming for him to stop, to not hurt anyone, as Edward shut doors and blinds because Bella just couldn't seem to pull herself away from the exchange going on outside.

I knew Jake was too blinded in this moment to really think clearly and therefore I needed to get him out of there. I never thought he'd hurt anyone. Let me make that clear. I was afraid that he'd hurt himself; he'd scare Bella; he'd say or do something stupid that he'd regret. All of his previous raging proved that he had enough control to not physically hurt someone else when he was upset.

However, I was not really comfortable with having him on top of me snarling and barking with bared teeth. I lifted my small legs up and placed them on his chest – launching him away from the house and into the trees. I sprung up and ran into the woods past him. Hopefully his current one-track mind would chase the nearest antagonizing target.

"Come on Jacob!" I screeched back to him in the woods. "Can't catch a goddamn girl!"

I ran a little further into the woods listening and hoping he'd take the bait, "What the hell's your problem Jake? Huh? You think you've got problems! Why don't you come and tell me about it!"

It was quiet for a moment and I wondered if I should start backtracking to the house. I heard a rustle off to my left and Jacob leapt out of the brush and started stalking towards me with unbridled fury in his eyes.

"Shit…" I muttered. I turned around and high tailed it out of there. I was smaller and more aerodynamic than Jacob and was fairly confident that he wouldn't catch me – despite what he'd told me previously. I noticed shortly after, that he was a substantially more lumbering figure now. Maybe because he just wasn't thinking straight but he wasn't moving nearly as graceful as he'd done on our run home.

I ran him in circles for a while hoping to wear him out. I ran and ran and ran and ran. I hopped from rocks and made quick dizzying turns. I kept my eye on the faint sun so I knew I was at least pulling him farther from the house. The sky started to turn pink and I could feel it getting cooler. Jake had been chasing me for a couple hours.

I ended up running into a clearing. I heard the padding behind me before it halted momentarily. Then he came peeling out of the woods back in full force before leaping on me. We tumbled halfway across the glade, tearing up grass as we skidded across the earth. I spent the next hour wrestling with him. We were pushing, shoving, lunging, scratching, growling, running and beating the sense out of each other.

I knew he was releasing a horde of pent up sadness and anger. I found myself getting upset and putting my emotions into every blow too. I don't know if I was feeling for Jake but I think part of it was also being able to let out all the bullshit I'd had to put up with, too.

We were yelling, growling and screeching. Nothing ever decipherable; guttural cries and feral snaps of the animals that lived within us just below the surface. Effusions as a fist met a skull, a foot and a back, a shoulder and knees. Every knock to the ground was a shove to those who'd lead us along. Every punch to the ribs was a sign we should've seen. Every kick from the ground was reaffirming the knowledge that we should've given it right back. Every pounce was wishing for retribution but knowing it would never come. Every sideswipe a cry of frustration for letting it get to us in the first place. Every scratch of skin was arguing that we were worth it. Every tackle and skid across that clearing was proof that we could fight back but cared too much to start the fight.

I found myself breathing deeply and erratically. I knew it wasn't from the exertion of activity; I didn't need the air. I was letting out every feeling, every snide remark, every broken promise and insincere gesture. And so was Jake. He was letting his own feelings out. I could see it in the squint of his dark eyes, the tension in his furry shoulders.

I crouched in the grass and watched as Jake stood up from one of my knocks. I took a final lunge at him, getting him in the side. We tumbled across the field and I came to rest perpendicular across his furry side where I'd hit him.

Except this time he didn't get back up; we just remained there like an 'X marks the spot' in the middle of this field. The finish line. I lay my head – face down – in the grass, enjoying the cathartic release of beating Jacob and my inner demons. I turned my head to the side; Jake's eyes were back to their deep black. No more fire. Jacob was back. "Feel better?" I asked. He just nodded his head.

"Thank you for letting me beat the ever living crap out of you," I said reaching up to rub the top of his head.

I tumbled down off his abdomen and sat upright. I was quiet for a while, fiddling with the grass beneath me. "I'm really sorry, Jake. I know that must've been hard for you. Bella obviously still cares a lot about you though. I've never seen anyone so upset."

I looked up and his eyes were closed, a face of stone. "Fine, but I'm not letting you bottle this up. We're going to talk later." I rolled on my back and laid my head on his side.

I looked up to the sky and watched. The clouds were moving quickly and even though it was only the early evening it was getting dark. I knew we were in for a storm soon. I looked over to Jake's face. His eyes were closed and his breathing was quiet and deep. He was asleep.

"Jake," I rubbed his shoulder, "Come on, Jake. You can't sleep here. It's going to rain."

He opened his eyes and yawned big. "Don't you want to go home?" I asked. He just shook his big brown head.

"Okay," I said, "let's go then."

Again we made our way through the woods. We weren't terribly far from the house – I'd simply run Jake in circles for a really long time. It had begun to rain but only the faintest drops reached us beneath the canopy.

When we reached the Cullen property he trotted up the porch stairs and just collapsed into a furry pile on the side of the porch. I followed and sat next to him.

I rubbed his rusty head for a few minutes, admiring the color and texture of his fur. "You know Jake, you're a very pretty wolf," I informed him. He rolled his eyes and shoved my leg with his snout.

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and I gently got up and went in the house. I found Rose and Esme together. "Hi," I waved. "How's Bella?"

"She went home a while ago," Rose told me. "She was still hysterical but she insisted that Charlie would have to find out sooner or later." Rose peeked out the window, noticing the furry lump on the porch, "Why is he still here?"

"Rosalie," Esme chided.

"Because he didn't want to go home and he's my friend," I told her firmly. I knew I needed to stand my ground with Rose. "Give the kid a break, Rose."

"Whatever," she sighed.

"He can stay as long as he likes," Esme interjected. "The poor boy has had to deal with a lot over the past several weeks. If he wants to sleep on the porch, then we'll let him."

"Okay," I said rubbing my eyes, "I'm going to go change; I'll be back." I'd been through the woods four times, in the course of two days; sat on a rocky, sandy beach; sat in a wet field with Jacob and walked back home in the rain. I needed some new clothes. I rifled through my closet and found some normal clothes: jeans and a large woolly sweater, with some high top chucks.

I was on my way downstairs and out the door when I saw Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett returning from their hunting trip. They were coming up the stairs but had halted at the sight of the mass of snoring fur on their porch. Alice was already there, sitting on the banister swinging her legs about.

"What's he doing here?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes, "Way to spread the love, Em. Bella talked to him." He turned around to look at the spare saplings and tree limbs littered along the edge of the property. He seemed to understand.

Alice just frowned a little. She'd probably seen it coming.

Emmett and Jasper went inside shaking their heads and Carlisle muttering, "Boys" in a warning tone.

Alice stayed behind and looked sadly at Jake's sleeping form. "Is he going to be all right?" she pointed.

"I think so, I'm going to make him talk when he wakes up. I think that's why he hasn't shifted back: he doesn't really want to talk about it right now. I'm going to go and pick up a bit."

"Okay," she nodded, "I'm going to go do some damage control. Jacob's not really the favorite person around here."

"I could've guessed," I smiled. Alice went inside and I headed down the stairs. I started in the front lawn. I found Jake's phone amongst the scraps of his jeans. I opened it up and flipped through the contact list until I found the one I wanted.


	14. The Tides Are Turning

I let it ring until I heard it pick up, "Hello," came a deep, tired voice.

"Most high alpha? It's Bree," I spoke.

"Bree? Oh, the new one, right," he said as he slowly remembered me, "What can I do for you?" he sounded a little confused. Probably because the Cullens were not on his speed dial.

"I just wanted to let you know that Jake's crashed-landed on our porch. I don't know if he'll be around much and I didn't want you guys to send out Scotland Yard."

"Has he shifted at all since he's been with you?" Sam asked confused.

"Yeah," I responded, "has been since late this morning."

"Weird," he muttered, "no one's been able to get a read on him."

"A read?"

"Strange," he muttered to himself before continuing. "No one's heard Jake at all. What happened?"

I looked back on Jake's sleeping form and bit my lip, "I'm not sure it's my story to tell, Sam. I'm sure he won't keep if from you guys."

"I understand. Thank you, Bree. I appreciate this."

"No problem, Sam," I replied, "Bye."

"Goodbye."

I didn't know what Sam was talking about; getting a _read_ on Jacob or how no one had _heard_ him. How would they? We were hardly lighting cannons off. I slipped the phone in my pocket and began my clean up.

I spent the better part of the night repairing the property. It was difficult at first because trees were more complex than paper, door handles and flowers. Be powers had been dormant for a while, I hadn't really been using them but I eventually got into a groove. It was mentally taxing but it got easier every time and I chalked it up to good practice.

Jake's phone read five to eight when he finally started to show signs of life. He'd fallen asleep on the porch and remained completely still since then. He got up stretched and padded down towards me as I finished with the last maple sapling. He nudged my elbow and whined.

I turned, "No harm done. Everything's fixed." I was really hoping I was reading his expressions and noises at least somewhat correctly because I really had little to go on. He pawed at the pile of his shredded clothes on the ground. "Yeah," I bit my lip, "that is going to be a problem." I thought for a minute. "Hold on, I'll be back in a sec."

I ran across the lawn and upstairs to my room. I'd cleaned those sweatpants I'd taken from the basement closet my first week here. I went into my dresser in my closet and rifled through the drawer until I found them.

When I got back into the yard I tossed them over Jake's shoulders. I saw an odd expression forming on his face; I was not about to inform him that these pants were probably Carlisle or Edward's – even though out of all the family males, they appeared to like Jake best. "They're mine, so don't even start." I pointed my finger towards the woods. "Now get in there and change because - even though you're very pretty - I feel ridiculous talking to you like this."

He shook his head whacked me with his tail and loped off towards the woods. He had returned by the time I tossed his old shorts in the barrel.

"Better?" he asked.

"Infinitely." The poor kid still looked like crap. I noticed his face for the first time and a black eye that had formed beneath his dark skin. He had some bruises littered on his sides and arms and neck as well. "Wow," I grimaced, "Jake… I'm sorry. I really hurt you."

"It'll be fine in a bit," he told me offhand. His voice had no tone, his eyes were dead and his shoulders sagged.

"No, really," I held my hands out towards his face, "Please? _I'd_ feel better." I leaned forward and held his face in my hands. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I'd been exercising my abilities all night; I should be able to fix a few bruises, even if they were on such a biologically complex being. A moment later I opened my eyes. Jake opened one squinty eye to peer at me as well. "All better." I assured him, running an index finger under his right eye.

I pulled his phone out of my pocket and tossed it to him. "I called Sam."

"Thanks," he mumbled. "What'd he say?"

"He was glad to know you weren't dead and he said that no one could 'get a read on you'. Whatever that means."

"It's weird," Jake told me, "when we're in wolf form we can read each others thoughts and minds. Kind of like how your brother does – except it works both ways. It's good for communication while were on the hunt or fighting but it gets really old, really quick when you have to hear _everything_ else."

"Could you hear them?" I asked.

"I don't really remember. You may not have noticed but I was a little upset," Jake told me sarcastically.

"That's kind of strange," I mused.

"Yeah. Sam and I have been having some issues, though. Maybe that's part of it."

"Issues?" I queried.

"The night of your attack," Jacob continued, "I guess I really knew for sure Bella had made up her mind. It was more subconscious, I think. But my brain was still harboring some hope. Sam thinks it's weird how much time I continue to spend here with you guys. I still want to be her friend and a part of her life but Sam insists that it's not natural because she's as good as changed."

_Information overload._ I took minute to absorb all that he'd told me and file it in some kind of order. One: Jake had accepted at least a month ago that Bella wouldn't choose him; he was just a deluding himself. Two: Bella was going to be changed. As in becoming one of us. Three: Sam didn't like Jake hanging around.

"So," I tried confirming, "Because the area is safe now, because Bella has chosen Edward and is on the verge of transformation, Sam wants the Cullens and the wolves to go their separate ways?"

"Yep," he agreed, "I don't argue that it's not what _should_ happen. We are natural enemies but Bella's one of my best friends. I just can't leave that. And I mean, sure Rose, Emmett and Jasper don't like me but we don't really have any _real_ animosity towards each other; we just argue. Neither of us will be leaving the area so what the hell's the point? The whole pack doesn't have to come on my day trips here but what's so wrong with this?" he signaled around the Cullen property.

"We're not hurting anybody but Sam insists it's for the protection of the Quileute land and people," he mumbled.

"Why can't you just… I don't know… Ignore him," I asked.

"Sam's alpha," he said, "so the rest of the pack feels naturally inclined to do his will. We could disobey but – as alpha – he also has the power to _make_ us. He can take our power of choice away. He really, _really_ never wants to, but it's possible. And he's getting pretty fed up with me."

"Are you okay, otherwise?" I queried, "Like you said, you were pretty unhinged yesterday."

"Yeah," he sighed, "I just… I just lost it. I feel like I'm completely losing her, is all. She's getting _married_ and she's going to be like them and–" whatever he was going to say he couldn't get it out. He just grimaced and shuddered.

"But are you all right?" I really needed to know if it was all right to let him loose.

"I guess so," he affirmed, "I still care a lot about Bella. I still love her, but having all this time – since the attack – to really think about it… I don't know. I can see where our lives would've fit together perfectly if none of this hocus-pocus was real; but I know I could never have all of her. Her attachment to –" he couldn't seem to get Edward's name out, "well, it doesn't seem healthy but she'll never be happy with anyone else, so I'm letting her go."

"That's awful big of you Jake," I looked at the ground. "This can't be easy." This was good, though. No rampant need for revenge, no degrading self-hatred. Things could've been worse.

"You know when you leave a funeral for someone you really cared about," he asked, "You still care but, you just try to focus on the good stuff and you have to love them from afar? Now they're just with you in spirit?"

"Mhm," I nodded.

"It feels a lot like that."

I made Jacob go home. Insisting that he talk with his brothers and make sure his dad knew he was okay. He didn't really see the point. _Mope._ I told him that if he wanted to be completely apathetic then we could do that later. First, he had to go through the formalities of assuring his family he was not only _not_ dead but emotionally stable.

He took off and I watched his form retreating into the woods. _What am I going to do with this boy?_ He no longer had any real attachments to the Cullens - I assumed he was probably going to be leaving Bella alone for a little while. He was obviously upset with her and was trying to reevaluate their relationship. Plus his pack wasn't really too pleased with him. Where did the poor kid have left to go?

From those two assumptions I knew he'd be back. _I_ was new to the Cullen clan and still a slightly separate entity. I hadn't really been around for any of Jake's time with Bella and I had only met the pack once. I was that third party, the person who had almost no connections to the rest of Jake's world. He'd be back.

Alice told me that she'd talked to Rose, Emmett and Jasper as I sat on the porch railing. Rose was the only one that took convincing apparently. Jasper and Emmett didn't really care for Jacob but could understand why he reacted the way he did. It was natural. "Jasper definitely gets it," she told me, "he just doesn't like the boy." With Jasper's preternatural gift, it certainly made sense; he couldn't deny that he empathized. Emmett, apparently, didn't really dislike many people – he just liked messing with the pack.

"Rose thought he was getting mad _at _Bella and not _what_ she was saying," she explained. "She's cooled off now. But I don't know if there's much we can do about Rose."

"Alice, why are you so nice to the poor kid?" I asked swinging my legs between the banisters. "No one else in your family likes him." I'm not sure I understood where the inherent hatred came from between wolves and vampires. Maybe part of it was because they didn't smell to me. Maybe it was because I hadn't really been exposed to the idea of disliking them for so long.

"I don't know; I guess I don't always understand where our animosity comes into play nowadays," she said echoing my thoughts. "I suppose it makes sense in some cases but I feel like we're both working towards common goals and I don't see why we can't at least be civil."

_Amen to that._


	15. Shut Up and Drive

Jake had gotten a grip on himself after returning home and even spent an afternoon with Bella later that week. When I wasn't nurturing the shattered remains of my friends, I was covered in organza.

Despite the contents of my closet and the fact that I wasn't a member of the bridal party, Alice insisted on making a whole other dress for me. Even though I told her it was unnecessary because there were dozens she picked out in my closet. Bella gave me the sound advice that it wasn't worth the effort.

The wedding was drawing closer; adjustments and fittings were now approaching the twice a week mark. Bella was around a lot more often and I'd grown to really like her. She was exceptionally observant and had a quick wit. And the best thing of all: she didn't hold a grudge. She acted like I'd never tried to kill her and I just became part of the family. It was nice.

It soon became apparent that she was less than thrilled with the prospect of marriage. I didn't deny her love for Edward; it just seemed that she started to get anxious whenever Alice busted that dress out or started talking in concrete terms of dates, times and places.

Bella and I sat on the edge of Alice's bed swinging our feet an exact two weeks from D-Day. "Nervous?" I asked her. She just nodded, her eyes a little frantic.

"It's not that I don't want to be with Edward forever," she told me, "but getting married so young was always a big no in my house growing up. And I just have this ingrained contempt for the whole institution."

"So why do it? Edward's not much of a modern man? Won't live in sin with you for a couple years until you feel better about it?" I chuckled a little.

"Well," she told me, "I don't have to marry him. It's just one of his conditions."

"Conditions?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow. She didn't respond immediately, but her blush gave her away. "Okay, spill. What's the deal? You can't just drop something like that and not tell me!"

"I don't know…" she mumbled.

"If you tell me, I'll tell you an embarrassing story of mine," I contributed.

"Fine," she caved, "But it must be equal in embarrassment." She took a deep breath and launched into her bit, "Edward agreed that if I marry him - if I go through with a normal ceremony and all - he would… consummate the thing… while I'm still human."

"What?" I asked flatly.

"You heard it right."

"He's bribing you with sex so you'll marry him? Not for your virtue's sake or anything. He's depriving you of sex, to get you down the aisle?"

"That's a rather blunt way of putting it but, I guess that is the bare bones of the situation," she agreed.

"Wow," I sighed, "That's a really chick thing to do. Holding out until you can get them to the altar?"

"What?" Bella tried to contain her laugh as her voice climbed an octave. "No! No, he didn't think I'd agree to the terms. He thought I'd back out and I would just wait until I'm changed."

"That," I said point blank, "is sick. Either way he wins and either way you lose. No matter what he gets the sex and no matter what you have to renege on what feel strongly about."

Was he playing some kind of psychotic mind game with her? I was completely baffled. No, she wasn't being forced into a marriage she'd regret but she had to do something she felt truly uneasy about in that moment in time and that's not a good frame of mind as one enters into holy matrimony.

"Like I said," she reiterated, "I don't have to do anything. But Edward's an old-fashioned guy and he feels strongly about it. He would never ask me if he knew I had any doubts about it. And even if he did, I wouldn't agree unless I was ready."

"But it kinda seems like you're uncomfortable," I shrugged.

"No," she mused, "not uncomfortable. I know I'd end up marrying Edward someday. Just nervous, I guess. It's just speeding up the process – because he knows I can be kind of a wimp."

"Bella," I stated matter of factly, "you are not a wimp. It's downright hilarious that you would even think that. You hang out with vampires and werewolves, for Pete's sake! But I think you need tell Edward what's what. He can't know what you're thinking – you need to help him out. Stand your ground."

"Edward's very definitive about his opinions," she said.

"And so should you. Bella these types of things have to be fifty-fifty don't you think? I can't let you just play the doormat. That's not to say Edward would take advantage of that in any way. But someone might try someday. Sometimes you need to stand your ground."

"Well," she shrugged, "what am I supposed to say – 'I don't want to do this'?"

"Absolutely not," I shook my head, "just tell him how you feel and what you want and don't let him push it aside. Your opinion matters. You are strong, independent and you don't take crap from anybody. Say it."

"Huh?" she looked at me quizzically.

"You are strong, independent and don't take crap from anybody."

She swallowed and looked around before speaking quietly, "I am strong, independent and don't take crap from anybody?"

"Good," I smiled. "Now shoulders back – be proud."

She straightened her spine and her shoulders came upright, "I am strong, independent and don't take crap from anybody." I was pleased to see she said it in a more convincing voice.

"Great! Again," I cheered her on.

"I am strong, independent and don't take crap from anybody!" she said with a smile.

"Speak it. Hear it. Live it," I told her. A new light had come to her face and she was smiling a bit. It made me happy. I didn't want her turning into a crazy bitch – I just wanted her to stand up for herself because she worried me.

"Bella! Bella!" Alice screeched, "Come here I think I finally have the train hanging properly! Get up here!" And with that Bella sprang off the bed and onto Alice's stool. The girl was on a roll and we both knew instantaneous response time was a moment too long.

Over the next week I'd been slowly planning what I wanted to do with my money. I wasn't about to spend it all at once like a crazy person, but I also didn't need to buy much. I didn't need food, or clothes. Sparing toiletries was all I really needed and Esme insisted that she and Carlisle pay for them like they did with the rest of the kids. Apparently, Esme bought things like shampoo and soap and laundry detergent – she wanted me to use my money for something for me.

So, I thought long and hard about that. I decided I could treat myself to a small something. I was transitioning well, had decent control over my own thirst. A little something to get me excited sounded just the ticket.

I was cruising through the local paper one day when I found an ad selling used bikes. Hm… now that I could feasibly do. I called "Mark" and by the sounds of it he was operating out of a garage. I told him I wanted to check out what he had and he told me to come down.

So that Thursday I headed downstairs with my bargaining face, tight jeans and a wad of cash in my back pocket. Edward was in charge of me this time. Others were out hunting or busy and Bella was spending the day with Charlie down at LaPush, so Edward got to make sure I didn't kill anyone and play the role of intimidating boy if need be. I thought this would be interesting since he knew my obvious disdain marriage – and his was fast approaching.

I was fairly certain he did not yet know I spoke to Bella, but only time would tell. We'd kind of been avoiding each other, mostly I think so we wouldn't start going at it. We were both too smart for that.

I'd found a riding jacket in my closet – search me why Alice bought one – but I thought it made me look more legit. I pretty much knew what I was talking about but my size and gender did not normally help me out at all.

Edward and I made it to the hole in the wall garage just outside Forks a little before noontime. "Are you sure this is the place?" Edward asked. The place was quite shady.

"This is it," I confirmed, "some of his other bikes were mad cheap so they might be stolen. He's probably just trying to get them off property. By the looks of it some are may be payment for deals. I don't mind one of those. At least it's legal."

He looked at me with a raised brow, "Depends on your definition of 'legal' I suppose." I just shrugged.

We waited for a moment in the car as a conversation wrapped up in the second bay. "All right, now come on. Stand behind me and be all menacing. You guys seem to have a knack for that."

He laughed, "Bree, I really don't think you of all people need protection."

"Well," I rolled my eyes, "I don't want to have to threaten his life; you just make the whole process easier."

We meandered in, looking mean and uninterested and asked for Mark. He came from out back moments later wiping grease from his hands. "Beth?" he asked.

"Yep. Mark?" I replied. He nodded and signaled for us to follow him. There was a fenced lot adjoining the garage. Most of it looked like junk and outgoing cars but a small corner was dedicated to a plethora of bikes.

"So," Mark began, "What are you looking for cruising, sport? Any certain make?"

"Sport. And let's see what you got." As we approached the far side of the lot even more came into sight.

"Take a look around," he offered. I kept my hands in my pockets and began looking over each bike. I was right, some of them were stolen. They'd be absolutely mint and the paint around the VIN was all screwy or scratched up. Mark would take a moment and tell me some fast facts about whatever bike I was looking at. I'd just crinkle my nose and shrug. After about a half an hour he was getting antsy and constantly glancing at Edward who still hadn't spoken. Bless him and his intimidating ways.

I eventually found one bike leaning against the fence. "What's up with that one over there?" I asked. It was half hidden and I couldn't really tell what kind it was but it looked older – so maybe it was a pay off and just immorally obtained instead of illegally.

"That," he told me as I climbed towards it, "is a Kawasaki." I pulled the blue Honda leaning against it away and looked it over.

"ZX-6R?" I queried, "What year is it?"

"2002," He affirmed.

"What are you asking?" I quirked a brow.

"Four," he nodded.

"Thousand?" I asked flabbergasted, "I'll give you two."

He puffed for a moment and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, "No way. It's not that old."

"It's an '02 and the tires are shit. It needs a new kickstand and the frame is dinged and scraped on the left side. You can't be serious?"

"I am. This machine is a work of engineering. I can't let it go for anything less thirty five."

"I don't think so…" I remained silent with my lips pursed letting him sweat it out a bit. This needed to be drawn out, it made it more painful and he'd cave easier. I was silent and looking over the bike for five minutes before Mark spoke again.

"How about an even three?"

"How about two five in cash?" he chewed the inside of this cheek for a moment and thought.

Something was up with this bike or maybe Mark was just stupid. His price really wasn't that bad but I wasn't about to pay up if he'd go lower. The bike looked legit, probably got it off some poor sap after a bad deal. So I couldn't figure how he was caving so easily.

He remained quiet and I decided to take aggressive action. This guy was pretty soft. "Too rich for my blood but thanks anyways, Mark." I turned to Edward, "Let's head out. You know, Pete – down at the station – he's been looking for a new ride and Mark's got some good deals. We should tell him about it."

I couldn't see Mark but I could just imagine him choking on his own tongue. I knew mentioning the cops, even in such a passive way, was a low blow and could potentially get me in trouble but whatever worked. Edward and I began heading back through the mud to the parking lot.

"Wait," I heard Mark call. I smiled for a moment before composing my poker face and turning. I knew I had him. He'd sell this thing to me for a nickel so long as I didn't mention anything to the police.

"Hm?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Twenty seven?" he offered.

I chewed my lip for a bit and looked around, thinking. A moment later my eye was caught by flash of color in a hollowed out car frame. Nothing was left but the rusty shell and the torn up seats within.

I stepped over and leaned in pulling out a helmet. There was one area, one small shock, of bright color but the rest was covered in a layer of dirt. The inside looked pristine. Maybe the helmet had just been splattered from being out in the rain. I used my nail and gently chipped off a chunk of mud. More color. It seemed the whole thing was painted; it seemed mostly abstract. I could see checkerboard and half of a star.

"Twenty seven in cash, the helmet and Pete never finds out."

"Deal."

Edward and I kept our charade. I tossed the filthy helmet in his trunk and took of on the bike in front of him. Once we were out of sight and sound of the garage I pulled off onto the dirt shoulder and watched Edward follow. As he pulled up beside me I realized how muddy I was. I had brown leather boots over my skinny jeans but there were splatters up the heels and to my ankles. I'd have to fix that before Alice found out.

Edward pulled up beside me and lowered his passenger side window. "She is going to kill you."

"I know! Shut up, I'm going to clean them," I whined. "Thanks for coming Edward. You're very scary. Even when we only have to deal with tenderfoots like Mark."

"Your welcome," he smiled, "but you did quite fine on your own. He didn't really care about me for the most part. He couldn't seem to decide whether you were more physically attractive or Machiavellian. Of course these are my choice of words not his."

I smiled back, "Well thank you anyways. Now," I said, bringing the engine back to life, "let's head home."

"After you," Edward motioned while revving his own engine.

I paused for a moment my hands on my hips as I braced the bike between my legs, "Edward Cullen are you challenging me?"

"Are you accepting that challenge?"

"Shut up and drive."

I grabbed the handlebars and took off. I could hear Edward peeling out behind me as I leaned into the curve that bent the road to the left. It wasn't long before I saw him jockeying behind me as I swerved around the road trying to prevent him from passing me. It wasn't easy when your vehicle was only two feet wide. I was already doing 105 but he seemed antsy to go faster.

For a mile – until we came back into Forks – he jostled behind me. He started playing smart and sped up while he faked right where the road's shoulder began to widen. I followed his path and he quickly dropped his speed a bit before passing my on the left. "Shit," I muttered to myself. Two miles down, around the next hairpin turn he stayed in the right hand lane but I took the risk fell into the left, just barely making it back in front of him before I collided with an oncoming Expedition.

We were coming around the bend that lead right to the Cullen's driveway and it was there that I knew he'd won. The way the turn worked - and the transition from the pavement to dirt - I would have to slow down or risk losing control of the bike. If Edward took the turn well, he'd beat me. If he cut it right he could edge in front of me and make it in the driveway first. And that darn drive was just the width of his car. I wouldn't be able to get around him once he got in front of me. Bastard.

Before I took the turn and was forced to slow, I raised my hand in the air and flipped him off. He honked at me as we rounded the bend and I was forced to slow to about sixty miles per hour and lean into the turn. He honked at me and blew right past, first in the drive. I could see him laughing as I headed in after him.

I decided if he was going to win this then I was going to come damn close. I rode his ass the whole way down the drive. He would never want to damage his car, so I knew he wouldn't slam the brakes. My front tire was about a hair's breadth from giving his rear bumper some serious rubber burn.

He peeled into the front lot of the house and pulled to the right. I came bursting out after him and skidding on the lawn until my tail end swung left. I was now facing a smug and howling Edward. I pursed my lips and crossed my arms. "You butthead! I had you until the start of the drive. If I didn't have to slow down I would've owned your ass!"

He came out of his car bent over with laughter and that just made me angrier. "Your face when I finally got ahead of you was damn near priceless," he laughed as he braced his hands on each end of my bike. "Don't be upset," he told me when he'd regained composure, "you performed quite well and a Volvo versus a Kawasaki is like apples to oranges. Someday we'll tee off on an even keel, all right?"

"Fine," I acquiesced. He put his hand on my shoulder before starting back towards his idling Volvo. I looked up and was preparing to follow him when I saw Emmett standing – mouth agape – on the front porch.

"That," he told me, "was hot."


	16. We Need to Talk

I found Bella's whole approach to her wedding to be a little off kilter. I didn't think she was doing it for the right reasons but who was I to stand in her and Edward's way? It wasn't my choice to make. Maybe I could talk to the groom; maybe he could lay it out more coherently for me.

I spent the remainder of the week tinkering around with my new acquisition. I never did anything too intense because I only had a very basic mechanical knowledge. I knew enough to generally tell if something was broken or on its way out.

I parked it in the second half of the garage. The part reserved for the cars that didn't really make many appearances. When I first wheeled my bike in I saw a Ducati on the other side that I'd failed to notice since I'd been here. I'd have to enquire after the owner of _that _one.

The wedding was more and more on my mind as of late. It was present as I came up the stairs from Alice's latest logistics meeting and turned into the small library. I was a tad shocked to see Edward sitting on the floor with a book in his lap. Surprised only because he didn't frequent this place.

He looked up, "Didn't mean to intrude, I was looking for a change of scenery."

"It's fine," I shrugged. It wasn't _my_ library and as long as he wasn't being mean I didn't care. I went over to one of the bookshelves and pulled down Dicken's _Great Expectations_. I sat on the floor with Edward – my back to his. He was much taller than me so the top of my head only reached the crook of his neck.

"Why are you sitting on the floor," I asked curiously. There were chairs in here.

I felt him shrug, "Why not?"

"I was just with Alice – doing wedding things," I told him significantly.

"I see you've made it out alive," he turned his head slightly.

"Yes," I agreed, "but I wouldn't hold out much faith for your bride."

"Why?" he asked dubiously.

"Well, I'm sure she might end up dying of exhaustion because Alice is going to have her on that stool until she passes out." I paused before continuing, "She seems a little anxious. Are you sure you guys aren't rushing this?"

Edward was quiet for a moment, "I can _hear _you," he said significantly, "and I'm not pushing Bella into this. I asked. She said yes."

"But Edward, there is some serious collateral attached to that promise – she told me. There's no denying she wants to be with you but this day is really making her nervous. Why are you so hell bent on marrying her _now?_"

"Bree, I'm not going to allow her to live in sin. And we've waited quite long enough."

"Ha!" I laughed out loud. "_living in sin_? Edward, I know you're old school but don't you think it's at least half Bella's choice to 'live in sin' and _wholly_ her choice to give up her 'virtue' to whoever she sees fit?"

"You come from different times Edward. I know you've been waiting for a hundred years but she's only _eighteen._ Often times at this age getting married looks stranger than being sexually active."

"Bree, I appreciate your concern – truly I do, I know you're only looking out for Bella and I'm grateful for that – but if she's worried why doesn't _she_ say anything?"

"Edward," I sighed, "You are such a _guy!_ She's just trying to make you happy because she loves you. And if you haven't noticed yet – Bella's hardly an abrasive individual – it takes a greater degree of bull before she'll ever say anything."

"What are you saying?" he was starting to get defensive and I didn't know if it was good or bad. I wanted him to wake up and be a little more proactive with Bella, but I wasn't trying to butt in. I was just looking out for my friend.

"She has this little thing called an opinion. Even if she doesn't come out with it – she's got one. And life's all about compromising. I think it would be in your interest to start digging a little into her. Ask her how she feels."

"So you don't think we should get married? You're such a high authority on these things," he was starting to get angry and his voice was getting louder.

"That," I said calmly, "is not my decision to make. All I'm saying is you should talk _with_ her not _to _her."

I paused and softened my voice, "She loves you a lot. You're never going to lose her… but you need to try and reach her."

I spent the rest of the day trying to ward off Emmett. I'd finally succumbed to his constant requests and arm wrestled him. I won. Surprise, surprise. It wasn't like it wouldn't change in a few months time, but he couldn't let it go. _Now_ he wanted a full out wrestling match. I hate to say it but I think I would've one that too. Not just because of my strength but because of my size. I was tiny – too tiny. I would probably slip out of his grasp in an instant.

I was hiding beside Rosalie on the far side of the couch when Bella came downstairs. I didn't even know she was here. She might as well have moved in because I really had no idea when she was ever _not_ here. She marched down the stairs – missing me completely, my hiding spot was good – towards the dining room where Edward and Jasper were engaged in a game of chess.

She crossed her arms and I watched as she sat in one of her hips. I had turned around and was peering at the scene from just over the back of the couch.

"Edward can I—I mean, we need to talk," she said lightly. My mouth fell open. She _told_ him; she didn't even ask. I poked Rose in the side as she flipped through the channels.

"Rose!" I whispered urgently, "Look, look, look!"

"What?" she asked with a mix of confusion and excitement.

I pointed across the house. "Look! Bella's going to be _assertive!" _I squealed. Edward nodded and she took his hand and pulled him upstairs.

Rose looked back at me and smiled, "You think so?"

All I did was nod vehemently.

"What are you two prattling about over there," Jasper asked as he reset the chess pieces.

I looked around hesitantly, "Where's Emmett," I whispered to Rose as I continued to peek over the back of the couch.

"Search me," she shrugged, "not in the house."

I sat up with more confidence, "Nothing," I sang.

A moment later I heard a _whoosh _and "Gotcha!" as I was hit sidelong by Emmett and knocked to the ground.

* * *

It was officially seven days until the wedding. Bella and Edward had a long talk that day and Bella told me she never conceived of calling it off – for which I was glad – but she needed to clear the air. She walked a little straighter these days and spoke her mind every now and then.

The day finally closed in on us and I decided I'd help Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle set things up outside. It was better than being inside where hurricane Alice had reached category four status. I slipped out as she ran upstairs for some bobby pins. Rose and Bella just looked at me fiercely shaking their heads, begging them not to leave them. Esme and Bella's mother – Renee - told me to make a break for it while I could.

I eventually took the job of greeting the guests. I hadn't met anyone so it was a good icebreaker. I was good with meeting new people. A coven from Denali was here. I met Kate, Carmen, Eleazar and Tanya. They were vegetarians like the Cullens and the families were close. It was nice knowing I now had some extended family.

I'd met Bella's mother and her step-dad Phil. Charlie, whom I recognized from around town on my few missions into civilization, arrived with shortly before the Deputy and his wife. I met Bella's human friends a nice girl named Angela and her dad – who was the minister. Angela had come with a shorter ganglier boy called Ben. Mike, who seemed a bit generic and overly friendly; he came with a girl with crazy curly hair – Jessica I believe she introduced herself as.

I waved as a caravan came in from the reservation. It was strange to see these boys fully clothed. And it was sad that that was so strange. Bella had really wanted Jacob to come so he obliged but – in typical boy fashion – brought his posse: Sam and Quil. I got to meet Billy Black and Jacob all but crawled under his father's wheelchair when he said he'd heard some nice things about me. Quil gave me two thumbs up and a face of mock excitement as they left to take their seats.

I saw Alice begin to peek out of the house. She was flagging me these weird signs like a baseball coach to let me know she needed about five minutes. As the official messenger at this shindig – I had been given the job of seating people and attending to Alice's minor details – I scooted up front discreetly and told Reverend Weber that we should be all set in a few minutes before taking my seat.

I was on the end of the row with the Cullens and sitting next to Billy. Jacob was a few rows back and he decided to take the chance to talk with me. "So your Bree," he said happily.

"I am indeed. And you're Mr. Black," I smiled. He seemed to be a naturally happy person. Not overtly jovial but this sort of cheerfulness just kind of emanated from him.

"Please, call me Billy," he laughed, "Jake's told me a lot about you."

"Only good things I hope?"

"Oh yes," he reassured, "I think you're far too nice to him, though. If he gets out of line, let him have it."

I couldn't help but smile. "I will. He's got a bit of a temper doesn't he?"

"Oh," Billy rolled his eyes, "like his mother, though he throws far fewer frying pans. Amazing lady, but an arm like pro ball player."

My eyes widened – little known Mrs. Black factoid.

"He's a nice guy, though," I said, "he's got a good heart."

"Another one of his mother's traits. He's had it rough."

"I'll say," I concurred. "I've only known him a few months and it's been a roller coaster."

"Ah," Billy shrugged, "I guess that's the way life is sometime, you know?" I nodded in understanding. "You're good for him though. I can tell. You should stop by sometime, I haven't see much of you – or my son for that matter. Bring him back for a little while."

"I will."

The soft music came to life and the guests hushed up and faced forward. Edward was already with Reverend Weber in front of the guests. We all turned to watch as Bella came down the aisle with Charlie. Her steps stuttered for a moment when she saw us all looking at her. She looked down steeling herself and _I swear_ I saw – and my immortal eyes picked up everything nowadays - her mouth "strong, independent… speak it, hear it, live it."


	17. Hell Hath No Fury

I was enjoying the reception. Alice had done a fantastic job and could've rivaled any high-profile planner. Edward and Bella seemed genuinely happy, wrapped up in themselves for most of the time. They'd taken time to play good hosts, thanking everyone for coming and doing the typical Father/Daughter, Mother/Son Dance but they were rarely apart and when they were they were always orienting themselves in the direction of the other.

I knew they had their issues and disagreements – but who didn't? Variety is the spice of life and clearly the two were meant to be. The coven from Denali seemed to be enjoying their time too. Edward was getting them acquainted with Bella.

Sam, Quil and Jake were situated at a table at the other side of the tent. Although the pack was starting to separate now, they still seemed to work together a lot. Maybe this would be an amiable break up. Jacob looked at me once with a mix of depression and weariness. All I could do was smile back. Sam and Quil were behaving quite normally – what was his malfunction?

I spent part of my time with the Cullens before they broke off to talk with others or help out. Eventually it was just me and Rosalie left, but Eleazar from the Denali coven came and asked me to dance. I smiled and took his hand. I placed one hand in his and another on his shoulder. "Is Carmen okay with this?" I asked him lightly. He leaned to one side allowing me a view of Carmen dancing with Emmett. I smiled, "Just didn't want to get you in trouble."

"We're not so uptight; we have more faith in the people we know," he told me. He asked me how I was liking the Cullens. And I asked about Alaska, telling him I'd always thought of it as an interesting place.

"Well," he responded, "You'll have to come visit sometime. We're very close with the Cullens. I've seen your home now you should see ours." I told him Alice would be thrilled at the prospect of a roadtrip.

It seemed this wedding party wasn't opposed to the couple shuffle. Apart from Bella and Edward, many of us took turns dancing with each other, talking and catching up. I danced with Quil, which I knew I'd regret because was always trying to goof around with me. He kept making funny remarks trying to get me to laugh out loud in the middle of the floor in the middle the party. He'd tell me crude jokes and embarrassing stories from his and Jake's childhood. I ended up almost biting my lip off as I buried my face in his sports jacket to keep from laughing out loud. He let up on me after I threatened to spear his foot with my stiletto.

Jake cut in, saying that it looked like the two of us were having too much fun. I swayed in time with him and he just stared vacantly at his feet or off into the distance. "Cheer up Jake. This is a wedding."

"Yeah, did you ever notice most hotel bars make a killing off wedding receptions?" he countered.

"Touché," I agreed, "Weddings generally do suck, but you should seriously consider at least faking it. Bella really wanted you here and you're just going to make her feel bad if you act like a mope the whole time."

I was met with stony silence.

"It's not your wedding," I told him. "When you get married, then it's your turn to invite Bella and watch her brood."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure," he answered.

"Don't be mean; it'll all be over in a while. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like because it makes those we care about happy."

"I talked to your dad," I told him.

"Oh god," he mumbled.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Stop it," I said, "your dad's really nice. And he didn't embarrass you at all."

He shook his head and remained quiet the rest of the song. I was trying to be sympathetic. I knew this was hard for Jake but there was no need for him to drag Bella down on her wedding day. She was nervous enough having him here. I noticed him dancing with Bella a few songs later. She looked like she was laughing, so I was glad he was at least trying for her sake.

I danced with Jasper, who dipped his head to me. This boy's manners really threw me sometimes. He let me stand on his feet because he was so tall and it made me feel like a little kid again.

I danced with Alice too. It was strange not having to crane my neck up to my dance partner. Having someone within the same twelve inches as me was nice.

I took my turn with Ben – a human boy – and Charlie Swan. I spent a few minutes with Carlisle and tried my best to avoid Emmett. I heard whisperings of a dance off and I was not having any of that.

By some turn of events I ended up dancing with Mike Newton, one of Bella's human friends. He was your basic teenager albeit a little generic. I kept my grip in his hand firm, to dissuade him from copping a feel as I'd seen him do to the curly haired brunette he was with. Hopefully he knew enough to not want that iron hand across the side of his head. I was not an open palm kind of girl and I didn't want to have to annihilate his manhood in front of a crowd.

As the song ended, Mike took a step back. He opened his mouth to say something when it immediately snapped shut and he retreated like an automaton. I felt a warm hand close around mine from behind. "You should seriously reconsider intimidating the guests…" I began but I was cut off.

"Can I talk to you?" Jacob asked testily. I turned around with a sigh but couldn't read his expression. I just nodded and let him lead me from the back yard to the side of the house where we were out of line of sight. He dropped my hand and started pacing around in all directions.

"Jake…" I began cautiously.

"What are you thinking?" he asked sharply coming to standstill and looking me in the eye. I could read his expression well enough now. Anger. His shoulders were high and his hands were shaking. He held his mouth in a hard line and his eyes were narrowed.

I leaned back and put a hand on my hip, "Excuse me?" I asked in a warning tone. "Do not take that tone of voice with me, Jacob Black."

He continued on as if he hadn't heard me. "I am trying my best to be normal here. The girl who I would give the world for – yeah – I am at her wedding and I'm trying dearly not to behead her lovely wedded husband. I feel like I'm torn between self-destruction and seriously demolishing the décor…"

"Jacob?" I interjected quietly. He let me continue and I proceeded in a calm but serious voice, "Jake, you said you were going to let her go. You chose to come. You're cleaving the pack in two so you can maintain your ties with Bella. She's married now. And she's going to be married every time you see her from now until the end of time. So grow a pair, suck one down and get over it."

His eyes widened and he looked at me with shock and bemusement. "That's right," I told him. He needed to stop harping about this. I knew it was hard for him. Hard enough that I would never understand but if he didn't move on – at least to the next stage of this whole grieving process – he would never be happy. All he'd ever think about would be Bella. With Edward. And that was not healthy. Maybe it would've been better if he'd submitted to Sam's will and stayed away.

"I wasn't finished," he told me through clenched teeth. "All of that I can deal with but I have to say when I look up and see you - of all people – dancing with Mike Asshat Newton… I come about this," he indicated with his thumb and index finger, "close to a homicide investigation."

"Jake, are you serious? Is this a fit of chivalry? Is that why you're flipping a shit? Don't you think after all the bull I've dealt with in this life and the last that I can cope with Mike Newton for a four-minute waltz around the dance floor? Do you actually have that little faith in my capabilities? I've had worse encounters at nursing homes."

"Bree," he looked right at me, "Did you see - did you freaking see – how he was looking at you?" He spoke through gritted teeth trying not to shout. "He was undressing you with his damn eyes. Maybe guys notice this stuff quicker but it was disgusting."

"Welcome to the world," I stalked towards him, "I'm not saying I like it, but that's how shit is nowadays, Grandpa Jake. It's going to happen."

He just shook his head. "What's worse," he said deathly quiet, "is watching you do nothing."

"Oh hell freaking NO!" I closed the distance and punched him in the arm. "You will not blame this on me Jacob Black," I told him dangerously.

"Bree…" he looked at me disparagingly. At this point I stalked away towards the edge of the porch and slammed my small clutch down. I pulled off the bracelets I had on and the earrings. I had complete tunnel vision. I could only see what was directly in front of me because I was so enraged. I wanted to pummel Jacob into a pile of dust. I couldn't even fathom how his twisted mind gathered that I somehow enjoyed or egged on Mike Newton in anyway. I was mad that he'd think that little of me. It also made me terribly sad.

"What are you doing?" Jacob called as I slipped my first heel off.

"I'm going to beat the shit out of you," I told him honestly. I was getting ready to wallop him but I was huffing and puffing because I was so upset. I couldn't cry so my altered breathing just blended with the other manifestations of my anger.

Jake's tone changed once he saw I was fully prepared to resort to extreme physical violence. "Bree…" he said rationally. "No, let's just—" but he never finished his sentence. Because I had stomped back towards him and socked him right in the jaw.

"Ow!" he said bringing himself upright, holding his jaw. "Goddammit…" he muttered. It damn well should have hurt – I forgot to take off the small stainless steel ring I had on. The large metal front had been melded completely around my finger from the impact. I didn't give Jake much more time to recover before I forcefully shoved him.

"What the hell is your problem?" I shouted.

"What are you trying to say?" I swung at him again as he deftly avoided me. He wouldn't retaliate; he just kept trying to interject, to stop me.

"That I'm a tease?" – shove – "Is that what you think of me?" – swing – "A flirt?" – shove – "A woman of the night?" – swing – "a slut?"

"What!" he shouted, finally catching my hand before it made contact with his face again. My misery was beginning to win out, my anger fizzling out after my one-sided pushing match. My eyes got wide and my breathing was erratic.

"Because that's certainly what it sounds like Jacob," I set my mouth trying to keep it from betraying me. I snapped my wrists out of his grip and he dodged my next punch. He braced my arms to keep me at a safe distance.

He just shook his head and kept opening and closing his mouth like a guppy. "Spit. It. Out!" I yelled. He backed me up to the porch and propped me on the ledge next to my jewelry. He removed his hands from my arms but kept them poised waiting for my next assault.

I just sat on the porch, feeling like a completely debased piece of existence. In high school I let it roll off when kids found out I lived on the streets. When I thought Edward was getting on my case I tweaked a little. But now that Jacob, someone I trusted – which was saying something considering our kind rarely got on well - had brought this to light. No matter how untrue it was – I felt like nothing. I just wanted lay on the porch and not move for days. He was supposed to be my friend and he'd just turned everything upside down.

Jake looked upset and anxious. He was acting like he had been forced into a corner and was looking for a way out. With unease and apprehension he backed away from me, his eyes scanning around in front of him.

"Where are you going?" I demanded as he backed towards the woods. I stood up and took a step, "Jacob I'm talking to you!" He just looked up at me and shook his head slightly, signaling me to stop, his eyes still wide. He turned around and ran into the trees. "Jacob!" My fury resurged as I picked up my clutch off the porch and whipped it at his retreating form like a discus. I heard it thud against him and fall to the ground. My anger subsided as quickly as it had resurfaced and Jacob ran until I couldn't see him, couldn't hear him.

Fifteen minutes later I'd regrouped and returned to the reception. Jasper sat down next to me a while later. "I can feel you all the way across the room. What's wrong, peach?"

I didn't know what to tell the guy. He probably did not want to know all the gory details. I was well aware he didn't like Jacob and I didn't need an 'I told you so,'; though I doubt Jasper would ever come outright with something like that. Instead I just let my head fall and bonk against the table.

"Ah, yes. This clears everything up. I understand completely."

"You don't want to know," I mumbled.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked as he placed his hand on my back.

"I don't know."


	18. Brother Knows Best

I passed the rest of the reception quite well. If I just chose not to think about the recent past I was fine. Edward and Bella ended up leaving for their honeymoon about two hours later and the human guests and the Denali coven departed as well.

I helped Alice and Rosalie pick up as Emmett and Esme took down the tents. Carlisle and Jasper were in the front yard picking up. By this time, I didn't really care much about putting on the façade for the guests and the newlyweds. I wasn't totally miserable but I wasn't very talkative – which Alice and Rosalie noticed. But they did leave me be for the time.

Hours later after cleaning the yard and storing the supplies, it was Sunday night and I was wandering around the house in shorts in a tee shirt – it was much better than that dress and those heels. I was meandering down the second floor hall when I saw a door cracked open. I thought this was strange because – despite the Cullen's openness – they liked their privacy and typically closed their doors whenever they were inside.

I then remembered that this was Jasper's study. I'd never really been inside, so I stopped in the doorway, Jasper was sitting at a desk – his feet propped up – playing with a Rubix Cube. It was good to see he used his time constructively. But I suppose it was better than me – who spent five hours a night pretending I could still sleep. He looked up at me and smiled a greeting.

The far wall of Jasper's study was all window. The large center of the room was a little sitting area, some antique unmatched couches and chairs all surrounding a coffee table. The furniture was worn and the table was chipped in places. You could tell someone lived here – it was nice. The left and right side were bookshelves stocked with all manner of things. Books, maps, strange scrolls and odd instruments of a scientific nature I was sure. Every nook and cranny housed some unique tool; it was like some magical apothecary. It was cluttered but not in a bad way – in a some-one-lived-and-worked-here kind of way.

"Can I talk to you?" I mumbled. I didn't know if I wanted to spill to Rose and Alice just quite yet. I knew they'd listen to me and probably be able to share their own stories but I think I needed to talk to a boy. Carlisle was out of the question – I was not talking to my father about this particular topic. Emmett would probably use unnecessary force and Edward and I coasted on a thin layer of polite speaking terms. Jasper was my big brother. He helped me with my immortal issues maybe he could help with my more mundane dilemmas. He was a naturally empathetic soul.

"You're still upset?" I liked that he at least asked me about how I was feeling, even though he already knew. I nodded and padded over to the couch in the middle of the room. I leaned back and propped my bare feet on the edge of the table. Jasper sat next to me and imitated my posture, before offering me his Rubix Cube. "Thanks," I giggled as I began to fiddle with it.

"So, peach what's eating you up?" he asked softly.

"I don't want you to be mad," I told him honestly as I swiveled the interlocking pieces of the block in my hands. I needed boy advice from my brother and truth be told – this brother did not care for the boy in question.

"I won't be mad," he promised.

"Fine," I caved. "Today at the reception I was upset because…" I didn't want to come outright and say 'Jake went completely postal and called me a slut'. Not a good life choice. I needed a different way to go about this.

"How do you feel," I began again, "when you see Rosalie or Bella dancing with other boys – you know – other than say family?" I was totally backing into this. In fact I was pretty sure I was trying to make a semi do a three-point turn in downtown Manhattan. But I would reach my destination sooner or later.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "depends on the person and the situation, I suppose. Does this have to do with dancing?" He wondered.

I nodded, "Mhm."

"Okay. Are you, me? Or are you Rose/Bella?" he continued. I was glad he was playing this twisted game of cat and mouse with me.

"I'm Rose/Bella," I confirmed.

"Well, that means there's a 'me'. And judging by how you worded your first question, I'd say you were expecting an adverse reaction. Is the 'me' still a boy?"

I nodded.

"Oh, I think I see where this may be going. Did your dancing with someone upset someone else?"

Nod.

"And that in turn upset you? Or the 'me' did or said something to upset you?"

Nod.

"Any clues as to who this 'me' is? I can probably reckon who – there weren't many of us there but you could save me the guessing."

"Who was the person you saw me step away from the crowd with? And then return without?" I asked bluntly.

"Oh sweet Lord," Jasper sighed, "What'd he do to you."

"He didn't do anything!" I insisted, "He just got angry and I got mad too."

"Bree," he said honestly, "I don't like you spending time with him. Heck, I don't like Bella spending time with him but there isn't a whole heck of a lot I can do about that. If he were ever to get angry enough he could just snap."

"Jasper," I heaved a sigh, "he wouldn't hurt me. He couldn't hurt me. I'm not made of glass! He didn't even do anything. He got mad because I danced with Mike Newton and just started spazzing out! I smacked knocked him around and he did nothing."

"Yes, I don't doubt your abilities," he acceded, "But it's the principal of the matter. It's the thought behind it. And he's still emotionally volatile; he doesn't necessarily have to hurt you physically. I'm your big brother, Bree. I don't like seeing you hurt and I think Jacob has a large potential for that."

"Jas," I picked my feet off the table and turned to him, "I know you don't like him. I get it. But do you think we could just the fact that it's him aside? Because he's my friend and I may have royally screwed this up and I need some help. Let's just call him 'Dave' if need be, kay?"

"All right," he nodded, centering himself, "I am a completely unbiased third party. Shoot."

"I just don't get it," I stated eloquently, "I mean, he flipped a shit because I was dancing with Mike Newton – who I'll admit was rather handsy with the human he brought – but what should make him get mad at me? It's not like I can't handle the mutant."

"Wait," Jasper paused before clarifying, "Dave got mad at you, not… the situation?"

Great. I didn't want to have to explain the part where Jacob had said some less than appealing things to me. I was still mad at the jerk but that didn't mean I wished for his dismemberment – which had a large potential to happen if I told Jasper the truth. It was a guarantee if Emmett found out.

"What did he say to you, Bree?" Jasper asked firmly.

"I don't want you to flip out too," I confessed tinkering idly with his Rubix Cube.

"Well, if you don't tell me, I'm just going to jump to irrational conclusions and do something we'll both regret, so fess up."

"He said he didn't like me dancing with Mike. He told me it was worse watching me do nothing."

"And what did you do?" he asked in a tone a little to level and quiet for my liking.

"Um…" I scratched the back of my neck, "I punched him. In the face. I was really raving actually. Demanding to know what he thought of me; if he thought I was easy or a tease. And he just bolted."

Jasper breathed deep a few times and rubbed his hands of over his stony face and through his bond curls. He dropped his hands and was staring at the couch for a few moments, before looking up at me with a small side smile.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused. I was expecting the anger to grow – not be replaced with a smile.

My confused expression just made him smile bigger and now I could see all his teeth. He leaned forward and engulfed me in a hug. "I just think you handled the situation exceptionally well."

I laughed, "I'm glad you think so, but before I dug myself into this hole, I wanted to know what happened. Why would someone just do that? What would make Dave react that way? What the hell is his problem – since I couldn't get him to answer that question."

Jasper released me and sat upright, "Well, looking at this from an unbiased, male perspective I'd say one or two things were processing in Dave's mind. One: he's jealous because you were dancing with someone else. Typical male reaction towards a female he's attracted to."

"Dave," I stated bluntly, "is not attracted to me."

Jasper shrugged, "Suit yourself, peach. I just interpret the stuff for you. Option two, I'd say is he probably feels about you dancing with young Mr. Newton how I feel about you spending time with him. It may be a natural defense mechanism. If he views you as a friend, his breed has a natural protective intuition. You said yourself – Mike's less than a gentlemen."

"So you don't think it was me he was mad at? Because that's certainly what it sounded like." I was still drawing a bit of a blank here.

Jasper pursed his lips and shook his head, "Nope. Some of us men have this nasty habit of saying or doing really stupid things when we get upset. It makes sense in our heads at the time just not in the real world."

I laid out on the couch, my legs on Jasper's lap, "Keep going."

"Well," he sighed, "As much as I hate to admit it, it sounds like Dave is not necessarily a jerk. That he thinks you're – what did you say – 'easy'. You said he made a break for it right after you accused him of thinking all that? If he agreed, I don't see why he'd run off. It seems like a completely arbitrary act. I think we can at least conclude that."

"So," I wrapped up, "Dave was probably mad at me. He was mostly likely jealous – not – or feeling overprotective. His weird boy brain inadvertently blamed it on me and he probably doesn't think those things. But if I want the truth I'm going to have to ask him? Is that an accurate summary?" I asked peek at Jasper from my end of the couch.

"Sounds 'bout right," he affirmed.

"Thanks, Jas," I told him, "for listening to my psychobabble."

"It's what I'm here for, peach. But I'm having a talk with that boy the next time he comes around."

Sweet Jesus.


	19. Evil Plans and the Mars Volta

"What's up, Bree?" Alice asked me with her hands on her hips stubbornly the next afternoon, Monday.

"It's a long and stupid story," I mumbled.

"I do love a juicy tale," Rose piped up from the living room couch.

"Do you really want to know?"

Moments later found me in my room. I insisted that because I was no longer human and didn't have the luxury of sitting on my bedroom floor crying with my girlfriends and a pint of ice cream that I should be granted at least one favor. Alice and Rose sat cross-legged on my bed and I had wrapped myself completely in my comforter. All that was visible was my pouty face.

"So!" Alice demanded, "What has you in such a funk?"

"We don't want to have to use force," Rose warned, "If Alice wants to get the eyelash curler, I'm not going to stop her."

I just rolled onto my side like a little cotton burrito and told them the whole story; for some reason it was easy relaying the gory detail to them than Jasper – but in the end talking to him was probably the best idea I'd had all night. He let me lay on top of him as I spent the next three hours trying to solve that Rubix Cube. I kept getting frustrated and he eventually tried explaining a certain technique but it was lost on me. I'd asked him about the country records upstairs but he claimed ignorance and then thanked me for stereotyping him. I laughed it off and was shortly placated when I pulled a bluegrass CD of the coffee table. "Coincidence," was all he would say. I told him that I still planned on taking him to a concert in Seattle, that he needed the pop-culture and the human contact. He still seemed anxious about it but also enthusiastic.

I told them everything - how I'd danced with Jake and he'd been down in the dumps. I started getting upset as I explained about dancing with Mike – thinking back on it just made me cringe. I explained to them how Jake had pulled me away from the group and started ranting about Bella and somehow segued into his disgust with my dancing with Mike.

"What, was he having some kind of macho moment?" Rose asked confused.

"That's what I thought," I agreed, "Until he'd pulled a fast one on me. He was upset because I let it happen." It was somehow my fault or I encouraged it. With that epiphany, Rose and Alice both clapped their hands over their mouths with a gasp.

"He did _not_," Alice murmured.

"What did you do?" Rose asked quickly.

"I took my shoes off and prepared to beat the shit out of him. I only got one good swing in," I whined. "I was demanding to know what he thought of me. When he heard me say the word 'slut' he just froze up. His eyes got all wide and spacey and he just _ran off_."

At this point Alice and Rose both looked about as confused as I felt. "It makes me so angry!" I growled, "Because I _never_ let anyone talk to me like that. Talk _down_ to me like that. I could have ripped his head off."

I was quiet for a minute, "But it also makes me indescribably sad. Jake's been really nice to me and for him to think that stuff – to form those kinds of thoughts – about me just makes me feel like a low life. And it makes me even _angrier_ that he can make me feel that way."

I rolled over onto my face and talked into the mattress. "This is so messed up."

"You got that right," Alice muttered.

"It gets even better: I talked to Jasper about it last night." They both just gawked at me for a minute. "Think about it: I needed a guy's perspective – and he was rather insightful when he wasn't hating on the boy – and Emmett would've killed him, Edward and I's relationship is shaky enough and Carlisle? I think not. I'm not talking to my dad about boy problems. This is not Junior High."

"And I know you guys – especially you, Rose – don't particularly care for Jake but I think you can understand where I'm coming from. I mean, that came _completely_ out of left field."

"Boys…" Rose sighed. We talked until dusk, ranting and cutting down men in general. I was relieved to hear that both Emmett and Jasper had done some marginally idiotic things on occasion as well.

We decided to have a girl's night. We broke off and spent the night trying to find everything even remotely feminine and reconvene in the living room for our movie screening. Because no girl's night was complete without a viewing of _Titanic_, _Pretty_ _Woman_, _The_ _Notebook_, _Legally_ _Blonde_ and _Sleepless_ _in_ _Seattle_ as well as _Pride_ _and_ _Prejudice_ and _Breakfast_ _at_ _Tiffany's_.

When Jasper and Emmett saw us gathering the gear they just high tailed it out of the room. I was fairly certain they weren't even in the house anymore. We spent the day painting nails, reading Rose's enormous collection of Cosmo and Vogue.

As evening settled in, Alice insisted we watch _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ first. She sang the Deep Blue Something song for the first ten minutes as Rose applied topcoat to my now rich purple toes and shook her head. When we were done we sat on the floor leaning against the couch, admiring our shiny toes and watched as Audrey Hepburn's character flitted through cocktail party after cocktail party.

Esme had joined us when we started our second movie. We were well into _The Notebook_ and frozen in our spots crying dry tears as the sun began rising again. It was early Tuesday morning and still a little foggy. I couldn't believe Bella and Edward's wedding had been three whole days ago. It didn't seem like seventy-two hours worth of time had passed.

We spent the remainder of Tuesday on our butts doing nothing I'm happy to report. And I loved it! After we exhausted our movie collection Rose, Esme, Alice and I picked up our mess in the living room and I ended up in my room. I paced around for a bit before I decided what I wanted to do. I wanted to fulfill a promise.

I told Jasper we were going to a concert and by god I would drag him there. I padded downstairs to the computer and tapped my fingers as it hummed to life. I chewed my lip as I looked over all the possibilities. There were clubs, arenas and parks all over the place and I didn't know what would be best, nor what would be preferable. But I assumed the music was only marginally important as Jasper would most likely be concentrating on not killing anyone. Eminem and Elton John were both out of the question. I kept scrolling through the search. I laughed at the thought of Jasper at a Fall Out Boy concert. We probably weren't ready for Godsmack. Green Day would be packed. Then I found a select audience playing of The Mars Volta at the House of Blues. It looked like one of those affairs where it only happened for you if you knew someone.

But then I realized: I am someone. I wield the powerful and ambiguous Cullen name now. I smirked to myself, ran upstairs to grab the envelope full of checking account information. With any luck they wouldn't make me pay until we got there. I grabbed the hand held on my way back to the computer and dialed. The Special Events Coordinator.

"Hello," a self-important voice came from the other end, "This is Nick Proctor."

I tried as well to sound really self-important while not sounding self important. If that makes any sense. "Hi, Mr Proctor. This is Bree Cullen and I was wondering what the situation is for the The Mars Volta appearance you have happening in three weeks?"

"Um.. ah…"

"Yes?" I responded sweetly.

"I'm sorry, reception's a bit foggy on my end. What did you say your name was?"

"Bree Cullen. Maybe you know my father Carlisle? You see, my father's birthday is coming up and I was just really hoping to surprise him with some tickets. It would really make his day."

"Yeah. Sure. Could you hold one second? Let me get the information?"

"Absolutely." Okay so I already had the story floating out there that I was daughter-in-law not daughter. And sure, I'd invite Carlisle – along with anyone else interested – but I felt like his name still held more sway then maybe one of his allegedly obscure children. How would this guy know? I doubt he'd be there the night of the show.

"All right, Ms Cullen?" Nick returned.

"Yes?" I continued kindly.

"We can absolutely accommodate you. How many seats should I be looking to save?"

I thought for a moment. Might as well go with nine on the safe side – I had no idea when Bella and Edward were returning. Maybe they'd want to come. Why the heck not if I could manage it. I was important.

"Could you be a dear and hold nine?"

"Nine seats it is. Your name and the number of your party has been added to the list. Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms Cullen?"

Do want any money for all this, dude? Except I didn't say that aloud. I was just letting him lead the conversation at this point. "I don't think so."

"All right then, we'll see you in a few weeks."

Score. That was easier than I thought. Now I just had to find that new ID. Then I proceeded to skip down the hallway to Jasper's study. I knocked and he answered a moment later. "Jasper, oh dear brother of mine, how do you feel about The Mars Volta?"

He quirked an eyebrow, because that _was_ a totally off the wall question to ask. "I really like The Mars Volta. I'll show you the collection sometime. Why?"

"Yay!" I said hopping up and down, clapping my hands.

"Why are you going all 'Alice' on me?" he asked warily.

"Jasper. I am making good on my promise and we are going to a special performance by The Mars Volta in three weeks at the House of Blues in Seattle."

He just looked at me. I could tell he didn't know whether to hug or strangle me. "Only fifty people – not some mass of idiots. I'm still new to all this 'human contact' business so you'll have to help me prep. But I think we'll be okay. Just a little faith."

"Yeah, sure…" he nodded with wide eyes. "I hear they're really good live."

There wasn't much more I could do for him. He needed to let information process so I went further down the hall and knocked on the door of Alice's room where all her fashion designing just kind of exploded in one room. If I thought my closet was bad – it was nothing in comparison to this woman's room.

Rosalie was in there with her. "Any of you ladies want to go to a Mars Volta concert?"

"Sure!" they agreed.

"Yay," Alice squealed in delight, mimicking my earlier actions.

Alice spent the interim weeks in a constant cloud of fabric and leather. She offered me a pair of leather pants, which I declined. Leather pants? Was she crazy? She was working on some great masterpiece of her own for the occasion. Let me tell you now – it took the whole three weeks. And she doesn't sleep anymore.

Rose was going to invite Emmett – that was an obvious yes. I invited Esme and Carlisle – telling Carlisle I'd used him to weasel my way into them. He had a good laugh but declined; he was working third shift at the hospital that night. Esme insisted I make it a night for the kids and she would enjoy a quiet house for a few hours. Five out of nine? Not too bad.

Now, I know that Jasper was nervous about this whole ordeal. But I wanted to finagle it in such a way that it seemed like he was helping me out, when I was really helping him too. The guy needed a boost to the good ol' self-esteem. As Alice laid waste to the fabric manufacturers of the world, I formulated a plan. I was going to help him. But I was still working out the finer details. Like how.

Bella and Edward returned two weeks after their wedding with the news of some avian pandemic and Edward's increased paranoia. Bella just rolled her eyes. I told them about our adventure but Bella couldn't come – she was taking a weekend with her mom before she settled into being a married lady. And she finally pushed Edward into saying yes. He wanted to – he just felt guilty.

It was Friday – the day before the show – and I needed to put my plan into action. So I decided to nonchalantly bring up my idea for a good hunt on Friday night. Insisting that I didn't want any temptation.

Jasper agreed to go too. My evil plan was working thus far. Edward must've caught something in my brainwaves because he joined too. And not in the "I'm hungry" way. More like the pan-out-to-Edward-rubbing-his-chin-in-ponderance-of-my-evil-plans-but-thankfully-having-more-tact-than-to-reveal-them-Hollywood sort of way.

We set out once the Seahawks game reached halftime. But the only problem was for this to work I needed to touch Jasper or have him touch me – with out seeming totally creepy. Since I figured finding a way for me to touch Jasper relied too much on _him _working with the plan he didn't know about. I decided I needed to work it so he'd touch me. Before we even left I stood on the edge of the woods and took a dramatic deep breath. "This is kind of scary," I said. _Edward. Don't say anything. Just _go_ with it, man!_

Jasper came up beside me, "I think you can handle the elk, Bree."

"It's not the _elk_, Jas," I said in an attempt at girly frustration when he didn't understand my angst. "This whole thing is just making me nervous."

"The show? You'll do fine," he said. "We won't let you do anything." Then he did just what I was looking for. Jasper was a mystery but his protective, brotherly, southern-mannered tendencies were not. He reached out his palm to take my hand.

Yes! I took it willingly and he pulled me into a hug. I placed my hands flat on his back and willed all my healing powers to somehow help him a little. I knew that I really only worked on the physical. And part of the thirst was mental because it only partially worked on me. So even at my highest concentration it would only be a tenth of my ability when translated to Jasper. But I honestly believed that's all he needed.

Me doing it for him wouldn't have been right. I wouldn't have done it. But he needed _just enough_. If my teensy bit of help coupled with his own self-control could get him through the show. I know it would be a big step for him. And he'd helped me so much already. I just wanted to return the favor.

I felt the familiar heat in my hands and just prayed to all the gods I'd ever vaguely acknowledged that this worked. Just this once.

Edward gave me a look. There wasn't a lot of thought that necessarily went into my healing. But Edward had begun to pick up the patterns in my mind when it was happening. _I'll tell you later._

And then we hunted some elk.

I was compiling my own outfit after our hunt Saturday, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in," I called from my closet. Edward entered and sat on my bed. "What did you do?" he asked, apropos of nothing.

"A little fairy dust is all," I assured him. "Look, he's been battling his inner demons for god knows how long – because I surely don't, I just know he's old so it's been damn long enough and he needs to move on. I just gave him a little of my healing juices to get him through this. It's more psychological than anything else. If he thinks he got through the whole show without so much pain, I think it would really help him."

"But the thirst always comes back," he shrugged, "are you just going to find some way fix him every time it resurfaces?"

"No," I shook my head, "That's the thing. This thirst is about seventy percent psychological. Because my healing helps me, I only get thirty percent of that physical reaction to the bloodlust patched up. And part of the psychological is a reaction to the physical. Ergo, my easier than normal transition. The power I transfer to others is never one hundred percent – maybe only like, half. So if I can knock fifteen percent of Jasper's thirst out. Then maybe he'll end up cancelling out another fifteen percent of the psychological bull on his own."

"I think of it as a kick start. Does that make any sense at all?"

Edward's brow was furrowed in concentration. "Well, it's hard because it's not my ability so I don't really have a full grasp on how works…"

"Me neither dude," I reassured him.

"But I think I understand. You believe it will work?"

"No harm in trying," I shrugged. Just then there was another – more frantic tap at my door. "It's open."

It clicked open Jasper marched in pacing around my floor. He both had wide eyes and was running his hands through his hair incessantly. He was panicking? Already. Well, my mission was going swimmingly.

"Jas?" I came out of my closet and asked.

"Alice is trying to dress me," Jasper informed me in a mild state of hysteria. "I'm 165," he yelled, "I can do it myself! And she's looking for you." He pointed at Edward.

"She's not even my wife!" Edward yelled.

"Okay," I said holding my hands up, "everyone calm down. We'll figure this out." I thought for a moment as Edward and Jas continued their path up and down my room. "Wait! Edward is she on this floor? I can't hear her."

He searched for her mind for a moment. "No, she's looking for _you _too. Woman's on a mission," he said.

"Dammit," I muttered. "Okay we need to evacuate. To Edward's room. Quick!" I slid open my door and could hear Alice coming down the hall one floor below. I turned back around, signaled them both to remain quiet and follow me. In less than five seconds all three of us had bolted from my room, closed the door and ended up in Edward's room in total silence.

"That was a close one," Edward said as we listened to Alice march up the stairs and bang on my door. We just sat their as still as statues so she wouldn't hear us. Eventually she went back down the stairs with a huff.

"Go get changed," I told Edward. "We'll tell her I dressed you later." I don't know what Alice's hang up was. Edward had better fashion sense than me. And Jasper? He was right. He was a big boy. Dressing your husband is weird.

A minute later I heard Edward call from the depths of his closet as he changed, "No, Jas. We will not be belaying down the side of the house. If you can distract her for a minute then we can get down a floor to your room. I'll let you know when she's on the first floor."

Then silence.

Then Edward stumbled out of his closet pulling a boot on, "Go, Jas, go! She's on the first floor. Distract her!" Jasper closed his eyes momentarily before they popped back open.

"All right, let's go," he said. "We don't have long. I can't concentrate with all this anxiety." And we repeated our same stealth moves down the hall, down the stairs and into Jasper's study. There was a closet tucked in the back behind a giant ancient globe that he disappeared into.

"You know," I said so only Jasper and Edward could hear me, "I met you two after an intense and heated battle to the death. You killed and dismembered. You can't tell Alice you want to dress yourselves."

"You won't understand," Edward murmured back, "until it happens to you."

"Hey," I raised my hands in surrender, "I already lived through your wedding. That was bad enough. By the way you two _so_ owe me."

True enough Jasper and Edward dressed themselves like big boys and Alice emitted only a slight huff that turned to a smile when I told her I'd done it.

Emmett had not escaped Alice's clutches and was washing the gel out of his hair in the kitchen as she was talking to us. We all piled into the Chevelle. Because it was a piece of junk that wouldn't attract attention and it had a pseudo bench seat up front. Half bench seat. Half console. Alice was thrilled not to be tiniest anymore. I was taller but I had a narrower frame so I got to sit in between Emmett and Jasper up front. And Emmett got to reach between my legs to shift gears and make jokes at my expense.

I popped in my burned Mars Volta CD and Alice and Rose were rocking out back there for quite a while. Edward was between them and just kind of staring at me in pain through the rearview mirror. _Do you want your metro-looking, bedazzled brother reaching between your legs? Want to sit next to the one that's one rare steak short of a homicide investigation? _He smiled a bit and shook his head infinitesimally.

_That's what I thought. Alice get's this one on the ride home. Now can it._


	20. Sluts, Sickness and Absolution

We made it to the House of Blues right on time. Emmett actually complimented me on the way my archaic Chevelle handled – and for that I didn't not push him out of the car for making sexual jokes the whole way.

Alice came right up to Jasper's side – remarkably quiet in comparison to her total rocking out ten minutes ago in the back seat. She took his hand and smiled up at him. "Don't worry," she said in her little chime-like voice, "I can see it. You're going to do great." He just nodded and the two followed Rose and Emmett towards the door.

As we crossed the parking lot, I sidled up to Edward. "How's he doing?" I asked.

"I think you were quite right," he admitted. "Most of what I'm hearing is mental anxiety. He doesn't have that physical thirst. He's just nervous. It's like the first day of school all over again."

"That's sad and cute all at the same time," I told him.

At the door, I flashed my ID and absolutely no mention of money was made at all. Again, I'm not going to be the one to bring it up – I had the cash on me just in case – but a free show was fine by me.

The show was amazing as ever. I once listened to a live show by the Mars Volta from outside and it still rocked. It was out of this world from the inside. They were a great live act; it was a once in a lifetime kinda thing.

Jasper actually began to loosen up about a half hour into the show. There weren't that many people there. It was a closed showing so there weren't masses, but enough people to make any of us a little nervous. People were close together and we all got bumped every now and again. Jasper handled it perfectly though and Alice never left his side. In the end he actually had fun. There were smiles I tell you; not that constant look of concentration he had around humans.

There were still some specials there though. One girl never stopped jumping the whole time. Seriously, the whole time we were there she was just ricocheting of the floor like a human superball. Even _Alice_ was amazed.

There was this pack of guys from the Jersey shore (search me how they got to Seattle from the Jersey shore – I just overhear these things) and one of them kept trying to get at me. We were in a public place so I couldn't do anything too obvious – like rip his arm off – but he was drunk, I could smell it, and he wasn't getting the hint. Eventually Edward put on his mean face and said something scary enough to get him to go away.

I just smiled my thanks. Even in this noise I didn't think he'd understand a word I said. The show wound down around 1AM and all the exhausted, drunk, horny humans filtered out. We moseyed our way out to the parking lot – Emmett and Edward keeping me on their left as our lovely East Coast friends staggered haphazardly toward their Escalade. "Stop it you two," I told them, "They're so wasted they wouldn't even recognize me."

"Yeah, but they would recognize your being female," Emmett replied.

"That's all that matters at this point," Edward continued.

"Well, why just me? Why not Rose or Alice?" I said crossing my arms. I was a big girl now, I could handle this. Why were all the men in my life being so _insane_?

"Because Rose scares everyone," Emmett informed my plainly.

"Alice is with Jasper," Edward went on.

"Jasper scares everyone," Emmett added.

"And they like the feisty brunette," Edward finished.

"Okay," I said, "Mary Kate and Ashley? You two need to stop finishing each other's sentences. Number two: don't you think I can handle a man the same height as me? I've got this vampire thing going on, maybe you didn't get the memo?"

They just looked at each other and shook their heads. I let out an audible growl of irritation as we reached my car.

Alice sat up front on the seat as we left the city and moved to Jasper's lap as we moved out and away from all the patrol units. I sat in the back in Alice's old spot and everyone was quiet for most of the way home. It was almost like they were sleeping. At the very least they were in there own little worlds.

I eventually turned myself so I was facing Edward in the seat next to me. He had this stony look on his face. The one he got when he was angry but had no plans to actually talk about it. "Edward," I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace of the car, "What'd you tell those guys when we were back there? In the House of Blues?"

He thought for a moment about what I was talking about – clearly his mind was elsewhere – and smiled. "I simply offered to show him proper hair washing techniques."

_Liar_. I knew whatever he told them it probably wasn't very nice. He was also too much of a gentlemen to ever tell me either.

"Thanks," I smiled knowingly.

"You're right on both accounts," he confirmed, "and your welcome. I'm your big brother, Bree. It's what I'm here for."

* * *

We made it home by three that morning – Emmett's driving had been rather conservative on the way home. Esme was in the kitchen putting samples together in her catalog for her clients, while Carlisle poured over what looked to be hospital paperwork on the other side of the counter.

I loved Carlisle and Esme. More than words could describe. They were in love but to the outside world it was such a perfect and simple bond. Rose and Emmett were the obvious type, Edward and Bella, the tragic Romeo and Juliet types. Jasper and Alice had this ethereal, otherworldly bond; they just knew what was happening or going through the other's mind by instinct.

But Esme and Carlisle. They were two halves and – both absorbed in their work at the same table – they even flipped pages in synchronization, looking up and smiling at each other at the same time. It was a strange kind of magic, those two had.

I watched them with a smile as I crossed the house with the others. We told them about how good the concert was and Alice joked about my getting hit on by some weirdos. Rose asked Esme if she enjoyed her time alone and she did. She warned us that some of the furniture may have been relocated and not to be concerned.

Carlisle's shift at the hospital had been largely uneventful, but one patient's symptoms were astounding him and he couldn't help but bring his work home with him. Alice and Jasper made their way to the living room while the Edward, Rosalie and Emmett headed upstairs. Carlisle peeked around me subtly at Alice and Jasper on the couch. Alice had her head tossed back – laughing at something Jasper had said. Jasper was smiling and in that moment he looked up at Carlisle and I, briefly nodded his head before returning to his gaze to his wife.

I turned again to face Carlisle. "He had fun. Didn't have enough anxiety in him to kill a good time. He did a really good job. You would've been proud."

Carlisle and Esme just smiled like proud parents. I don't imagine either was completely oblivious to Jasper's struggle. They were a highly involved parent and mentor set. They'd both probably been struggling with him these past hundred years.

I gave Esme a kiss on the cheek and went upstairs to change. When I came back down, I sat with Alice, Jasper and Edward – who were now fully engaged in _Doctor Who_ marathon. A while later the doorbell rang. We were getting to a very good part so I only recognized Carlisle getting up to answer it – not who was actually there.

I chewed the tip of my thumb, leaning forward against the pillow I held in my lap as I watched – enthralled with my brothers and sister, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Bree, could I have a word?"

"Sure Carlisle," I stood up and hopped quietly over the back of the couch so as not to disturb anyone's rapt attention. I followed Carlisle as he headed towards the dining room. I rounded the corner and froze. Quil and Seth were the last two people I expected to see sitting there. Okay, maybe second and third last, but _still_.

"Quil? Seth?" I was royally confused, "What gives?" Neither one of them looked happy, in fact they both looked tired and stressed.

Quil looked up at me, "It's Jake. Bree, he's sick."

"What?" I asked eloquently.

"He's sick. Really sick," he shook his head.

I didn't know what to think. Was this some kind of trick? Some kind of sick prank? Instead of continuing to gape at Quil, I turned to Carlisle who was standing beside me.

"It sounds like an infection," he told me. "Quil and Seth's descriptions are spot on."

Quil started counting off on his fingers, "He's got a fever – higher than normal – he's pushing 112° and can't even sit upright without falling over."

Seth picked up, "His heart's been going a mile a minute and he has a weird gash on the side of his face. We think that's where it started. It's looks infected." If you had mentioned the name of Jacob Black to me about five minutes ago, it would've made me angry. Really angry. But he was sick and despite his previous douche bag behavior he had been my friend for a while. I couldn't help the small amount of fear that gripped me with that concept.

Sick. That, in and of itself, was scary. I knew the pack naturally healed but what could possibly prevent this from happening? It must've been bad, especially if they'd come to Carlisle instead of waiting it out. I just swallowed the lump in my throat and turned back to Carlisle.

"I haven't seen him," he shrugged, "So I can't be sure but it sounds like a case of sepsis to me."

"How long has he been sick?" I asked. I hadn't seen him since he ran off at the wedding. It had been over a month.

"A while," Quil shrugged. "First he just felt like crap, the next week he had constant vertigo, then he couldn't keep any food down. Now it's fluids to and Emily won't let him out of his bed."

"I don't get it," Seth stammered, "Carlisle, normally we heal ourselves. What's going on?"

"I'll have to come and see him," Carlisle responded, "I can't be sure. We don't know much about the wolves from a medical standpoint but this is odd. Bree, I'm going to go visit. The pack's given me permission to come onto their land. You can come if you want."

I knew Carlisle already knew my answer. He just continued, "I'm going to need my black bag in my office. It should be on the chair just inside the door. I'm going to tell the others we're heading out for a while. Meet me in the garage."

And with that I made my way towards the stairs and to Carlisle's office. I made myself walk, knowing that if I began to run I'd wouldn't stop.

I made it back downstairs calmly and my siblings just continued to watch _Doctor Who_ like it was the second coming of Christ. I was glad Carlisle hadn't told them. I made it to the garage and hopped into the Carlisle's Mercedes as he started towards the driveway.

My foot was bouncing like a jumping bean as we pulled onto the pavement and made our way towards LaPush. "Carlisle," I asked, "is he going to be okay?"

"Well," he responded quietly, "his immune system is naturally more resilient than a humans. And very few people of his age ever die of sepsis, given proper treatment. The problem here is… well, because of his immune system this shouldn't have technically happened. In addition, giving any kind of medication to the wolves has to be altered because their metabolism works at such a heightened rate."

I just stared at him. That did _not_ answer my question.

"I imagine he'll be fine, Bree. Especially now that he's getting treated."

As we crossed into the wolves' territory I could see them take shape in the woods that ran along the road. Carlisle moved at an incredible rate of speed and I watched as they ran through the trees, just out of sight of humans. They were so enormous and yet incredibly graceful. They raced between the trunks. Silent and quick as specters, they made for the sea and away from the rising sun that was beginning to peek through the forest's green haze.

Carlisle brought the car to a less attention grabbing speed as we passed the first houses.

Eventually the wolves sped past us and were gone from our vision before they vaulted out of the woods – now fully human - and kept running. Carlisle followed them and they brought us to a small, simple house. It was small but very clean, with flowers in pots on the stairs and along the windows. Carlisle pulled behind the house and stopped. I sprang out before he'd taken the keys out of the ignition. When we made it back to the front of the house Quil, Seth, Sam and Embry were padding up the stairs and we followed. They let us into the house.

They sat together and completely occupying the small living room due to their sheer size. It was dark and quiet inside the house and the smell of human food was pervasive. Moments later a girl quietly exited the door directly across from the front door. Her hair was tied back revealing a set of long jagged scars down one side of her face. I would have supposed her beautiful if one of the lines hadn't tugged the corner of her mouth and eye into a permanent grimace. She held a bottle of ginger ale and a hand towel was tossed over her shoulder.

She put both down on the small kitchen table off to the right and extended her hand to Carlisle, "I'm Emily."

"Carlisle. It's a pleasure to meet you Emily," he signaled towards the door, "May I?"

"Get him while he's not in the bathroom I suppose," she smiled ruefully.

Carlisle turned to me, "Give me ten minutes?"

I nodded and watched him leave. I took to pacing between the front door and the door behind which Carlisle just disappeared. I was on the verge of gnawing my thumb off when I decided doing something more productive might help. I turned to Emily bustling away in the kitchen.

"Can I help with anything?" I asked. She turned at the sound of my voice, "I'm Bree, by the way."

"Emily," she smiled, "and if you could take those three plates of pancakes to the boys that'd be great." I picked up the platters, each of which were stacked a foot high with pancakes. I made my way to the living room and Emily called back. "A word to the wise: put them down when they're not looking and get out of there."

I nodded a brought the plates in. As soon as they'd touched the surface of the table the chaos descended. Individual plates were loaded up and I couldn't tear my eyes away as I watched the food disappear as if into a cyclone in a mere four minutes.

I gave Emily the chance to sit and eat as I shuttled waffles, eggs, French toast, hash browns and muffins into the other room. All of it was completely polished off before I returned with the next. I'm surprised they didn't leave the plates spinning. This wasn't even all of them; I was about to bless Emily's soul for feeding these ravenous beings when Carlisle reemerged.

He came over to me, "Bree, I might need your help. I know you're still working on healing the more complex but I would like you to try with Jake. I think if you could fix it, it would just be simpler then fiddling drug measurements. Take a whack at it for me? No pressure, it would just be quicker is all."

I nodded and walked towards the door before quietly opening it and slipping inside. Jake was laying face down, diagonally across the small twin sized bed. I quietly crossed the room, not really sure if he was sleeping and perched myself on the edge of the bed at his side. I brushed the hair out of his eyes and lay a hand on his bare back. Quil was right, he was burning up; his flesh was scorching – more so than usual.

The one eye visible to me, peered open groggily, "Bree?" he croaked. He seemed surprised to see me. I just smiled and nodded. "Bree, I— I am so sorry. I—"

"Chill out, Jake," I told him, "you can grovel for forgiveness later. Now roll over so I can see your face." I nudged his shoulder and he rolled onto his back squinting at the light. I tipped his chin up and was able to get a better look at the gash Seth had spoken about. It only took one glance to confirm my suspicion. I released his face as if I'd been scalded. I rubbed my eyes and laid my forehead in my palms.

"Am I gonna make it, doc?" Jake asked.

"Jake, this isn't funny. You hadn't noticed that the bruise _surrounding_ this cut is the exact size and shape of my fist." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry. I can't say I'm all that familiar with the size and shape of your fist," he informed me flatly.

"Jacob," I scolded, "I punched you in the face in that _exact _spot not two days ago. This is from _me_."

"I don't think so," he frowned. "I think I just fell."

"And landed on the side of your face? Now that takes skill." He was about to rebut me again but I just shook my head and held my hands out. "Shut up and just let me fix it." I leaned forward taking his face in my hands and closed my eyes, concentrating.

I couldn't drag up enough positive energy to make a difference so I had to draw on my reserves of negativity. I didn't like powering my abilities with negative emotion. It seemed counterintuitive, but it was all I could muster. It didn't take me long to spiral into a complete depression over the fact that somehow I'd hit Jake hard enough to break skin and make him violently ill.

I never wanted to hurt another person. Not after my first dealings with this world. I'd worked so hard on controlling my thirst that other elements of control had been left by the wayside. My anger had gotten the best of me at Bella and Edward's reception and I'd snapped. I'd resorted to physical violence and not only did I hurt someone, I made them ill. Watching all the recent history playback through my mind worsened it tenfold. Because now I could see it from the outside and I was disgusted.

Jake must've noticed it worked because I could feel his warm hands close around mine, holding them to his face. I opened my eyes and found my breathing shallow and erratic. I tried to move my palm to see if it had worked but Jake held my hands. "Don't," he told me, "You're skin's so cold. It feels good."

"Can I just see if it worked," I asked wearily. He allowed me to lift one palm and beneath I could see that the bruise was mostly faded. It had turned a sickly yellow shade – indicating it was near the end of its life. And the cut across Jake's cheek was no longer open but closed up and puffy pink.

"I feel a lot better if that means anything," he told me.

"It looks a lot better, too," I told him tiredly. He sat up next to me held my hands in my lap.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Bree. I'm fine now. You can punch me whenever you want so long as you're willing to patch me up when you're done. Just no more right hooks, okay? You almost knocked me out. Although," he looked down and rubbed the back of his head, "I guess I deserved it."

I laughed dismally, "Yeah, you did."

"Bree, I want to apologize. I had absolutely no right to talk to you like that and I deserved a lot worse than you gave me. I just want you to know that _that_ is not what I think of you. At all. I was really upset and seeing you dance with _Mike_ just really set me off. It's not that I think you're easy – I just felt weird with you even near a guy like him and I snapped at you. I shouldn't have."

"I'm a big girl, Jacob. Don't you think I can read people's intentions fairly well? Don't you think I can probably take Mike Newton?"

"It's not that," he explained, "It's just unnerving, especially for a guy. There are only a select few things going on in our heads while we dance – trying not to step on you or just _you_ - and it's not very hard to see the difference. I just didn't like you exposed to that because you _shouldn't have_ to deal with it anymore."

"Jake. You really upset me. You made me feel like a completely degenerate loser."

"Are you going to make me beg?"

I smiled and nodded as I stared down at our hands. He sighed and slumped off the bed. He kneeled down between my legs. "Please-please-please-please-please…" he begged as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

It took all I had not to burst out laughing. I knew good-Jacob was back. I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep the sound in. He looked up at me with doleful dark eyes. I pursed my lips and covered his face with my hands. "We'll see," I told him.

"I'll take it," I heard him say against my hands.


	21. Something Wicked This Way Comes

Bella came home from her trip with her mom. She was a little sad because she knew it was probably the last time she'd see her. She was going to be changed soon and she had at least a year as a newborn before she could stand to be around humans. It must be a lot like going to your own funeral; she was waving goodbye to an age gone past, already knowing that she wasn't long for this world and that she might as well get her hugs and last words in while she can. I had no idea what she was going to do, to be honest. She didn't want to fake any violent crimes against herself but how could she just fall off the planet? She had two loving parents. I guess we were all going to have to hash that out later.

In the meantime, Bella walked a little straighter nowadays. She had been nervous before the wedding but she was simply beaming now. And that day she had asserted herself and talked to Edward on her terms sealed the deal. She was just… different. In a good way; she wasn't so meek and sheepish anymore.

A storm was rolling in that night and Alice insisted on a game of baseball. I had no idea what one had to do with the other but Bella clued me in. She told me the Cullens played baseball when it stormed because the thunder masked the cracking of bats. Now it made sense.

Rose and I waited outside on the porch as the storm blew in from the Pacific. Overhead the clouds were dark and moved quickly. Around 11PM the thunder began clapping. We looked at each other the same moment and smiled. We raced in the house just as Alice came down the stairs – seeing the thunder in her mind's eye.

The boys were going to stay back and dig out the baseball gear from the garage. Alice, Rose, Esme, Bella and I took Emmett's Jeep and headed towards some location undisclosed by Alice. We headed out of Forks and eventually turned onto a muddy, uneven path worn into the woods. We hopped out and began our trek through the woods. According to Esme it was only about five minutes away so there was no need to run.

We were talking and joking. Rosalie was recounting some of the better arguments that inevitably broke out among the boys in these types of instances. It was remarkable how quickly such gentlemen could revert to childlike behavior. We were almost bent with laughter – and I'd say about halfway to our destination – when I caught a whiff of someone. It was another one of our kind for sure, but not a Cullen. And no one I'd ever met. I turned immediately and snarled – out of instinct. Rose and Esme caught the scent that moment and turned with me.

For a moment I saw a human form at least fifty yards away. She paused, like she was in mid run. I saw her take a deep breath and then continue on. "Irina?" I heard Esme mutter.

I turned back to the group. "Who was that?"

"Irina from Denali?" Rose asked Esme.

"Yes, it certainly smelled like her."

"Oops. Sorry," I apologized. I'd just snapped at extended family, "What's she doing so far from Alaska? Wait… I never met her. I met Kate and Tanya and Eleazar. No Irina."

"No, you wouldn't have," Rose shook her head. And for the first time Bella spoke up, "The pack killed her mate; she's still upset and—"

Bella's explanation was cut off by a sharp intake of air from Alice. Her eyes glazed over her mouth hung partially open. Bella braced her shoulders, "Alice, what do you see?" she asked firmly.

"I… I see stone… lots of stone… and red… others like us… it's… oh my god…" she trailed off and for the next few moments her eyes flew back and forth, from side to side, like she was watching a tennis match. Then suddenly she closed them and breathed deep again. She opened her eyes wide and looked for a long moment at Bella before turning to the rest of us.

"Irina," she whispered, "she's going to Italy."

"What?" Rose asked deathly quiet.

"What did you see Alice?" Esme asked calmly. Bella just remained still as stone, taking in all the happenings.

"She was just on an extended hunt," Alice explained, "but she caught Bella's scent. She knows you and Edward are married. She thinks she's defying Volturi law by remaining human. She's going to tell them."

I just stared mouth agape with Rose. Esme continued to play the voice of reason, "What else Alice? What else?"

"They'll come," she whispered in a sad and quiet voice, "They won't let Bella remain as is. They'll leave a body here in Forks or take a vampire back to Volterra."

"They're coming for me," Bella whispered for the first time since Alice's vision. "They want me dead or for themselves?"

"I think so," Alice muttered ruefully. "Remember, Aro asked you to join him once. He thinks you will be powerful as a vampire."

"So he's going to use Irina's case as an excuse to take me away?" Bella asked. She was trying to remain calm but the hysterics were slowly closing in on her, we could tell.

"Let's get back to the car," Esme said. "Baseball's cancelled for tonight. Rosalie, call Carlisle and the boys when we get back to the Jeep."

Esme drove us home while Alice sat shotgun, writing and drawing everything she'd seen in her vision. Rose was on the phone talking rapid fire, first to Carlisle and then Emmett. She wouldn't tell them what happened, insisting it could and should wait until they got home but assured them that no one was hurt. I sat between Rose and Bella, holding Bella's hand. Her grip didn't hurt me but I could tell she would've torn something out of place if she were holding a human hand. The silent tears had started and she kept saying, "They can't take me… I won't let them…"

I didn't know what to do. How could I ever possibly assure her that wasn't going to happen? Alice had seen it. All I could do was hold her hand and rub her back. I told her it would be okay, that things could change and we wouldn't let anyone take her. It was the worst feeling I'd ever experienced. Knowing in advance that I would lose a family member but being powerless to stop it.

We made it home in record time. Esme handled Emmett's Jeep like a NASCAR driver. We got Bella out of the car and into the house. She immediately attached herself to Edward who – like the rest of the boys – was completely oblivious to what was happening beyond the fact that "no one was hurt". In a moment he read the blaring neon signs in all our minds and he just shut down. His face became like stone and he simply steered Bella to the couch and sat down with her.

We spent the next hour in explanations. First off, I got Ye Olde Cullen Family History lesson. Irina's mate – Laurent I believe they said, they only mentioned his name once – had wandered into the Forks area ahead of Victoria, to see if he could find Bella. Apparently the newborn army was at least Plan C. The Cullens weren't actually around and that was the sole motivation behind Victoria's attack: Edward killed her mate, she wanted his. Let me just say that this was news to me. I mean, I know that after I sobered up off the human blood and got to know the Cullens that Victoria hadn't been telling us the truth. Duh. But I only just realized that I was explicitly learning the truth now. So Bella was helpless and the pack doing leaping out of nowhere like somekind of Batman movie chased him down and tore him to bits.

The only problem was, Laurent was one of those half repented types that you never know which side to place him on. True he was going suck Bella dry, but he had mated with one of the vegetarian Denali sisters from up north. She didn't come to the wedding because she was upset – especially since we were still keeping company with the LaPush pack. She was carrying a serious grudge about the whole ordeal and was going to use this newfound knowledge of hers for payback to get Bella. Mate for mate. This must be some longstanding tradition of vengeance with our kind.

Anyway, Rose, Esme and I explained how we'd seen Irina. Alice explained her vision and what she saw coming. She saw the Volturi coming but she couldn't see specifically who. The details surrounding their arrival were all foggy. She knew it would be a fair few. And she kept repeating that same phrase: _they'll leave a body here in Forks or take a vampire back to Volterra._

According to the Cullens, Aro was interested in some of the family joining the Volturi. Their gifts intrigued him and he wanted to add them to his collection. When I asked where Bella came into play, why he'd want her, they explained her immunity. Bella was immune to the powers of the mind. Edward couldn't read her thoughts and Jane – the pint-sized torturer – had no affect either. Aro believed this would translate into her immortal life and that she could be an asset to the Volturi. And now – because she hadn't been changed, as decreed by the three brothers – they would use this opportunity to take her back to Volterra and transform her themselves under the guise of 'punishment'.

My head was spinning with all this as Jasper used his mind voodoo to calm Bella down and she quickly dozed off.

"Alice told Jane when they were here last spring that the date has been set," Rose recalled. "Their coming… I don't know. It just makes their conquest seem too obvious."

"But who's to say that will stop them," Jasper countered. "No one's going to stand in their way. They're the ruling class and if they demand something they won't walk away from it without a fight."

"No," Esme said clearly. "No fighting. If we end up in a battle it's not going to end well for either side. If that's what it comes to, then so be it, but we need to try other forms of diplomacy first. Our goal is to get everyone out of this alive."

"So what do we do?" I asked. "Can't we just change her now?"

"No," Edward spoke for the first time since we'd come home. "She's not ready and this is not the type of environment she should wake up to. The Volturi are more likely to leave her with us if she's still – what they consider – a useless human. They're less inclined to make the effort of breaking in a new immortal themselves. The Volturi doesn't _do_ newcomers unless they have to."

He was quiet for a moment, "And even if they did take her as a newborn, she'd learn and grow up on their diet of vengeance and human blood. It's not a good to acquire your skills in that type of environment. No, she's more valuable as a vampire. We keep her human."

"So now we plan," Carlisle said.

We spent the remainder of the night going over arguments to use against the Volturi's case. It was hard to make a defense when we couldn't outright state the Volturi's motives. Even though we both knew what was going on, apparently that was a big _no._

Our reasoning centered on a few main arguments. Bella's date of change was still set. It had not been changed but the Volturi simply arrived before it came to pass. Nothing had been changed and there were no acts of defiance. Secondly, was the basis that Bella would be useless to them for a fair amount of time. Like Edward explained, if they changed her she would be a newborn with many years of acclimating before she was any use to them at all.

That's about where our arguments ran out. Like I said, it was hard when you couldn't call them on their shit. Our next act was to plan the fight. We didn't want it to come to violence but there was no way we could be unprepared. Alice could see at least ten figures in the fog of her vision. Ten people that would come to Forks in the next few days. She was already having flashes of Irina on her way to Europe. It was decided that we'd all be present – Bella included. In the event that negotiations turned sour, Edward would take her on the run. They'd have a car packed and take off to some indiscriminate location outside Washington. They'd keep going until they heard from one of us, or went long enough without word from us to assume the outcome of the battle.

Carlisle made the point to call the pack but the family was about divided in that regard. Emmett, Rose and Jasper really didn't want to get them involved. Edward, Esme and Alice thought it would be for the best.

Eventually Carlisle decided, "Look, we're about to have a heavy influx of our kind to the area and the least we can do is let the pack know. Their job is to protect their land and if we don't warn them about this it could do serious damage to our already thin rapport with each other."

"We'll let them know. If they don't want to get involved fine – it's their choice – but they need to be given some information."

Carlisle put the call in to Jacob and Sam and told us that the pack would be present and out of sight for the meeting. In the event that peaceful negotiations failed they would join us. With this knowledge the rest of us passed time fidgeting on the main floor. We all remained either in the kitchen or the living room, while Bella slept on the couch. We would sit and stare for a while before getting up and finding a new place to do the exact same thing. Occasionally, we'd exchange near silent words with those around us.

Bella woke up that morning and demanded to talk to Edward alone. I could faintly here her yelling outside. Apparently she wanted to be changed – immediately – but Edward wasn't having any of it. I think she felt horrible, she thought she'd dragged the family into this. I thought it was rather ironic. This small human girl was willing to offer all her frail body had to protect a pack of vampires against their own kind.

Alice would have periodic visions and give us status updates. For a while it was mostly centered around Irina. She would be on a plane, in an airport in Italy. She eventually saw her explaining to Aro, Marcus and Caius how she saw the Cullen clan - in flagrant disregard for Volturi law – continuing to keep a human. And with that the visiting party finally materialized in her mind's eye. Aro, Marcus, Caius, Jane, Alec, Demetri, Felix, Heidi, Renata, Afton and Santiago. Eleven of them, including the top dogs. _Fan-freaking-tastic._

The next day came and went with no real change. Certain pack mates were in and out of the house periodically and time moved in bursts of speed and listlessness. It was five to eight in the morning, I looked down and was playing absently with my shirt hem for a moment and it was one in the afternoon. Other times I would stare at the clock and swear it was broken; it would move only incrementally for hours. I noticed this pattern in the rest of the family as well.

Carlisle would phase between productivity whenever Alice had a vision or one of the Quileute boys would stop by and shiftlessness with rest of us in between. There was nothing we could do but wait.

As the sun set on that evening Alice stood up and uttered quietly, "They're on their way. We've got a few hours. And with that we silently broke off to leave. Edward took Bella and Carlisle's Aston Martin to the end of the drive just out of sight, so they could make a quick exit if need be.

The rest of ran through the woods towards the spot Alice had seen the Volturi arriving in. She told me it was the same spot where we were going to have our baseball game. Our track quickly ran across the very dirt road we'd parked Emmett's Jeep on not two days ago and I quickly recognized our path. I could see the clearing ahead and we stopped before we reached it.

The pack had been running non-stop patrol since we'd first talked to them and now we were waiting for their arrival. One of them would've caught the scent of a dozen hellions ghosting through the woods in silence. It wasn't long before more than a dozen wolves – bigger than bears – slowly materialized out of the surrounding forest like men of the trees. I only recognized Jacob, but I could assume that the black wolf at the front was Sam. He nodded to Carlisle and they took their places among the trees and ferns a fair distance away from the clearing.

The rest of us stepped into the clearing and Edward arrived with Bella not moments later. We ran over every scenario we could think of one last time before Alice's eyes became distant once more. "They're coming." Like an army we assumed our positions. We created a delicate half circle. Carlisle was in the middle flanked by Jasper and Emmett. Rose and Esme on each side of them. Alice and I were on each end and Edward stood with Bella just behind Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett. And with that the distinct forms of the Volterra party began to appear like wraiths out of the mist. They approached from the other side of the clearing and their formation countered our own. They stopped about fifty yards from us and only Aro, Marcus and Caius – I assumed from their obvious age – came further, along with three others. I recognized the child-like blond by her demonic grin and her torturing of me, not six months ago.

"Carlisle," said the vampire in the middle. His hair was long and jet-black. He appeared old, his skin reminded me of tissue paper. "I see you were expecting us?"

"No, Aro," Carlisle returned politely, "Alice here, simply saw you coming and we thought we ought to come and greet you."

"Why thank you, Carlisle. You know good manners are never lost on me."

"Although, I must admit I am surprised to see you here. What brings you and such a large party our small place in the world?" Carlisle was playing up ignorance first. If we could just tiptoe around each other with disgusting amounts of politeness and end it that way, it would be best. But I wasn't really counting on it; I don't know about anyone else.

"I'm afraid a bit of bad news," Aro frowned. "It has been brought to our attention that you continue to keep company with a human." Aro had this way of talking that was half a wheeze, but it wasn't a weak emphysemic wheeze. It was this older than time, scary as hell, you never know what kind of sick test he's going to pull on you next wheeze. It was creepy.

"Yes," Carlisle nodded in agreement, "Bella is still human. However, if you recall your visit last spring we assured you that the date for her transformation was set. It's unfortunate that you had not arrived a few short months after this. You would've been able to meet the newest member of our family."

"It's been far too long already, Carlisle," Aro told him picking his head up a little higher. "She knows of us and our world and despite her bond with your son there is nothing to stop her from exposing us. I will not have you - in your unending kindness – risk the uncovering of our world."

"I can assure you that this has never been a problem—"

"Enough," Aro interrupted firmly. "Carlisle, you know I have always been fond of you; however I cannot allow this continue. The Volturi does not make it a habit to negotiate with its subordinates. For too long have I allowed you to bend the rules. Too long have I allowed your coven to grow unchecked. But this is where I must intervene. You are blending the worlds and risking us all. It is time you and your family pay the price for your lax adherence to our mandates."

"Either we leave a corpse here with you or we take an immortal back to Italy with us."

And that statement jarred me for a moment. I'd been hearing it off and on from Alice the past two days but in the context of Bella. Aro just laid it out there as a generality and that really changed the way I saw this whole situation. He didn't necessarily want Bella. He just wanted someone.

Carlisle began to speak but I couldn't hear him as thoughts began running through my head at the speed of light. And in that instant it all became clear to me. It was obvious and plain and I should have seen it way beforehand.

"Wait," I interrupted Carlisle's rebuttal. All eyes flashed to my tinny soprano. The Volturi and the Cullens because I wasn't exactly scheduled to speak. I looked around for a second before stepping out of line. I slowly made my way to the center of the field between Carlisle and Aro. "Take me instead."


	22. Golem

No one around me spoke. My decision had been made on impulse so Alice never saw it coming. She probably wouldn't have let me come. But it truly made the most sense to me. Bella had substantial and powerful ties to the Cullens. She'd been with them for years and was now married into the family.

It made the most sense for me to go. Sure, I loved every one of them, but I'd only been a part of them for a few months. It would be far less painful for them to let me go. Last hired, first fired. I would be more useful in Aro's eyes. If he took Bella in her human form I didn't doubt that he'd probably just kill her for the satisfaction of it. With me, well, at least I might live if I could prove my worth.

I could hear a dull rustle among my family behind me, also in the trees behind them, and Carlisle spoke softly, "Bree…"

"No, Carlisle," I stuck my hand out. "It's better this way." I turned around to face Aro and tried my absolute best not to turn tail and run.

"One life is not worth the same as another," Aro told me gently.

"I understand that," I responded honestly, "But I think I'll be more useful to you in the immediate future." I held my arms out, "For one: no assembly required. I'm fully transformed and broken in. And I can heal."

He quirked his head slightly at my last comment. I simply pulled a small rock the size of my face from the ground beside me. I took a few steps back, cracked it in half and dropped the pieces on the ground. I held my hands out and concentrated. In an instant the pieces reformed and zoomed into my outstretched hands.

Aro looked at me curiously and came closer. "You're the one dear Jane, here, allowed to live last spring aren't you?"

"Yes sir."

"Well now, she failed to mention this talent of yours," he noted. _What? Did he think I was making this up?_

"I hadn't discovered it until my first few weeks with the Cullens, I've been refining it since then," I replied as I stared at the ground.

He watched me thoughtfully and extended his hand. I placed mine in his, remembering that this was Aro's gift. He could read my every past experience from this small contact.

"Hm," he muttered. I wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing until he smiled slightly. Then I really wasn't sure. "You are an interesting specimen, Bryanne."

I wasn't sure how to respond and I thought _thanks_ would be misinterpreted so I remained silent, hoping this continued to go my way. I was starting to hear rustling in the woods behind me, where the wolves were stationed and I was a bit concerned. The Volturi probably knew we weren't going to be here alone but we certainly lost that element of surprise. I was beginning to wonder what made them so restless.

Aro pulled his hand back and folded his arms. "All right, young one, I'll accept your offer. The vampire for the human girl. So long," he looked at Carlisle, "as the transformation goes according to schedule. I think Bryanne here will be quite an addition to our castle but if I here word that plans have derailed over here," he shrugged, "I make no guarantees."

That made me gulp. I would be safe so long as things ran according to plan here in Forks. If not, all bets were off. I was really going to have to prove myself if I wanted a fighting chance.

Aro stepped aside and waved an arm to gesture me back towards the rest of the gathered Volturi. I walked slowly past him to the waiting members. I had to admit they looked far less menacing now that I was on their side. Jane was actually smiling and it was only vaguely sadistic. The rest didn't look so bad either. Hopefully.

One of the cloaked members stepped forward and offered me his arm. I didn't know how to react and for a moment I just stood there. "I don't bite," the smooth accented voice assured me. I bit my lip and slipped my arm into the crook of his, against the starched fabric of his coat beneath. I heard a snap followed by a snarl and some muffled scuffling in the woods behind the Cullens.

The nameless entity, whom I could now tell might have once been olive-skinned, had dark hair and bright red eyes. I was definitely not in Kansas anymore. The two of us, at least, began to retreat from the clearing. "I'm Demetri," my escort finally offered.

"Bree," I stuttered slightly.

"Ha!" he laughed, "You seem slightly horrified."

"Slightly?" I questioned as we entered the woods. "Do I really hide it that well? Because I'm _tremendously_ horrified right now."

"And a quick wit, too," Demetri remarked. He seemed surprised. I concentrated all I could on maintaining my cool, feeling juices of my own power preventing a complete breakdown in me. I walked with Demetri and it wasn't long before I heard the unfamiliar cadence of the other Volturi Guard footfalls around me. We weren't far from the clearing so I made a last ditch attempt at goodbye. I briefly closed my mind to all-else. _Edward_, I thought calling out to him,_ I'm sorry, but now you don't have to worry anymore. Just please get her changed soon; I don't want to become target practice. Tell them I love them and I'll miss them… you too._

And with that I sealed my mind up to all that wasn't necessary for function. I felt Demetri's hand on mine a moment later as I stepped into my new life.

Not twenty-four hours later I arrived in the little village of Volterra Italy. The Volturi had their own plane and I'd curled up in a big leather seat and leaned my head against the cool glass. I watched the lights of Seattle become steadily smaller below me. I don't really remember much between then and when I landed in Italy. I'm sure someone probably tried talking to me and I'm sure I probably answered but I don't recall any of it.

The next week was a series of new sights, smells and periods of dull haze. I was shown around the castle – at least where it was acceptable for me to venture and given a three day run down of rules, regulations and duties.

I met all those that I would now call my neighbors. I tried to remember all their names but my brain was still trying to process events from four days ago. The names never really made it into my mind. I had the basics down: Aro, Marcus, Caius and Jane. I could almost always pick out her brother Alec, and Demetri became familiar to me too. He was a little unsettling at first, but I quickly deduced that it was just part of his manner. A result of living in this cave for too long. They were all a little weird.

Jane actually seemed… cordial? She wasn't so horrifying in her own element. She often played the part of child – she appeared incredibly young, not even twelve – skipping through the halls but she was also incredibly intelligent and well spoken.

After a week in Volterra the human secretary – who's name I couldn't for the life of me remember – told me I had a package. This was odd. I went downstairs into the clinical waiting room and a duffel bag was waiting for me on the floor.

"What's this?" I asked flatly.

The secretary shrugged, "It just arrived. By the looks of it, from the states."

I slung the bag over my shoulder and brought it up to my beautiful, yet cold and unused, bedroom. I unzipped it and found it was packed full of my clothes. From between two stacks I could see the hard binding of what appeared to be a book. I yanked it from my tightly packed clothes. I recognized it as the battered copy of the _Odyssey_ from the library across from my room back in Forks. On the first page after the introduction and the contents a page was folded over. It was the start of the first book

_Tell me, Muse, of that man, so ready at need, who wandered far and wide, after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Troy, and many were the men whose towns he saw and whose mind he learnt, yea, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the deep, striving to win his own life and the return of his company._

I had no idea who packed my bag or who slipped in one of Homer's epics but I was glad for it. It was a reminder that what I left behind wasn't just a dream but still out there.

I hadn't read the _Odyssey_ in a long time. I remembered it from high school though. Odysseus of Ithaca, tired and worn from his battles in the Trojan War, ventures home with his crew. It takes him ten years and many, many tasks and tricks before he can return to his family. But he gets there eventually, despite the will of the gods and the cleverness of all manner of creatures. And that's all that really matters. In the end, he's home.

And so passed my days with Volturi. I saw no conceivable end to this. This wasn't a sentence because there was no plausible end. I tried my best not to be completely miserable. But I kept my interactions and my emotions flat and stony.

My first encounter with the way they fed really jolted me out of my daze. I knew the Volturi were not like the Cullens. One glance at any members face could tell me that much. The shocking red eyes never ran any other color. They ate well. One day, one boy – Felix I think it was – noticed my eyes turning their coal black. I hadn't eaten in at least two weeks.

"You look hungry," he noted. "Come on, why don't you get something to eat?"

All I did in my android-like state was nod and begin to follow him. We were most of the way down a long stone corridor when I heard the screaming. The agonizing, hellish, tormented screams that withered to syncopated gurgles and cries. The sounds reverberated off the stones of the passage and the walls of my mind. My thoughts became instantly clearer and I knew I was back.

I stopped dead right there. _No._ There was no way I was going back on that lifestyle choice. I had worked too damn long and hard to keep from being a mindless demon living off the lives of others. It was like a drug and once you started there was no going back. I would be leaving that final bit of myself behind. I'd given everything I had to Aro, Marcus and Caius to keep my family intact. I would _not_ give this up. I would not kill indiscriminately in the name of self-satisfaction.

I looked up to Felix who had noticed my halt. "I'll catch up with you later. I just remembered something that I need to take care of."

He shrugged not really seeming to care either way. "Okay."

I turned and walked steadily to the door. I would not surrender to the fiery tendrils I felt licking up my esophagus. I made it up to the next floor before I ran full bore to my room. I passed no one on the way and sealed the door behind me. I flopped down on the floor and picked up my book. I cleaved open to a random page and dove in, trying to focus my mind on other things. Before long, I was in ancient Greece, among the heroes and gods of lore.

That was the first night I snuck out. In the evening and nighttime most of the Volturi Guard – like the Cullens – seemed to turn into their own areas of the castle for the night. Old habits die hard, I guess. The Masters and the wives – who I heard were rumored to exist but I had, as of yet, seen no sign to confirm that – kept mostly to the themselves. Only a few guardsmen saw them with any regularity and they were the ones to relay the orders.

When 3AM rolled around I undid the latch on my balcony, climbed over the rail and repelled down the stone wall of the castle. My room faced into a garden and I made my way across. I picked my way through a small outcropping of trees before I was met with the open Italian countryside. I ran into the pasture and kept going until I was sure I was far beyond the reaches of Volterra. I eventually came to thickened woods. I stealthily stalked through the trees until I found what I was looking for: large game. It was a big brownish bear. I had never killed a bear on my own before, but I was absolutely starved. I took my stance and pounced.

As I returned to Volterra I couldn't help but feel a little proud of myself. I had killed an enormous wild bear all by myself. I was a little sad when I thought of Emmett's challenge to kill a grizzly. He'd never believe me. I made it back to the castle as day began to break, my silhouette rising up the side of the castle and back into my room apace with the sun.

I found out later that day that Demetri had been charged with training me. I don't know if I particularly liked the way Jane said the word _training_ but I didn't let it get to me. I'm not sure if I really enjoyed the way Jane said anything.

As my first training session was due to start, Demetri walked out with me towards a vacant lot beyond the garden.

"Go for a midnight stroll last night?" he asked.

_Busted._ "I just needed some air. I decided to take a walk."

"And you chose to leave the castle by way of your balcony? And scale the side of the building?" he asked dubiously.

"Yes," I concurred, "It makes me feel dangerous." We'd finally reached the lot and I didn't want to continue the conversation any further. I didn't want to lie to him so I decided diversion would be best. "I know how to _feel_ dangerous, now teach me to _fight_ dangerous."

He looked at me for a moment fighting a smile. "Excellent deflection," he commented, "and yes, I _will_ teach you to fight dangerously."

Demetri and I spent hours in that dusty lot the first day.

"Your exceptionally fast, I'll give you that," he noted.

"Thanks?" I replied as I dodged his side attack.

"Unskilled but fast," he added as he flew by me.

"Oh why, thank you," I rolled my eyes. I knew there must've been something hiding in that compliment.

"Well," he said as he stood upright, "how can you be expected to have any skill if you've never been trained? It's not a knock against you. Just a statement of fact." He crouched down and for a moment mulled over his next move before lunging at me. "Skill can be taught; speed cannot."

"Thanks," I responded, more sure of myself this time.

I was fast but Demetri was faster, I hadn't really had any soreness since my change. The only pain I ever felt was my thirst. But now I felt the familiar ache of my muscles from being checked against the ground, rocks, trees and walls so many times. Demetri told me that if I wanted it to stop I simply had to be better than him.

After my trial period of Demetri learning where my skill abilities lay it got uglier.

"Fight back!" he snarled at me as I lay on the ground with his knees pressed to my chest. I could see the fiery hue flare in his eyes with every shout. I pushed him off me.

"Come on! Prove you're worth keeping alive," he yelled as he paced a small circle around me.

I didn't even know how to react. I hadn't had to deal with such mental warfare since my days in Victoria's newborn army. Even then it wasn't nearly this bad. I was trying desperately not to lose it. But something told me that was exactly Demetri's mission.

"You have no family, no more friends. What have you to lose?" he asked in a guttural roar as he lunged at me. We skidded through the dirt ripping up a foot or so of soil as we went.

He pinned me by the throat to the wall of the castle. "You have no soul! There's nothing holding you back! No fear of reprisal! We rule this world and you can't – or won't – even retaliate!"

There weren't a lot of instances in my immortal life where I was afraid. But I could safely say that Demetri scared me. He alternated between yelling at me, his bass reverberating off the stone walls around me and cooing in my ear. And he meant it, his eyes were a bright vicious red, his face was taut and his mouth screwed into a manic scowling smile as his cheek twitched with the effort. The soft muttering was just as bad. It was sick and it just exemplified the fact that he was that much closer to me. Close enough where I could smell his vampire sweet breath. Close enough that he could finish the whole ordeal.

I swung out and punched him square in the jaw. He never released my throat. He slowly turned back to face me with a grimace, like something out of a horror movie.

"That's better," he purred as he ran his thumb over my cheek. It could've been perceived as sexual if I wasn't so sure he was hell bent on breaking my mind. "A little stronger next time dear. I know you're not new to this. Oh yes! Aro told me _all about you_. You're not new to this lifestyle by _any _stretch of the imagination. Now fight _back!_" I used the wall behind me to balance myself as I lifted my legs and pushed Demetri away from me by the chest.

Demetri knew about my less than saintly past. But I was an untrained savage then. Expendable. My purpose was destruction, blood for the sake of blood. Back then, I truly believe, I had no soul. I liked to think that in my time with the Cullens, my time as a vegetarian, I was able to get a bit of it back.

Jasper had told me the first day I met him that I could have the 'soul' argument with Edward some time. This comment led me to believe that Edward thought of us as soulless beings. I don't know if I really disagreed. If there was a heaven or simply somewhere after death, I thought the Cullens certainly had a better shot at it than I. They tried, and even poor Jasper had done better than me in the time I spent with them. A large part of my transition to animal blood I attribute to my power – not to my own will power, like the others.

Despite my adherence to a more moral diet, other parts of my control slipped through the cracks as we learned the day of the wedding. I almost killed Jacob. Regardless of his comment, it didn't warrant his own slaughter. If I had been talking to a human, I most surely would've taken their life. And at the time, it was like I was a machine – I was blinded by my own anger and instincts.

No matter how much my mind suppressed my instinct there was not much denying I was a monster. There was not much denying I was probably going to hell.

"You know our true purpose! We fight and we obey," Demetri shouted at me from across the yard. In the instant it took me to turn around he was behind me. With one arm he held my own, with the other he held my hair and the back of my head. He rested his chin on my shoulder, "You decide when this is over." He whispered in my ear, "I need to see the life leave your eyes."


	23. The Ides of March

That first day of mental anguish was behind us and never repeated. I realized soon afterwards that it was for the purposes of breaking me mentally. I had to give myself over body and mind to the Volturi. There was no hope. Demetri was right, the session had ended when he'd seen the life leave my eyes.

After that Demetri returned to what I assumed was his normal state. The stoic teacher. He was skilled but never so unhinged as he was before. I knew it was lurking there beneath his calm exterior and I could never quite look at him the same. Part of the Volturi, I learned from him, was burying the layers of yourself. Every now and then a part of who Demetri was would peek out. A common personal phrase, a facial expression. He hid it well, so did the rest. The idea was that we were all the same. As similar as was possible and then specialties were doled out according to personal gifts. Healers, trackers, interrogators, protectors, trappers.

This is how I spent the following weeks. Every other week or so I'd sneak out of the castle late at night, find some wild game and sneak back. In the early mornings I'd meet Demetri out back and he'd wail on me some more. He insisted that I was getting better; I attributed that to my accepting the fact that I would spend most of my training lying in the dirt.

Demetri explained tactics to me. Tactics of newborns, tactics of trained fighters, tactics of the intelligent or impulsive, how to differentiate them based on posture and body language. He was making me into a warrior. I have to say, I didn't particularly mind. Demetri demanded all my focus during training. There wasn't a moment I could allow my mind to wander or I'd find myself on my back in the dust. It took every ounce of concentration I had.

Along with tactics of the opponent, Demetri had taught me tactics for our side. The many different ways I could react to an individual maneuver by my enemy. I was able to absorb and understand all of this – thanks to some kind of expanded vampiric brainpower – but I still had to think about my reactions. And that was where I had trouble. Demetri ate, slept and breathed this. It was just how his mind worked. He didn't need to think about it; it was a natural response for him. In the split second it took me to think of my move, I'd be on the ground with him kneeling on my chest.

He kept getting philosophical on me, insisting that I had to stop thinking so much. Now that I knew the moves I had to just do what felt natural in the moment and this is where I would gain an advantage over my opponent. I had to admit he was right: it was hard to get at someone who fought like a machine.

I didn't complain. Ever. Demetri appeared grateful for that. In fact, I didn't really speak at all. Part of it was knowing my place and part of it was not being able to bring myself to utter much. No one of the Volturi had known me prior; they must've assumed I was the quiet type. I was glad they just let me be. If my brain wasn't occupied with its immediate surroundings it was shutdown. This is what I did at nights; if I wasn't hunting I would lie on the couch in my room or sit on the floor of the balcony and stare vacantly into the distance.

I would watch the dust moats coast gently through the air or the faint dimming and sparkling of the stars. I would watch the satellites as they spun in orbit. The trees were always nice on a breezy night; I would find one leaf on a particular tree and watch it dance about in the wind and with its brothers and sisters for hours. A simple leaf could make quite a journey if a few hours time and never leave its branch.

I liked my training time because it allowed to me to forget where I was. Even though it should've been the most forceful reminder of what I'd committed myself to – being so aggressively and physically involved – it allowed me to focus my whole mind on the one objective. To simply be able to hit Demetri, instead of him hitting me. I didn't have the chance to think about anything else. There was no room in my brain for missing Alice's constant fashion advice, Rosalie's sarcastic comments, Jasper's brotherly companionship, my parents, my friends, none of that could fit in the parameters of my brain if I had any intention of staying upright.

It didn't take me much longer than a month to figure out that my extra abilities had completely shut down. I had once absently picked up a pencil off my desk and inadvertently snapped it in half. Crushing the center to dust. This wasn't new for me but normally I could just concentrate for a minute and all was well. I concentrated. No dice.

For a moment I felt rapt panic slip up my throat. So much went through my mind. What was wrong with me? How long had I been like this? What if Aro found out? Would he eliminate me because I no longer serve a purpose? What could make an ability like that disappear? Was it still inside me working? Was it gone entirely? Could I get it back?

Before I'd known it four hours had past. I'd forgone breathing when it started becoming erratic so I couldn't smell the change of day as the breeze blew the aroma of nocturnal flower buds in through my balcony.

I swallowed hard and looked from my couch back to the desk and the pencil in question. I was hoping with all that I had left in me – which wasn't much. That recent events had just been a delusion. My mind was in such a constant state of listlessness and chaos that I'd finally snapped and started imagining things. No such luck. The half pulverized pencil lay on the desktop across the room. I could hear it taunting me in a sick little rhythm daring me to try again, it was only a tiny pencil. What was so hard about fixing a simple wooden rod?

I bit down on my lip and slowly crossed the floor, approaching the pencil like it was the victim of a demonic possession. I sat down in the desk chair and simply stared at that pencil for a good twenty minutes. I finally got up the chutzpah and picked it up. I closed my eyes and concentrated, just like I always did.

First I focused the measly reserves of happy I had. But that didn't work and I wasn't much surprised seeing as I had about nil in the way of happy juices in me. I tried again with negative energy. I'd healed on a few occasions with a basis of defeatist emotion but it wasn't a pattern I really enjoyed. But, truth be told, I had plenty in the gloomy and fatalistic side of things. But still nothing.

I was broken. I didn't work.

And just to prove that it wasn't just that diabolical pencil, I tried on other things. I torn the corner off one to the end pages of me book. Nothing. I used my thumb to press a small indentation in the stone wall. Nothing. I used my nail to scratch the glass on the balcony door. Nothing.

Nothing.

The concept of time was entirely lost among the Volturi. Days and weeks mattered less to them than they had to me, previously. I eventually became curious as to how long I'd been with them. There were times – like the nights that I didn't spend hunting – that all I could remember was my family – no matter how hard I tried not to. It seemed years had passed since I left. But there were also occasions, and these were typically the early mornings, that it seemed I'd only just arrived.

I tried planning out in my mind how long I'd actually been here. My point of reference was the wedding. Bella and Edward were married mid-August, they returned from their honeymoon at the end of September and it was about two weeks after that when Alice suggested the baseball game. So about mid to late October I arrived here? That made sense, right? One day as I was heading outside with Demetri, I spoke – a rarity for me, beyond the basics required for my training. "Demetri," he looked up, slightly surprised, "What's the date?"

"It's the fifteenth of January. Why do you ask?" It was natural that he'd want to know why – after months – I finally chose to speak aloud about something so simple and ordinary.

"I was just trying to figure out how long I've been here," I mused honestly. "I haven't had much need to for time at all since I've was changed. My concept of dates and months are still really skewed."

"Well," he answered as we reached our lot, "you've been about three months with us."

_Three months._

From that point on I kept track of the date. It took me awhile to get the day of the week but I used some basic stationery to mark the days of the month.

On February first, I finally hit Demetri back. I was having a particularly bad day with him and it came to the point where I just gave up. He lunged at me so quickly I didn't know where he sprang from. All I noticed was the rush of air behind me. I spun around in time to grab him by the shoulders as he was airborne. I used the momentum of his already flying body, stepped out of the way and flung him against a large boulder that abutted the training yard.

I stood there for a moment completely stunned as he sat in the dirt, a large crack rising in the middle of the boulder above his head.

I finally snapped my jaw shut and ran over, "Are you okay! I'm so sorry!"

He stood up and dusted himself off with ease before looking at me with a significant glance. "I'm fine. _This_ is what we've been working for these past months. That was _supposed_ to happen."

I'd finally done it. I finally managed to not only defend myself but react offensively. I was finally doing something right.

Demetri looked at me curiously once again before explaining. "That's the first time I've seen you smile."

One particular day around the beginning of March, I was sitting in one of the living areas of Volterra castle staring out the window. Demetri had some other task to tend to and was gone all week. This really threw a wrench into my plans. I counted on sessions with him to occupy my mind and having so much time to myself wasn't boding well.

As I sat and stared, I felt the cushion next to me sink with a slight weight. I turned my head to find Jane staring at me unabashedly. Her eyes held no hint of malice, just that strange piercing ability that I imagined was permanent feature about her.

"You don't like us very much do you?" she asked. It wasn't an accusation. She wasn't pointing fingers. In fact she sounded a little sad.

"No. No, Jane, not at all. Why would you think that?" I replied as I shook my head.

"Well, you don't talk much. And the only time you ever spend out of your room is practice time."

I shrugged, "I suppose I'm just the quiet type. And I like to practice. I have a lot of catching up to do. You all are very talented. I'm really new to _all_ of this." She was an observant little unit. I didn't see her very often but obviously she saw me.

"You miss your old life at all?" she mumbled as she played with a stray thread from the couch.

_Uh-oh_. I didn't want to lie to her but honesty wasn't necessarily the best policy here either. I decided on something a little more vague. "I try not to think about it too much."

She was quiet for a while before she stood up and straightened her dress. "Bree," she said, "I'm really glad you survived."

And with that she was gone. I was a little surprised to learn that Jane was happy she didn't kill me. I never really knew how she felt about the matter - whether she'd regretted it or not. It also did not escape my notice that this was the first time since I'd arrived – in almost four and a half months – that anyone had spoken my name.

It was a few days later when Felix came to find me. He told me Aro wanted a word and signaled me to follow him. We wound our way through a series of stone halls and passageways lit with the light from tall windows. After a few minutes we came to a large oaken door at the end of the hall. It was the only room off this passageway. He knocked three times before turning to leave.

"Come in," I heard from the other side.

I unlatched the door and stepped gingerly inside. The room was brighter than I thought. It was on the highest floor of one of the towers so there were windows all around. I wasn't really sure what this room would classify as. It seemed part study, part living room, part formal throne room. This was probably about as casual as the Volturi got.

"Ah," I heard Aro's deep, breathy voice, "welcome, welcome!" He took a seat in a large high backed chair and indicated the more modest one across from it for me.

"Now," he continued, folding his hands, "I have word from Demetri that your training is going rather well?"

I nodded, "Yes, sir. I like to hope that I'm catching on quickly."

"Excellent," he muttered. "Your tactical knowledge in addition to your personal gifts would be a great asset to us. However," he continued in a sadder tone, "I can't help but feel you are not telling me something."

I crinkled my brow, "I'm sorry, sir?" I was completely miserable here, I wanted to go home to my family and friends. So much so that I didn't even allow myself to think about them anymore.

"You don't seem happy. There is something missing about you?" he queried softly. I don't know how he knew; I hadn't known him prior to this. For all he knew I was always this quiet and dejected. And then I remembered our handshake in the glade months before when he agreed to take me on instead of Bella. He'd seen my entire past. He would've seen how I interacted with others and that I was formerly upbeat with a snappy tongue.

My eyes rose off the ground with this revelation and I heard him mutter, "Yes… missing something…" He stood up from his chair and wandered around some of the bookshelves for a few moments. "You know," I heard him call from behind some shelves, "Your human friend has been changed."

"Bella?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," he spoke, "I hear she's taking the whole thing fairly well. Though, given her background, I don't suppose this is surprising."

"Wow…" I mumbled. I wasn't so vain as to believe that my family would stop all normal function without my presence but I made a conscious effort to never think about them. It would just rip my heart wide open and I'm not sure if I'd be able to put myself back together. So the idea of their still existing and going about daily business was strange to me.

"Bryanne," Aro called as he turned back into view, "do you know why you are here?"

Was this some kind of trick question? "Because you wanted the Cullens to receive some kind of punishment. And I offered to come with you instead of Bella. Because I would require less… work."

"Yes," he agreed as he came back to his chair, "…and no. Carlisle and I differ ideologically but I will always consider him an associate of mine. I respect him and his choices even if I don't agree. This," he signaled between him and I, "was a simple act of diplomacy."

"In times of conflict, groups may take enemy hostages but when tensions cool those individuals – if the group is any kind of civilized – are released." He paused for a moment. "My brief spat with my longtime companion has passed. I am releasing you."

"What?" I asked bluntly. There was no way I would allow that kind of information past my frontal lobe unless I got it in writing. There was too much hope there.

"I am allowing you to return to your family with one condition," he held up a single finger, "I want you to remember to whom you owe your life, twice over now. I want you to remember who taught you and where you learned these rare skills. If I should call on you in the future, I do not expect any hesitation." He ended his qualification rather gloomily.

"I don't want you to think I am completely heartless, or that I would put you in a compromising position. All that I ask is your loyalty, should your talents pose an especial use for the Volturi one day."

"Of course, sir," I answered, "You know where to find me. I won't really be going far."

He smiled slightly, "Good. Now can I arrange the jet for you?"

"No," I waved my hands in front of me, "it's fine really. I can catch a flight out. It's not a problem, at all. Is there anything else you need of me, sir, before I leave?"

Aro had turned and was looking thoughtfully out one of his windows, "Hm? Oh, no. No, I don't think so. Although you best make sure you say farewell to Jane."

Two hours later I had said goodbye to Jane – even given her a handshake and a smile. I had tossed my few unpacked possessions into the duffel bag and hauled it downstairs. I caught Demetri on the way in. I said my thanks, gave the man a hug because in all my time with him I'd seen brief glimpses of who he was and I think we could've gotten along. I won't deny I was a little sad for him. I explained that my happiness was because I was being set free. I had to take a few minutes to assure him I wasn't making a break for it. Like he wouldn't be able to find me.

I called Alice in hysterics. It took me about twenty minutes sitting on the curb outside the international airport but I finally managed to tell her my arrival time in Seattle. All I could hear at the other end of the phone was the high-pitched screaming. It was enough to shatter the glass walls of the house, I was sure.

I missed my family. I missed Edward and I's awkward philosophical conversations. I missed my mom. I missed messing around with Jacob and I missed being able to just _talk_ to someone – especially Jasper.

For the longest time I didn't let it register that I was going home. I had spent so long blocking my brain, that letting it breathe free was odd. I finally did and my break down on the sidewalk continued. March fifteenth. The Ides of March. Five months after I'd arrived and I was going home. A little stronger. A lot smarter. And definitely more damaged than before.


	24. Homeward Bound

Shortly before take-off the flight attendant came on the air to make sure we all had our phones off. I shut mine down a little sadly. I was finally going back to my family but cutting off this piece of contact just made me feel farther away.

I curled up in my window seat and spent the majority of the flight pretending to sleep. I was completely spacing out and daydreaming. It was about as close to sleep as I could get. Anytime I allowed my brain to process recent history it just scared the daylights out of me. Sure, Aro had let me go – with the qualification that I remain loyal to him and make myself available to aid him in the future. I didn't like this because I knew he had an axe to grind with the Cullens, no matter how much he liked Carlisle.

Obviously his former friendship with Carlisle has done nothing to squelch this. I never wanted to be called on to act against my family. It wouldn't end well. For this reason, I simply chose not to think about it. I would go home to Forks and enjoy being home.

I had a two hour layover in Beijing and chose to spend my time making sure I looked halfway decent in the bathroom and actually venturing around the airport in order to find a book that wasn't a paperback romance novel.

I scrounged the only copy of _Catcher in the Rye_ in English from the small kiosk and made it back to the terminal with fifteen minutes to spare. I got on board and got ready to see my family back in the US. This last leg of the journey wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We had a good tail wind and actually arrived a little early. I came back through customs and turned my phone back on. I visited the luggage claim. I was thrilled to see that all my things had made the voyage from Beijing to Seattle with me.

I lugged my duffel bag to the waiting area and took a seat in one of the preformed plastic benches. I cracked my book open and began reading. Ten minutes had not passed before my pocket buzzed with a new text message. I flipped it open.

_Brace yourself._

_- Alice_

Well, that was really quite cryptic. What should I have been bracing myself for? But I took this as a sign that they were here or on their way. So I stood up and began looking around me. I was peering through an oncoming crowd to the left of the seating area when I was taken by surprise and practically football tackled to the ground.

I didn't even have to look up to recognize the cadence of the heartbeat, the intense warmth or the smell of salt air and bonfire in his blood.

"Jacob," I practically screeched. He'd knocked me on my butt and he himself was kneeling on the ground as he engulfed me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, missing the familiarity, the warmth.

After a few more moments of squeezing me as hard as he possibly could, he pulled back and took my face in his hands. He leaned his forehead against my own and closed his eyes. I noticed he looked tired. His face was stiff. He had dark circles under his eyes and I could see the creasing between his brows and at the corner of his eyes.

I ran my small frigid fingers under his eyes – wondering what could make him so upset and restless. I noticed that they lightened in color almost immediately. It wasn't actually what I'd intended but I smiled knowing that I was happier and my healing still worked. The resurgence of my abilities just affirmed what I'd already known. Here I was right.

"Don't ever do that to me again," he told me quietly. I smiled as the familiarity of his scent overpowered me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jake. I'm home," I responded. I pulled my legs out from underneath him as he'd essentially landed on my lap after my take down. I took his enormous hands from the side of my face and pulled him upright with me.

"Come on," I told him. "We're making a scene." I picked up my bag and turned around to see Jasper and Alice staring back at us with matching eyebrow expressions.

I hugged Alice and Jasper – bouncing with Alice – as I explained how great it was to be home.

I noticed that Jacob never really left my side; he was always close enough for me to feel his body heat. When we finally made our way to the exit, Jasper took my bag and Alice linked into my free arm. "Thanks for the warning," I told her with a smile. I glimpsed to my side and noticed Jacob was still there. I lifted my leg and gave him a kick from behind, "Join Jasper, I want to talk to Alice alone."

He just shook his head and picked up his pace. "Although," I continued, "It didn't really do much for me because I had no idea what you were talking about. Clearly I was still blindsided."

"I'm sorry," she laughed, "it was all I could get out. He was fidgeting so much it was all I could really get onto the screen that made sense. I swear I thought he was going to roll the car over."

I gave her a quizzical look.

"We borrowed Rose's car and Jacob was wearing a hole in the ground pacing and waiting. He couldn't get it together enough to navigate the Rabbit. Eventually I just told him to shut up and Jasper shoved him the back seat. Which is no mean feat can I just say?"

I nodded. I couldn't really see how Jake fit in Rosalie's little M3 coupe. Alice and I chatted and started catching up as we made it to the parking garage. Jasper tossed my stuff in the trunk and Alice pulled the passenger side seat up for Jake and I to climb in. Jake wound his arm around my waist and rested his cheek on top of my head.

By the time we were out of the parking garage and ten minutes on the highway I could hear Jake's breathing get heavier and steady as his heart rate slowed. "Alice," I whispered. She turned around to face me. "Is he asleep?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. "I don't think he's slept since you called us three days ago," she whispered back. I moved from the middle of the bench seat and edged towards the passenger side of the car, allowing Jacob's head to rest in my lap with his feet on the floor. He would've woken up with quite a stiff neck if I'd let him continue to sleep that way.

He lay facing the roof and he looked peaceful. The creases in his face were already gone and I knew a good sleep would rid him of those dark circles. I played with the fringes of his hair as he continued to breathe slowly and evenly.

I hadn't realized how much I'd missed Jacob. I knew I missed Alice, Rose, Bella, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward. But after Jake mauling me in the airport and knowing how much more content I'd felt seeing and having him around knowing that my power had kicked back into gear… it made me realize how much I'd missed him. Almost as an entity separate from the Cullens.

And clearly he'd missed me too. He'd tackled me, begged me not to leave again, never left my side and was apparently completely robbed of patience, sleep and basic motor function the past three days.

When I'd left for Volterra Jacob was my friend, and I his. We were each other's third parties. I could tell him all about how much something was bothering me, or how it had been so hard battling my inner demons on a certain occasion. He would tell me about how he slowly came to realize that his feelings for Bella were a strange brand of love and he didn't ever want her hurt – and that was his natural fear with Edward. He would talk about dealing with the pack and diplomacy among them.

And now that I was back, things seemed to be much the same but also substantially different. I was certainly changed from my time in Italy but Jacob was also different. _We_ were different. Our interactions. Our relationship. My stint in Volterra had driven a giant stake down the middle and altered _us_.

I looked down at his peaceful sleeping form. _Wow,_ I thought, _what are we doing to each other?_

We got home and Alice and Jasper walked slightly ahead of Jake and I carrying my luggage. When we made it to the yard, Jake took hold of my arm. "I'll be back later, okay?" And before I could respond, he kissed my forehead roughly and took off into the trees.

I just stood there for a moment before heading into the house double time. I had just made it through the doorway when Esme pulled me into a hug that could've rivaled Emmett. "Oh dear! It's so good to have you home," she held me at an arms length and looked me over. Apparently the damage wasn't too severe because she hugged me again, rocking me back and forth.

The remainder of the hour constituted my hugging everyone in turn including Edward. I did sincerely miss him. We had some animosity but that was because we were both so headstrong.

Carlisle asked after Aro, Marcus and Caius and I assured him that they'd treated me with the utmost respect. After all they let me go, right? They simply lived a little differently than we did.

Jasper and Emmett wanted to know what I'd been eating for the past several months. They looked at me funny when I'd first told them "caviar and Cristal". I then explained how I'd pretended to eat the humans and went hunting at night – well aware that Demetri probably knew what I was up to.

Jasper found it intriguing that I was now battle trained. "We'll have to duke it out someday," I told him. It was a change of pace from the regularity of Emmett challenges.

For the longest time I couldn't help but stare at Bella. She really was one of us now. Immortal and more beautiful than ever. Her eyes were still shock red and she grumbled about not having left the house. I sympathized, "They'll let you out eventually," I assured her. It was weird not being the new girl anymore. Bella's battle with her thirst was going so-so. She couldn't hunt alone and they had to travel beyond hunters' grounds because she still had a propensity for human blood.

I wondered if my power would help with that? I only just thought of it. I could heal the physical – not the mental – but if I tried, could I heal Bella or even Jasper of their intense thirst? I'd have to mull that one over.

Emmett helped me and took my large bag up to my room. "This seems to be a recurring theme with you and I," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You arrive in a blaze of recent twisted history and I bring you to your room," he noted.

"Well," I replied, "I'm just glad your not bringing me back to solitary. Being around all those 'regular'," I indicated with finger quotes, "vampires almost sent me over the edge. But in the long run I think it really helped break me of my control issues. It was hard – having those sacrificial humans in the castle all the time."

We'd arrived at my room and I opened the door. I don't know what I expected. I didn't know if they'd keep the room the same or what would've happened to it. I smiled when I saw it and turned as Emmett came in the room.

"Alice saw you coming back," he told me. "She couldn't put it in any context – because you never change – and she never saw you in any certain scene. Just with members of the family. So we knew you'd be back. In ten weeks or ten years," he shrugged, "who knew? We're good at waiting."

"Thanks Em," I put my backpack down and hugged him around his enormous waist.

"It's good to have you back, half-pint," I gave him a shove and he mussed my hair before stepping out. I lay down on my big white bed. It was so good to be home. I couldn't even verbalize. My family, the familiar faces, scents, sounds. I just wanted to chain myself to the front porch and never leave again.

Before long I heard steps coming up the stairs and Alice dive-bombed me followed by Rosalie and Bella. The three of them jumped me as I lay on my bed. I became the center of a giant group hug and they were all squealing at me. And then I was squealing at them. They asked me tons of questions and I answered them all. Some made sense and some were odd. Bella wanted to know if they did their own laundry and Alice asked about the décor.

After a while I tumbled off my bed and they helped me unpack. "So," I asked after about ten minutes, "who sent me the suitcase?"

"Well," Alice began, "It was Rose and Em's idea."

"But Alice packed it," Bella added.

"And Edward donated the book," Rose finished.

"Really," I mused.

They all just nodded at me. I smiled. I'd have to thank him for that. Edward was remarkably good with subtle gestures. Sometimes we just butted heads when we were face to face. Maybe the two of us should stick to Morse Code and smoke signals. I imagine we'd get on better.

I went down stairs with the three of them a few hours later. Edward wasn't in the kitchen or the living room. I eventually found him at his piano. I came sat down beside him, my back to the keys. I watched his fingers for a moment and was absolutely amazed. They moved so quickly and lightly it was unreal. He was far greater than any human I'd ever heard. I closed my eyes and listened to his delicate harmonies. They filled the room and my head, painting pictures behind my eyes.

Eventually he stopped, I don't know how much time had passed, and he looked towards me. "Thank you," I said quietly. "For the book. It was quite evocative of my situation. Although, I'm happy my odyssey didn't take ten years."

He smiled lightly as his fingers lilted over a few keys absently, "I thought you'd like it. I'm also glad it did not take you a decade to return."

I pursed my lips in thought. A moment later Edward brought me back, "What is it?" he asked.

"I'm trying to decide if I like you," I told him.

"Excuse me?" he said partially amused and partially taken aback.

"Well," I explained, "You're my brother Edward and you saved my life – so I love you as a brother. But it seems like whenever you and I talk or are getting on for any length of time an argument has to spring up and the war begins. _But,_" I continued on, "then you do something really nice and throw that all out the window."

He just blinked slowly at me a few times after covering the keys.

"You know what?" I said decidedly, "I do like you Edward. I've never had any brothers before. I guess that's just part of being siblings – your just going to be a butthead sometimes."

He laughed genuinely and swung around to sit the same way as me. "Well thank you, dear sister, for being so tolerant of my shortcomings. I really did miss you."

"I missed you too, Edward."

I returned to my room a few hours later. I took a shower in my much-missed bathroom and tugged on some leggings and pulled a comfy sweater over my head. Around two that morning I was looking out the window and noticed that the stars were particularly bright. I left my room and padded down the stairs into the quiet living room. The lights were off so I knew the rest of the Cullens were 'asleep' as I fondly called our alone time.

I opened the kitchen door and let myself into the expansive backyard. One would not know from looking at the front of the house but the Cullens had a decent sized backyard. I sat barefoot on a patch of grass in the middle and looked up, leaning back on my hands. The sky above was completely open and clear of trees. I inhaled the pine smell coming off the breeze.

The stars here were so much brighter than Volterra. We didn't get to see them nearly as often in Forks but when we did it was a far better show. I don't know how long I sat like that but I eventually heard someone coming, almost silently, through the woods. Before I could wonder who it was, Jacob's hulking form appeared. I sat upright and smiled as he crossed the lawn and joined me. I couldn't help the stupid grin whenever I saw him. I had missed him _a lot_ more than I thought. "What are you looking at?" he asked mimicking my posture.

"The stars," I told him. "The Volterra night sky leaves a little to be desired. At least in comparison to here."

We were quiet as we stared into the night sky. Not long after I could feel his gaze on me – knowing he wasn't watching the sky anymore. I looked down and met his raven black eyes.

"I really missed you, Bree," he told me as he closed the distance between our hands.

I smiled, "I got that much from your attacking me at the Sea-Tac." For a moment I was quiet, "I missed you too, Jacob. More than I realized."

"I know how we can easily solve that problem," he told our intertwined hands.

"Do tell."

"Don't leave anymore."

"I can do that," I said through my grin, looking back up at the sky.

"You know," he began, "the day you left – that day we were all in that clearing – it took half the pack to keep me from dragging you back here."

"Well, I'm glad they were able to keep a hold on you because if that was the case I'm sure you wouldn't be here talking to me now. The Volturi don't take many prisoners."

He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I was collateral. Not a prisoner. So, I've caught up with my Forks family. Tell me what's happening in La Push?"

"Well," he shrugged, "Sam and I have officially decided to split the pack."

"Really?" I asked in astonishment.

"Yep," he nodded. "We didn't want the animosity to continue and since I can't really help my natural alpha, we decided on a friendly divorce."

Jake explained the continuing tensions that led to the final decision. The packs would split for the sake of all their sanity. Leah would probably join Jake's pack so she didn't have to deal with Sam – apparently she didn't like him much. He told me about him, Sam and Carlisle reworking the treaty. He also explained his 'natural alpha' comment. How he was descended from previous pack alphas, he was just younger and wasn't the first to shift.

"So _you're _the one causing all the trouble, eh?" I commented.

"Yeah," he said with a smirk as he scratched the back of his neck, "pretty much. What about you in Italy? What did you do for the five months you left me here alone?"

"Not much," I told him honestly. "The Volturi spent their time training me up in the event that the Cullens crossed the line and I became a true member instead of just a security deposit."

"Training?" he asked warily.

"I am now fully trained in the art of immortal combat, courtesy of Demetri: Volturi tracker and warfare savant. It's a double-edged sword. I'm exceptionally skilled but because they trained me my loyalty lies with the Volturi – if they call on me I _have_ to go. Or I die. And Demetri is the foremost tracker in the world; after being with me everyday for five months he could find me in a heartbeat."

"Well," Jacob asked significantly, "what if they wanted you to act against the Cullens or the pack?"

"Don't think I haven't thought about it," I told him somberly as I stared at the sky. "I don't know what to tell you. Would I risk the lives of my friends and family? Never. But I can't say as I'm ready to die either. I don't like to think about it."

"I won't let anyone get you," he said. I smiled at the simplicity of the thought. If only it were as easy as hiding under covers or closing our eyes.

He wrapped his warm arms around me and pulled me onto his lap. He rested his chin on top of my head after gracing it with a small peck.

This was a new development. I can't say I disliked it. At all. Jake was warm and sort of all-encompassing. His smell had progressively changed in my mind. When I met him he smelled weird but now all I got was the smell of campfire and salty ocean water.

But this was not how Jake and I operated. He was my friend. He was always goofing around with me. And today I'd had hand holding, the hugging and he kissed my head. Twice. Was it just because he missed me? Because this wasn't our norm. Sure, I danced with him at the wedding. I went and helped him when he got sick – even though it was my fault. I was also the one who dealt with the immediate affects of his Bella-related breakdown.

He prevented me from shaving my head that first day I was here. He'd listened to me go off about my human family dysfunction. Because that's what friends did, right?

And then I remembered my talk with Jasper following the wedding. I remember being offended by Jake. That was the predominant feeling but I also remember feeling miserable because I couldn't conceive of Jake thinking of me as 'easy' or worse, that horrible 's' word. I could never understand that feeling. I had no idea why that particular one had popped into my head. And though it was much smaller in comparison to my anger, I could never understand why it kept budging its larger neighbor to the side and insisting on being present in my mind.

Jasper had presented the male-brain's perception of the event. And he'd told me about two distinct possibilities. The one I eventually decided on was Jake's feeling protective of me. Then Jasper's other – and first – option hit me like a bulldozer. My mind's eye flashed to the day I sat in Jasper's study, discussing _Dave_ and playing with his Rubix Cube. I remembered it all with impeccable clarity. We could've been talking five minutes ago.

_Jealousy… Typical male reaction towards a female he's attracted to._


	25. Moment of Truth

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

_Oh. My. God!_

I sat there in Jake's lap, my brain crashing into the side of my skull like some high-speed car accident. Jacob didn't seem to mind my silence. After a few minutes he looked back up to the sky and lay down.

I lay over him with my head on his abdomen, as I'd done not long after I first met him. The day Bella told him the truth and he snapped. I remembered thinking, like an 'X marks the spot'. I'd thought of it as a finish line. We'd raced to the end of our ropes and our emotions got the best of us; it was the last of it and we felt better.

But there was never an X at the end of a race. You found an X at the end of a map. After following all the which ways. Forty paces east, around the rock that looks like a crow, towards the dusk-cast shadows. And after you followed all those directions – even the ones that didn't make sense - you were at your end. But it wasn't a finish line. It was always buried treasure. A treasure you never knew was there and was always enough to make Midas jealous. Beauty to parallel the vaults of the Kings of Spain and the troves of the Queens of Egypt. Enough to keep a person happy for eternity; enough to drown in.

_Buried treasure_. I smiled at the thought. I turned my head to the side seeing the underside of Jacob's strong jaw line, the rise of his cheekbones and his lashes as they moved in sync with his star gazing. He kept watching the sky with his hands tucked behind his head.

My map was quite shrewd. I'd started my journey with the X lying on the sand just out of sight. I'd followed all the directions, never knowing there would be a short cut if I cared to look a little closer. But instead I walked in steady concentric circles, slowly spiraling away before tripping, tumbling down a hill and landing on my X.

Jake could sense that I was staring at him and he peered down at me. "What?" he asked laughing slightly. I swung around so I was laying on his chest. Our faces almost level and my toes only reaching his knees. I swung my legs in the air above me and set my chin down below his collarbone and just pursed my lips in thought.

"Are you all right?" he asked. He seemed genuinely serious about that question. He put a large, gentle hand on the back of my head using his thumb to sweep the hair from my face in order to get a better view of my expression. His head lifted and his brows furrowed as he frowned and inspected me closer. I guess it made sense; I must've seemed more than a little unstable.

I chewed the inside of my cheek and pressed my thumb lightly against the crease that formed in his forehead. I didn't like that crease. It was like a distress signal; no good ever came of it. Then it was as if I was propelled by some outside force: intuition or clairvoyance. It was not a conscious decision but I knew it wasn't spur of the moment either. It was surprising but not unanticipated. I had been working this whole time towards my buried treasure but never knew what it was for certain.

I took a breath and closed the gap between us. I placed my small cold lips on his warm ones, breathing in his scent and noticing how much more intense it was with this proximity. My eyes were closed and I could have been standing along the ocean coast. He no longer smelled bad to me, but his skin carried the scent of salty ocean water and the heady smoke of campfire burned with natural wood.

My upper lip fit perfectly between his, and his lower lip slid between my own without hesitation. I laced my arms around his lifted neck, marveling at the contact. Like two magnets or bits of static charged cloth we were drawn unconsciously together. His face met mine equally, followed by his chest and torso. They fought the gravity that pulled him naturally downward and brought him flush to me.

I sincerely hoped this went well. I was taking a big dive off an even bigger cliff and I would either land among the water and waves and it would all be worth it or I would get caught on the way down and screw up one of the best things to come into my life in a long time. But before my fears were able to eat too far into my brain, Jake came back to life. He lifted himself onto his elbows, causing me to slide from his abdomen to his lap. Each of his hands carefully took a side of my head as he handled me like glass.

He began to lean forward making my holding his neck necessary. He slid one hand down to the small of my back – covering the whole lower half with his one hand – so we didn't have to break the full body contact we had from waist up. I felt the trail of his heated hand as it traveled down my side. I would've bet money that his handprint was permanently marked on my skin there.

He started to enjoy the moment more and took the lead, kindly and gently working his burning lips over my cold bottom one. I'd initiated and Jake took the reins and ran with it. We were normally on equal ground but I happened to like Jake's authoritative side.

I ran my fingers down the back of his head to the arrow point where his hair tapered and met the pulsing skin of his neck. My other hand traced along his neck and along his each vertebra. I could sense the trail of gooseflesh I was causing. Pleased by his reaction, I smiled against his lips - glad this was _not_ going the crash and burn route.

He felt the smile as my lips involuntarily tugged away from his. He took his other hand from the side of my head and ran his thumb gently down my chin, pulling my bottom lip back out. "Not fair," he whispered. As he spoke a sudden wave of his blazing and overwhelming scent hit me with the full force of 'Jake'. I was completely tucked away inside a cloud of his warmth and smell. I was caught off guard and I inhaled as much as my lungs would take. His fingers traced down the front of my throat and along one collarbone before coming back to rest on the side of my neck, making me shudder.

Then I could sense him getting adventurous as his tongue came out and traced the seam of my lips. I wasn't going to give into him that easily, plus I liked antagonizing Jacob's more pushy side. While keeping my lips firmly planted to his, I stood up, only needing to bend slightly from the height difference. I slowly took a step away but he put his hands on my hips not wanting me to pull back. I took his hands, interlocking our fingers and took another step back. He sat up on his knees and followed me with closed eyes for every step I made. Our lips never broke and slowly mine began to grow warmer - the contact from Jake, heating them to an almost bearable point.

I finally stopped pulling away and wrapped his arms back around my tiny waist. Fighting the smile that wanted to break through, I parted my lips and breathed in his smell letting it fill my head like a hazy cloud. He seemed to be just enjoying having won the battle, as his tongue was less frantic then I'd anticipated. He took his time exploring and memorizing the contours of my mouth.

He was slow, warm and gentle. Even though I very well could've cracked his head in two with one hand, he handled me like antique china. He kept a firm grasp so I never faltered but at the same time was incredibly gentle, making sure to never crush me. I might have been strong, but Jake was far bigger than me and wouldn't have trouble overpowering me. I'd never liked big guys because I had always felt uncomfortable, knowing I wouldn't be able to defend myself against them. But Jacob – bigger than any man I'd ever known – didn't give me this fear; on the contrary, he could've been my wall of protection.

I allowed my tongue one final sweep of his beautiful white teeth before I closed my lips and ended with a chaste peck. I stayed standing and he remained kneeled with his forehead resting against mine and his eyes still closed. He was breathing deep. I took his breath away. _Good._ Then he just broke out the biggest, goofiest smiled I'd ever seen him wear. He tightened his grip around my waist and tickled my sides, burying his face in my stomach. I squealed from the jitters – it was strange, I hadn't been tickled as vampire – and knocked myself over onto my back. I squirmed and couldn't speak for laughing. He relented after a moment and rested his warm cheek against my chest. "That's for holding out on me."


	26. Beautiful Disaster

Much of the immediate future Jake spent at the Cullens, or I at La Push. I knew he didn't spend enough time at home so I dragged him back whenever I could. I don't think he intentionally spent so much time away; he just never really realized it. So I would take him home. I'd talk with Billy – who was a freaking riot – and meet some of the people Jake was surrounded with. Because for a long time it was the other way around.

Billy was full of stories about everything. I especially enjoyed watching Jake squirm when he was the main character. Although he's lucky, Billy never revealed anything very embarrassing. He was a trove of folk tales, life lessons, bad jokes, and witty catch phrases.

When Jacob would get antsy from being in the house or just waiting for the moment his father would reveal potty training stories, we'd venture outside. I'd spent time in his garage and he showed me his VW Rabbit and how he'd built it from the ground up. Like Rosalie had begun with my bike, Jake began to show me some basics so I wasn't completely unsophisticated in the art of basic mechanics. I'd learned as a human that my small nimble fingers were a great boon but they were also always getting crushed and scraped; that wasn't a problem anymore thankfully.

I went with Jake and some of the pack when they went cliff diving. Leah and I sat on the grass, having gone first. I wrung my hair out as I watched Embry – who gained a newfound respect for me when I didn't argue the nickname 'bloodsucker (hey, it was true) – and Quil climb back up from the bottom. I liked Leah. Her every word was dripping with sarcasm but she cared for brothers (biological and otherwise). Her and Jacob, I found, had an especial sibling rivalry of sorts.

As Seth – the last pack mate – jumped and dove towards the rolling sea, Leah spoke. "So are you and Jacob a thing now?"

I couldn't help it as my laugh sputtered out. It just sounded so middle school – and I knew that's how she intended it - but I couldn't help the chuckle. "I guess so," I said after I calmed down. "It's weird; I don't know what you'd call us. We were friends and then I came back home and… I don't know, now we're 'more-than-friends'? I guess it's kind of my fault. I did maul him in my backyard."

Leah held up a hand to halt anything further. "I know," she said, "believe me, I know. Remember the pack mind? I see it. All the time. With recurring frequency. It's gross – no offense. The boy is crazy about you."

I crinkled my eyes, "That's such an alien concept to me."

She shrugged, "As far as I can tell, he's been this way for a while. I think the wedding really did it for _everyone_ except him. Just reading all the stuff going on in his mind. I could tell he liked you as more than a friend – but I don't even think he knew."

"Your leaving was the final nail in the coffin for him," she nodded. "Having you actually not be around really threw it all into perspective. I didn't know whether to feel bad or punch him in the face. He was bitchy and rude _all the time_. But I also knew he wasn't eating or sleeping much. And I knew why."

I was rather intrigued by this course of discussion. Jake wasn't willing to discuss anything that related specifically to himself while I was gone. I didn't know why, but I now I had an idea.

"He's a lot better now that you're back. Actually, even better than he was before. Far less of a pain in the ass," she told me.

I nodded mulling this all over before changing up subjects so I wasn't so silent. "So which pack you think you'll join?"

"The new pack – no contest," she said instantly. "Like I said: Jacob is marginally less irritating and Sam is just… no, it's not worth it."

"You know for all your ragging on Jake, I happen to be quite fond of him," I smiled.

"Oh, I know," she rolled her eyes, "who else is going to even out the scale, though? Quil and Embry are his friends and I'm pretty sure Seth has never disliked _anyone_. So I've got to keep the balance."

"You seem very assertive," she noted, "I don't know how you two work together without killing each other."

"It's sure to be an interesting combination," I agreed.

In our brief time together since I'd come home, Jacob and I had grown exponentially more comfortable around each other than the in the whole time before I'd left. I just loved being around him. His smoky scent and pulsing warmth was the best feeling in the world. I couldn't even sit next to him without wanting to burrow into his side, just to get closer. His hand would close entirely around mine and after long enough my fingers would warm to the point where I almost felt human again.

I loved sitting on his couch and talking about the most ridiculous things or just sitting inside his garage with him. Jacob was still so much a part of the human world and I loved being able to experience some of that with him. It had been a long time since I'd felt 'normal'.

Jacob, I learned, was a physical being. There were times where he wouldn't tell me what was going on inside his head and I would have to figure it out. He communicated with body language and action.

Whenever we were together, he would rarely not be in direct physical contact with me. Whether his leg was touching mine or he pulled me onto his lap – it didn't matter. We could be in the middle of a conversation or being walking somewhere and he'd anxiously grab my hand or gently wrap his arm around my waist and pull me close. I could be flipping through the channels and out of nowhere he'd knock me to the ground because it'd been too long since I'd nearly died from a tickle attack. When I would get angry or frustrated or just start ranting about god knows what, he'd lean in and kiss me – long and deep enough to distract my frazzled brain. I think he was trying to get me to shut up, but he said he I was cute when I got angry.

I never complained because the closer I could get to the guy, the happier I would be. And it was nice to know that I wasn't totally crazy and he also felt these sporadic urges to just be really close to or on top of me.

The pack seemed to think it odd that Jake was seriously attracted to some vampire, but they were largely accepting of me, for which I was glad. For one, they let me on their land. I was around La Push a few times a week with Jacob and they didn't mind. After a week or so, I think they just got used to us. It was new and different, but he strangeness faded with time. I also learned from Leah that I did not smell as bad to the pack as most of my kind did. That was nice.

Like I said, I got some props from Embry for not being such a pansy about my nickname. _Bloodsucker_. Although, it was uttered with much less contempt than the word connoted.

Seth just sort of stared at me once when he realized I knew x-Box. I kicked his butt in a quick round in _Call of Duty_ and got more stares from Jared and Paul.

I got to know Emily as well. Sam's fiancé. She was a nice girl and she cooked _a lot_. That first day I'd met her was no fluke. It was a regular thing. I watched her around the kitchen and picked up some pointers. I assured her that when the packs were all teamed off, I'd cook for Jake's. Because it was hardly fair for them to be eating her out of house and home when they weren't even meeting there. "I won't have them stop by here, just to mooch off you," I told her. "We can divide and conquer."

"That's a deal," she told me. "I don't mind handing over half, but do you know what you're getting yourself into?"

I did not. Those boys eat a lot. And by a lot I mean, what would sustain a single human for one day, sustains a single Quileute boy for one meal. That times three meals a day, times about four or five boys. Plus poor Billy, who still ate in the human capacity. I was used to my speed for many things but cooking required more finesse. I didn't want to ruin anything by moving to quickly and there were certain things you just couldn't rush. If it took ten minutes to bake a tray of something, there wasn't much I could do.

I liked to hope that sealed the deal with the food. I kind of hoped that the guys would at least grow to tolerate or not hate me, because that just made things weird. And I'd hate to be the stupid girlfriend that made everything different. But I think the food might've put my into the new pack's good graces. At least for now.

I had to try a few times but I learned which bad smells were actually perceived as good to humans. I made pretty good food as a kid and young teen – who else was going to feed my mother – but I'd had limited practice after moving out. Jake, Seth, Quil and Embry seemed to appreciate you domestic enthusiasm. They were amazed that I could even cook, like my ability to manipulate stainless steel cookware must've dissolved with my humanity. Apparently my smell was so weak to all them – excepting Jacob – that they couldn't smell me through cooked food. So it all panned out quite well.

Cooking was nice for me. It didn't smell good. In fact it smelled downright horrid, but it didn't mean I was incapable. Cooking was so mundane and normal it sometimes helped me forget all the immortal crap I had to deal with. I was just a normal person, making a meal. Because that was average. Run of the mill.

Jake also spent time with me at my house. I'd taken a long and careful amount of time to explain to him that we needed to keep it to handholding _at the most_ around my house. Because I had no doubts of Jasper or Emmett possibly having some weird older brother meltdown. I didn't worry about Edward because he seemed to lighten up about Jacob since a) he and Bella had been married and b) Jacob had taken a more avid interest in me. Not to say he wasn't concerned but I think he read Jake's intentions better because he'd know Jake on a greater degree; plus that whole mind reading thing. Emmett and Jasper were easily blinded by brotherly instinct.

It took more explaining than convincing and in the long run it meant we spent more time on the res with his family – something Billy had requested of me at the wedding – because he could lean down and kiss me whenever he gosh-darn pleased.

The rest of the Cullens didn't seem to mind. Which I thought was odd. Nice, but odd. When Esme saw our hands atop one another on the counter, she just smiled. Rose admitted to me that she thought our bond was peculiar but her disdain seemed to be diminishing. When Alice quizzed me about it, all she could do was spin around my room like a ballerina while Bella and I watched her from my bed.

Bella, again, was my greatest arsenal for perspective and a good sounding board. She was the one family member to have had a similar relationship with him. Except she put a stop to it about three stages ago. She was happy that Jacob had found me. She confessed feeling like a bitch having to break Jacob off the way she did, but acknowledged that they both needed that closure. She loved him but there was always Edward; Edward was always a little more and little different. She suspected it was much the same for him – he just didn't having anything to compare it to. For her it was always 'Jacob and Edward' and there was a clear and obvious difference for her. She was glad that Jacob had found his difference.

As I helped Jake work on his self-control around my brothers, he helped me work on my perception. Like I'd told Leah, having someone care _that_ much about me in _that _sort of manner – a manner different than a family bond – was strange to me. I wasn't used to it and it just translated oddly in my head sometimes. I don't even know what would set me off; I don't think there was much rhyme or reason.

Jake would tell me I smelled nice while we sat in his car and that was fine but later he could tell me I was smart and I wouldn't know how to react. My shoulders would hunch or I just wouldn't say anything because I didn't know what to do. And even from Jacob – the person I talked about everything with - these words sounded weird.

Once he saw my pattern, he stopped allowing me to invert. He would hold my shoulders upright – not letting me slouch; or he'd tell me again, more firmly and directly. He didn't let it slide. He seemed genuinely surprised that I couldn't process this kind of stuff.

We were in the Rabbit when my lovely issue first surfaced. It was coming into the end of the school year; he was going into his senior year of high school in the fall and he'd missed a fair bit of his junior year – being a wolf half the time and all. He had a stack of work to get through before the summer was up or they wouldn't let him into the twelfth grade.

He saw this more as a pain than anything else. He wasn't stressed at all like most people would be. Then I found out why. He could whip a five page paper on the underlying decisions and repercussions of using the bomb in WWII in about an hour. I was absolutely amazed. No brainstorming, no outline, no rough draft. He just grabbed some paper started and an hour later was done the final product. I didn't believe him – until I read it. I don't think he even misplaced a comma.

That was the case for all his History and English homework. What would've taken most humanoids a week, he did in an afternoon. When I asked him what the deal was; if he was trying to pull a fast one on me he shrugged. "No. I've always been good with this kind of stuff. I can write well; it's easy. It helps in two subjects at least." I just continued to stare with my mouth slightly open before he closed it for me.

Math was a different story. True to form: Jacob was a man of extremes. While he was linguistic savant he had colossal issues with math. The Pre Calc was not something that computed for him. I – being the math geek - spent an entire Tuesday in the Rabbit going over it all but I'm not sure it helped. He managed to get through all of the math work in the course of a week, but he needed reminding. He would grasp a concept I spent twenty minutes explaining but it would only stick in his brain long enough for him to hammer out the next problem. This made for slow going.

He was irritated when I refused to do it for him. And he got frustrated quickly when he didn't retain the information. He'd practically begged me but I insisted that if I did it for him he'd be royally screwed come the fall because math was a building process and if he didn't get this he'd be lost. In the end he did it all himself. He'd calmed down significantly – logarithmic functions had really bent him out of shape – and he smiled at me. "Thank you," he said sincerely, "you did great. You're really smart."

I just stared ahead, biting my lip and nodding my head vaguely.

"What?" he curiously asked me, "you are."

I just shrugged and stared at the dashboard.

"Bree, you can't possibly _not_ believe me," he said taking my hand. "You have to know that you're smart. It takes a lot to understand all this, especially to the point where you can _explain_ it to someone else."

"I guess," I said getting a little irritated and propping my feet on the dash.

"Bree," Jacob said as he angled himself towards me.

"What?" I said snapping slightly.

He just looked at me for a moment with a calm studious face as I got more tense and exasperated. I think he was dissecting what was happening to me, because it was certainly written all over my body language. For a moment he didn't speak and I felt like I might just explode inside this car. I leaned over and was on the verge of pulling the door handle to get out because I just couldn't take it, when Jake took my hand and prevented me from leaving.

I released the handle sadly and turned around. I was clearly not getting out of this one. He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. Normally his lips on me were such a sedative, but in this case it just made me more anxious.

"Bree," he said steadily, "you are smart."

"Okay," I shouted, "I get it."

"No. You," he repeated, "are smart."

"All right, already. I—"

"And funny, and gorgeous. You're kind and helpful and sincere. You can bring out the best in anybody."

He'd figured it out.

At this point my eyes probably looked like quarters and my breathing was getting shallower and faster. I was crossing into the realm of a panic attack and all I could do was reach out for Jacob as an anchor to keep me from going completely postal. I sat in his lap and buried my face in my hands as he held on to me. Trying to keep me from falling apart at the seams. We opened quite a can of worms that day.

His methodology usually worked but every once in a while I'd really tweak out. It was the beautiful comments that were guaranteed to send me over the edge. If he told me I was beautiful or pretty, forget about it; I had absolutely no mental framework to operate from when he threw something like that at me. I'd get very upset because I didn't know how to receive those types of compliments – though I knew they were just that, compliments. I couldn't even look him in the eye.

He'd just hug me to his chest or gently hold my face as I let it all process through my borderline hysterics. I could feel the awkward drumming that his words would send through my nerves and down my arms and shoulders. I'd let his natural heat relax my oddball tension.

He about had an aneurysm when I suggested he simply didn't say that kind of stuff to me.

"What! Not only is that _not_ healthy, it's bullshit. You are _all those things_," his vague allusion only giving me a slight flinch as he paced around his kitchen, "and I won't let you _not_ believe them. It would be a lie."

"But we could just _avoid_ the whole situation if you never mentioned it! It's not lying," I argued, "You said it once. Okay, I know. We don't have to talk about it again!"

He looked at me like I was growing another appendage out of my head, "Are you crazy? It would be a lie of omission and I'm not going stop saying nice things to you because you're not used to it. I think hearing them more often is good for you. I can't let you sit in the cage you've built around yourself. There'll always be that part of you stuck there."

"I'm not stuck anywhere!" I insisted. "Can't we just pretend I'm allergic? It's like peanuts. You wouldn't force feed me peanuts if I was allergic would you? Prolonged exposure doesn't help in all cases, Jacob."

He just sat at the kitchen table and ran his hands over his face. He looked defeated. "I feel like," he told me, "if we close that off it will just get worse and over time there will be less I can say to you without making you uncomfortable. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Bree but…" and he was silent.

"What?" I asked quietly as I perched on the edge of the table.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable _but_," he said evenly, "I think it will come to a point where I could have something important to say. Either I could tell you and you react horribly or I keep my mouth shut and you'd just never know. What are we supposed to do then?"

"Well," I said, "if it's important, I'll survive. I just think the constancy of practice is more pain than it's worth."

He stood up slowly and did a steady shuffle from one end of the kitchen to the other. When he was at the far side he turned and looked at me for a moment. He came back to the table and placed one hand on each side of me on the tabletop. "Bree, I need to know that if something is on my mind that I can say it or tell you about it without your _running away_ from me. Because nothing scares me more than my making you run away."

I groaned and lolled my head back for a moment. "Jacob," I said bracing the side of his face with my hands to make my point clear. "It's not you. It's not the thought. It's the words inside my brain." He just sighed tiredly and closed his eyes.

"What is it? What do you need to tell me?"

"I love you."

What did he just say? I had to pause for a moment. He'd just spit it out, apropos of nothing; I wasn't sure I heard him right. But there wasn't much I could confuse those three words with.

For a moment it was all I could do to keep myself rooted to that spot. Jacob was worried about my running. And I couldn't prove his suspicions correct, not with something like this. This was a whole new level of cranial overload for me. Forget about being smart or beautiful. This was love. Love. Love… The thought came powering into my head like a semi skidding over ice. But for the first time that's as far as it manifested.

It was a few seconds before I realized I'd begun to shake my head. Jacob began to imitate me, shaking his head in my hands, "Why are you shaking your head?"

I snapped back to reality and pulled my hands away from Jake's face, like I'd been burnt. I buried my own face in my hands and leaning down towards my knees. "Jacob, you don't love me."

"What?" he asked point blank.

I lifted my eyes out of my hands, "You can't love me. Just _look_ at me. No, I'm not good for you Jacob." I really had not seen that one coming. I was so screwed up: physically, mentally, emotionally… I just wasn't healthy for him. To form that kind of attachment, I'd just end up poisoning him.

Maybe I'd made a mistake by kissing him that day I came back. There's no denying I enjoyed it, but maybe I should've never indulged that desire or opened that door for us. It was selfish because he could give so much to another person, and me and my problems would just kill him slowly.

He just stood upright, taking his hands away from the tabletop. He looked lost. "See," he said staring at a point on the floor behind me, "I knew this would happen."

I started to panic. I scooted myself back away from him and off the opposite end of the table. I needed to get out. I know he was afraid of my running but old habits die hard and if I didn't get out I would do something we'd both regret. Before I made it to the door he was in front of me blocking my way.

"Jake," I said trying not to become hysterical – and failing, "let me out."

"No," he said blocking the path of my hand. He was using his size to his advantage and covering the whole door. Plus, after what happened the last time I hit him, he knew I'd never lay a hand on him. I was too horrified by the potential results.

"Let me out!"

"No. I will not let you run away from this. Regardless of _your_ feelings for _me_ you can't keep running forever!"

"Jacob!" I was now officially screaming.

"If you can honestly leave here, then go," he shouted and stepped aside from the door to clear my way. "I'm not stopping you. But just know that one day your legs are going to give out."

My lungs were expanding and contracting with my each breath and I could feel them fill my empty chest. Every molecule in my body was telling my to bolt. Telling me to _get out. _To rip that door off the hinges and run as fast and as far away as I could. But something kept my feet firmly secured to his living room floor. I couldn't move from my spot. After what seemed like an hour of inner battling I just collapsed on the floor. Sitting on the spot. I rested my head on my knees as I clutched at my hair. Jake slid down the wall across from me. I don't think he wanted to come near me, he must've been afraid of scaring me off.

"I'm no good for you Jacob. I'm going to hell," I muttered.

"That's a crock of shit and you know it. Why would you ever think you're going to hell? You are not bad, Bree."

"Jacob," I cried, "you have to understand. I love you too – I truly do - but that's exactly the problem. You could do _so much better_. If I had these feelings for you that's fine, I can ignore them but for you to love me just pulls you into my mess." I tapped on my hollow chest, "there's nothing in here, Jacob. Nothing to keep me from snapping and killing anyone I know. Believe me, no god wants much to do with me."

I continued to just sit there on the floor. I didn't know what to say or do. Jacob slid across the floor towards me, watching my body language to make sure I was all right. I was having a complete meltdown because this is not how I imagined things going. I cared about Jacob. I loved Jacob but for him to love me was just dead weight around his neck. I wanted him free to do what he wanted. I didn't want him tied down to the basket case from across town. I felt like I had such an opportunity to taint him.

For a while I thought I had a chance, that there was a possibility of my making my situation work. But Volterra had broken me. I was damned.

"Bree, from what I know: most interpretations of god are willing to forgive if you're sorry. You've turned over a completely new leaf. Made a whole new life for yourself. That's quite a jump." I think he was trying to reason with me, but I didn't see much way out of this.

"You were a Christian, right? There's a story in your Bible about a man that wanted to go to heaven. Jesus told him to leave all his possessions and follow him. The man couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to leave his old life. You left everything behind Bree. And Carlisle is hardly Jesus, but I don't deny that he's probably got the right idea about your kind. You live the best you can with what you have."

As Jacob reached my defeated, crumpled form he took my hand and was still for a moment, reading my reaction. "Bree. I love you. And I will be here until the day I die. I don't want to fix you – but I can't handle you not knowing how amazing you are. I can't handle your thinking your going to hell. I don't want you to ignoring anything. I want to know what's on your mind – no matter what it is. We all have shit we need to work through but it's easier together. You are a beautiful disaster and I wouldn't want you any other way."

How could he possibly have any desire to be with me on that kind of level with the full knowledge of who I was? All my mental baggage and he didn't care. There was _no_ way. This kind of stuff didn't happen in reality. This degree of acceptance was nigh impossible.

Jacob moved even closer to me and despite my hysterics at what he was telling me I couldn't deny the comfort of his heat so close to me. His long legs stretched on each side of me and he just pulled me close. I buried my face in the fabric of his shirt and tried to reign in the dry sobbing.

After a few minutes Jacob spoke. "You talk about love like it's a disease," he said, "but hearing you say that was still the best thing I've ever heard. Even in the middle of your self-deprecating tirade."

I smiled sadly, "It _is_ a disease. You are not of sound mind – that I know."

He picked up my face from his shoulder, "I am completely lucid. I love you and you have never looked more gorgeous."

I didn't even flinch.

"I love you too, Jake."


	27. The Watched Pot Never Boils

Thus was our time learning to acclimate to one another. Once Jacob realized that I wasn't running away or leaving again he didn't hold so fast to me. He'd reach out for my hand but the anxious search for my presence decreased. I still noticed his involuntary orientation toward me and I'm sure mine didn't escape his notice – but he quickly seemed to relax, knowing that I wasn't going anywhere. That was a good feeling.

One morning a week later found me knee deep in my own laundry. I was in desperate need of clothes but knew I had so much that it would be best to wait until no one was around. Carlisle had been called away last night to Seattle on an emergency consultation. Esme was with a series of clients all day. Rose and Emmett were hunting and Jasper and Alice had taken the weekend to go "camping."

I was right to wait. The floor of the laundry room was completely covered in a two-foot layer of my clothes. I had my little spot in front of the washer open and just enough clearance for the dryer door. I was in the midst of transferring a load when the doorbell rang.

I hopped lithely out of the room and padded to the doorway. I hoped it wasn't anything important. I was barefoot in ripped, bleach-stained, skinny jeans and a wife beater. And my hair was pulled into a knot on my head; I was hardly ready to entertain guests. My fears of embarrassing myself with my appearance were quickly eliminated when I recognized the shape of one of the pack through the translucent glass.

I pulled the door open. "Jake?" I asked. I didn't really know why any of them would be here. At least Jake made more sense. And I was always happy to see him. It was kind of pathetic, actually. I liked to believe he had the same reaction because he always smiled when he saw me. No matter how much of a disaster I looked.

"I'm here to see Carlisle," he told me. "Treaty negotiations?"

"Oh, right!" I suddenly recalled Sam had been here earlier in the week as well. "Okay. He got called away to Seattle last night, Jake. I don't know when he'll be back... Here, come in."

For a moment he stood in the doorway. He gave me a once over. I looked down at myself – was I missing something crucial? I gave him a quizzical look and he just shrugged his response, "You look good."

I rolled my eyes. "Why thanks. I always try to dress up for mindless household chores." I started back towards the laundry room. "Whatever floats your boat, dude."

"Is there anyone here?" Jake asked taking in the empty house. It was shocking; it never really happened.

"Um, Edward and Bella are probably down at their place, but the rest are out," I told him.

"Well in that case," and with that he tugged me gently back towards him by my arm. He placed a fiery hand at the small of my back as he pulled me in for a kiss. I stood on my toes to get closer – I really needed to start wearing heels around this guy - fighting his tongue for control. It hadn't escaped my notice that both our bodies had begun reacting to a greater degree every time our lips met. He pulled back, smiling, "Greedy much?"

I shrugged in response, smiling as I licked his taste off my lips. I finally actually made it to the laundry room and I threw my newest load into the washer.

"Holy crap," he said faintly as he finally saw all the clothes I had packed into such a small place.

"I know," I said as I scratched my head. "It's been a while." I shut the lid of the washer and Jake extended his hand to help me climb out of the pit. "So since you're here, can I get you anything?"

"I overslept this morning and didn't want to be late. I'm kind of hungry," he shrugged.

"Yes, Jacob, I will feed you. Come on." I took his hand and went to the kitchen. He took a seat at the breakfast bar as I opened the fridge.

"You can cook?" he asked. Had he not noticed that I'd been making him and his father food for weeks while he did his homework?

"Can you?" I countered. "What have I been doing all this time if you're a master chef?"

"No, my sister kicked me out of the kitchen when I was ten after I set a dishcloth on fire." I pulled the eggs and milk out of the fridge and turned to look at him.

"You stay on that side of the island, okay?" I chided. I didn't know he was that bad.

"I'm not so horrible anymore," he argued. "I make a mean sandwich."

I pulled out the large skillet and a bowl. As it heated up, I cracked each of the dozen eggs into a bowl, poured in some milk and mixed. "I'll take your word for it."

As I pulled various other ingredients and utensils out he asked again, "So you can cook?" Except now I realized what he was getting at.

"Yes," I said whisking up the eggs, "my human years aren't that far gone. It doesn't smell so good anymore but I can still operate based on sight and sound."

He nodded, "So you don't eat, but can you?"

I smiled at his curiosity as I poured the egg mix into the crackling skillet. "Absolutely. It's still physically possible. I've got all the machinery. But it doesn't get digested or metabolized like in your system."

"So…"

"So I have to cough it up," I smiled as I took a spatula from the drawer.

"Gross," he replied.

"Very gross," I assured.

"It's weird that you guys never get to enjoy food ever again. Anything new that you come across is never the same."

"Well," I told him as I let the eggs set, "We still have food, just a little different. Curry might be exotic to you. But elephant could be exotic to me. And you are someone who comes from the total opposite end of the spectrum. You and your brothers are heavily dependent on good food. Emily spoils you," I pointed with my spatula.

"True that," he admitted, "But whatever you're doing smells pretty damn good."

"Thank you," I smiled, "You're welcome to come and learn so long as you don't set anything on fire." In a moment he had hopped off his stool and was around the counter.

"So what are you making?" – "An omelet." – "How do you do that?" – "Eggs." – "Eggs?" – "And milk." – "Milk." – "You mix them together with a whisk." – "That medieval torture device in the sink?" – "Yes. Or a fork."

And this is how I spent the remainder of the morning. I made Jacob a five meat and cheese omelet – which could've only disappeared quicker if he inhaled it. And he made a little two-egg omelet. He did good but I found that he was quite impatient. He kept trying to peek under the eggs while they were cooking.

"Stop it," I slapped his arm upon seeing him sneak a peek while I put things away.

"Ow," he winced, "They're taking forever."

"The watched pot never boils and if you keep messing with them they're going take even longer."

"Fine!"

It was a nice experience. We were both taking this newness in stride, which was nice. I had some serious qualms about attacking him in the backyard because I don't think I could've handled losing Jake as a friend. The last few weeks erased that from my mind. Jake seemed to enjoy me on that level and we were now starting to feel out this whole new plane of our relationship.

That was also strange to me; the word relationship. It felt foreign on my tongue and I never actually said it but I knew that's what I was dealing with. Of course I had a relationship with everyone in this house, everyone I knew, but this was different. Jacob and I were developing a new kind of attachment and on one level I liked it but it also scared the crap out of me.

I supposed it was about time. Alice had told me that while she couldn't see it, she could certainly read the signs. She said we'd been beating around the bush for months and that the incident at Bella and Edward's wedding just sealed the deal for her. Why was this so obvious to everyone except me? First Leah, now Alice? When I demanded to know why she didn't tell me, she said it was because I wasn't ready and it wasn't her place. This was true. If she told me that Jacob had feelings for me the day I'd wrapped myself in my comforter in my weird physical manifestation of trying to hold myself together emotionally… well, I don't know what would've happened, but it sure as hell wouldn't have been pretty.

So I decided I liked this. I liked being close to Jacob. I liked being near his heat and smell. I liked his blunt sarcasm and the way he approached these sorts of new things with a mix of excitement and confusion. I liked knowing that he'd always be there to hold my hand or be big and brave when I couldn't. I liked being on the same level as him; he didn't underestimate me. I liked how he touched my waist when he moved around me to get some paper towels. Or how is hand could close fully around mine when I tried to take his spatula away. He was completely accepting of my mental dysfunctions. He was genuinely curious about me and didn't mind asking questions or admitting that he wanted to be around me, too. I was just too dense to read the signs for a really long time.

Jake was distracted while I made him wash the dishes and I put them away. I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face; I wondered if I was going to have this revelation every time he was around me. He managed to turn the omelet and only spill part of it onto the stovetop. The burning smell made him think he'd set something on fire but I assured him it probably wasn't going to happen with the Cullen's electric range.

He was quite proud of himself and I couldn't help but smile as he ate the deformed little egg blob out of the pan.

Throughout the course of my cooking escapade with Jake, I'd been cycling my laundry and I now had a full basket of clean, folded clothes. Jake followed me up the stairs as I took the clothes to my room. "Next week," I told him, "if you're feeling really crazy, I'll show you how to use the oven." I bumped my door open with my hip and made for my closet.

One of Alice's fancy, shiny shirts must've fallen out of the basket because I stepped on it and immediately all friction I had with the floor was gone. I wasn't expecting it and dropped the basket and fell on my back. Jake – who was just coming in the door – turned in time to see me land on my back.

"Ow…"

"Are you okay?" he asked as he kneeled down beside me.

"I'm super, thanks for asking," I responded dryly. I looked up to see about a month's worth of clothes now lying in and around my closet. Great. Clothes I had spent hours cleaning and folding neatly – so neatly that they wouldn't wrinkle - were now completely covering at least ten square feet of floor space. I slid my hands down my face letting them rest on my eyes and groaned. "I think I'm just going to stay here and mope."

As I sulked in a pile of my own clean clothes with my feet up on the armoire, Jacob played absently with a strand of my hair. He appeared pretty content, so I wasn't about to interrupt. I just lay there with my eyes closed enjoying the sensation; he was calming me down – I was quite angry with myself for dumping all my clothes on the floor. Eventually his hands became a bit more adventurous and his fingers began to trail down my arms and my side.

Being so trusting and open like this to Jacob didn't scare me as much as it used to. I knew he would ever hurt me, but I realized how vulnerable I was – both physically and mentally. I was just lying here. Anything could happen. Once I might've been on edge, but now I just felt… I don't know. I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous. It was just this natural tingle that I felt in my fingers and my chest whenever he touched me.

I quirked an eye open. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked as he sat next to me.

"Not at all," I assured him.

"Good," he smiled. His fingers traced down the side of my ribs, into the contours of my waist and down to my bony hips. He lightly traced the spot where my pelvic bone stuck out below my stomach, just above the waistband of my jeans. I twitched involuntarily, not used to the contact. I felt him stop and pull away hesitantly.

"It's fine Jake," I told him without opening my eyes, "Raw nerves. No more tickling though; you've found my weakness but I've yet to learn yours."

I felt his thumb graze back over the same spot. "You'll figure it out, I'm sure," he told me, "Until then, as long as you'll let me, I'm taking full advantage of this." I smiled and opened my eyes as his head bent down to plant a soft kiss on the spot. He ghosted his nose across to my other hip, "You know. When I first met you, you smelled strange – but now I like it. You smell sweet… like flowers or fruit."

"I am pretty fruity, thank you," I responded.

He moved one leg over my other side, straddling one of my legs and bracing my hips on each side. He sighed against my skin sending a cascade of his heat over my abdomen. "That's not what I was talking about," he murmured as he trailed his mouth up the middle of my stomach lifting my shirt slightly as he went. His fingers trailed to the sides, his thumbs grazing each of my prominent ribs just below my chest. "You're so skinny," he noted sadly.

"Mm… I didn't get to eat much my last couple of years," I said as I peered down at him. "It makes me feel weird now, that I'll always have bones sticking out in strange places." I strummed a finger down a side of my ribs like a xylophone.

He took my hand and pulled it away. "They're fine," he assured me before kissing my chin. I smiled and moved just enough to find his lips with my own. He didn't hesitate, moving over my mouth as his thumbs rubbed over my gaudy ribs. It didn't escape my notice that he'd been slowly working his way up from my hips and the moment he felt the fabric of my bra his fingers came to a grinding halt. As he continued to kiss me, I rolled my eyes – at least to myself. He was almost entirely there and now he was just going to stop?

The guy had me. Heart, mind and soul. And I was never one for laying claim to another human being, but who was I to deny Jake his due? I'd been a self-deprecating, basket case on the verge of breakdown in his presence more than once. So, where was the issue of him getting a little something in return? It's not like I wouldn't have enjoyed it too.

But Jacob, the consummate man of honor, waited until he was on top of me and under my shirt before hesitating. I reassured him and placed my hands on top of his and slowly guided them up further, his fingers up my sides as his thumbs grazed my peaks. For a moment his hands lay there like inanimate objects. I don't know if he was getting used to me or trying not to upset me. Either way I was still ridiculously turned on. His palms lying flat and hot over my breasts was enough to send me into overdrive. I could feel the sensation of warmth coupled with intense shockwaves as he just rested his hands on my rack. I lifted my knee slightly and checked his hip, jarring him back to life.

The way Jake alternated between sheepishness and brash confidence was strange to me but I didn't mind having to goad him into it. He was a guy after all; it shouldn't take too long to galvanize his hormonal instinct.

"You've got to make a better effort than Mike, at least," I whispered into his mouth. He reacted quite well to my antagonizing, biting down on my lip and finally moving his hands and kneading my chest and the fabric of my bra. His motions sent electricity down my spine, and an indescribable heat poured through my chest. I let out a quiet moan as his mouth traveled to the corner of my own. I could feel the light scratch of his stubble and I angled myself further beneath him, enjoying the feeling of his body and his heat pressed so close to me. His palms were the perfect size; they fit my breasts exactly. His thumbs ghosted just beneath the underwire of my bra and grazed my skin. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as my limbs slowly turned to Jello.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself off the floor and closer to him. As I came forward he leaned back, now too absorbed in feeling me up to let go for even a moment. He leaned a little too far and fell on his back, reversing our positions. My hair fell around us like a tent. "Okay," I told him pulling my lips from his, "my turn."

I took his hands from my chest and my lips ghosted down his neck and to his burning chest. I allowed my spindly fingers to ghost over the ridges of his every defined muscle. From his shoulders down to his arms, my fingers danced about as my mouth trailed along like a game of follow the leader. My slow methodic tongue could not get enough, because Jacob's taste made his smell seem like a pittance. His blood did not trigger my thirst. No, it wasn't that kind of desire as I explored, finding Jake's own personal soft spots. "No ribs and bony hips on you, huh?" I asked as I trailed down his t-shirt and came to his waist. The distinctive bump in his shorts told me he was enjoying this and I smiled.

"Uh, no. Not really."

"I don't know how you put up with me, Jacob. You're far less misshapen then, I. It's hardly fair," I joked.

"Bree you are not misshapen," he disagreed. "And fair? Well, we could even out the score if you walked around without a shirt nearly as often as I did."

I sat up and crinkled my nose. I tugged at the hem of my shirt. "Hm…" I leaned back onto my heels, dancing the hem of my shirt around my waist revealing a few inches of my pale stomach. "If you want it, come and get it," I challenged.

"Don't write a check your ass can't cash," he warned as he sat up.

I just moved my crouch further from him, "You'd be surprised what this ass can cash." I made to take off but in the time it took me to turn around, Jake seized me around my waist and tossed me over his shoulder.

"I do believe I just caught your ass," Jacob laughed.

"Put me down," I told him.

"No way. I won – I'm cashing in," he told me.

"Well, put me down oh-great-champion because the bank doesn't do business upside down." He bent over and placed me gently on the floor. I reached down and pulled the hem of my tee shirt up and over my head, revealing my forest green bra. "You win," I smiled.

He traced the small lace trim with his fingers. The contact sent reflex reactions through my body causing my fingers to twitch by my side. I could feel my breasts tense and stiffen at the light contact. It took a lot not to attack right there. "I hope you're only wearing this for my benefit," he said. Instead of responding, I rolled my eyes and stood on my toes to kiss him. His mouth ceded to mine and he backed me up a few steps until I was pinned against my closet door. He had one hand at over my torso and ribcage while another tangled with my hair.

Being pressed right against his body really lit my fuse. He was close enough that I could feel his skin against mine from our lips to our legs. I was stepping on his feet and my knee banged right against his. My nearly bare chest was pressed tightly against his. I could feel his throbbing erection as my hips were pulled almost by magnets toward him. I stood up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to get closer, breathing heavily into his mouth. His scent was overwhelming in this proximity and I just wanted more. I pulled away momentarily and licked my lips. He was all I could smell and tasting him on my mouth was down right euphoric.

* * *

"…wow…" I breathed. I didn't have anything to relate this experience to, but I was fairly certain it couldn't be achieved by humans our age. This was definitely something I needed to discuss with Alice and Rose in the future.

He angled his head towards me and smiled, "Read my mind. But I was thinking more along the lines of 'holy shit'."

Soon after, I heard his breathing even out and I pushed his shoulder and rolled him over, knowing he wouldn't be comfortable falling asleep on my hard, bony bod. We talked for a while about how recent events seriously altered our relationship dynamic. Sure – I'd initiated an amazing and very well received kiss – but the sex was definitely taking it to another level.

"I don't want to sound melodramatic," I told him, "but you realize this changes everything?"

He chewed that over for a moment as he played with a stray bit of my hair – which he seemed to enjoy having splayed all over his chest and neck. I think I'd figured out Jake's vice, his weakness. He was definitely a hair man. "Not necessarily for the worse," he qualified.

"I'm really hoping not."

"Okay," he said, "can we not end an otherwise amazing occasion on such an ominous note?"

I turned and laid my chin on his chest, "I'm sorry. This was a fantastic use of otherwise pointless furniture. You rock my world Jacob Black."

"I could say the same for you."

Not long after, I heard Jacob's breathing get deeper and slower and I knew he was asleep. I burrowed deeper into his chest, enjoying his reflex reaction of holding me a little tighter. And for a moment I turned into a giddy teenage girl, who couldn't help but feel a little more giggle than necessary.


	28. Negotiations

Jacob woke up a few hours later and I can't say I'd ever really been quite this happy. I'd just laid on his warm chest while he slept, listening to the steady thump of his heart as my fingers danced idly through his hair. After a brief shower I suggested we go downstairs so we didn't arouse suspicion. "They're going to find out eventually, Bree," he told me as we descended the stairs. "Even if they don't notice that your bedroom sheets now look like confetti."

I tried to fight a smile; that – in addition to my pile of clean clothes still being all over the floor - was going to be embarrassing. "I think they already know, Jake," I said thinking back to Alice's observation, "but there's no need to strap a neon sign to our foreheads."

He kept trying to tickle attack me the whole way down the stairs and I kept crashing into the walls. Now that he'd figured this out he was never going to let it go, I could tell. But I can't say I didn't enjoy it; he'd surprise me and in an instant his hands would be at my sides as I flopped like fish. He'd always brace my waist to make sure I never fell. When we came to the second floor I pointed and demanded he get in front of me. He obliged and as he went down the stairs I hopped onto his back and he carried me to the kitchen where he set me on the counter.

He stood between my legs with his hands on my hips and just didn't move for a while; just stared at my mouth. I could tell he was thinking seriously for a few moments before I spoke, "Stop thinking so much and just do it, Jake. You swipe my v-card and can't even get up the gumption to kiss me?"

"Whoa! Wait. What?" he asked as his eyes widened. He pulled back a bit so he could look me straight in the face.

"What?" I said in confusion. I didn't know what he was talking about. I wasn't going to _make _him kiss me…

He just stared at me like it was glaringly obvious. _Oh_, I thought,_ that's not what we're talking about._

"It's fine Jake," I said trying to stave off his impending psychosis. I could see it building in his eyes. "It's not like it's that big of a deal at this point."

"Of course it's a big deal! Why didn't you say anything?" he asked me. Jake was kind of freaking out, not going to lie.

"When would you propose I would have done so? We hardly sat down and planned out the event. You want me to just toss it on you right before the fact? In the thick of it all 'oh, Jake, by the way…'," I didn't change anymore, there wasn't exactly a lot of risk there; I don't know why he was so upset.

"I realize that, but you _never _mentioned it." This was really sending him into overdrive. I looked into his face being serious now.

"Jake, it's fine. It never really came up, did it? But it has to happen to me sooner or later," I said quietly, placing my hands over his on the counter.

"But I didn't even know. I feel like I've stolen something from you. I feel like some kind of… I don't know," he trailed off.

"Jacob," I said taking his face in my hands, "you didn't take anything from me. Consider it a gift, okay? Gifts are only a bad thing when they're not appreciated. My body's frozen like this, so there isn't much to really worry about and the whole occasion is therefore slightly different. And I'm eighteen now, you've hardly traumatized me. I believe you're still younger than me by a few months."

"Number one: you're seventeen. Always will be. Two: I just would've felt better knowing; I could've hurt you, I…" he wasn't quiet or resigned, he was actually angry. He slipped from my slight grip and was pacing around the enormous kitchen. I didn't know what to feel. I was trying to understand what was happening inside Jake's head, but I just couldn't get it. Then – I don't know why – but I felt embarrassed as I stared towards the tile floor. I also felt frustrated because Jacob always seemed to think I was made of china, like he could really do that much damage to me. If we were both conscious and of sound mind it was an even fight. On the psychological front, I was hardly a total nutcase. It wasn't like he'd taken advantage of me. I took a deep breath to clear my head.

I hopped off the counter and headed toward the living room, where Jacob was staring out the glass wall. I could see his face reflected and he had that face of stone on, the face he put on when he was not dealing well with things. "Jacob," I said trying to keep my voice steady as his eyes met mine in the glass. "I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about this. I'm not going to let you make _you_ feel bad about this. I don't think things would've panned out much different had you known."

His head thunked against the glass quietly. "Bree, I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel bad. I really don't. But I just feel like a loser and an ass now."

"But don't you see Jake," I tried reasoning with him, "how that might make me feel like you regret it?" My voice cracked on that disgusting R word. I turned around and headed back towards the kitchen because now I was starting to get upset. I was never the mushy girl type, but I was starting to feel it. I don't know what Jake felt about the whole situation but it clearly was not what I was feeling. And I was mad at myself because I didn't and it just made me look weak. Like some stupid sap. I felt like I needed a shower. I felt grimy. Unclean.

"Bree," he said. I stopped in my spot, took a breath and tried desperately to get my hands to stop shaking. That didn't work so I just crossed my arms as I turned to stare at the floor in front of his feet. He crossed the room towards me and when he got within an arm's reach I took a step back.

"What?" I whispered. He took a slower step towards me and I didn't back away this time. He reached slowly towards me and I didn't move. He uncrossed my arms and held my hands in his own as he examined their twitching. The nerve endings were completely shot in my hands and I could feel it all the way to my elbows. Jake closed his hands around my own.

"Bree, come on, look at me. Please?" A few moments later I was able to peel my gaze off the hardwood but looking at his face creased in all the wrong places did not help that pit-like feeling in my stomach. "I _do not_ regret it and don't ever think like that. I just thought," he shrugged, "I don't know – I'm not a girl – but isn't that supposed to kind of be a big deal?"

"Jacob," I released a heartless laugh, "the whole _virtue_ thing was a concept propagated by men to keep women from having too many sexual partners and lower on the societal food chain. It's a mean double standard."

He sat down on the arm of the couch behind him and his face was level with my own, "Well, we can burn your bras later but…"

"Jake," I interrupted. "Did _you_ tell the person when you lost your virginity?"

He didn't respond. He just stared at me. Nothing passed over his face. Then it clicked. "Jacob Black! Did _I _swipe _your _v-card?"

"If you could not refer to it that way…" he began, confirming my suspicions.

"Jacob!" I shouted. "I cannot believe you were going off – harping – about having sex with me like it was going to send you to hell because I didn't inform you that I was a virgin! And you – _you_ – over here were a card carrying member until the _same_ occasion!" I didn't know if I wanted to bust a gut laughing or smack him. All the strangeness I'd felt had now dissolved.

"It's hardly the same," he protested.

"How so?" I demanded setting my hands on my hips.

"Um, were you not present? We're a little different."

"Jacob it's the emotional experience, not the… physicality. _Especially_ for us oddballs. That is _such_ a double standard! So a guy's sexual history – or lack thereof," I said poking my index finger in his chest, "is unimportant but a girl's should be guarded like Fort Knox? That is _so_ chauvinistic!"

"Bree!" he interrupted my tirade. "Look, I'm all for woman's rights and shit, but the way I was raised, girls were different. Something to be valued and respected, not oppressed. So do you get it now?"

I clammed up and thought for a moment. Jake was raised in a matriarchal house – despite the prolonged absence of his mother. He felt like he'd disrespected me. Irreverent. I took the step closer this time and squeezed his hand. I was trying to tell him that it was okay.

"I don't regret it," he told me firmly, closing my hands in his.

I smiled and wrinkled my nose in stubbornness, "Prove it."

He smiled and leaned into me, our lips meeting. He pulled me closer by my trapped hands. He wouldn't let them go, completely controlling the whole kiss. Sitting on the couch he held me captive with his knees at my hips. His lips pulled back for a moment only to make me gasp at the loss. He was gone for only a moment before his lips returned to mine and coaxed my lips apart. His teeth pulled at my bottom lip and I groaned instinctively as I could smell him right in front of me, on my skin, in my hair. Whenever I tried moving myself closer or doing anything at all, he would seize up insisting on controlling the whole experience.

He released my hands and I was so terrified to move and have his lips pull back away from me that I just left them limp at my side. His warm mouth trailed down my neck and I could feel his warm breath against my skin. He reached his hands behind my thighs and pulled me closer as he softly sucked the small hollow between my collarbones. I let out a small whimper as I felt him turn me to putty in his capable hands.

"Believe me now?" he asked quietly against the skin of my chest.

"Mhm," I just nodded. Yes. Jake definitely didn't regret it.

After a moment I heard the purr of a foreign engine come into the driveway. I guessed it was Carlisle or Esme. I slowly pulled away – I didn't need my mom or dad to come home to _this_ scene, thank you very much. He wouldn't let me go. "Stop it," I whispered through my smile, "that's my mom or dad out there."

He finally released all but my hand before I lead the way back to the kitchen. I sat and he headed to the fridge for sandwich supplies. I heard another car pull into the drive and could only guess at who was returning now. I tried in vain for ten minutes to wipe the stupid smile off my face and at least appear normal. Jake had made and eaten a sandwich as thick as my thigh and I was beginning to wonder when the two drivers would actually make an appearance. Not a minute later, I heard the tenor of Carlisle and Esme's voices coming up the porch and through the door.

"Hi," I waved to them both. "Everything go okay in Seattle, Carlisle?" The situation sounded grim when he'd left a few days ago.

"I expect the patient will be okay," he smiled, "It's all up to him though – lifestyle choices."

"I here that," I mumbled, "Jake stopped by to talk to you?" I jerked my thumb towards the hulking figure at the sink.

"I see," Carlisle smiled, "Sorry, Jacob. Emergency situation. I hope you haven't been waiting too long?"

"Not at all," he assured and I had to fight my smile as Jacob crossed the room and he and Carlisle proceeded to his office.

"Hi Esme," I smiled, "I hope your day was less eventful than medical emergencies?"

"Yes," she laughed, as she removed her coat and joined me in the kitchen, "very much so. And how have you been, Bree? I feel bad leaving you here all alone."

"I'm fine, Esme," I insisted, "I'm a big girl. Besides, it allowed me to do a lot of the laundry I had building up. You would not want to have been present for that."

Esme just looked at me with a small side smile for a moment before joining me on the counter. "What?" I asked.

"What has you all smiles?" she asked curiously.

I shrugged as my eyes flicked quickly towards the spot at the sink Jacob had just vacated. Esme probably didn't miss it. "I guess I'm just in a good mood. Do you think I'm that much of a downer?" I joked.

"No," she chided, "You just can't seem to help that smile of yours." She looked towards the stairs Jake and Carlisle had just ascended, towards Carlisle's office. For a moment she was quiet, "You care a lot about that boy, don't you?"

I bit my lip and looked straight ahead. I knew she'd be able to figure me out. Esme was one of the kindest people I'd ever met and she was very good at reading people. "Yeah," I looked up at her, "I do."

Esme was telling me about the clients she'd visited and even showed me some of her samples of paint and fabrics. I could tell she was going to make these people amazing rooms. I'd deduced that it was probably a combination of her and maybe Alice that had done this house. Her attention to detail was mind blowing.

About two hours later, Carlisle and Jacob came back down the stairs. They didn't look agitated so I assumed negotiations went well. Sam had been by earlier in the week. The two had decided to negotiate with Carlisle separately for the sake of ease. They were still discussing something as they came down the stairs but it didn't appear to be too serious.

"Thank you, Carlisle," Jake said, "I've got to get back to res for a while. I'll be in touch soon, though."

He shook Carlisle's hand, came over to give me a peck on my temple and left. For the umpteenth time in my short life, I was glad blushing was no longer an option. Carlisle looked at Esme with a cocked brow for a moment before she started conversation.

"How'd it go?" she asked lightly.

"Really well," Carlisle nodded, "I think we've got this finalized. Now I just need Jake and Sam in the same room to agree and we'll be all set."

"What are the new terms," I asked. I was curious because I was still a little foggy on the old terms. I knew that we weren't really allowed on each other's land. Jacob broke that rule regularly and so had I – but the no one ever acted on it because they knew it wasn't an aggressive breach of contract.

"Well," Carlisle began, "it's much the same just more relaxed, I guess you could say. We maintain treaty lines – where we divide our land – but rules for crossing aren't as strict. If either of us needs to cross borders as a way to get somewhere else, that's fine. If we're coming to see a member of the opposite party that's now allowed. And emergencies as well. And in any case that's possible we'd both like advance notices. So if we were going to visit someone on the reservation or if a pack member from La Push wanted to come here, a phone call before hand is ideal."

"There's still no patrolling or hunting in another's land," he added, "and this treaty remains active as long as those conditions are met."

"So we aren't viewing each other as a threat anymore?" I asked.

"Yes," he agreed, "we had some volatile history but things have calmed down in our neck of the woods. We live in very close proximity and acknowledge that we do have ties to each other. Part of the treaty is also non-aggression. We don't attack one another – although neither of us has much reason anymore – and in the event that either of us need help, we'll try to ally with one another."

"What about the two packs?" I wondered.

"That," Carlisle said pointedly, "is something Jake and Sam will have to work out amongst themselves. But I don't seeing it be a big problem. They work together better as separate Alphas than Alpha and Beta."

The next few weeks saw little in the way of anything interesting. Rosalie agreed to help work on my bike and show me a few things so I wasn't completely helpless. The bike didn't need too much work – it was used but most of the wear was not mechanical. Rose went over every tiny nut and bolt to make sure it ran better than the space shuttle. I had to prevent her from turning it into some monstrosity of engineering. I just wanted it simple and functional.

Alice, Rose, Esme, Bella and I had a girls' night. But this time we picked happy movies because we felt bad scaring the boys out of the house. They still spent the majority of the time with Edward at the cottage. Wimps.

I started looking at schools as well. The last of the Cullens had graduated high school the spring I'd come into their family. Emmett explained that they did a regular circuit of high school and college and would take some time off in between or get real jobs. I was in no mood to repeat high school. I also knew it would be another few months before my eyes faded from their faint red to vegetarian gold. I also needed to keep working on my control. I still didn't trust myself completely.

I looked nonetheless. I really wanted to go to school. U of Washington in Seattle offered a good Applied Mathematics program so I kept it in mind for future years. Looking for colleges in my endless amounts of time off had changed. No longer was I looking for the best program but the best weather. UCLA was definitely out of the question. I'd never be able to go to class. Cambridge was a possibility but I don't think they'd let me in. I had an eternity for that. Maybe I'd apply in fifty years or so. If I wanted to stay domestic I needed to keep to the Olympic peninsula. After that my next stop would have to be the UK or Northern Europe. Olympic peninsula it was.

I found out through Carlisle that the packs had officially divided. There was now Sam's pack with Paul, Jared, their mates, Colin, Brady and a few other of the newly shifted Quileute boys. Jacob's pack consisted of Leah as his beta – that should be interesting – Embry, Quil, Seth and their mates.

When I asked Jacob why the girlfriends were considered part of the pack he told me about imprinting. "Oh my god," I screamed.

"What," Jacob was whipping his head around the porch, getting ready to attack.

"That's horrifying," I whispered through my hands. "Your brain just… makes you fall in love with someone?"

"In a nutshell," he nodded.

"That is _so_ scary…" I murmured before looking back up at him with shock, "Oh my goodness…"

"No!" he told me, reading my face. "No. Not me."

"…thank god…" I sighed.

He seemed to think my thoughts on the matter were weird. I understood that the imprintee couldn't really help but fall in love because they were cared for on such an unimaginable scale. But to a certain degree I thought it might not manifest as love, just devotion and grand appreciation. There was so much I could imagine going wrong with imprinting. So. Much. After a while it just made my head spin. Then I remembered I was with - like _with_ with_ -_one of these boys prone to this imprinting nonsense, so I just had to stop thinking about it.

Jake asked how I would feel if he'd imprinted on me and I thought about it for a moment. I was guaranteed a life mate, and I'd never lose him. But at what cost? "I think I'd always question it," I said thoughtfully, "whether it was your heart or your instincts. I like this better. You still have free will."

I also learned the ugly part of not having imprinted. It could happen anytime. And it could end badly. Leah was a living testament to that. I was treated to that story and I now understood Leah's excitement at the splitting of the packs. How she had been able to live in Sam's head for all this time was unfathomable to me. The whole thing really shook me up until Jacob told me he tried not to look at too many girls he'd never met before. That made me smile and I told him it would be worse if he imprinted on a boy.

"I would be _so_ miserable," I gasped dragging my hands down the side of my face, "going through the rest of time thinking I turned you gay!"

"We are not talking about this," he said point blank.

I went on a hunting trip with Emmett, Jasper and Bella about a week later. When we came up on a large brown bear I put my hand on Emmett's chest to stop him. "Twenty bucks?" I told him.

"In under five minutes," Jasper added.

Emmett smirked and shook my hand, "Deal."

"I wouldn't take those odds," Bella shook her head. "Girl's a machine."

Bella was right. I so owned that bear, if I do say so myself. Emmett paid up and I could tell he had a new found respect for my pint-sized self.

Bella had become so much more outspoken since I'd first met her. I don't know if it had anything to do with our talk or her transformation but she stood so much straighter. Her and Edward were on a level playing field – I know, I could hear the ridiculous arguments from my room. She held her own and wasn't afraid to give someone an earful if they needed it. But she was still very objective. She didn't hold a grudge and was a great sympathizer.

We'd become closer over the time since I'd come back. Maybe it was because we were closer in age. What I mean to say is that we were from the same time period. Rose and Alice were amazing and they always sort of had the young adult aura about them but there was some inextricable tie between Bella and I.

I also played a lot of chess with Jasper. He was good. Very good. Don't let the curly locks and calming expression fool you – the man has mad skill. I never won. My main objective was to simply last longer each time I played him.

It was during one of these momentous battles to the death that the phone rang and Carlisle bustled out of the house – black bag in tow – moments later. This happened every now and again. Typically it was an emergency at the hospital or a pressing house call. Carlisle would leave in a hurry and return hours later. Jasper and I barely noticed it and Esme and Alice – who were on the couch – didn't even flinch.

Moments later, I saw a weak spot in Jasper's defenses. There was a way, about three moves ahead, where I could _potentially _check him. My eyes brightened up and I tried to maintain my poker face when Alice dropped her book with a thud and muttered, "Oh no…"

Jasper and I both turned in time to see Alice's eyes glaze over. Her mouth was open slightly as her pupils dodged back and forth across the room. Jasper and I got up and came over to the couch. Alice's visions were not typically accompanied by cries of "Oh no." There was a sharp intake of breath and she looked around for a moment like she was getting her bearings. Her sad eyes eventually fell on me. I didn't like that look.

"Bree," she said quietly, "it's Billy."

"What?" I asked, supremely confused.

"Jacob's dad," she clarified. I knew who Billy was - duh - I just didn't know what she was talking about _in relation _to. Billy what?

"Something's wrong. That's why Carlisle left… I can't see it clearly he's too close with the wolves. I'm only getting flashes of him from Carlisle's future. Something's wrong."

And seventeen seconds later my Chevelle peeled on to the pavement doing sixty.


	29. In Pace Requiescat

I made it to La Push in record time. Rosalie was probably going to have to completely rebuild my car. The whining and grunting of the engine the whole way here told me that I probably wouldn't even be able to drive it back. I came to a screeching halt in front of the Black house.

I was trying to keep it together. Trying to keep my breathing steady and not get upset. I tried to move as humanly as I could – being that normal people lived around here – and ran into the house. I came to a stop in the living room and found Sam, Leah and Quil sitting on the couch. Sam and Quil had the exact same posture: feet spread, head in hands. Leah had her legs crossed and was bouncing one incessantly as she stared into the distance.

"Where is he?" I asked. Why did Carlisle not bring me? I couldn't possibly understand. I knew he couldn't bring my to the hospital or on house calls because my healing people with my touch would be considered strange. But this was Billy Black. He _knew_ about us. Carlisle had walked right past me as he left and I felt a surge of anger accompany my sadness.

Leah looked up at me like she didn't notice me come in, "In there," she signaled a door on the right. Her tone was a little too somber for me. I didn't like it one bit. I walked - more slowly and calmly this time – to the door.

I cracked the door just enough to slip my tiny frame through. I found Carlisle with a small chair pulled up to the twin bed Billy was lying in. He didn't look at me.

"Carlisle…" I spoke quietly.

"He's gone Bree," he said still without looking at me.

"What do you mean," I sank to the floor as my back dragged down the closed door.

"He's in a better place now," he said calmly as he finally shifted towards me.

"Carlisle," I cried, "Why… why didn't you grab me on the way out? _You walked right past me_. I could've… I could've helped, at least."

He just shook his head, "When I got the call from Quil they said they could find no heartbeat. He never woke up this morning. There wasn't a lot anyone could've done."

"But…" I began. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. I just knew I needed to argue. I knew I needed to say something because if I was here I could've helped. It might not have happened. Things could've ended differently.

Carlisle interrupted what he knew would be my incoherent babble, "Nothing can wake the dead Bree. Right now we should be more worried about the living."

I held my head in my hands as the full impact of that statement crashed around me. Billy Black was gone. He was so close that if I moved away from the wall, I'd be able to touch him. But there was no one there. No one would feel it. There would be no response. Because Billy was there as far as we could see, but we knew better. Billy was now just a vestige of a generation past. No amount of medicine, hospitalization or my attempts at healing could change that. Before us was nothing but the empty vessel of what _was_ Billy.

Moments later a dull knock jarred me out of my wallowing. I stood up and stepped out of the room. I was greeted by a stony faced Sam. "Bree, I need to see if you can help us."

I nodded. I figured there wasn't a heck of a lot I could for any of them at this point but I just nodded.

"It's Jake," he told me blankly, "he's holed up in the garage out back. He hasn't let anyone near him. Whenever we get within range he heaves spare parts at us. We want to make sure he's okay."

"I'll try Sam," I said crossing my arms. I walked methodically towards the garage and as I rounded the corner I hoped Jacob would recognize my lighter footsteps over his brothers and not throw anything at me. Then again, he could assume it was Leah and still chuck something at me. I was in front of the garage and the door was only half up. I saw a series of dents created from the other side and the parts and tools Sam had spoken about littered on the dirt in front of the door.

No projectiles were coming my way. I took a deep breath and braced myself. I needed to be strong now. I couldn't go in there upset. I jumped a bit and shook my arms like I was bracing for some kind of boxing match and made my way carefully under the door. I stood stock still as I came in, preparing for the potential battery but was met with silence.

I took a relieved breath. I perked my eyes up and looked around for Jake. It looked much the same as when I was last here. The shelves on the left were full of larger parts and bits of metal machinery. The far wall was all tools and the right held a door. There was room enough in here for two cars and there was the old VW Rabbit on the left. That's where I saw Jake's shadow; he was sitting inside the car.

I came up on the passenger's side and clicked the door open. I slid in next to him and gently closed the door behind me. He didn't move, just continued to stare straight ahead. I could see a single tear track from the corner of his eye as it traced the contour of his cheek.

I wanted so much to take that away. I wanted to be able to heal the mind. To take this all away with a touch of my hands. I could read all his sadness in the tension of his face and it killed me inside to know that there was absolutely nothing I could do. All I wanted was to take his hand and transport us away from all of this. There were so many things I wanted but could not do.

Instead I simply slid to the far side of the bucket seat and placed my feet on the console and took his hand. He showed some signs of life and gently squeezed my hand back. I laid the side of my face against the headrest and watched his stony face as my insides were slowly torn to shreds.

And we remained like that for a while.

After an hour of just sitting with Jake's hand in mine he finally spoke. "When my mom died my dad told me that it wasn't extinction. He said it was like moving to another town. Your soul simply migrates to another place."

I nodded, "Like the next great adventure?"

"Yeah," he said flatly, "Except they don't tell you about all the people that soul leaves behind when it moves. It leaves a lot of friends when it leaves that dusty old town."

"It takes courage to live, Jake," I told him, "Anyone can die." He took his hand from mine before taking me by the hips and pulling me on his lap.

I leaned against the door and listened to him recount stories. Some were big moments. He vaguely remembered his first day of kindergarten and he even smiled a little when he told me the story of how Billy tried to have The Talk with him. The memory of his dad getting sick – the illness that left him wheelchair bound – was fresh in his mind. He told me he never thought he'd die; he could never think of him in that context.

Some stories didn't appear to have much rhyme or reason. He told me about driving home with his dad one day and all he could remember was his dad smiling the whole way. He recalled the answer to most of his sisters' outlandish teenage requests was "No way, Jose."

I had never missed tears as much as I did now. The thing about not being able to cry is that you have to find some other way to let your emotion out. Crying is so cathartic, most people never realize it. But this deep indescribably sadness at losing a wise friend and watching another suffer just consumed me. Like a disease it crept through me, multiplying and spreading and there was no way I could get it out anymore.

"What's it like to die?" he mused.

I shook my head as I traced the veins in his hand. "I'm not a good gauge for that. My death was one in a billion," I told him. "It's different. I never came out on the other side."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," he said with a furrowed brow.

"The same thing we all do Jake. We mourn, we remember and we keep going. You'll get older and wiser. You'll make new friends and probably get into some fights. Your pack will keep evolving and life will go on."

"I don't think so," he shook his head.

"What makes you say that?" I asked lightly.

"I don't know. I just… it's strange not having him here," he finally relaxed his tense posture and leaned back. He angled himself towards me. "What do we do?"

"That's normal," I said wiping that single tear trail from his eye. "We can do anything you want Jake."

"I don't think I can stay here," he muttered.

"Understandable," I nodded. "We have all the time in the world. We can do whatever you want. I'll be right beside you."

Several hours later I got Jacob to venture out of the garage. Carlisle had Billy's body taken care of and it was being prepped for the funeral at the end of the week. His house was now empty. I don't know where Leah, Sam and Quil went.

I spent the proceeding days at Jake's house. I didn't feel right leaving him alone and I had no idea where his sister Rachel was. I helped him clean in preparation for the small party of people the house would soon be seeing.

He would help but there were moments when I would find him paused in time. He would be in the middle of sweeping the floor and just look at one particular spot for several minutes. Or he might be cleaning the dishes and rinse the same plate for five minutes. I learned not to say anything but just take it as it came. I'd walk by and the motion would remind him of the broom in his hands or I'd take the dish from him and start to dry it.

Flowers started arriving the next day. I would put them in various spots in the house and tell Jake where they came from: Sue Clearwater, Charlie Swan, Emily, Old Quil, Bella, the Cullens. I'd called Carlisle that first night when Jacob fell asleep on the couch – the boy refused to go to bed. I told him to keep Bella at the house for another day at least. I knew she'd want to see Jake but I could tell he wasn't ready. For anybody. I told Sam the same thing when he came by to check in.

"He's pretty far gone," I said as I sat on the front steps with him. "Can we give him another day before we thrust him into all the mourners?"

"Sure," he agreed. "Leah's taken charge of the pack for now anyways."

"That's good," I replied, "After the funeral… I don't know what his plan is. I don't think he wants to stay around here though."

Sam nodded steadily, "Will you be gone long?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "I think he just wants to forget. So we'll be gone long enough for him to realize that remembering is more important. Not forever, no. We'll be back."

So Jacob had his one last day as alone as he could get. He was better. He said a few things and his moments of daze were few. As the sun set, I was glad for this slight change because tomorrow Jacob would have to talk with everyone else. He'd have to be human for a little while; put on a face and greet the mourners.

The packs were the first to come by. I think it was probably best because they were the least awkward around him. Emily, Kim and Rachel too. I had been wondering where Rachel was. I assumed she was with Paul. When they arrived I let them do their own thing. Rachel sat with Jacob and hugged him for the longest time. She was the big sister but so much smaller.

I didn't want to intrude so I cooked. I made them all food. I don't know how long they were there but the setting around them eventually got dark. None wanted to leave and they all fell asleep at arbitrary points. One would doze on the couch for a few hours and suddenly wake back up then another and another.

They never left. I didn't care.

The next day more people came by. Friends and neighbors from La Push and Charlie too. I got to meet Sue Clearwater – Leah and Seth's mom – but I just introduced myself as a friend of Jacob's and tried to play good host. Jacob wasn't catatonic anymore but he was still not very adept at all this. I couldn't really blame him; where would you learn these types of skills? It was hard enough for me and I wasn't even dealing with the same degree of grief – by any stretch of the imagination.

Overall he did a good job. He shook hands, hugged people; all the right stuff. But I could tell it was eating him up to have people reminiscing. I offered them all dinner but only the pack stayed. As I was cooking, Carlisle called to tell me that no one from the family would be by until tomorrow before the funeral. Even Bella. They wanted to give Jake and Rachel some breathing room. I agreed and thanked him before hanging up and returning to my meatloaf.

Early the next morning the pack left to get ready, leaving Jake, Rachel and I alone for an hour or two. Rachel spent the majority of the time in her room and I had to sit in the abyss of Jacob's closet and dig out his suit. While he kept telling me he wasn't going. He was just sort of mumbling; I didn't take him seriously as I got lost in his closet.

His suit was pre-transformation and I had one hour and a half stocked sewing box to make it fit. He must've gotten it when he was still pretty tall because the pants didn't need much lengthening but the shoulders needed some drastic alteration or people were going to have Tommy Boy flashbacks at the funeral. There was just enough extra fabric for it to work. He stood there with it on while I circled around him.

"Okay, I said with pins in my mouth, "you just need to… not raise your hands up. Any higher than this," I explained with a demonstration. He actually laughed a little – which was not my intention but whatever worked.

"All right."

I called Alice and asked her to bring me by a dress and some heels, since I wasn't really going home before this.

"Well what do you want me to bring?" Alice wondered incredulously. Ever the fashionista.

"I don't care, Alice. Whatever you want, just bear in mind _where_ I'm going," I told her. This was not a thigh high boots occasion.

She eventually brought me a simple black dress, a little bolero jacket, black tights and I took the Jimmy Choos over the Manolos. I spent the last half hour tying my hair back into a reasonable knot and trying to convince Jacob that black socks were not optional.

The funeral was a quiet occasion. Nothing fancy. Just a small group at the La Push cemetery. It was a nice place. Flat and grassy, it peaked over the edge of one of their many cliff faces. It was cool and breezy on this spring day. There were about two dozen people total – including the Cullens and some members of each pack – gathered around the freshly dug grave.

Jacob stood between me and Rachel. Rebecca – whose flight had landed that morning - stood beside her sister too. I hoped they didn't feel like I was stepping on their toes in regards to their brother, but he hadn't let go of my hand all day.

The breeze came from the forest behind us and little dandelion wisps were caught in the air. Jacob's grip tightened around mine as Billy's casket was lowered into the Earth. I wrapped my other arm around his. I closed my eyes and for a moment all I could hear were the waves crashing against rocks hundreds of feet below. All I could feel was Jake's hand in mine. All I could smell was the forest as the wind blew it out to sea. A lot was going out with that tide. The pine smell of the woods, days of simplicity, the life of Billy Black.

It was the end of an age. Standing there holding Jacob's hand at his father's funeral just made me realize that we were now adults. I'd never really had parents as a human but both of Jake's were gone. This was the final sign – if there ever was one – of the end of childhood. No longer were there grown ups for us to go to for advice or guidance. We were those adults now. Forming pillars of wisdom for those quickly coming after us. We were the ones that had to be strong now, because we were the surviving generation.

We stood on the rocky cliff staring into the setting sun after the guests had left. We stood on the brink of a whole new life. A life of self-reliance, and responsibility that we weren't necessarily ready for. Our forebears were in the twilight of their lives and the reins were being handed to us.

We weren't ready for that. And like all good kids we were going to run away from our troubles. Jake and I would leave. For how long and to where no one knew. We would go to Death Valley and enjoy the warmth and sun we weren't accustomed to. And I could show Jake what I really looked like. We would walk the banks of the mighty Mississippi. We would stand at the top of the fjords of Norway shouting until our voices echoed back at us. We could run full out across the Russian steppes until they shot up into the icy Siberian rivers or our legs gave out. We would lie on our backs in the Canadian Yukon and watch the Northern Lights dance color across the sky. We would see the Incan ruins and stand on top of the world in the heart of the Andes Mountains. Our legs could take us the entire length of the Great Wall of China or we could sit and watch the great migrations on the Serengeti.

We'd be back someday, but not for a while. Not until Jake learned that remembering was more important than forgetting. Not until we were both ready to take our rightful places in the world. Until then we'd slip through it, skipping town before reality was able to catch up with us. And we'd have each other to remind us that it wasn't just a dream; that we'd follow each other to the ends of the Earth.

Someday, it would all be okay. But not today.


	30. Epilogue

**We've reached our end. I just want to thank you all for sticking with this, even those of you that didn't necessarily enjoy where the plot went on occasion. That means you liked my writing as well and it means a lot to me. Thank you for reviewing with honest opinions: good and bad. I tried to remain true to characters and the story. My primary goal in this was telling a story, I hoped you liked the ride.**

**Put me on Author Alert if you want to hear about AB uploads. Things are looking good for Chapter One this Monday.**

**Thank you all, once again.**

**SM owns.**

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Jake and I had left three years and five months ago. We were off to do so some soul searching. Jacob's dad, Billy, had just passed and he was feeling kind of lost. He was pack Alpha and the man of the family. He just wasn't ready for adulthood. And I couldn't blame him; at the time he was only seventeen. Although he still shifted and was frozen in his physically twenty-something state I could see the creases starting to form more deeply around his eyes. He was starting to look like Sam, all serious and introverted.

Me. Well let's be honest I was a raging clusterfuck from the getgo. But Jake and I left. We ran from our problems like all good teenagers. We'd checked in when we were in range of a phone. Jake kept up with his sisters and the pack. I would call my family and the phone would pass to each as they talked to me rapidfire before my change ran out. We talked to them in Caracas, in Havana, in Paris, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Djibouti, Minsk, Jerusalem, Beijing and some hole in the wall joint in Laos. Only about twice a year or so. I don't deny it was a bit sad but the benefit of our kind was that no one else was really dying anymore and we were going back someday. We'd run out of Earth eventually.

The strangest time was our stint in Italy. I stopped by to make some polite talk and pay my respects to the Volturi. I was honestly terrified that they would find out I had been in the country and not stopped by. That concept just horrified me. So, Jake went on a day long hunt and I took a long hot shower to wash the months of his smell off me.

The old human secretary had been replaced. I don't like to think about why, but I didn't run across her in my visit. I exchanged some polite words with Aro, Marcus and Caius. They were – oddly enough – glad to see that I was happy. They seemed to enjoy my more talkative and sarcastic side; two traits that had been markedly lacking in my prior time with them. Jane entered to relay a message about halfway through, she just smiled at me and waved. And it was a nice smile. On the way out, I met Demetri and Felix coming in. It took them a minute to recognize me. Apparently they weren't accustomed to seeing me look 'happy'. The experience was scary and kind of nice all at the same.

Outside the Volturi visit, I spent a good solid fifteen minutes standing outside an Italian cathedral on Holy Saturday – the eve of Easter. I always enjoyed the church at night, lit by nothing but candles. It was always a smaller of the masses because it was late at night and averaged about two hours long. But I liked the peace of it.

I stood on the cobbled road before it, just staring. Part of me wanted to go in, but I didn't know if I could bring myself to do it. In addition, I didn't forget the more macabre intuition the Volturi had imbued in me: I was damned. I didn't want to tarnish the building or the people within it. Who's to say the crosses wouldn't spin off the walls once I entered?

As per usual, Jacob seemed to understand at least a portion of what was raging inside my head. I almost anticipated him pushing me through the door, but we sat, instead, under one of the stained glass windows. The small hatch was open and we could hear the whole service. I could understand a part of it based on the smattering of Italian I had picked up, but I knew the process by now.

Jake had never been to a Catholic service before – even though we weren't really _there_, per se – and some of his questions amused me or made me think. The incense – even from outside – made him sneeze convulsively.

He liked that we came together each week to hear stories about our past and our people. He got confused when I told him there were different kinds of Bibles and some had more stories while others left some out.

"See this is why we just pass things tribe to tribe by word of mouth," he told me.

"Yeah," I agreed, "but some Christian denominations number more than a lot of tribes. It's hard because we're all over the world."

"But you all tell different stories," he said, "so what are you supposed to believe?"

"Think of it this way," I tried an alternate tactic, "I'm willing to bet that some of the nearby tribes and reservations have some similar stories to the Quileutes, right? But you're all kind of spread out so things change."

"I don't think it's the same."

"Neither do I," I smiled. "It's the best analogy I could think of. We're not perfect. Just people."

He thought it was strange that in our attempts to praise our God and all his creation that we sat ensconced in our own man-made church.

"Shouldn't you be out in the creation?"

"Western theology seems to be a lot different than what you're used to," I said. "I think you guys have a much better grasp on the Earth as more than just a concept. We do a lot of things in odd ways. But we've been an establishment for two thousand years, sometimes we're slow to change."

"I think that's where all these problems stemmed from. All this religious racial animosity between us." I knew he wasn't talking about him and I specifically but I didn't know if I was following his train of thought.

"Jacob," I asked, "are blaming the repression of an entire race on our habit of holding religious services indoors?"

"It kinda all stems back to that," he said thoughtfully. "Think about it: Europeans come here and they're used to doing things their own way – which is natural – but they 'discover' this group of people who do things entirely different. In the end we're all really thankful for the Earth and what it gives us, but _we_ relate our beliefs directly back to the Earth. We are with it when we celebrate it. The newcomers celebrate the Earth inside buildings. We have markedly different perceptions of the Earth and how to handle it."

I just listened as Jacob explained. I let his thoughts just pour forth freely because it was the most he'd spoken in a long time.

"Even in politics, we didn't do the whole 'land ownership' thing until you people got here," he said lightly, trying not to heap any blame on me personally. "It was for everyone."

That was one of the longest conversations I'd had with Jake since we'd left Washington. It was a nice experience and Jacob helped me at least be at peace with my old faith. But, excluding that occasion, he never spoke more than really necessary. He'd answer when I'd ask a question. But I had to initiate everything.

He was always with me, mentally and physically. But sometimes I could tell... he would spend time just thinking in silence. For days or weeks. He wasn't there emotionally.

We had spent the time living out of backpacks. I needed nothing but clothes and Jake even managed weird ways to wrangle himself some food. We carried nothing with us. We cut down expense by sleeping outside and shower tokens were cheaper when you showered together.

Whenever we stayed in hostels - and there was a possibility I needed to appear human - I would just lay down on my stomach and curl up to him. He'd roll on to his side, cast one arm across my shoulders and let me burrow into his chest. I'd close my eyes and for hours nothing but his scent, his warmth, his breathing and his heartbeat would pass through my mind. That was my sleep.

I know it's odd but since my transformation, being with Jacob sometimes brought me as close as I could possibly be to sleep. His presence is just so calming to me and I know that if I were that defenseless, he'd let me sleep and watch out for me for ages.

I felt a little bad and once told Jake he didn't have to indulge my insanity and hold onto an ice cube all night - especially when we were above the Arctic Circle. He would just looked offended and pulled me closer.

But no matter how many showers we shared, no matter how close I got to him every night he would never touch me. I mean, he would touch me - it was kind of unavoidable - but he would never _touch_ me. And I had to try really hard not let that ridiculous feeling of being unwanted overwhelm me. Because I knew Jake was dealing with a lot. I could see the war raging behind his eyes but that feeling just kind of instinctively ate at my insides. But I never mentioned it. I knew he cared. I knew he still loved me. He still said it and he'd hold my hand or put his arm over my shoulder all protective when we inevitably wandered into scarier urban areas. He even jumped in front of me when a ten foot stack of banana-filled crates toppled over somewhere in a market in Southern Egypt. He could still read me like a book - but there was always something missing.

He used to humor me with small pecks, but I knew his heart wasn't in it and I didn't ever mention it. Through it all, I'd only received one genuine kiss. Six months into our journeys found us in the Sahara It was dawn and we were lying behind a dune out of range of the low sun. "I want to show you something," I told him. I stood up and extended my hand. He trailed behind me as we scaled the sand. When we finally crested the top I stood up straight.

I could see the rainbows as they danced over Jake's face. I picked up my hands and looked. I had truthfully only seen myself in the sunlight a few times. The Pacific Northwest had little in the way of sunshine and in our travels we'd avoided it because I knew the humans wouldn't react so well. I mean, Jake knew about the sunshine thing, but he'd never seen me before.

I smiled as I closed my eyes, turning in the sun's warmth, feeling the burning sand between my toes. It was almost as good as Jacob's warmth. Almost. He stopped my turn as he took a hand of mine. I looked towards him with a small smile. He didn't say anything, just spent a very long time looking at me. He held my hands in his own and examined them closely.

He bent down and placed a slow, warm kiss on my forehead. His lips lingered there for a while; I closed my eyes. I just took a deep breath and could feel that this one was real. Only an imprint of the ones he used to give me, but it was there, laying beneath the surface. I knew it would come back eventually.

Then one day about a year back Jake and I were sitting on the Great Wall of China watching a storm coast through the mountains in the distance, when he took my hand. I just bit my lip hesitantly because I hadn't really got much from Jake. I know that sounds terrible but that's just how it was. The first year he didn't even seem to register anyone else's presence. And like I said - he was never really there, so I didn't push it.

So when he took my hand - seemingly out of nowhere - in the middle of China, I really didn't want to get my hopes up. Because I missed my Jacob. I missed the guy who used to crack jokes. I missed having my best friend to talk to or ask seemingly random or obvious questions. I missed his smile - the real one - I got plenty faked for my own benefit. And I missed that physical contact. Yeah sex was one thing but I just wanted him to reach out and touch me in a way that wasn't such a protection-based action. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to.

When he took my hand I chanced a peek at his face and he looked over to me as well. "Everyone dies, huh?" he said. I just nodded. I wasn't about to bring up my family and I's exception to that rule. Or his and his brother's. It was fundamentally true. Humans died. Heck, even we could die - we just needed someone to kill us. "Life sucks, then you die," he elaborated.

"Well I like to hope that most people make it out of here with a shred of happiness."

He shook with a small internal laugh before picking up my slight hand and bringing it to his mouth. His lips lingered over my knuckles for a moment as his other hand traced gently along the top of my hand. His touch was warm and soft and real. His warm breath washed over my skin and it was the best feeling in the entire friggin' world. "Thank you," he whispered to my hand, "for putting up with all my bullshit."

I was glad I couldn't embarrass myself with sentimental tears anymore. I just slipped my hand so my fingers intertwined with his. Big and small. Light and dark. Fire and ice. I took a deep breath and released it in a small sigh. "I thought I'd never get you back," I told him honestly with a small smile.

* * *

And from there we ventured home. Because it was okay now. Time doesn't heal all wounds but it certainly helps put stuff in perspective. So we came home in the start of winter. We arrived at the Sea-Tac at the end of October and for some odd reason we never told anyone we were coming home.

We ended up in LaPush first.

Jacob kind of instinctively was drawn to the cemetery, now browned over with the season. I was going to give him some time alone but he just reached for my hand and took me with him. I was happy to see that Billy's grave had not been neglected. I imagined the well-groomed plot - along with the fresh flowers - were Rachel's doing. Billy shared the headstone with his wife, Sarah - a more aged engraving - but both were still easily discernible.

I sat down just out of range of sitting on either of them. Jacob joined me shortly in his stoic silence. I hoped this visit wasn't causing any regression. "You know," I said after a swallow, "at Bella and Edward's wedding, I sat next to your dad. I found out you get your temper from your mom." I'd never told Jake that.

He let out another one of those small, internal chuckles. "Yeah," he smiled, "if we got her real mad, she'd chuck shit out the window. Something totally random or arbitrary. Like a ladle or houseplant. She hit Old Quil in the head with an oven mitt once"

I smiled to myself. I could imagine it. Sort of a mix of Jacob, Rachel and the little I'd seen of Rebecca all piled into one woman. And in my mind she was tiny, which I think complimented her ferocity well. I could see her storming about the house when shoes were lying around or dishes left in the sink. I imagine her running a tight ship. The kind of mother who seemed quite stern but was the first into the backyard when someone scraped a knee. Someone who would spend the night singing away a child's stomach bug. Jacob didn't like to think about her much, he'd told me once; he really loved and missed her.

In typical Pacific Northwest fashion it began to rain as the afternoon subsided. I offered Jake a goofy half grin as I looked at him through my sopping bangs. "Where to first? Your family or mine?"

* * *

We ended up staying in LaPush because Jake couldn't make up his damn mind and I decided for him. We headed for Emily's place because it was closest in the downpour and it was kind of the epicenter of Jake's remaining family - despite the Great Quileute Schism of '07.

He grasped my hand and ran ahead as we traipsed through the now swamp-like yard and up the front steps. He gave the door a brisk knock and I hoped Emily or Sam heard us over the racket the rain was making. Not a minute later the door swung open a foot and both Jake and my eyes dropped to just the height of the doorknob - to the little girl with large brown eyes, an angular jaw and long dark hair that had opened the door. Jake and I just kind of gaped for a minute. I climbed the last step and wrapped my hand around his arm as I gazed at this tiny girl.

She just looked at us for a moment, with a few of her fingers in her mouth. "Uh-oh," she muttered before turning away from us.

Then a voice from within. "Makayla? I've asked you not to open the door before, right? I don't want you to—" and then the hulking figure of Sam Uley came to fill the gap left by the little girl. Again, the staring persisted for a moment as he caught sight of us. He rubbed the little girl's head and told her idly, "Go see if your mother needs any help." The small child scampered away and Sam continued, "Jake? Bree?"

And I was just so ecstatic to see a familiar face - even Sam, who I barely knew - I had the biggest most ridiculous smile ever. He let Jake and I into the house and pulled Jake into an enormous bear hug - one if the biggest signs of affection, excepting Emily, I'd ever seen him give. I just hopped up and down like Alice on crack. This was Emily's house. I'd been here before. I didn't need directions. And I knew the people here. It was amazing being back.

At that moment Emily came out of the kitchen, "Sam what's going on? Makayla just— Oh my goodness!" and she just kind of charged me down. Hugging my sopping ass and jumping with me.

Two pairs of dry clothes and one hot meal later, the storm had calmed and Jake and I were sitting with Sam and Emily trying to catch up. It was odd because we kept gawking at each other periodically. You could see the three years on Sam - especially in his face. He was a good looking guy but - according to Jake - he always 'took on more crap than was necessary' and it showed. Emily was much the same. Her flowing hair was tucked back now and she had the 'mother' air about her. More so than when I last saw her, at least.

They'd been married not long after we left. Makayla was born the same year. She was two now. I liked seeing the father in Sam. As Makayla busied herself with a variety of toys not five feet away from us, she would occasionally crawl up the side of the couch and offer him a Play-Doh cookie or ask for the reattachment of a doll's head. As she scampered by with a small telephone, Sam scooped her up mid flight.

"Makayla," Emily began, "we want you to meet some of our family."

"Who family?" she asked.

"All of ours, you goose," Sam clarified, tickling her sides. "This is your Uncle Jake and Aunt Bree. We've been friends for a long time but they've been living far away." My eyes kind of popped with that one. Family? Aunt and Uncle?

"Please," Emily intoned reading my expression, "you have to disappear a lot longer than that to get knocked off this family tree."

Makayla squirmed off her dad's lap, taking her telephone with her as it banged and jingled with the effort of her climb. She pulled herself up on the opposite couch between Jacob and I and offered him the phone. "It's for you."

This intrigued me and I didn't fight my smile. Because I'd never really seen Jake with kids. We ran into few along our way and well... It wasn't really an option for us. But he handled it like a pro. Big hulking figure did fine with the two year-old playing telephone.

"Really?" he asked in mock astonishment, "who is it?" She just shrugged and handed him the bright red receiver. "Mhm," he said into the phone, "Mhm... I do believe it's for you," he offered me the phone. I bit my lip trying desperately to keep a straight face. Makayla was all giggles as she bunched her small legs up, eyes squinting with laughter.

I took the phone and held it to my ear. "Hello? Oh well how do you do? Yes," I nodded to the silent recipient, "I am at my new friend Makayla's house... Well now!" I pulled the receiver from my ear and faked my shock. "They hung up on me! How rude!" Makayla took the receiver back and proceeded to hop off the couch.

She held the small device to her ear as she dragged the dialing bit with the smiley face behind her back to her play spot. "You no hang up. They's my friends. How rude!"

* * *

After Jake passed out on my lap that night, we did our rounds around LaPush the next day. When we went to his house, Rachel opened the door and proceeded to scream, causing Paul to run out of their room half naked in a sleep-induced fog poised and ready to kill. We spent the morning over there before venturing to the Clearwater's where - according to Paul - everyone was today.

We really didn't know what to expect when someone opened the door this time because it was a surprise every time. We were just trying to avoid bodily harm. So we took a deep breath and I pushed Jake forward as his knuckles rapped on Seth and Leah's door. It sounded like there were quite a few of them inside. And it was definitely a female that approached to open the door. Leah was in mid laugh as she swung the door. When she saw us her laughter stopped, she gasped, she gaped and then she proceeded to slam the door on us. It re-opened not a moment later. "What the hell is wrong with you?" and "Oh my god!" escaped Jake and Leah's lips at the exact same time. Then she just sort of jumped on him, gripping his enormous waist in the biggest hug she could manage.

Then - apparently disturbed by the rumpus at the door - came Quil. An impish smile crawled up his broad face and he held his arms out in genuine surprise, "Bree?" To which my response - in the same posture and tone - was, "Quil?" He leaned forward picking me up off the ground and spinning me like a rag doll in the proceeding hug.

I don't know if Jake and I ended with more hugs or information that day. Leah was at a local community college for the time being in order to remain pack Alpha. Jake was grateful. He'd always told me he felt like a toolbag - his words not mine - leaving Leah here to rot when she was probably the one that would actually be able to get the hell out.

Quil was happily spending the rest of his life with Claire, who was now a growing nine year old.

Seth was as much a screwball as ever but had picked up plumbing and made a relative killing off the ancient pipes in LaPush. He was dating a girl from Leah's college - which she seemed none too thrilled about. But he got this goofy far off stare when spoke of her; it was cute.

Embry had imprinted on a girl named Stephanie, which had initially been weird because he'd met her in Tacoma. She was a member of the real world.

The packs had remained relatively the same size. Because of a prolonged visit by the Denalis coven two years back about half a dozen more Quileute boys were forced to heed the genetic call. Three had fallen to each pack. Everything had been so quiet in our absence.

Jacob took a moment to talk to Leah outside. I could still hear it all through the inside conversation. He thanked her and apologized for being the aforementioned toolbag and told her that he was ready at any time to reassume his place as the Alpha. He wanted her to be able to leave and go to college now, instead of just biding her time.

* * *

About three days after we'd arrived back, we broke away from LaPush long enough to go visit my own family. Jake seemed re-energized as we trekked through the woods towards my property. "What?" he tried to pout, "you don't like my family?" In addition to the pout he also kept grabbing me and kissing me whenever and wherever he could reach. Having the real Jake back was superb.

"That's not it at all and you know it. I love your family," I said turning around and jokingly pushing him away. "You're lucky Alice can't see me when I'm with you because if she could she would've marched onto that reservation and killed us both - as far as she's concerned," I warned, "we _just_ got back."

"It's all right. I like my chances," he told me, burying his face in my neck. I had missed this so much it wasn't even funny. But I didn't want our reappearance to be preceded by Edward hearing our thoughts out here in the woods.

"You know if my brother hears this he might just beat Alice to the punch." Somehow I couldn't work a convincing air into my voice as his warm, tender lips worked their way down my neck and across my exposed chest.

He looked at me with a dubious expression. "It's been three years. He can give us five minutes. Besides," he said kissing my collarbone slowly, "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Jacob," I replied as he backed me up to a mossy tree.

"I miss the coolness of your skin," he said ghosting his fingers down my arms. "I miss that intake of breath when I touch you right here," as his fingers grazed my obtrusive pelvic bones. I closed my eyes, taking in as much of this as I could. "I miss that sexy little mewling sound you make when I kiss you here," I felt his warm, soft lips move to the soft spot beneath my throat before it was replaced by his tongue. He was right: I couldn't really help the noises. "I miss touching you here," his hand slid down my back, over my butt and rested on the back of my thigh as he hitched it up a few inches. "And I miss your instinctive reaction to me when I do this," and his hips pinned me to the tree behind me. Again he was right, I couldn't really help my legs' attempt to wrap around him.

Needless to say Jake's five minutes quickly turned to an hour. An hour with me pressed against that tree trying to prevent my knees from giving out on me. An hour of Jacob rediscovering every contour, bend, dip and curvature of my body with his hands and mouth - everything left behind in recent years. He'd always been such a physical being. He'd thrived on that contact, the touching and that instinct had been hibernating for three years. So he decided to make up for lost ground now. I was ecstatic having him back and the physical contact was quite assuredly missed.

"Oh my god," I muttered as he definitely pushed me to a state I would not be able to greet my family in. "Okay! Later. I promise. Please, Jake? You're driving me crazy and I need to be normal for a little while longer."

He simply growled into my abdomen. But he finally released me and I was able to calm down as I stayed out of arm's reach and we crossed into my home turf.

Alice greeted us with enough squealing to break the sound barrier. She held me to her and we jumped and screamed in the foyer. It felt so good to be home I thought I might actually cry. I might coax enough fluid from this stone to make tears. Being back was just right. I wanted to melt into the floorboards of this house and never leave. Jasper grinned when I saw him and he just folded me into his arms; his familiar brother smell all around me. It made me feel content. He even managed a grin and handshake for Jake.

All the screaming brought Rose and Emmett downstairs and much the same pattern repeated. Esme just walked towards us with her arms outstretched. She hugged us each rocking back and forth for about three solid minutes. I just closed my eyes. My mom. I got to hug my mom again. She was all caramel waves and maternal smells. I had been away longer than I'd known her, but she took this dysfunctional pair back into her arms and her home. All that screaming brought Edward and Bella up from their place, therein resulting in more screaming.

There was a lot of screaming. Well actually, Carlisle just laughed and smiled a lot when he got home from his shift, but I was glad he didn't scream. It was happy screaming, though and that's all that mattered. Jasper, Rose and Emmett weren't even spiteful towards Jake - which made me really happy. Emmett actually thanked him for watching out for me. Brothers...

* * *

So we were home. And it was fantastic. That night we told my family we'd be in LaPush and we told the pack we'd be in Forks. It felt really teenaged but we were kind of sneaking out. No one would've let us leave otherwise. We spent the majority of the night on a small rocky beach - just outside of wolf territory. I didn't particularly enjoy lying to everyone I knew but I needed some time to get reacquainted with the man I loved. I got to talk to my Jacob - for the first time in eons. It felt like he'd been away all this time and I was just filling him in now. He couldn't believe how much I was smiling and I couldn't help it. I felt bad keeping him up, but he talked with me for hours.

And it was a darn good thing we were outside, because we probably would've cracked my bed clean in two. Jake's hands-on approach to his return to me couldn't be abated for long.

The next day I moved back into my room. It was the interim until Jake and I found our own place to live. It was weird. It felt like I was coming back to my youth after being an adult for three years. But being in my old room was also comforting. It was exactly the same as the day I left it. Down to the blouse draped over the bedpost.

The day after that, Jacob came crying to me of unspeakable horrors. Apparently Paul and Rachel had been the only ones in his house for the past three years. They were not used to company. Unspeakable horrors, indeed. I tried not to laugh but let him crash in my room for the remainder of the day. He just sort of held onto my waist asking me to keep the nightmares away. I smiled and stayed until he fell asleep. Which was a grand total of seven minutes.

I wiggled my way out of his grip and returned downstairs. The shit hit the fan when Jasper found out. "No! No! No! No!"

"Jasper, what gives? I've been with the man for three years and you will not allow us to share a bedroom. I don't even sleep anymore!"

"That's exactly what I'm worried about. No! No! No!"

"Dude," Emmett interjected, "Even _I_ don't care that much."

When Emmett was the voice of reason you know things were friggin' warped.

"Okay! Your screaming 'no' at me doesn't even allow me to form a proper counter argument, Jasper Hale! You're a natural empath and a fellow man, try and feel for him. He doesn't want to spend the night listening to his sister and her boyfriend! Would you like to share a room with Rose and Em?"

He didn't have a response for that one.

"Exactly. And I didn't want to completely lay it out there for you but apparently it's necessary. I love him and sex is a natural part of life but we'll not be macking like rabbits here in the living room. So calm down."

He tried not to gag and buttoned up a bit with that one. "I just don't like it," he concluded.

"Well," I said crossing my arms, "we'll talk to Alice and see if we can sort out getting you two separate rooms, 'mkay?"

"Fine. You win this round."

"That's what I thought."

* * *

W

Before the week was out Jake's Alpha kicked into high gear as he was told by Sam that some Mega-Important, Hi-Falutin Wolfy Con was to take place in northern Canada. Next week. Naturally, I sat on the porch and pouted.

"Please," Jake begged, "don't make this harder than it is." It was D-Day. Departure day.

"Five months, Jacob! Are you kidding me?!" I cried.

He just sighed and pulled me closer as he kneeled in front of me. "You had me for three years. It's time to share." That was a bold faced lie. Because for the better part of those three years no one had him. And he knew it. I never brought it up because it always upset me and it would make Jake feel like a load of crap and it just wasn't conducive to moving on with our lives. But it was true.

So I would stay here in Washington playing the good housewife - which I most certainly was not - until he came back and I would be too desperate to be mad for even a second. It wasn't technically his fault. Just part of the job description, really.

"Look," he said breathing into my lap, "stay here. Spend time with your family. Get reacquainted with life. If you get bored find us a place to live because five months is quite long enough for Jasper work out a chastity belt for me and I want more than a hug when I come back."

"Just go," I told him quietly. He gathered up my hands in his. I felt something drop into them but was too distracted by his kiss to look downwards

"Five full moons and then you get your wolf-boy back. I promise," he told me.

I watched him shift and then trot into the woods out of sight. I opened my hand gently to see what he'd dropped there. A ring lay in the palm of my hand. It was a silver band, the front was interspersed with open squares and these abstracted wolf-like forms. The back was all open - held together at the top and bottom by two thin bands.

What the fuck was this?!

* * *

_Month One_

I spent the rest of the week sulking with Emily and getting acquainted with my niece. She was no better off than me. True she'd been able to really be with Sam everyday but she had that imprint going on. That was some strong shit.

When I showed her the ring and explained my state of half panic she examined it closely and listened to me intently. I wanted to know what this ring wanted with me. It was beautiful but I was a little afraid of it. Not in some gollum-esque-Lord-of-the-Rings-take-over-my-soul kinda shit but people didn't give this stuff away for no good reason. There were purposes behind rings. And I knew from experience, Jake especially didn't do things for no good reason.

I wasn't ready to get married. I probably never would be. And it wasn't because of Jacob but just because the whole institution scared the ever-living out of me. It was like being afraid of the dark. You know there is nothing there and that your anxiety is unfounded but you're scared anyways. Marriage had that affect on me. And no, I don't know why.

Emily just nodded rolling the ring over in her hands. "Well," she said definitively, "I wouldn't worry about marriage because I definitely think he would have said something. But did you look at the inside?"

I shook my head. Because when I wasn't initially staring at in my hand that day in a twisted mix of horror and love, it was on my finger. The other hand, thank you very much.

Emily offered me the band. I took it and peered inside, not even needing the light with my hyper focal eyes. _I promise_.

It was a promise ring. The cold day on my front porch and his last statement to me flashed in my head. _Five full moons and then you get your wolf-boy back. I promise._

That shit I could handle. That in fact put me over the moon. And it made the horrendous wait just a little more bearable.

_Month Two_

I spent time with my family. I was happy enough when my mind was occupied. I talked forever with Alice and Bella. Rose helped me with my Chevelle. Apparently I'd completely burned out the transmission on my emotion-fueled ride to Jacob's that day three years ago. They towed it back but never touched it - not knowing what I wanted done with it. So I spent time under the chassis of my car fixing, repairing, passing and holding things and just laughing and talking.

I spent time on the floor of Jasper's study with him and Edward as they showed me all the music acquired over three years time. Jasper had actually been to about two dozen more concerts. He smiled at me telling about how his thirst had really died down. It wasn't controlling him so much anymore. Edward just smirked at me. He was the only one who ever knew I'd tried a tiny bit of voodoo on Jasper's thirst that day before his very first show.

_Month Three_

Nights sucked. Because the Cullens still did the evening alone time so I was left alone with my thoughts and the little hole in my heart. I would spend my nights in the backyard, or I'd scramble on to the roof and watch the stars. I watched the changing moon every night, telling myself that each night I saw that moon I was that much closer to the end of this sick experiment.

It was better than sitting on my bed, thinking about Jacob splayed crosswise on it after coming from his night of horrors. If I closed my eyes I could see him clad in nothing but shorts as his dark, warm back rose and fell with his each breath.

I never thought or wanted to be the girl so completely dependent on another human being. To be someone's everything was not healthy. I just wanted to be a piece of everything. I'd seen that sort of behavior with Bella when she was human. I decided I was nowhere near there. Jacob had told me briefly about Bella's coma stage when the Cullens had left a year before I arrived. I never _wanted_ to be there. It was just this darn nighttime that got me to thinking. My stupid brain just couldn't shut off. Edward tried to tell me how he zoned out through his high school days but I couldn't swing it.

_Month Four_

I'd been the good woman and found Jake and I place to live, thereby taking his balls off the endangered species list. My lovely inheritance had grown substantially thanks to Carlisle and Jasper's wise investment and I was able to afford the down payment easily.

It was a little bungalow-cottage-contraption on the outskirts of LaPush. Jake made no qualms about moving elsewhere but I was not about to take him away from his brothers and the res. Plus, I liked it there. The ten-minute commute to my family was hardly a big deal. It wasn't really too run down; just very well lived in. It came with appliances. That's about all I cared about. The work would keep us busy.

_Month Five_

I was waiting to sign the papers on this house to make it all official one Monday a week before Christmas when Rose, Alice, Jasper and I were babysitting Makayla. Emily had gone into Seattle for some doctor's appointment and it was last minute so she asked Rose, Alice and I to watch her. Jasper had been in the other room at the time and Alice roped him into it when he returned. None of us minded at all, Makayla was an amazing girl. She was so much fun, and just a ray of sunshine and happiness all the time. It almost made me regret my obsolete uterus. Almost.

Rosalie really took to her. Alice told me that she'd always wanted a baby but had been changed before that became possible for her. I didn't mind stepping back and letting Rose do her thing. Rosalie honestly didn't strike me as the 'kid' type but with Makayla she was so maternal and caring. It was like a whole new blond sitting on the floor amongst the colored blocks. It was a nice side to Rosalie that I'd never seen before and she looked more beautiful than usual with that big grin on her face.

Makayla was running around doing laps between Jasper, Alice, Rose and I when I noticed it start to rain. Or snow. It was that miserable in between where slush just fell from the sky. The three of them were perfectly content to watch Makayla while I made a mad dash to pick up the remainder of her toys that had found their way around the yard. It was odd but I swear I felt like I was being watched - that tingle you get on the back of your neck. But again, with my eyes, I could actually see into the woods - even in this weather - for a mile. An actual 5,280 feet. I shrugged it off and jogged around back to make sure the garage door was closed. The sky was now dark and it was raining buckets.

Out of nowhere I was tackled from behind. Normally I wouldn't have been so jumpy but my earlier observations had me a little on edge. I spun around using the full force of my leaden arm. Whoever it was ducked in a blur of rainwater as I missed, grazing through nothing but air.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" I heard. My vision cleared long enough to realize who it was. Jacob Black had tackled me from the woods and almost gotten his head taken off. I hadn't recognized his scent. Hadn't recognized his voice. It had been long enough that those defining traits about him had begun to blur in my mind, been warped by my perception of him. It had been so long that they were foreign to me. He didn't have the usual smell of ocean salt with the smoke. He smelled of campfire and ice, from his trails in the Yukon. And I could smell hundreds of other distinctive wolves on him.

It about wrenched my useless heart in two and I wanted to dissolve into a pile crap, because that's how I felt for moment. To forget... It was beyond sad. There were no words.

But I didn't have to forget because Jacob was here holding onto me to prevent his decapitation. I just stared at him for a moment before I scrambled out of his grip and jumped on him, sobbing hysterically. He hugged me back with all his big warm strength, spinning me in circles and kissing my face in the not-so-miserable-anymore slush rain.

I peeked up at the sky and noted the full moon with a smile. I'd only seen four of those since he'd left. "I told you," he said as I fingered the band on my finger.

Five minutes later, Jacob and I were both shirtless and soaking wet in my room as our faces refused to detach. There were tangled arms, sloppy kisses, bumped teeth, and impatient growls. He didn't seem to mind that Jasper the Great Emasculator was only two floors below us. "He won't kill me in front of a child," was his muffled argument as his hands ran up my back to the clasp of my bra. Then I heard soft footsteps coming up the stairs. Care to test that theory?

It had been five months since I'd seen him and I was not prepared to share. Allow me to make that perfectly clear.

"Sh! Sh!" I said covering his persistent mouth. I gasped and turned our twined bodies around so he was facing my door. I hid behind Jacob's broad back. "What the?" he asked in confusion. He couldn't finish the question because at that moment my bedroom door burst open and I could see both Alice and Jasper under Jake's arm.

"Oh my God!" Jasper just covered his eyes and continued on down the hallway.

"Yes Alice?" I asked hiding behind Jake as I heard Jasper pacing and muttering to himself, "I'm okay. I'm okay."

"Oh, you're back… Ah, Bree? Something is up with Makayla," she told me.

"Yes!" Jasper added, "There are little girl fluids _everywhere_!"

"Puke?" I asked, "are the fluids coming from her mouth?"

"Oh you betchya. Rosalie is with her in the bathroom now..." Alice confirmed.

"Okay. Emily mentioned she was coming off a stomach bug. If you go downstairs into the bag she left, there should be some supplies. Give her some Pepto Bismol."

"What the hell is a bismol?!" Jasper asked in manic frustration from the hall.

"In the bag," I called, "it's pink, just follow the instructions. It will calm her stomach. Settle her on the couch with her blanket, turn on some cartoons and give her some of the ginger ale in the fridge."

"I can handle that," Jasper affirmed. I heard him turn and walk back towards the stairs, shuddering slightly as he passed my open bedroom door.

"And clean the puke," I called after him.

"Thank you," Alice laughed lightly. "He's not used to kids and that really threw him. This," she waves at me and Jake, "didn't really help matters. Anything else we should know?"

I thought for a moment, "Get her a big bowl."

"Oh, good plan," Alice smiled, "Welcome back."

I heard the door close with a small click. I let out a breath and sat on my bed. "Thanks for that," Jake said coming to stand between my legs. "I think I may have killed part of your brother's soul. He was not pleased to open your bedroom door and see me half naked. And I don't think he missed the hard on."

I stifled a laugh into his abdomen. "Sorry, but better you than me. I'm topless. But on the plus side you're still fully intact."

"Yes," he agreed, "this is a very good thing."

"Don't worry. I won't let him get you; I get far too much enjoyment out of your male parts," I smiled reaching down to grab his package. "Wow, nothing kills the mood like kid vomit, huh?"

"Nope, or your brother essentially kicking in the door like something out of Kung Fu," he said truthfully. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I said kissing one of his raised abs, "I'll take a rain check."

He sat beside me and moved back, pulling me between his legs. The cool skin of my back against his scalding flesh never got old. I was just so glad to be able to feel it again.

Jake reached in front of me picking up my hands and resting his chin on my shoulder. He fingered the small band on my finger. "Thanks."

"What for?" I asked curiously.

"Wearing this," he indicated.

"Jacob," I scolded, "why wouldn't I? It's been five months and it's only left my hand once. It's beautiful."

"I just didn't want you to freak out," he said turning his head slightly to kiss my neck.

"Well mission failed, because I flipped the hell out," I chuckled once.

"Really? Please explain. I kind of expected it but I really can't get inside your mind."

"Jake," I said methodically, "you left me for five solid months and dropped a ring in my hand on the way out. I didn't know what to think. In fit of panic I thought..."

"Yes?" he said indicating for me to continue.

"I thought," I tried to rein in the embarrassment because I didn't want him to read this wrong. I didn't want him to think I was some self-conscious girl who wanted her boyfriend to pop the question and was all disappointed when it never happened. Quite the contrary. I was pleased there was no question popping. We covered this. "I thought you were asking a very big question."

"Oh," he said with understanding. "Well, would you like me to?"

"No!" I said shrieking a little more than I liked. "No, please. Don't."

"You really don't want to get married?"

"No, Jake," I sighed. I was afraid of this conversation. I turned in his lap to face him, "I don't want to get married. It scares me."

"Is the prospect of spending your life with me really that bad?" he asked. He wasn't joking either.

"Jake," I hopped off his lap and padded to my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over my head, "It's not like that. You know I love you."

"But you won't marry me? Regardless of if I was even contemplating the idea, your answer would always be no." It wasn't a question.

"I really don't like you putting it that way. I have no idea what I would do, Jake. I couldn't possibly say no. But the thought of getting married makes my throat close up and the walls move in."

"What are you thinking?" I asked after a few moments of his silence.

"I don't know. Is this just some kind if emergency escape route for you? Like if shit goes awry? Because I'm not going to do that you, Bree."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered leaning my forehead against the closet doorframe. "Jake are we going to rehash this bull again? I'm not going anywhere."

"Well I'm sorry but your blanket answer to the marriage question is a little scary to me."

"Jake, could you not be such a fucking girl please?" because he was starting to sound like a chick.

"I'm not being a girl, Bree, but I feel like your flipping the fuck out on me. You're scaring me. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm just asking what the hell is sending you to pile a mush at the simple thought of the matter. It's just a little concerning."

At that moment I heard the crunch of wheels on gravel. "That's probably Emily, let's go." I stomped towards my door, picked up his shirt and fired it at him, fighting my traitorous face all the way down the stairs.

* * *

I was not prepared for Jacob to be such a girl about this whole marriage thing. He said it himself he wasn't even necessarily thinking about it. And that made sense because in this magical, messed up world we lived in a wedding seemed a ridiculous prospect with all the insanity surrounding it. How did a traditional bonding ceremony compete with imprinting and mates for eternity?

That night found me outside again sitting under the stars. I thought I'd seen my last night of this behavior in myself but the Jacob that came back was not exactly whom I expected. I leaned forward and growled in frustration to the grass. Why did everything have to get so fucked up at the first sign of happiness? Was it all conspiring against us? Because we were defying mythological law, were we reaping some kind of horrid punishment?

I could count it all back in our history. The happiness followed by a swift kick of pain. My psychosis surfaced right after Jake and I figured out we liked each other as more than friends. We had to deal with the fact that I couldn't process certain bits of information; particularly admiration and compliments. Then his dad up and died just after we'd begun to take it all seriously and the outlook was sunny.

Then he just fell apart on me. And I don't blame him for that because it's natural. To be honest, I didn't know if my mother was alive and I didn't particularly care. But Jacob loved his dad and his reaction was kind of expected. He was still really young to have no parents. But I had to see all of that digest in him for almost three years _and there was nothing I could do about it_. I would do it again in a heartbeat but my mind was just so drained from trying to stay happy and help him. Then the shell finally cracks and we can come home and just be normal and together. But no, some freakish Mega-Important, Hi-Falutin Wolfy Con _from hell_ had to pop on the calendar and yours truly got the short end of that stick.

There is only so much I can take before I go completely batshit here. Pretty soon I'd end up in the corner muttering about how the dust bunnies were plotting my assassination and couch was giving fucking death glares. We didn't want to go there but we were getting close.

So I just had a little misery party for myself right there in the backyard for about thirty seconds. And because misery loves company my best friend of the moment came out the back door and started towards me. I just was not up to coping with shit right now so I rolled over on my side in a little ball and glared at Jacob as he came towards me with his head down and his hands in his pockets. And for a moment I kind of just wanted to bust a limb of his - heck, he'd heal all right - but then I decided against it. "What do you want Jake? You're interrupting my self-loathing and diatribe against the world in general."

"I'm not just going to leave you out here like this," he said indicating my rather disturbing shape. "Can I sit?"

"Yes, I have seen you do it. It is possible," I replied dryly.

"Look," he said coming down with a tired and unceremonious thud, "I'm going to try and explain things in my head. That way you see where I'm coming from and maybe I can see yours better. I don't like this. It's been too long since I've really been with you. I'm not letting this mess shit up."

I begrudgingly picked myself up off the ground and sat up. "Jake," I said wearily casting my face to the ground, "I'm tired. I just, I don't know..."

"Then I'll go first," he said.

I nodded and he began. "So this Alpha convention... There were so many different animals roving about this piece of Arctic tundra it's no wonder we had to hold it where we did. I'm talking hundreds. And this was only North American packs. At least two or three dozen alphas. Some had brought other pack mates - no one came alone. But there were at least a few shape shifters from almost every tribe. Makahs from around here, Inuit, Cherokee, Navajo, Chickasaw, Pawtucket, Crow, Micmac, Pueblo - everyone from all over. But not everyone shifts to wolves. There are foxes, coyotes, hawks, mountain lions, all sorts. It seems like the wolf is the tribal animal of choice so there were more wolves than anything but it was insane."

"I could've guessed about the number," I began quietly, "you wreak of them all. I'm thinking you Quileutes are the only exception to that rule for me."

"Sorry," he nodded, "I do need a shower."

"What else?" I asked staring at the grass.

"Well, we were all Alphas so we can all hear each other. And the conference - for what we gathered - was largely uneventful. It was to meet new guys like Sam and I, touch base, make sure no one was having any problems."

He paused for a moment and let me process all this information. I wondered if any of them shared such close proximity to vampires. Or if Sam or Jacob had shared that tidbit about the Quileute pack. "Well," he continued "a peek inside all their minds lead me to reach one conclusion: our lives generally suck. Your brothers aren't totally off base when they talk about my being unstable. Because I am. We all are. Just look at Sam and Emily. That's the norm in our world. There are a lot of imprintees that get hurt and it starts to seem like more of a curse then it does in our little peninsula where things have been ending well for the past couple generations. And for those mates that are there by choice - the non-imprintees - they get hurt to. But the difference is a lot of them panic and just pick up and leave. In the middle of the night or without a word to anyone. And these guys - and a few girls, but mostly men - are now just so angry, violent and soulless. They spend more time shifted than not and you can read it in their minds, it's like they're becoming the animal. There's less and less free will, less kindness, empathy and more rage, bloodlust. It seems inevitable. It happens to anyone who has lost a mate like that. The animal just takes over."

"But you're not going to hurt me Jake," I said quietly. "You'd be hard pressed to try. We're evenly matched."

He sighed, "It's not always the physical damage that drives them away."

"Well you're even further from damaging me emotionally or psychologically," I said taking his hand. "You are so careful around me it's rather ridiculous."

This really seemed to be screwing with his head. "Jake it may be the norm for everyone else but it's not in the Quileute boys. I know your brothers and I don't see an ounce of that in them. Yeah, Paul's a pain in the ass but I'm sure shifting has nothing to with that. And he's got your sister. As for Sam and Emily... That's a fluke. Have you noticed that they're two of the happiest people we know? I'm not saying that that is what it takes to reach happiness. I'm just saying that you can't judge yourself by those around you. You're all messed up. There is no norm for your kind; everyone is clearly different. I will not marry you to simply calm this fear in you because we wouldn't be married for the right reasons and it would not squelch your fear for long. It's probably a better testament having no formal commitment because the only thing holding two people together is the love."

Jacob's fears weren't completely unfounded but he would never get rid of me at this point. And I didn't want this eating him alive or making him do stupid things.

"I love you. I'm not leaving. And I won't marry you... Right now."

"So," he spoke, "are you altering your blanket 'no'?"

"I am. But I won't marry you because you're scared and I won't marry you if I'm scared." I shrugged, "If it ever feels right, then I don't see why not." I stretched my hand with the ring towards him, "But just know I can be happy with this until the end of time."

He laughed, "Do you know what I'm promising you?"

"Well you promised me five moon cycles and you were right on the nose. I can see you're a man of your word." I had forgotten my anger entirely. Jake had shown me inside his head and it made a lot more sense now. I understood so I couldn't be mad.

"It's a little more long term than that. Come here, little lady." I smiled at the moniker as he held his arms out for me. I really couldn't help myself - I know I was supposed to be angry - as I took my usual seat in his lap. He took my hand with the ring in his own and slipped it off. Before I could protest I watched him slip a solid cobalt blue band off his own hand. He clicked his own into mine. It slipped right into place and they interlocked perfectly.

"I promise that no matter where I go, I'll always come back to you. I promise to never hurt you - in any way, shape or form. I promise to love you forever."

Forever was a scary concept. It used to terrify me but as I wrapped my arms around his neck and Jacob gently held my face in his hands, I knew that we had a lot more to trudge through. But this was one small step in the right direction.

* * *

**_Finis_**


End file.
